Yup, it’s that season, boys…. lovely weather… warm beaches… the boots are sliding off and the skirts and flower dresses are kicking in. Starting to see tanned legs everywhere. Really forgot how beautiful NYC gets during the summer, and soo looking forward to it.
Any busy area in any big city during the summer is prime-time and ripe for the picking. Central Park, 5th avenue, and Union Square in NYC on a good summer day are on par with some of the best nightclubs in town, no question – and no challenge whatsoever. Enjoy the summer and kick back…
So, before alll of these chode-y men’s magazines start to bombard you over and over and over again with promos on getting these summer honeys if and only if you whip yourself in shape, take those crazy pills, or do that specific workout routine - we here at RSD will tell you how to really clean up on a hot summer day.
Daygaming isn’t that different from operating at night. Different environment, energy, and situation, but SAME GAME. Remember that. If you’re pulling girls from clubs regularly at night now, but have never pulled when the sun is up, don’t fret – just keep at it in the first few days and you’ll hit your groove very quickly.
PACING and PLAYFUL RAPPORT are key in daytime. Let me explain…
In the first few seconds you need to pace the situation only because time and her attention span are limited depending on what she’s doing at the moment.
She’s lying down on the beach. She’s casually sitting down on a park bench people-watching or sitting inside a coffee shop. She’s shopping inside a store. She’s walking quickly with a group of friends and they’re on their way to the mall or some party. She’s sitting two seats away from you on the subway and she’s about to get off on the next stop. Or maybe she’s on her phone talking to her best friend….
All of these situations are approachable, regardless of whether she’s moving or not, regardless of whether she’s in a group or not, etc – what matters is how you disarm the initial few micro-seconds of her instincts kicking in thinking “hey what’s going on, this is weird, we’re strangers, strangers don’t randomly talk to each other like this outside of a bar/club/party setting”.
The way you handle this doesn’t have to do with what you say so much as how you open her and handle her instant reaction – being completely cool, relaxed, quick-witted, and playful. You could add in little softeners like “I was just on my way to the store, but….”, “I never do this, but….”, and false-time constraints (saying that you only have a few minutes because you need to get going soon, you don’t have much time, etc) – but not always necessary.
What’s important is that you open confidently and with authority and that you stop them before you start gaming them. If it’s a “moving set” (a girl or group of girls walking) then you’ll have to project loud, stop them, and then move in and start flirting with them once they’re stopped and hooked. If a girl(s) walking in the same direction as you just open her on your side and keep walking with her a bit and proceed as usual.
Ok. She’s walking by and you just opened her, she smiles and now she stops dead in her tracks, now what? The first few minutes as follows….
- Think out loud and make playful observations --- facial expressions, her clothes/appearance, what she’s shopping for, who/what she reminds you of or looks similar to, the friends that she’s with if any, etc. Avoid asking too many questions – in a resume-style format, instead make playful statements that assume things about her, regardless of whether they’re true or not.
- Find out what she’s up to at the moment --- not in a boring “sooo….. what are you doing?” way, but in a playful teasing way, make an observation of what she’s up to now. Also gives you a sense of how much time you have in the set too, since it’s daytime – for example, one of the first things I find out if I’m in set in the subway is which stop they’re gonna get off at.
- Tell her what you’re up to at the moment (shopping, on your way to xyz, etc), how your day is going, share a light story --- this comes off naturally, just telling her what you’re up to, and who you are.
Nothing ground-breaking here, guys. Again, same game – just with more of a focus on getting it hooked smoothly in the beginning, being relaxed and cool, and not thinking that it’s awkward in any way.
Assume the open and it’ll naturally follow. Getting in the right playful mindset is key because you need to break the ice and disarm her asap immediately after you open her; same goes with any set, but with daytime the first few minutes are more of a factor for her to feel comfortable to continue talking to you.
It also needs to come off spontaneous. You just saw her, she looks cute and there’s something interesting about her, and you approached. Her mind should be thinking “we just randomly met” and “it just clicked”.
Also, similar to how you should be moving girls around in set while at a club to build comfort/trust and keep her engaged, you should try to do the same thing with solid daygame sets. Walk with her on the sidewalk for a bit, explore that store together and drag her around, etc – and as it builds up and if there’s no time constraint for you/her don’t just stop there and ask for her number and leave. Try taking her to a coffee shop, bar/café, or a similar place nearby and then play it like a “Day 2” from that point on, all the way back to your place.
You’re out. You hit up the first set you see with a buddy. They don’t know you guys at all, but a couple of minutes pass and they love you guys and they are all over you. They’re asking you questions, she’s moving in closer, touching your chest, and keeps trying to get to know you. It was only 20min ago that she was standing aloof without a care for anyone else, but now she’s trying to win your approval, trying to figure out what you like/dislike, and trying to impress you. She’s itching to be part of your world and she’s changing herself in hopes of getting in.
Similar thing happens on a far bigger level…. it’s weird, but maybe lately you’ve been noticing that most of your buddies have been adopting your mannerisms. It’s always the little things. You started using a specific word, typing a certain way, wearing something different, walking a different way, or speaking in a slight accent – for no reason at all, just at a whim, but you notice that they follow.
This is your brand in full effect on auto-pilot. It’s your vision, your idea, the REAL YOU. People are trying to be a part of your world 24/7.
Very important concept to digest here and it will make you or break you. Ask yourself – what comes to mind when people in your social circle think of YOU? What’s going through a girl’s head a few minutes after you’ve approached her, what’s her impression of you, what’s your world like?
Branding isn’t about gay company mission statements and cheesy commercials. It’s about vision and core values. It’s the single message that you’re sending out to the world. I AM XYZ….
One of the biggest things you’re reminded of in marketing, psychology, NLP, hypnosis, list goes on… is that people could process a limited amount of information, both logically and emotionally, at any given time, and also that most people are ADD as fuck. Because of this as you think about what exactly your overall style/brand/message is and how you can improve it, need to realize that the more singular and unique it is the better.
That said though you should never “try” to be different for the sake of being different. Needs to come from a place of genuineness, not insecurity. Do something and be something because you love it at the moment and others will follow. This is also why this is often a process of self-discovery for many guys, because as your game, personality, and personal style strengthens you also become more aware of who you really are and what exactly that message is.
So, to cap off here….
RULE #1 – The strongest message *ALWAYS* wins.
RULE #2 – Your message is infectious. It’s VIRAL. Masssive domino effect.
RULE #3 – People want to be led and are always looking for new people, things, and trends to follow.
Final point… GAME = INFLUENCE = YOUR PERSONAL BRAND = LEADERSHIP
Yah, the term “pick-up artist” is prettty chode-y and def has a weird ring to it, but you know, thinking it over I actually like that it uses the word “artist” – but NOT thinking about it in the way that it’s typically thought about.
Your personal style, your wardrobe, your mannerisms, your lingo, your passions, interests, and hobbies – your presence, brand, message, and self-identity are all part of YOUR ART.
How many of you guys are going through your day smiling?
Even now, as you’re reading this article.
For me, smiling isn’t just something I do immediately whenever I talk to someone, it’s really a mental mode that I’m in 24/7. Even when you’re quiet or by yourself you should be smiling inside – a silent smile, if you will.
Smiling is powerful. It’s hard to say no to. And it’s one of the first things that I immediately correct in students; too often guys will be overly analytical, logical, and serious. Pickup, women, business, and every goal in life are viewed as something that should be conquered rather than being ENJOYED.
Our philosophy here at RSD has transformed dramatically over the past few years and it’s quite noticeable to me as a guy who was teaching two years ago, took a short break, and is now back with the crew. What I see as the fundamental transformation in our teaching style is that it’s now focused on BEING rather than TRYING. Old-school tactics and “The Game” doctrine are cool because they teach you how to assess social situations strategically, but taken to the extreme it never really pushes for that deep identity level change that’s noticeable on every level – it still comes from a place of insecurity, a place of need and negativity, a place without any real confidence.
It’s funny writing about this because I was there several years ago. I vividly remember that place when I was starting out, though it still seems miles and miles away from where I am now. Your heart gets broken, your ego gets crushed, and you have this unshakeable desire to get back at the world.
Common scenarios that we see here at RSD:
A) Guy gets rejected by women and has his heart broken >> B) Guy is miserable, questions his self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and hates women for not liking him >> C) Guy discovers “game” and sees it as the perfect way to take revenge on women >> D) Guy struggles at first, but eventually succeeds in getting a few dates >> E) Guy’s skills improve with time and his inner confidence starts to catch up with his external social skills >> F) Guy starts dating the women he always wanted and his inner game equilibrates with his “outer game” >> G) Guy loves women with a passion, makes the most out of every day, and wants to make a positive contribution to society and give back to the world
A) Guy’s professional life takes a blow, his business fails, or he suffers from financial distress >> B) Guy is miserable, questions his self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and is jealous of anyone who is more successful than he is >> C) Guy discovers books, mentors, and other resources that teach him how to be financially/professionally successful >> D) Guy struggles at first, but eventually starts making some moves with his life >> E) Guy starts making some money and starts feeling secure about his natural talents again >> F) Guy starts making millions, reaches the top of his industry through discipline and hard work, and starts appreciating the overall process >> G) Guy loves his profession/business and natural talents, makes the most out of every day, and wants to make a positive contribution to society and give back to the world
In both cases, most teaching methods (including “old-school game”) are heavily focused on phases A through D. Yes, this does get results – me and the older guys on the crew went through it – BUT what we realize now is that the whole process can be sped up much much faster. Don’t get me wrong – there is no substitute for discipline and hard work, and there never will be for any endeavor you put yourself through in life, but what can be tweaked is the mental headspace from which that effort is channeled from – and that makes a world of difference when you start out. You need to maintain that hardcore ambition while also being completely positive about yourself and everyone around you.
You can leap over most of the process and save yourself a lot of time by mentally assuming phase G right from the get-go – by assuming an “abundance mentality” – as they say in the movie Boiler Room: “ACT AS IF”. The reason this speeds up the whole process is because it doesn’t require your psychology to wait until there are tangible exterior results in order to get your inner confidence up to speed. When you live every day with an abundance mentality while training yourself hard in the field, your inner and outer game will be moving in synch and you’ll start getting results that much faster.
So, SMILE… every time you’re in set and every moment throughout the day. Yes, even NOW. Start right this minute.
Enjoy the process – regardless of where you are at the moment. Look at your life in the bigger picture, think long-term, and realize that it’s just one big story or movie – the tough times only add to the plotline and make it far more interesting.
Relax and smile. Have fun with women and have fun with work. ACT AS IF.
This isn’t discussed much here on the forums, because of our focus on gaming up girls with cold approaches, but it’s huge and should be focused on. Learning pick-up is awesome because it trains you to put yourself through intense self-development and you really improve your overall confidence in the process, but way too often guys in this community will just go out every single night and have no friends outside of dudes that they’ve met on this online community. Building up your social circle is important because it’s pretty much your lifestyle – it’s who you are and what you do 24/7, developing it alongside your game just turbocharges your self-identity that much faster.
Social circle game is a bit slower and more subtle than pick-up and cold-approaching, but it’s also complementary. If you’re already pulling regularly you should have no problem building social circle quickly in any new city that you move into – the same exact skills will help you from the start. And on the other hand, if you’re not confident meeting new people and approaching women – just baseline game – then you should work on that first – one of the reasons some guys in this community are anti-social circle is because they came from the lowest rung of their group of friends, a place of low confidence, and now they’re focused on improving themselves socially and getting themselves back up. But if you’ve been practicing pick-up for a while now, you need to start committing some time to penetrate some social circles that you’re interested in….
1. Build social capital and acclimate yourself to the scene
“Social capital” – it’s like currency, but for socializing, it’s anything that displays value indirectly without you really doing anything, it expresses your lifestyle to those around you. Examples include: your close group of friends, having lots of cute female friends, cool pictures on your Facebook/MySpace profile of you partying and hanging out, living in a cool area where there’s a lot going on, knowing people in the nightlife scene (promoters, club owners, etc.), travel stories, having a blog, having lots of pictures on your digital camera, knowing what’s happening in your city – cool parties and events, etc. You should always be building your social capital, and it’s really easy to do with pick-up. It’s part of your overall image and it adds massive value automatically. Tailor it to whatever scene you’re getting into.
2. Think of everyone you meet as a connector to meeting even more people
This is very basic and simple, but powerful – it’s what good salesmen and businessmen do, you never know who that person knows. Expand your social circle exponentially – get to meet two or three more people out of every one person that you just met. Decent-looking girls who are cool to hang out with usually have a few hot friends. This is why learning how to cold approach is awesome – because you could expand your social circle that much quicker.
3. Add value to everyone you meet – give them a good time and help them out
This is obvious, but what’s key is that you do this to maintain those relationships. It’s easy to just meet a ton of people, hang out with all of them and make friends with their friends, but that still doesn’t add to your circle unless you maintain them. You do that by inviting them to parties, giving them a good time whenever they’re around you, connecting them to other people that they’d be interested in meeting, and overall taking care of them – this is all done in a friendly “I’m the host” mentality. If you help people and take care of them, you’ll eventually get dividends from them – they’ll intro you to their hot friends, valuable business contacts, etc.
4. Be the connector, “the party guy” – the center of attention
In every social circle, there’s one guy who knows where all the parties are, what the plans are going to be this weekend, and who gets called from every girl about places to check out. You need to be that guy. That same guy is continually linking his friends with his other friends and then those friends with even more friends – he’s automatically social proofing himself with tons of people around him. He’s the connector.
If you’re throwing a party or organizing an event or any small hangout, don’t ever just invite one small group of friends – or just one group of girls. Invite multiple groups of people, hype them up to each other, and connect them.
Continually build options for yourself and work the room by leveraging different groups.
2008 is going to get marked down as one of the most notorious years in history – America’s first Black president got elected, the subprime crisis continued to shake the world economy, millions of people lost their jobs, and all this was topped off by the infamous scandals with Madoff and Blagojevich that were unraveled towards the end of the year. There’s no shortage of even more bad news today either. Unemployment figures just inched up to 7.2% and it’s very likely that this recession is going to carry forward over the next few years. People are worried and scared. The world is changing. It’s going through a massive global restructuring and everyone’s reality is getting fundamentally disrupted in one way or another. 2009 isn’t off to a pretty start…
But wait – why am I writing about this, especially here, on a forum dedicated to game and self-development? Why not start off my first article with some smooth tactics and grounded pick-up theory for you guys instead?
I would, and definitely will in the coming articles, but it just doesn’t happen to be on my mind right now at this very moment. It’s January 2009. It’s the start of a new year and there’s a lot of uncertainty now, given all that’s happened in the world recently.
Yet, I also can’t help but to see this in a bigger picture and relate it to everything that we’re discussing on this forum about self-development. It’s weird, but deep down inside I’m actually really excited. Despite so many people losing jobs, our economy getting crushed, and bad news headlines hitting us every day, I’m relishing all of this. I quit investment banking two months ago and now I’m launching an internet start-up and I’m back working with RSD, but I’ve never been this focused and thrilled before with my life. While everyone’s scared amidst all this chaos, I see nothing but golden opportunities lying ahead.
One of the things that I’ve been reading over and over again is that it’s not good times or bad times that make or break a person – or even a company – rather, it’s the strength and perseverance of that person or company that’s ultimately going to dictate whether it ends up surviving and being successful (http://www.paulgraham.com/badeconomy.html). You guys on this forum are testimony to this. If you’ve been hitting the field hard over the past several years, granted that you’ve went through strings of bad nights or even a dry spell here and there, you still held on and you’ve built up a skill-set that was well worth the time that you put into it.
Guys that get ahead in any endeavor in life think long-term. The guys that just dominate in whatever they put their mind to are frighteningly ambitious, and it’s a trait that I see in most of the instructors in our crew, as well as the students who tend to get awesome results. Whether it’s picking up women, accumulating wealth, getting in shape and looking good, or developing a positive outlook on life – ambition always wins.
How many of you guys really want to date models and tour some of the best parties in the world?
How many of you guys really want to be a multimillionaire?
How many of you guys really want to be in the best shape of your life and live every day to the fullest?
You only live once.
All of you are going to nod yes, but few of you will ever put in the work to get it. Fuck self-help. The difference between the guys that win and the guys that lose in the game of life is ultimately this raw ambition. It’s a drive that’s pushed humans forward since the beginning of time. It’s the killer instinct that you were naturally born with, but may have lost as you accepted society’s artificial rules and barriers.
The reason I’m relating all of this to business is because the guys that consistently get ahead in that “game” have all the right qualities necessary to do phenomenal in pick-up too. I see too many parallels between the guys who have excelled in both fields. Along with being ambitious, these guys are extremely self-reliant, persevering, and they have a strong sense of self. In business, you either win or you lose; there is no in-between – you either put out or you’re shut out. It’s Darwinian in the fullest sense. Nobody’s ever going to ever feel sorry for you if you fail. It’s your ultimate test as a man. You’re on your own and you will inevitably fuck up at several points along the way, but the only way you’ll get ahead is if you continually get back up and motivate yourself to keep on trucking. “Plowing” isn’t something you just do in set – it’s really something you do all throughout life.
Just say fuck it in 2009. A recession is looming and it’s a jungle out there, but you need to tap into that natural drive, relish the challenge, and smile back at the world. Tough times only strengthen the already-strong and weaken the already-weak – which one are you? This is a really exciting time to be living in and it’s going to be the biggest test of your strength and character. While everyone else is running around feeling dejected and confused, you’ll be eyeing new opportunities and making bold moves towards your goals.
Make your New Year’s Resolutions really count this year. The world is yours and there’s nothing stopping you. The resources are all here. All you have to do now is just go out and TAKE IT.