Redox's Blog

I've decided to make Sunday my FR and blogging time, just such perfect timing since the rampage of the weekend is still fresh in my mind.

Tons of lessons this weekend--and this entire Summer so far really--I'm so excited to write them. The first is the idea of acting through your own intentions and how that idea has fractured by hypothetical reality skull. What I've noticed since getting into game and just recently reading War of Art, Mastery, the 4 Hour Workweek (highly recommend), and talking to one of my good friends about self help is I now notice all the subtle behaviors my friends/family put off in order to keep me acting consitent to what my past behaviors were.

For example, last night before I wen't out to celebrate with my friends they were saying things like "don't go crazy" or "don't yell" things that are similiar. When I was hitting on a girl one of my friends said "your acting to crazy, even the DJ thinks your acting crazy" ect... I've noticed this kind of stuff happens alot when I go out with them--it's usually about half the time they think I'm this big pimp (when I get success) but the other half they think I'm retarded or weird (when I fail). I've noticed it has a stifling influence on me because I'm very reactive to them as I percieve them to be higher value (usually how most my friendships are) and put them on a pedestal. 

Now, at the time and even this morning I was getting really angry and started projecting all this negativity on them, thinking things like "these people arn't really my friends" ect... But, it's not really there fault. The real reason they react to me is 1) social conditioning 2) fear 3) I'm acting differently than when I usually am with them (generally, I'm very low on the totem pole in most of the groups I hang out with) and 4) my incongruence with most of the actions I'm taking (I'm in a beta-alpha transition phase).

This tends to fuck with my state, and I've noticed on the rare occasions I've gone out alone it's alot harder to hit state but it tends to be more consistant than when I go out with friends because although I am getting state from them they simply take it away sometimes by judging my actions, calling me crazy, being judgemental, ect... It sounds like I'm being a whiny little and I am but it's not really there fault it's just the reality of most social situations with people if what you do is outside there reality it confuses them and makes them react. Unfortuanatley, my friends realities don't always gel with mine and it ends up being frame battles which I usually lose because even though I'm smarter than them they have stronger realities.

The point being every time I act from my own intentions it sparks a reaction (usually negative) from them, which is designed to get me to stop ACTING and start REACTING to them (I would assume by going back to congruence by acting beta). As Pressfield says, rejection is how the tribe enforces rules and yes, the did actually threaten when we were going out that they might "leave me downtown" if I acted to crazy. Fucking notzies.

Ok ok, I'm not trying to be negative here just making observations--again, it's not there fault as most people percieve this pickup stuff as bizarre and out there. More than anything, it's an art that goes against social conditioning and they just don't know how to react most of the time. So, some things I need to learn from this weekend which are surprising because they don't really have anything to do with outer game (my outer game has been improving and has platued right now to the point where I can usually grind on a girl and get makeouts everytime I go out but my sticking point is the length of my sets are abyssmal--generally only a few minutes). 

In sum, I need to:

1) Act not react--choose my nights to go out, don't mix pickup time with friend time (multitasking=failure).

2) Act from my own intentions and let the chips fall where they may.

3) Be more of a leader--say no to my friends if they want me to do this or that, get them this or that, ect... Hard for me because I'm a very reactive person (I'm using "reactive" a bit differently than RSD uses it because I don't think it's always a negative thing to be reactive).

4) Don't let other people dictate my actions--including friends and family but also social conditioning. If they don't like my behavior, than they shouldn't hang out with me. That doesen't mean I shouldn't respect my old friends for who they are but simply don't go pimping with them if it's to far outside there reality.

5) Be more independant. I'm a naturally independant person but I end up depending on others more often than not. That leads to the low position on the totem pole in most of my groups--often I'm letting them decide what to do, following there lead. I've been a follower all my life but the shit needs to stop since I'm independant at my core.

Anyway, alot to think about while I gear up for next week. I'm gonna make a sweet game plan and follow it--fuck all this wingman/friends dependance I'm making it my goal this Summer to act from my own intentions and make new friends! 

Final thoughts are that I need to start doing my own thang, not depending so much on others for my state ect... Oh yeah, I turned 23 two days ago and as I look back at my life I notice all the things I've done just because others were doing them, being to afraid to strike life out on my own always depending on friends and family. Now that I'm 23 I need to man the fuck up and start working towards my goals. 
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