Wokoutitout's Blog
Its been quite a while since I broke up with my girlfriend and a week ago I ran into her and some negative feelings came up of nowhere. I mean out of no where (Note: nausea and anger too). I thought after this amount of time all feelings would be erased and that I had moved on but without control, feelings came up.
Frankly I don't like to admit it but it ruined by daily routine and what's worse is she appeared in my thoughts again. I've been doing better of lately but I feel I need to write my thoughts down in order for me to see it clear and in stone why I don't need to feel this way anymore.
Why I feel like shit
Background:
In a double dating dvd, Dr. paul goes over inner game explaing who "you" are with circle theory. Simply, you're identity (who and what you are) is a circle or a sphere. You control everything within the sphere but nothing outside of it. In order to create strong (personal) boundaries, you must be able to control something by making a decision or saying no.
For example: A girl says "buy me a drink" A person with weak personal boundary would buy her a drink as a beta male. An alpha male with strong personal boundaries would decline.
-(Dr. Paul goes more in depth with this circle theory and I recommend watching the DVD for anyone who needs a visual on building your identity/character.)
Explanation:
My theory is an extension on his circle theory. When two people are in a relationship they merge their identies or they merge their two identity circles. Slowly your idenity, which was "I" and "me", changes to "we" and "us". As the relationship gets stronger the two circles slowly merge to create one circle.
*When a person goes through a break-up, they go through an Identity Crisis*
Visually the parts of the circle that you DID NOT share splits from the relationship. This for me was always a very good explanation on why the feelings of hurt, pain, irrelavancy for life, and lackadaisical motives came about. Its like losing all your money.
I hated it and to this day Its comforting to look back and see how I've buit a new foundation from and identity that was utterly destroyed.
Applying this theory to current day, the reason why all these feelings of nausea, hurt, and suffering came about was because when I ran into her, my mind and body realized that she destroyed my identity and character. She was able to break my personal boundary and certainly reminded me of how easily she did it.
BUT she did that to the old me. That is where I take comfort from. These past couple of days and the finding of this forum really helped architect more than feigned confidence or text book ideas of character easily dismissed. I am building a new identity and she is not apart of it. She has no control or influence over it.
And for the party were both going to in a couple of weeks. I dont need to put it on a fucking pedestal. Its a party. I'm there to run game and then get fucking wasted to my hearts content.
Frankly I don't like to admit it but it ruined by daily routine and what's worse is she appeared in my thoughts again. I've been doing better of lately but I feel I need to write my thoughts down in order for me to see it clear and in stone why I don't need to feel this way anymore.
Why I feel like shit
Background:
In a double dating dvd, Dr. paul goes over inner game explaing who "you" are with circle theory. Simply, you're identity (who and what you are) is a circle or a sphere. You control everything within the sphere but nothing outside of it. In order to create strong (personal) boundaries, you must be able to control something by making a decision or saying no.
For example: A girl says "buy me a drink" A person with weak personal boundary would buy her a drink as a beta male. An alpha male with strong personal boundaries would decline.
-(Dr. Paul goes more in depth with this circle theory and I recommend watching the DVD for anyone who needs a visual on building your identity/character.)
Explanation:
My theory is an extension on his circle theory. When two people are in a relationship they merge their identies or they merge their two identity circles. Slowly your idenity, which was "I" and "me", changes to "we" and "us". As the relationship gets stronger the two circles slowly merge to create one circle.
*When a person goes through a break-up, they go through an Identity Crisis*
Visually the parts of the circle that you DID NOT share splits from the relationship. This for me was always a very good explanation on why the feelings of hurt, pain, irrelavancy for life, and lackadaisical motives came about. Its like losing all your money.
I hated it and to this day Its comforting to look back and see how I've buit a new foundation from and identity that was utterly destroyed.
Applying this theory to current day, the reason why all these feelings of nausea, hurt, and suffering came about was because when I ran into her, my mind and body realized that she destroyed my identity and character. She was able to break my personal boundary and certainly reminded me of how easily she did it.
BUT she did that to the old me. That is where I take comfort from. These past couple of days and the finding of this forum really helped architect more than feigned confidence or text book ideas of character easily dismissed. I am building a new identity and she is not apart of it. She has no control or influence over it.
And for the party were both going to in a couple of weeks. I dont need to put it on a fucking pedestal. Its a party. I'm there to run game and then get fucking wasted to my hearts content.