Tyler's Blog

Tyler
 
LOL so I wrote this post Monday and Wednesday and had the fun time of re-learning the lesson to make big posts in MS Word and cut and paste, as the internet crashed and I lost them. :)

This is the second time this happened to me this month.  I swear this is what happens when you get sleep deprived -- it's those LITTLE mistakes you make, like leaving your cell phone in a taxi cab or whatever.

Anyway I'm in Miami running the second of the three 5 day BC's here.  Just coming off of the Hot Seat 2 launch that ran 16 to 20 hour days for a month and a half, then the Chicago and NY programs, and finally the batch of programs here in Miami.

My brain is dead and I'm walking around in a sort of haze. :)  The programs have been pretty epic though -- by far the best I've ever run -- as I just keep getting better and better.  I like that it's cultivating a mental toughness and removing any last shreds of pussy laziness that I had.  In fact I recorded the NY Free Tour and Miami Free Tours on the topic of work ethic VS laziness so if you liked the "Truth About Success" video you'll see a few more of those coming out.

I've got a short new video today -- well like 13 minutes or something -- but that's kinda short for what's been up on here lately.  It's got the seed of one of my best "never talked about before" ideas in it, but frankly I did an inadequate job of explaining it and will have to do more videos on the same topic to make it clear.

Still I thought I'd release it because it's one of those really important ideas that deserves to be covered again and again.

btw my upcoming programs are...

San Francisco: March 15 - 17
Phoenix: March 29 - 31
Las Vegas: April 12 - 14
Washington DC: April 26 - 28
Boston: May 3 - 5

www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com


I'm also doing the final week of the Miami "Model Season 5 Day Bootcamp" from March 6th - 10th.

We'd had only 2 weeks of it on the schedule which sold out nearly overnight so we decided last minute to open up a third week.  The event is usually for alumni only but the third week is open to NON alumni as well.

www.modelseasonbootcamp.com

<>=========================================<>

Okay so what I'm going to talk about today is the MENTAL HABIT of just being CONGRUENT to whatever emotional state you're experiencing.

Here is a somewhat melodramatic quote from a Youtube commenter I just read as I cut and pasted the video into this, which basically sums it up...

"this video is important.  it is the seed which will grow and revolutionize how the common person thinks of pickup.  girls don't want to be involved with a guy's fake PR campaign or role. they want the real deal win whatever form it comes.  PU has been about role-playing for so long. No more!"
osnv89 1 day ago 5 

I dunno if I'd go as far as "revolutionalizing" :)  But he makes a good observation here, which is that yes, the goal of the video is to get you AWAY from the tendency to put on a FRONT with women.

CLICK THE VIDEO AND CHECK IT OUT, THERE'S A BONUS SECTION IN IT AS WELL, AND THEN I'LL EXPLAIN IN PROPER DETAIL BELOW.


Okay so there's a few nuances here that I didn't really cover in the video that I'll go into right now.

First is that -- yes obviously -- the video is meant more for guys who are NOT "hard case newbies".

I personally feel that "hard cases" need their own videos and have even considered creating a "hard case video series" or something like that, because guys who are on that level probably need a different type of advice.

(In this case a hard case newbie might be depressed and angry at life, so walking up "congruent" to that type of mode probably wouldn't be a good idea.  I'd almost rather he just walks around life FAKING being in a decent mood because although he wouldn't get laid from it, probably nothing will get him laid anyway and at least he's practicing taking on the identity of a normal human.)

That said though, you may remember Ryan's "Broken man game" that he used to great effect, just being congruent to the fact that he's pissed off and angry at the world -- pulling by saying "I hate it here!  I hate myself!  I just want to LEAVE!  Come with me!!"

So it can work -- but again Ryan wasn't exactly a hard case newbie at the time he was getting laid with this.

CLICK THIS AS WELL AND JUMP TO THE FINAL 25 MINUTES -- EVEN IF YOU'VE SEEN IT -- AS IT'S A PHENOMENAL COMPLEMENT TO THE VIDEO ABOVE AND FEATURES RYAN'S "BROKEN MAN GAME".  YOU WILL ALSO SEE IT WITH FRESH EYES BASED ON WHAT YOU SAW ABOVE. 




Anyway the other thing about it I wanted to explain is that the KEY to what I'm saying is:  girls don't usually just blow you off for a "lack of value" but rather there's something OFF about you as far as being INCONGRUENT.

Obviously they DO blow you off for all sorts of shit -- like I hit up girls in the worst situations and they could be with their husband or whatever else -- but GENERALLY SPEAKING I've found that I get blown out a lot more for being incongruent than not being "high status" enough for them.

If you want to understand this better -- and I wish I would have added this example into the video -- it's CRAZY how often I see beta male non good looking guys chatting up hot women, and the girls are giggling their asses off and totally into him.

That's not to say they'll fuck him necessarily, although I bet if he structured it where they're hanging out later in the night he'd have a decent chance just cause girls are often bored and horny, but they TALK to him and show interest in what he's saying at very least.

Well when you see these beta male non good looking guys with hot girls into them, what is the commonality?

They're just CONGRUENT to who they are and relaxed and being themselves.

Now you might be asking "Well if I won't usually get SEX like this, then what's the point?"

The points are...

1) Sometimes you WILL get laid like this (just reference the video of "Tyler pulling while out of state")

2) Being congruent gets you into lots of conversations, which quickly wakes up your brain and gets you talkative, and then later you BUILD MOMENTUM and SWITCH ON and get laid.


3) This mode also gets you in a headspace that you will ALWAYS be yourself, which has HUGE HUGE HUGE repercussions as to how you walk through life.

Basically if you get yourself into a mode where you're going to be congruent to where you're at no matter what, there's more of a solidness to you as a dude in general.  This is literally a MENTAL HABIT of just being congruent and not a try-hard, which helps massively on pulls, day game where you have no momentum, day 2's, dealing with aggressive guys, etc etc.

And btw -- I'm far from the world's most "congruent man".  I have plenty of incongruences as well.  You don't have to be perfect with this, just improve with it gradually over time.  Like I'm more congruent now than last year, or the year before.  No rush to get there, just keep it in mind and enjoy the journey.

<>============================<>

What we're talking about here is actually similar to what I learned from the past few years of public speaking.

If I do a kick ass speach and then go to the next speach and try to REPLICATE THAT VIBE it will usually bomb, because emotions come in waves.

I've learned that if I'm feeling chill, do a chill speach with good content.  If I'm feeling crankly from being overworked, do a cranky speach on stepping up and taking action.  Just be congruent to wherever you're at and it will come out the best.

(Again though this assumes a certain BASELINE OF NORMALCY and that you aren't a "hard case" newbie type guy.  As a hard case you can't just accept where you're at -- you need to aggressively push against it and CHANGE.  But for a regular guy -- not even some super amazing guy but just a REGULAR guy -- this is what I found to work really well.)

The key to all this is that the girl is looking for incongruencies in your eyes as you speak.

If you just stay congruent to where you're at, she sees no weird flinching or resistance of where you're at, and so she gets into you.

The problem with trying to fake high status when you're not feeling it is that she sees you're in RESISTANCE to not being high status, which makes you look EVEN LOWER STATUS.

What's crazy though?

A guy like myself for example -- I've usually fucked girls hotter than her, have cooler friends than her, have my shit together in life, access to everything, etc.

So if I'm really this cool guy, and I'm just not feeling good at the exact moment, why am I FAKING being high status?  It's actually making me come across WORSE. :)

Same with yourself, even if you don't have similar assets of life experiences, remember that a cool guy wouldn't be bothered with this.

NOTE HOWEVER that a cool guy also wouldn't FAKE being congruent or FAKE being nervous to get the girl.  He'd just do whatever he's gonna do.

You DO have to make an effort to talk though.  So none of this means you can just say "Well I'm gonna be congruent to NOT WANTING TO TALK AT ALL."  Clearly if you're APPROACHING the girl you must want to talk, so if not that's fucked up.

Look most of this is really common sense, so I'm just sort of filling in the blanks of misinterpretations here.  Use your brain -- this allows me to put out videos that aren't totally perfect without having to re-record them a million times to account for every  misinterpretation.  I'm sure you get the idea. :)

<>=====================================<>

One last point as well, and I want to do another video on this later...

There's a book out called "Sex At Dawn" that I haven't read yet, but the gist I'm hearing about is it that back in the day everyone in the tribe used to all fuck eachother in orgies or something like that.

This flies a bit contra to the "alpha male gets all the girls" way of looking at the game, from "Red Queen" or "Selfish Gene" etc.

Truth be told there were probably different types of tribes, some that shared women and some where the alphamale kept a harem and the beta males got jack shit.  And let's be honest, you've probably seen yourself that when you're more alpha you get more attraction, so that goes without saying.

But I found it to be an interesting example where you could imagine that say a guy wasn't the #1 guy, but maybe the #4 guy in the tribe and he LIKED THE ROLE and ACCEPTED THE ROLE and was CONGRUENT TO THE ROLE because he felt comfortable in the tribe, he would still get laid.

My video editor / buddy Mike is a good example of this, where he isn't some super alpha male AT ALL and yet he's had sex with around 100 girls who are mostly 8's / 9's / 10's.  It really surprises you when you hear about it but if you look at him, he's just a REALLY congruent dude.

It's like there's no RESISTANCE to him at all.  He's never try hard and always at ease with himself, even though he doesn't have all the alphamale thing going on so much.

(He's actually made efforts to learn it cause he thinks it's cool, but it's more from a place of self amused curiousity than needing it out of insecurity.)

Anyway I see a lot of girls who I get blown out by, and Mike winds up attracting when we're out.  So the way I imagine it is like I'm coming across as the try-hard alphamale who is maybe the alpha in some other tribe but doesn't really belong here, whereas Mike is the INTEGRATED #4 man who is ACCEPTED by the tribe and everyone likes -- cause he's not RESISTING his less alphamale role.

(I realize this is getting a lil weird here... I'm sort of having fun with this, try not to take it too seriously, just theoriing and having a bit of fun so don't take it too seriously -- who the fuck KNOWS what cavemen were really up to??)

Point being is that given girls are often bored and horny these guys get laid a decent amount.  And the fact they hae no resistance about their status in the situation, that just makes them come across like they FIT IN and are PRETTY COOL which is bound to create attraction in many girls.

Something to think about anyway.  Again getting a lil out there..

<>==================================================<>

One last thought btw and then I'll crack out of here (headed to Joe's Stonecrab with the crew!).

The video you saw above was an example of 2 things I've worked on the past few years.

1) Just shipping the damned product on a deadline no matter what.

(Well actually I missed my deadline due to the article crapping out twice this week, like a huge idiot as I did that previously as well, but at least I got the video done on time.)

I felt the video was inadequately explained as it was honestly one of my GEM concepts and I could do a good 30 minutes on it that would make it a lot more impactful and profound.  But after I took 4 years doing up Blueprint Decoded I decided that for the Youtube stuff I would just do the BEST JOB I COULD WITH THE TIME RESOURCES THAT I HAVE.

This has been tough for me because my instinct is RE-RECORD.  But the video is decent and the bottom line is that it was freezing cold out there which froze my brain, and I was underslept as a motherfucker.  So it was honestly the best job I could do with the time and energy that I had -- better to ship the fucken thing and have a new video this week than nothing at all. 

Obviously a certain standard has to be maintained or people lose interest, but I felt it made the cut.

You often see in my articles "I'm running out the door" as I write them up, and that's because I usually limit myself to around 20 - 60 minutes on the frontpage articles.

Why?

Because if I allowed myself more I wouldn't physically have the time to get them done.  It bugs me because I know I could do a lot better, but I also know that doing it this way ensures that I'll have new content every week.

The key has been in learning to produce 8.5 out of 10 content RAPIDLY as opposed to taking forever on the 10 out of 10.  Then from there working behind the scenes on the masterpeices that you can create as a 10 out of 10 to leave behind as your legacy (as well as the main things people can focus on when they first find you).

This may sound common sense to a lot of people, but it's been challenging for me and something I've been proud of in terms of a shift in thinking.  A lot of it I attribute to Seth Godin in the book "Linchpin" and Pressfield's "The War Of Art".

2) Experimenting with different ways of doing things that could make good use of strengths, even if it risks turning people off.

So in this video I left in the part with the security bugging me, cause I thought people may find it amusing.

Truth be told?  I get guys harrassing me when shooting vidoes outside ALL THE TIME.

But I noticed in a comment the other day a guy saying...

"one thing I appreciate about Tyler and the RSD crew is how they film these videos in PUBLIC places, with people walking and 'eavesdropping' on what they're talking about on cam. That REALLY is what's it all about, pushing yourself, pushing that comfort zone constantly - day by day just dissipating 'giving a shit what people think'"
sixamsedna 2 months ago 37

So I thought to myself "Actually YEAH we do go to a lot of bullshit to shoot these OUTSIDE -- and there IS sometimes little bullshit interruptions, so maybe people would think it's funny to see how I handle it mixed into the vids."

I was kinda on the fence about leaving in the part with security bugging me about the silly tripod thing, because in the past I would edit it out.  It's also kinda a distraction and comes across a bit immature.

But then I figured "Why not experiment and see what people think of it?"  Not that it's even the main focus of the video and most of the comments are on the content, but just to see in general how it flies with the audience.  And so far it seems like people did find it to be kinda funny or whatever.

I did something similar with "The Truth About Success -- Why You Should Rather Die Than Miss A Day In The Gym" video.

When I released it I was concerned people may dislike the video, or that it would be too off topic, or even too intense and insane.  But it turned out to be one of the most popular in the past year.  People come up to talk to me about it on the street and all that -- had a lot of great feedback on it.

Again this is looking at a strength -- the fact I work my ass off, some people are interested in that.  Talking about work ethic also gets me a lot of entrepreneur students, who attend and say "I like that you're a hard worker and that's what made me want to do the event with you."

I think in general the way you want to experiment with strengths is start off doing what works, then play with new things in the middle, and then end with what works.

Standup comedians do this as well (you can see it explained in Jerry Seinfeld's "The Comedian" movie) where they OPEN with their strongest material, try out new material in the middle, and close with something field tested to be awesome.

You can do the same in game when you think about expanding your repertoire as well.  Be congruent in the start, maybe play with some push/pull or physical stuff you've never done for a few minutes in the middle, but then close with whate works.

This is sort of the bridge between "self acceptance and self improvement" as far as social interactions go.

Anyway the videos have been a good win/win opportunity for me to play around with different ideas, get a lot of feedback on what people like and dislike, while allowing YOU to get a lot of free content.  Also a way for me to practise staying on schedule, getting things out on time, and managing a schedule -- so when I'm older I have a good background of experience with it and can take it to higher and higher levels.

(Sounds funny for me to say "I do this for practice managing a schedule" but IT'S TRUE!  This shit is challenging and you gotta learn one step at a time.  That's really what you've been seeing from me the past few years.)

btw the question I'd ask YOU:  What are YOUR strengths that you're unaware of / take for granted?

<>=======================================<>

Okay so I'm out of here, off to go eat with Julien and Jeff and a bunch of our buddies who are in town!

Hope you're having a kick ass week and I'll be back next week with a new 30 minute video on daygame that features little bursts of infield footage (that short type that will annoy people -- but at least will make the point clear that's trying to be conveyed!).  It's great and you will love it.

LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ON TODAY'S TOPIC?  WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON EMBODYING WHATEVER EMOTIONS YOU FEEL?

Have fun!!

Tyler
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Comments

#1
Neighbor

Neighbor

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Join Date: 12/23/2010 | Posts: 444

 awesome concept...damn can't wait for DC Hot Seat 
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#2
synergist'12

synergist'12

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Join Date: 02/20/2012 | Posts: 725

It is a gem of a topic.  Very good stuff.
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#3
Drama

Drama

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Join Date: 02/26/2008 | Posts: 3624

I'm glad you released this video in its raw nature. You're always pumping out value even if the content isn't "your best," it is still fucking great and loaded with new insights. I always get a new idea out of your vids and articles (especially when I watch them...go out...and re-watch them). 

I have a deep respect for your work ethic and intelligence. I love when you pump out a kick ass vid and article totally sleep deprived and shocked from an intense bootcamp schedule.

Luv Zach :P
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#4
RagaTanha

RagaTanha

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Join Date: 06/30/2008 | Posts: 1004

 Good article good to review the concepts. what happened to Ryan? He wrote some good shit.a
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#5
The Mack

The Mack

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Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 725

 damn
the 4th in the tribe getting laid?
i dunno, i still wanna be the alpha though
it feels better being the leader
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#6
Frank128

Frank128

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Join Date: 03/30/2011 | Posts: 93

6th !!!!! bitches I'm getting better !
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#7

TheRoyalFlush

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 165

 Tyler,

The women you pull in your hotseat videos, did you have sex with them?
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#8
tigno323

tigno323

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Join Date: 03/15/2010 | Posts: 113

 TheRoyalFlush LOL. thats private bro
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#9
EnVee

EnVee

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Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 277

 Tyler, I love you.
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#10
Frank128

Frank128

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Join Date: 03/30/2011 | Posts: 93

very good video tyler,  very solid content as always and I liked a lot that you didn't cut the scenes of the security guys annoying you, because it's fun and interesting to watch your reaccion. 

I think that in the first interruption you were very relaxed and take it very cool, you were like "yeah it's all right, you are a pussy but it's all right I'll finished the video latter" haha

But on the second interruption I think that you were in the edge of getting into an anti-social mode, when you said "ohh really cameras is cool but no tripod ?" it sounded like "dude you are a fucking idiot it's just a tripod what da fuck ? get out of here or I will get mad and fuck your sister and your mom IN THE ASS at the same time!"

It would be cool to know what you were thinking during those interruptions, I´m very curious please tell me !!!! :) 
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#11

twoprime

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Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 89

kick ass articles and videos as usual, thanks for giving so much value!!
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#12
Connor

Connor

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Join Date: 06/29/2008 | Posts: 176

 Tyler you are one of the few dudes, at least that I know of, that constantly puts  high quality content out; I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

I've literally watched EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOUR VIDEOS (actually, every video ever put on the RSDNation homepage) and the fact that I've done so is a testament to the quality and just how damn interesting the content you push is.

I really liked this video about being congruent. It's a topic that's been covered before but it's a nice fresh spin on it.
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#13

MOEMONEY

Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 40

I would have left the part with the security and cut the rest...AHAHAHAHA just kidding man. Can't wait to test this shit out. I've been trying to emulate an "icy/pimp/cold motherfucker" game and although it's great for self amusement, it can be very incongruent. I think this video will help me alot. Thanks brother
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#14
ludvig

ludvig

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Join Date: 02/17/2010 | Posts: 504

Thanks dad.
I really needed some more explaining on this topic. I´ve noticed myself using "being out state" as a tactic lately and it´s of course a bad habit. But it has worked strangely well. Now I know how to get rid of it and still get the same results and a lot better. Thanks!
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#15
Nerdsaver

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Join Date: 10/15/2011 | Posts: 144

I'm really glad you're hitting the congruence shit this week as I was litterally searching for forum posts and articles about it last week because that was one of my sticking points. 

Legit question though, how fast do you type? 
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#16
markzor

markzor

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Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 810

I'm suprised the advice is always one-sided.
Although there are certain principles, there are all about finding the right balance.

Here, you have "putting up a front" on one side, but "putting yourself down" on the other side.
You can pretend to be cool, which is fake, inauthentic, and a turn-off.

So you decide to embody your feelings and express what you are experiencing...
....but if you end up expressing your negative beliefs, then you are shooting yourself in the foot.
It's apologetic, asking for validation, etc...

It's not the dark, world-hating newbies that do this! 

So
1. Connect to your feelings, how do they feel in your body?
2. Decide wheter you want to "put up a front" -or- "explain yourself"
A--- if you are putting up a front, stop it by expressing how you feel
B--- if you are explaining yourself, just keep your mouth shut and don't ask for validation (show, don't tell!)

Everybody is different, on different times... so you always need to ask yourself where you at, en then make the right decision. Only your personal experience can teach you when you need to go for A and when to go for B. That's why you need to do the work to become good at this (there is no cheating around that)
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#17

kamyk

Member

Join Date: 08/30/2010 | Posts: 32

I'm using all the time fear technology and the main reason why it works is that gilrs will appreciate even If u afraid. I see this in my self and my newbie friends beacuse u dont cover that and girls can guess u dont give a simply fuck if they reject u or this will work.
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#18

steppino

Member

Join Date: 04/19/2007 | Posts: 97

To be brutally honest Tyler,

I ONLY get laid whenever I embody the emotions I'm feeling in real time. Any time I try to fake my emotions, I end up with a dry dick for that day.

Thanks for pointing it out though.

One question, during shit tests, if the girl says something that throws you off... do you show it threw you off or are you working towards being so icey that it doesn't register? If it's the latter, how do you work on it?

Holding my breath for the next video... in West Africa.

Thanks.
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#19
startale

startale

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/10/2011 | Posts: 190

Yeah I need it that "permission" to be congruent especially after  "STATE, STATE, STATE" in the Blueprint.
I'm so excited about the success videos. I was blown away by the first one.
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#20
6pac

6pac

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Join Date: 02/11/2012 | Posts: 206

great great great, very solid stuff, I love it, the mask is heavy and stifling!

also can't wait for the video on day game, very curious how you do it sir (can I call you dad? too weird? ) 
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#21

solo

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Join Date: 10/07/2011 | Posts: 5

 Tyler is just a pool of knowledge. It's cool how he can spot those things going on within! 
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#22

Ocean2

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/18/2011 | Posts: 663

Ordered myself a massive TRIPOD

Ps: Where do I deploy to activate the feeding frenzy?



Ontopic: Most failing sets from me are from incongruence, I keep forgetting that. Thanks for reminding me, I can't even remember a set where I was incongruent and worked, if it ever happend.
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#23

CBAABC

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 1818

 I do get a lot of blowouts...more than most people on here...

But I think the cause is MORE that I am coming of as a "Social blackhole" sucking value, wanting to get good reaction etc...than being inconguent.

Hope you will cover this "sucking value out of other people" topic.

BTW: admire your ablity to operate on no sleep. wink

ChinaBoy
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#24
Roark101

Roark101

Member

Join Date: 11/19/2010 | Posts: 95

 Yo, doods! I've attended both the Miami and NYC hot seats this year. The footage is SICK, and Owen's teachings are on-point. Just when I thought I couldn't learn anything "new," he switches things up and gives me a new perspective on something. Anyway, get to a Hot Seat, if you can. It's a helluva value. 
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#25
Tyrion

Tyrion

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Join Date: 03/22/2010 | Posts: 111

Tyler wrote:


(Sounds funny for me to say "I do this for practice managing a schedule" but IT'S TRUE!  This shit is challenging and you gotta learn one step at a time.  That's really what you've been seeing from me the past few years.)
Could you elaborate on this man?
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#26
Blom10

Blom10

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Join Date: 03/27/2010 | Posts: 306

 One of my main sticking points :) im definitely the try-hard alphamale type.. and have a hard, hard time accepting when im further down in the hierarchy.. dammit
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#27
Dr Feelgood

Dr Feelgood

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Join Date: 04/06/2011 | Posts: 1452

I like how you keep on emphazising the congruence thing.

Of course, after each interruption (student, guards), you get massively incongruent for a moment, while you are regaining your composure... and that's fine too! Kind of ironic, lol...

I hear Seth is now down there in Miami - nice...!
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#28
Randommember

Randommember

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Join Date: 11/07/2009 | Posts: 126

It's good you left the interruptions by security in, as everyone who goes out a lot will have to deal with security. Maybe you should release a compilation of moments where you handle security welk at soms point.
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#29

CBAABC

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 1818

 OK, so after I went out today...I have to agree.

This whole incongruence thing...Today I noticed when I was incongruent and it was sooo LAME. I just feel very disgusted. Yuck.

So my action plan is:
-Accept that "I am enough" therefore there´s no need to put up a front to make girls attracted to you.

I think why people are incongruent is because they do not believe that they are enough.

Gonna hammer this down as this is hindering my progress tremendeously even though I am very dedicated and work hard on this dating area of my life.

Thanks!

ChinaBoy
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#30
paradox

paradox

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 180

I like congruence as a subject. The community should be about bringing a person’s true personality out and their best self, instead people worrying about being the ‘alpha male’. Who the hell knows what an alpha male is anyway (lol)? Rambo comes to my mind, though someone told me his films weren’t in fact documentaries, so that doesn’t help me much.
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#31
Macavity

Macavity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2076

Man the subject of Authenticity and Congruence was literally the biggest epiphany I'd ever had since starting in the community three years ago. And it all stemmed from a small little comment that you wrote on RSDn about being congruent. After a year of going out, everything literally just connected. As well seeing it in one of my friends who is beta-chode (in the traditional sense) but always seemed to get more attraction than me. I could literally go on about this for AGES. But just wanted to say a thank you cus it was the biggest shift and change I had in my life. 
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#32

rsdq

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/02/2012 | Posts: 7

Yo Tyler man in the second part of the video you talked about developing your own shit that keeps you happy without needing a good response from the girl.
Some guys will do this with swag.
But the thing with swag, if you have a shitty level of congruence it just looks weak. But if you do have a nice level of congruence with swag it will let you get away with cool shit other guys wouldn’t be able to do, even during the day.

So what if you already feel congruent at the beginning of the night? Is it still better to let the charisma come naturally or can you pump your own charisma, if you get what I mean.
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#33

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 271

Great article great videos :)
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#34
thecrochunter

thecrochunter

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/12/2011 | Posts: 422

Fuck Tyler its pretty much what i needed to be reading right now. I had a great pull/day 2 with the hottest chick for a long time and pretty much down to beign congruent, or a solid attempt at it haha. Ring girl at wrestling matches at the bowling alley yo! Fucking insane.
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#35

Heurisko

Member

Join Date: 10/05/2009 | Posts: 34

 Your videos keep becoming more mature and insightful while entertaining at the same time. Great job, imo. Btw, I don't know if this is true, but I get the impression that you'd like to gradually shift in the direction of motivational speaking, and I think you could definitely pull it off. Your last video on the topic was awesome. (Although, hopefully you keep passing on your experience in the game as well).  
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#36

mindlover

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/27/2007 | Posts: 3

 Pure Value!! loved it Tyler!!
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#37
~cavalheiro

~cavalheiro

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/29/2008 | Posts: 107

 I think That those vids are a GREAT after sells support.
I just told brad at my bc that now I view them as someone who's willing to take action, oposite to before, where I view just as a expectator

Your vids and Julien's are ressonating really where I'm now.
when he says about feeling and breaking the confort zone.

When I took my BC at rio brad point and says: "see those girls? approach."

I wasn't really interested on then (and normally I went to another girls that i choose ahhah funny times) and I had the worst fuck off faces 'we're talking' at some points but this pumps my states coz I never cold approached before with 'pick up' intentions.

I'm working on those the first moment when u approach, transitioning from fluff talk to intent.

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#38

Jordanfan

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/31/2010 | Posts: 176

 reminds me of what Dr. Seus always taught.

"be who you are and say what you mean, because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
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#39

albundy

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/31/2009 | Posts: 15

Tyler, great stuff but i have some questions:

There are really no examples in the videos and neither in the follow up article about how exactly someone is when he is congruent and incongruent. So lets say someone approaches a girl and lets say his beliefs as he is approaching trigger thoughts in his mind where 90% of his thoughts tell him things like "im the shit, im gonna get this girl because of whatever reasons" and 10% of his thoughts are saying "shit, maybe she will reject me, look at how hot she is, im a chode". So this guy can open with saying a line that is confident like "you are very cute, i want to meet you" and have a body language that says "hey, im confident" or whatever but  he will also show that 10% of negativity, that 10% that is not congruent with that 90% and he will show that with some body language nuances things like the pupils (which you mentioned :p) or maybe some tears in his eyes or some slight wetness and maybe some more blood on the face that will cause some faint redness or maybe some facial twitching blinking or some hesitation in his actions. What should that guy do? arent his actions and body language congruent with all his beliefs and thoughts and emotions? he is 90% confident and 10% nervous, his belief that he is cool is strong but he has also a weaker belief that he is a little bit of a chode. How is this guy hiding his nervousness? The way i see it he is not.
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#40
violalee

violalee

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/17/2008 | Posts: 221

 @albundy - Here's something I wrote to a friend, basically on the same subject:

It's not logical at all. I'm not looking at my desires, seeing which ones are "egoic" and which are authentic. That's obvious when you give the authentic ones full rein.

And like, it's a guideline, not a rule. If you've got some meeting but don't feel like getting out of bed, yeah, go ahead and yell at yourself until you get up, and then switch back to autopilot.

Sorry hah, weird to explain, simplest thing in the world to do. Fuck it, I'll break the taboo and link up the Ciaran quote that made it click:

"the way to tap this
is essentially
to submit your will
to the life that is
the actual technicalities of what's really going on are a little more fruity
but that's what it feels like from the inside
your ideas, your beliefs, your dreams, your goals, your opinions....
basically, there is a mess of stuff inside your head
that is only there because it reinforces the fiction of self
the more something feels like 'mine'
the more it is only there because it does reinforce the fiction
going through these fictions individually
and challenging them
is like playing wak-a-mole
for the rest of your life
you need to tap the source
and the source is
the life that is happening
including the feelings
the passions
whatever
whatever it is,
if it is real
be authentic to it
IF IT IS REAL
BE AUTHENTIC TO IT
the REASON it is scary
is that you'll immediately think
OH SHIT
WHO IS IN THE DRIVING SEAT!
AAA!!
and you might think it's just going to descend into chaos
the fact that
initially
the life that is real
probably will be quite volatile
will not help this fear
but understand this -
the idea that YOU are surrendering control
to the life that is
does NOT mean that someone is VACATING the driver's seat
it means that
FINALLY
and for the FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE
something REAL will ACTUALLY BE in the driver's seat"
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#41
Michael

Michael

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 102

Oh great so now I'm the #4 guy in the tribe?  Thanks bro :*(

Haha my take on this is that I don't really pay attention to where I am on the totem pole at all.  A lot of times it's completely arbitrary and it changes from situation to situation anyway so I just say fuck it.  In some cases when I have the most value I just take it as a bonus and it makes things a little easier.  But I don't need it to game and I never try to consciouslly try to boost myself up to be the "alpha male" in any situation.  Most of the time that shit just makes you weird. 

IME you just have to be "alpha" to the girl and that's enough.  And that just comes from leading, passing her shit tests, and acting your own intentions (i.e. doing what you want to do vs doing what you think will make her like you).  All stuff that comes naturally if you've got your internals dialed right...living in abundance, coming from the buyer's frame, intent, freedom from outcome, self amusement and self expression, etc

Then pretty much all you've got to do is approach, have a good time with it, escalate, and before you know it your dick's wet ;)
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#42
BADandSTUPID

BADandSTUPID

Member

Join Date: 08/05/2011 | Posts: 35

This is bullshit.Just do not resist your nervousness.Body language is something you cant fake.
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#43

champ

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/19/2011 | Posts: 891

I loved the articlethumbs up. I like that advice of starting off with what has worked and how to work on your game. Badass article.  Very glad to hear the stuff on humor as well. Massive!!  Loved the article it was really good stuff. Thanx n take care sir.
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#44
Mav_1988

Mav_1988

Member

Join Date: 02/04/2009 | Posts: 33

Been trying to relax into being more congruent for a while and when I've done it's killed the amount I get blown out. It also allows you to get into the hornier state you need to push you to do more hardcore escalation that is more often or not outside my comfortzone. It also feeds into girls like you just for you frame. Thanks for the seinfield information been wondering were to push my comfortzones the most in a night. However I do wonder how this relates to the frame of going out to get laid vs practice, when I slip into the latter I simply won't get laid that night. What's the answer have a period in the middle of the night that is completely for practice, then have a period when you are completely going for it with stuff you are comfortable with that works? All seems way too analytical for infield work.

BW.
 
Mav

Btw: I love the videos outside because it reminds me this stuff is about being out and not a keyboard jockey
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#45
Mav_1988

Mav_1988

Member

Join Date: 02/04/2009 | Posts: 33

Been trying to relax into being more congruent for a while and when I've done it's killed the amount I get blown out. It also allows you to get into the hornier state you need to push you to do more hardcore escalation that is more often or not outside my comfortzone. It also feeds into girls like you just for you frame. Thanks for the seinfield information been wondering were to push my comfortzones the most in a night. However I do wonder how this relates to the frame of going out to get laid vs practice, when I slip into the latter I simply won't get laid that night. What's the answer have a period in the middle of the night that is completely for practice, then have a period when you are completely going for it with stuff you are comfortable with that works? All seems way too analytical for infield work.

BW.
 
Mav

Btw: I love the videos outside because it reminds me this stuff is about being out and not a keyboard jockey
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#46
Rocco Siffredi

Rocco Siffredi

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/10/2011 | Posts: 405

haha we're all your kids Tyler, you're like a father to us :-)
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#47
donston

donston

Member

Join Date: 11/07/2011 | Posts: 40

If you are nervous when approaching girls, can you also admit that you are nervous but still had to approach because you would regret it if you don't?

For example, my friends are noobies and unable to approach.  So I would ask a near by girl "Hi, have you met my friend [insert friends name]."  Normally my friend could be caught off guard and feel nervous.  I would then state the obvious of him being shy.  The interaction usually goes fairly well.  I was wondering if this is the same principle explained by Tyler's article/video of congruency?

Thanks for the replies:

Sincerely,

Donston

PS:  Great video Mr. Tyler!
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#48
Jay-

Jay-

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/25/2012 | Posts: 202

 I love you...
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#49
PUA of the Future

PUA of the Future

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 761

"My brain is dead and I'm walking around in a sort of haze. :) "

Most people walk through life in a walking daze...including you now...*sigh*
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#50

albundy

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/31/2009 | Posts: 15

Hey bros. Tyler no respondy.. the fock?
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