Psychopathic's Dating Blog

How to Beat Approach Anxiety

Video above: Me overcoming approach anxiety in a nightclub.

What is Approach Anxiety?

Why do the majority of men not get laid like rockstars?
Answer: They don't approach any / enough women in their daily lives.

The cause of this inaction is approach anxiety.

Approach anxiety is simply the fear felt when considering to approach an unknown woman. This fear can exist for a miriad of reasons. For instance:

- Presence of a potential boyfriend with and the potential threat of violence this brings.
- Lack of positive reference experiences when approaching strangers.
- Maintenance of your ego and not wanting to be rejected.

This fear often means you let your dream woman walk past you and out of your life forever. Unfortunately, you will never get rid of approach anxiety permanently. However, in this article I want to outline the mindset and techniques I use to swiftly overcome approach anxiety everyday. 

Mindset to Overcome Approach Anxiety

1. Potential benefits far outweigh potential risks

In the 21st Century, approach anxiety, when approaching women, is completely irrational. Women are not wild animals that are going to eat us and we are not savage cavemen who kill each other over women.

When I have a bit of approach anxiety I always think to myself: "What is the worst and best thing that can happen from the approach?" The worst thing that can happen is she tells me to F**k off and leave her alone. The best thing that can happen is I have sex with her and she becomes my girlfriend.

In my world, the potential of having sex with a beautiful girl far outweighs the slim chance that she tells me to F**k off. The fear of the approach is therefore irrational.

2. I am awesome and a woman's rejection is pathetic

I strongly believe that I am an awesome guy who gives value to the world. I do not care if a girl rejects me. It is her loss and there are 3 billion other women who could be interested in me. Do not take rejection to heart and never base your self worth on what strangers think of you.

3. Long Term Gain / Short Term Discomfort vs Short Term Comfort / Long Term Pain

Approaching beautiful women will take your outside of your comfort zone and sometimes causes short term discomfort. In my mind, it is better to have short term pain coupled with the long term gain of a stunning girlfriend.

Most guys settle for short term comfort of not approaching women and long term pain of no girlfriend / lack of sex. Do not be this guy!

This mindset will help overcome approach anxiety at a macro level and make it less of an issue. However, it is also useful to use techniques to help overcome approach anxiety when going out to meet women.


Techniques to Help Overcome Approach Anxiety

1. Be friends with detemined individuals who approach consistently

I always find approach anxiety diminishes if I am with like-minded people taking action. When you see your friend successfully approaching a woman, it tells your brain that it is safe to approach woman and the fear subsides.

2. Build positive reference experiences

Related to point one, it is important to build up positive reference experiences. If you approach women and nothing bad happens, your brain learns that approaching is safe. The more you do this, the less of an issue that approach anxiety becomes.

3. Reward yourself for making a certain number of approaches / taking action

It is important associate approaching women with pleasure. I will reward myself with a frozen yoghurt or listen to favourite music after successfully approaching women. One of my wings rewards himself with a good night's sleep by going home with a girl on a night out. If not, he has to sleep in the University library. 

4. Never associate approaching with pain

Tied to point three. Never associate approaching with pain. I have seen guys who will stay out in the rain trying to approach women. This just associates approaching women with a negative experience. This will harm you in the long term.

5. Approach women with sincere complement and walk away immediately

A very effective strategy, to make your first approaches as painless as possible, is to approach a woman and deliver a compliment without expectation. Try going up to a woman and say "I had come over and say you look amazing today". Then say "I have to go, have a great day" and then walk away. This removes the social pressure of having to continue the conversation and simply gives value. No woman would reject your for this.

6. Give money to a friend

Another technique is to give £10 / $20 note to a friend. Tell them they can keep it if you do not do 10 approaches. This fear of losing money will often push you past approach anxiety. If not, get your friend to threaten to rip up the note.

7. Build daily momentum

Unfortunately approach anxiety does not disappear when your approach one girl. It goes down everytime you approach a woman over the course of a day. However, it will always come back the next day. Daily momentum building is very important and you will become less nervous after 5-10 approaches.

8. Pickup is fun

Always remember that pickup is fun and the rewards can be amazing. Never treat it too seriously.



Hopefully this article will help you beat approach anxiety everyday and meet lots of beautiful women. Please comment below and follow my daily progress in my field reports.

Later guys.

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Respected Member

Join Date: 07/25/2011 | Posts: 924

the worst thing I think that exists at approaching is that shittests can put you into a self doubting mood which can be pretty panicking.

Your article is solid. I admire you man.
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Join Date: 01/13/2013 | Posts: 50

awesome article man, thanks.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 08/28/2012 | Posts: 907

Glad you guys like it.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 12/31/2012 | Posts: 286

tight tips
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Senior Member

Join Date: 02/14/2013 | Posts: 200

 Well said.  How do you get over the negtive thought loop of ruminating when you missed opening a set?
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