The answers to these things are always really obvious. So obvious, in fact, I miss them when I go over them. It could be obvious. I've got some theories, though.
1. I drink too much. Was trying to make it just a weekend thing, but it always sneaks its way into the weekdays somehow. I should try to avoid that.
2. I'm 29. That's almost 30. I think of myself as thirty. There's so many cute younger girls in their early 20's with fine senses of fashion and enough energy to keep up with me. Most importantly, missing that dulling sense of desperation I extrete
3. I don't have a girlfriend. I haven't had once since eva, and I still miss her every day. How fucked up is that. She's a trailer trash chick who always had something wrong with her that I couldn't wait to break up with. But yet, here I am. Yearning for her. Bullshit.
4. I can't keep up a conversation for more than a minute with a hot girl. They see me and can immediately sense what's up. If she's been payed, like the receptionist at my gym or my waitress, yes, but outside fuck no. This is despite me going out, but I don't push myself hard enough when I do.
5. I accomplished all my goals from last year, but they've made me feel worse than ever. Are these goals going to make me feel worse yet? I actually do go to the gym five times a week. It's very rare i miss a day. My nice house is clean. I have nice clothes and a good sense of style. I have everything I need to get a girl and make a girl happy in my surroundings, yet no girl.
6. I have an obsession with things that don't matter. I check red flag deals, fitness stores, mac rumours several times a day. My days are full of longing to buy things. I just realized this a few days ago, so I'm taking steps to fix that. Filling it with reading and imagining myself being fantastic as picking up girls. We'll see how it goes.
So what the fuck is the answer to this? Move to Kelowna? Get bigger? Get broker? Get bolder?
Question is too, will I even find the answer by rattling around my head? Can I think and introspect my way out of this? Or is the key to just feel good and not introspect a thing?