travis_bickle's Blog

  I really dont think that this is exactly the right forum for this as rsd is associated with getting women. but i think that part of getting women is to develop oneself as a person. so this message is an appeal to those people who are developing themselves and can help me in developing myself. my life is fucked and i have no hope. forget the women. I am not even able to get my life straight. here's my story:

I don’t know why my life is the way it is but I think it has been due to the circumstances that have shaped my personality adversely:
1. Coming from a poor family
2. My mom saying to me in my childhood that I look ugly
3. My dad acting towards me in my adulthood as if I am ugly
4. Me getting beat up by my friends and many people in school
5. Me not getting the girl and getting rejected every time
6. Me not beating and always getting beaten up in school
7. Me crying in front of everybody in school
8. Me getting gynaecomastia and having fun made up in school and in early college
9. Having a person commit suicide in my hostel room
10. Not standing up for my sister when she felt down from the bicycle because I felt that passing people will say that poor children felt down from their rickety bicycle. What a bunch of poor losers
11. Having constantly fighting parents who abuse each other and sometimes me and my sister easily
12. Having no sense of pride left when my father beat me up in school in front of my teacher and in tuition in front of many people. I really don’t feel that I have a sense of pride left in me
I have seen fighting poor family and got beaten up in school. I have no sense of personality and I cry very easily. People think that I am a social pariah and tend to avoid me due to my edgy nature. This had made me very inert and protective of my emotions that i can't connect with people. I really have no hope left in me for true achievement. I just push to achieve somethings to avoid pain and I don’t work to gain pleasure. I really wish life was better. I have read shit tons of self help books but i always get caught up in the old pattern again.

 So there are three ways of reacting to people:

1. Don’t care what people are thinking about you….which RSD proposed
2. Care what people are thinking about you and be reactive
3. Be proactively reactive about what people are thinking about you

I started with point no. 1 and it felt good. The load lifted off my mind to tailor my answers to people’s liking and I was more liked when I didn’t care about getting liked.

Now I am doing MBA. I can’t apply the same principle here in my classroom. Here I have to be very political and minutely tailor my answers to make an image and to get the work done. Recently I started reading a book called “The Art of Strategy”. It gave another perspective of game theory of thinking from the other person’s perspective to your strategy and then play your strategy for maximum gains. It’s good. I actually tailor my answers and am successful in creating an image. Its also exhausting to think about the other person’s perspective and not giving the answers which you feel. Its just being political which although I like and I am actually learning to be. Such strategies were also given by the book “The 48 laws of power” by Robert Greene.

So my dilemma is whether point 1 is applicable in pick up only/ putting some attitude in parties or it can be applicable in a political environment (which I don’t think so) or there has to be some mix of point 1
This issue might look to some a non pick up kind of issue but I think it can be applied there.

Opinions are welcome.
Thanks.

  hi...the scenario is that i went to a party with some chody friends (males 6-7 in number) and females (3 in no.).
all were chody that is they were supplicating like shit. girls were actually leading us everywhere which place to go and what not. I understand the balance between not too pushy i.e. a girl can actually suggest a nice place but here was not this scenario. here's the girls were like "entertain us", "lets go this place", attitude and shit...there was one boy who was leading.....he was confortable because he got the validation from one of the chodes...you get the scene......

What I did:

Did some esclation, pulling, was more of trying to start conversation, tried to go to my center to find fun when wasn't finding it anywhere...

The problem is....

I don't drink and we were in a pub...so i was sooo out of the place...everyone drank...so i actually drank some sips of beer...for which i am really guilty...just because i supplicated to social pressure.....

What pissed me off:
When I danced or sth, the chodes were like making fun of me and shit..but actually they didn't had the guts to dance in a pub to a tune...and when there were 2-3 of us then the chodes were "trying" to dance to get in the scenario....

What i visualise as an ideal outcome....and want to learn how to create it
I understand now that I can't have a steady and stable type of interaction. I feel a bit edgy during such interactions..even with my friends......now i have realised that there's no use of changing yourself to not to be edgy, coz i saw that i made friends even being edgy and being just me...

Coming back to the problem....how to handle such a scenario where u r surrounded by chodes and some "bitchy" kinda girls who wants chodes....i.e. how to poof the chodes who are your friends

Hi I am new to the "game" and I'll be thankful for the suggestions to the following scenario....

Background story:
I work in one of the top companies of India.
One month back i.e. on 2nd Oct, I organised a trip in which many people came including some good girls.
I organised many games in the bus itself and engaged the whole public...I was the MAN in that whole scenario where everyone was looking towards me for my approval. There was a girl who seemed quite open and we exchanged a few casual smiles.

While returning back, I didn't get any seat and there was a seat empty next to her. So I sat next to her.
Now here's some of the bits of conversation I remember.

Me: So you had fun today?
Her: Yeah…you?
Me: I had a lot of fun…did you go to the adventure park?
Her: What???where was it?
Me: …(I showed her the pics taken , she was feeling like she should have come with us)
Her: Next time I'll go with you. Have you heard this song....
(It was a hindi song with some abusive language)...what does the word (an abusive hindi word ) mean ?
Me: (straight away)...it means....(whatever it meant)
her: Oh k...I did some shopping today....see this.
(she opened her bag and showed me her new tops)
Me: What's this called?
Her: its called (something like spaghetti)....it worn inside of the top....
Me: ummm.....so...is this the same as BRA???
her: (amused, smilingly and slightly shocked)....no the bra is worn inside of sphagetti....
( I kept  looking at her boobs to find where the bra goes   )


In between i told her some tales of my camping and how i was the group leader of the camp....I touched her a lot in the way that she'll feel that m just touching causally.
I hold her hands around 10 times in the whole bus ride.....
I spoke so slowly during the whole conversation that she her ear literally touched my lips in order to listen what I was saying.....
I got a lot of envious looks from the fellow passengers.....

It was awesome....and in fact in the end she said..that why she hasn't seen me in the company.....she was totally in me when she left....

My mistakes:
I should have taken her phone no. atleast or asked her for a date in the whole conversation at the appropriate time but I chickened out....because she is in my company and I was afraid
that what if she complained to somebody.....

AFTERWORD:
We saw each other a few times in the company and she always smiled but I was under the same fear of her complaining.......( or might be I didn't get the guts to ask her for a date...I was under
the pressure that my peers will taunt me over her)

During the whole approach in the bus....I was totally unemotional...followed rules by the book..had a lot of social approval because I was the organiser but I didn't feel the entitlement in the company premises.....My mind got fucked...as I became angry that I should have approached her in the bus......So I started having self talk in my mind.....which greatly fucked my peace....I wasn't into the girl...she was good looking HB 8 but I was induced "frustration attraction"...so I finally manned up a bit...started looking for opprotunity to ask her out in the company....but couldn't get a chance.....So i asked her out on.....here it comes........facebook.......


THE AFTERMATH:
She didn't reply....I asked again....finally I came to know that she fucking defriended me....fucking slut who was about to roll on me in the bus...just defriended me....so I told her that I knew that she's childish and now I am blocking her.....
I saw her in the company afterward..we haven't spoken a word since and dont' see each other eye to eye......

THE OMEN????
Now something happened.....My desk which was very far from her that usually i couldn't see her at all for many days...has been shifted by my department ...right next to her seat...hardly 2 meters.....tomorrow I have to join at my new seat next to her and I have to fuck close the bitch....so I welcome suggestions....should I continue the cold shoulder or what???

Thanks in advance.

I was reading some of the core values which I learnt from RSD.
The values are cool. Then I thought, what causes a person to have these mindsets?

I started to look at my room. It was disheveled and I used to ignore it all the time to clean it up.
And then it struck me.
A cool, complete person is not affected at all by his circumstances whether they are good or bad. He doesn't even percieve them as good or bad. He just solves them.

It's just like my friend told me few days back from the Hindu religious book Bhagwad Gita.
"Be like a boat which stays in the water (world)...but the water doesn't stay in the boat (man//mind).
...peace

Went to a coaching center which prepares you for entrance exams.

Girl : HB 9

THE CASE
Went to the class. It had already started.
The girl in the case was the teacher of the class. She was a fuckin beauty. Awesome boobs...everything was awesome in her looks. Also she was around my age (24)

THE GOOD

I practised vocal projection i.e. speaking loud, solved many answers and infact corrected her when she was wrong.
Also I practised looking her directly in the eye without any hint of emotion. I caliberated it in such a way that I also gave occasional nods and smiles. And she also smiled a lot when I constantly looked her in the eye and scanned her body from top to bottom. It's not as freakish as it seems here. THE ATTRACTION WAS ON!!!..I KNEW IT.

The class ended. I waited for her outside the class. As she came back from the washroom, I said to her in the super cool and kind of "closing the deal" attitude.

Me: Lets have a coffee.
Her: Smiled for 5 seconds.....When.....
Me:(Super euphoric but under control....and in clint eastwoodian style).....NOW
Her: I have to teach the next batch.
Me: GIVE ME YOUR NO.

THE BAD

The head of the coaching center (A male of around 28 yrs age) came.
...Is there a problem?
Her: No...(she was kinda scared)
Me: No....Is X there? (trying to pretend as if I was waiting for X)
Him: No he's not here...He'll be here soon.
Me: (in the hope that I'll get the chance to take her no)...OK i'll wait for him

Chatted with him ( the head of the coaching center) for 20 mins....had a few smiles on both sides..

THE UGLY

I went outside the coaching center in the thoughts of waiting for her after her class.
I WAITED FOR FUCKING 2 HRS.
In the end, since it was dark and she came out with the head of coaching center.

Me: Lets have coffee now?
Her: Sorry

Her fucking boss came again: Is there a problem?
Me: No
...Is there an issue?
Me : No

And she went in his car....and I just stood there stupefied.

I know this for sure that she was in me at that time...and may be because of that motherfuckin boss that she said no...

THE LEARNING

I learned that:

If you wait for so long for a girl you just met,....you are sure to get rejected.
I should have been a man in the first place when she said yes and should have asked her no. even if her boss was there.After all, he was just the manager of the center and wasn't exactly her boss.

I still have a long way to learn how to tame the alpha male of the group
Any suggestions are welcome.

Ever since I learnt from his teachings from Blueprint, I developed a deep respect for his knowledge and the effort he put in for gathering a knowledge.
I got amazed that how could anyone think so deeply in pick up.
I don't know that I "got in his frame" so "everything he said made sense.".
I actually am quite analysing type of guy. So I learnt carefully....and I still am.

That Tyler looked towards Tim as a "Natural" and I think...wanted to be a natural like him.(Oops...)

Fast forwarding some years :

The Tyler in a new Avatar...I don't understand much of his teachings now...they seem too complicated now....might be because in blueprints I learned from the scratch and now these bits of lessons seem more for a trained or a higher level person in pick up and not for a beginner.

I don't know but now he looks to be trying desperately to be a Natural.

At one time he talks of Eckhart Tolle and at times his context seems quite opposite to the former.

Summarising my points, I see two glitches in this whole scenario ( there I am judging....)

1. I might not have been understanding his teachings now-a-days coz they might be for advanced guys
or
2.I get too distracted by his....I'm chilling....This shit rocks.......the earlier Tyler in blueprint looked real, grounded and much down to earth....and not like a person who's high on chilling ALL THE TIME in his videos.


By the way I am new to RSD and saw blueprints 2 months back so I found the teaching methods ...(and also teachings ) of the old and new Tyler quite different. They certainly seem to have gone more advanced but that's the case of my misery...I have a hard time understanding them....or rather applying them.

I just set myself a set of awesome targets:

Today is 24 Mar 2011 9:20 p.m. and i'll accomplish the following by 24 Apr 2011

1. TO BE ABLE TO RUN CONTINUOUSLY 2 ROUNDS AROUND THE BLOCK NON STOP IN 20 MINUTES.
2. read the power of now thoroughly in 1 month to have FEELINGS OF MORE PRESENCE AND A SENSE OF HAPPINESS.
3.20 DOCUMENTED APPROACHES.
4. READ NEWSPAPER 4 DAYS A WEEK COMPLETELY.(DOCUMENT THE DAYS OF READING)
5. FINISH: 30 DAYS TO A POWERFUL VOCAB TILL 24 APR
6. FINISH UNIT 1 OF GERMAN

I feel so pumped up now that I have a set of targets that I already feel happy. M gonna document my progress and success on it.

Its a small case of my sarging in a shopping mall: ( 23 Mar 2011 7 PM)

CASE 1 :
Girl : HB 8
She was accompanied with a girl HB 5

I was shopping with my guy pal when I saw her. Just like Tim says , I felt the "YES that's for me" in my heart.

The approach:  I was out of practise so I lingered around her trying to buy some things and mustered the courage finally to approach. I went to her and tapped on her shoulder( I think I did this a bit vigourously) (Tyler's technique).
I said:  Hi.I think you are cute.
Girl: Fine. But how dare you touch me?
I:  (totally out of state now and thinking of recouping somehow by ridiculing her and after half min. of awkward silence)......You are weird.[/b]
She left.

After that I still lingered around her trying to show myself in a happy state as if nothing happened.
[b]
CASE 2:
Girl : HB 7

Immediately just after my first blow-out and to keep myself in carefree momentum, I approached the girl who was nearby in a casual conversation by asking how to make a particular dish and teasing her on it. Then I frame the conversation to our living places. She was very responsive and smiled a lot. Did some casual conversation.
The good thing was that now my mind didn't care about the result after the blow out and so I had a nice conversation in which I laughed and teased her a bit but didn't ask any no. Now I feel I should have asked her no. but then I got scared.

CASE 3:
Girl: HB 7.5

She was a nerdy studious type looking girl. I also saw that she was with a man in the mall.

I was shitless but I didn't want to go home thinking "what if I atleast talked to her?" which pisses me more than the actual blow-outs.

I did a sissy act with her.
I said: Excuse me mam, please don't mind..but I think you are cute.

She gave a smile and then turned her face away so I think it was sarcastic.

Though I could have done a better approach but thinking about that approach would have taken the confidence away from me and also I was about to leave. So I thought a bad, shitty and a coward approach would be better than no approach.

Also I did the above 3 approached in 15 minutes.

I have always been a socially awkward guy. A guy whom the alpha male or the sub alpha males of the group always make fun of.
Right now I had another FUCKED UP dinner party with my colleagues and just like my childhood, I kept fuckin quite in the group. Its not that I am shy or shit but I am just afraid that somebody just make fun of me in front of others.
Its been a childhood issue with me.
Firstly in the group, I am always the fun and witty guy, but I guess I have a problem of "connecting" with people and at a later stage after 2-3 meetings, I find that almost everyone has made a friend with someone in the group with whom they laugh or make merry and I'm just left alone. Then I don't get the same response I got from the first meetings and in fact I feel even eccentric and obnoxious.
And what sucks that the girls in the group say to me that why I am so quite with all the boys which makes me feel like a more rejected kind of a person. What to say of her "that actually people don't even notice me here and in fact my being here makes them awkward".
I think that I have a lot of issues with the people around me and I actually don't like anyone and want to beat the shit out of them. It's a case of victim mentality where I feel that I have actually been the victim my whole fuckin life. I've been beaten in front of girls, made fun of in front of them, had gynaecomastia (so I was very socially consious of myself and hated my body). I was the joke butt due to this physical affliction in my group and even was made fun of this issue in front of all the girls in school. I have sucked at connecting with people because in some part of my sub-consious, I hate all the girls and the smart dudes. Now I have got plastic surgery for this affliction 3 years back and I'm in a better physical shape now.
What sucks is that I have seen that I can't even flirt properly and have seen girls flirt better than me. I'm just a "nice" guy who's filled with anger and self pity and who tries too hard to get the social validation. CURRENTLY MY LIFE HAS SUCKED SO FAR...BIG TIME