Peetterrr's Blog

 Aaand she's gone. Things sure change quickly. Last week she got accepted from reserve spot in a school 400 kilometers away. She's leaving today and moving there on 1st of September. No matter how I've had played this from the beginning this would have been the end result. Never had the circumstances to fuck me over like this before, there is nothing else to do than to accept it and move on.

I would be lying if I said this doesn't sting. But there is no growth without pain. It's not the kind of crushing pain I've felt in the past... it's the sort of pain that spurs you into action. Many things in my life are heading down the drain at the moment, due to the lack of work I'll be momentarily forced to move back at my folks in a month. Despite all that crap, I remain positive about the future. This is just a temporary setback and I'll leap back and higher than before trust me. 

The ending of this short lived relationship has given me an insight of the kind of man I am. It is not yet the man I want to be but I'm on the right road. For the first time ever I didn't ruin everything in the end by being a whining cunt. For the first time I feel that if and only if all the right cards fall there might be a second chance for us in the distant future. It is not something worth waiting for or to aim for but it is good to know I was able to leave a good memory and impression for her to remember me by. 

After some short self searching I've realized that for the first time in my life I'm free from all the chains holding me down. I have no oblications holding me down at my place and therefore I've taken the action to fulfill one of the dreams I've cherished for years. I've applied for a few jobs abroad. I feel the change of location and a fresh start would be perfect for my personal and professional development. 

Writing things down feels good for a change. It feels good to jot down the confusing mess of thoughs running through my mind. Also it helps reaching a conclusion and tying the loose ends in my mind. So expect a lot more confusing mess in the future. wink

ps. I believe it is appropriate to add a whiny song at the end of such a post. Don't know why but this is the style of music I've started to find really empowering in the last few months. Not the whining part but the kind of alternative rock stuff.  Enjoy! 
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