p90x's Blog

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Reality shock: a lot of people quit before they have succes with women, they give up

Here i am going to discuss a few supporting habits to help us be able to make it to some level of succes.  The road to social succes and succes with women can be a long one and sometimes hard. However you put it, its isnt that easy to get yourself in a social mood and also face closed people when cold approaching.  Certainly if up until that point you where someone who stayd a lot at home because of being introverted or more interested by doing stuff on your own.

Some of these have been discussed elsewhere on the left and the right.

here they are
1) be positive, do a positivity challenge (10 day or even better 30 days) take the time to condition yourself this habit: it helps your game, but more importantly it helps you to keep going on the right track.  If you encounter some difficulties you will be more likely to stay on track, you see more opportunities instead of obstacles

2) do some kind of sport, keeps your head clear and you will be less ill which in turn will help you being more consistent, some sports have the added benefit that they provide you with some feel-good molecules (endorfines) this helps keep your mood positive
being fit helps also to keep higher energy for a longer time and recuperate faster

3) have a supporting hobby: examples could be karaoke, acting, improvisation classes, public speaking, story telling,... these will help you have a balanced life while at the same time increase expressiveness which helps you in the game. Personnaly i am a member of toastmasters (public speaking) and do impro.  The first one seems to help me to stay in the moment, and helps a bit with creativity. Public speaking seems to help with enduring "social pressure", i am generally less intimidated by groups than other gamers. I also heard that people who do martial arts rock climbing or surfing do generally a better job at pick-up.  This is probably due to a number of reasons, you learn to stay "in the moment" and with martial arts you learn to live with discomfort as well.  Obviously pick something, try it out, and see if you can enjoy it (if you can not enjoy it, you will quit for sure in the long term).  If not try another one.

4) dont look television: gives you more time to develop yourself, makes you a more calm person, eliminates the superficial beliefs being put  daily into your head (that beauty, money and having stuff are the most important things in your life).  And it will be very difficult to achieve succes if you waste too much time in front of the tv.

5) visualization and/or meditation: some of the rsd crew meditate regularly, it will make you a more centered and focused person
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"Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind.
Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must
Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines." Lateralus - TOOL

Here are my tips and experiences for going out solo.  Some of them i have take from others, but there is not much written on this topic, so i m going to recapitulate.

1) Know where you are going. Know exactly what club or bar you are going to and what time you are going to show up.  You have to make this decision up front, so that you dont have the option to sabotage yourself.  choose a bar where there will be always some beautiful girls to talk to.  Go out, regardless if you feel like it or not. You are conditioning a habit of doing things.

2) Go out early. I think this is important if you go out solo.  This helps because the venue will be less intimidating and it will give time to warm up.  This is a very important point!

3) Talke to anyone in the vinicity
STAGE 1: talkative mode

Usually there are a few people in the bar that are glad you talk to them if you are relaxed and cool. It helps you get in conversation mode and gets you more social.  You also get used to talk to a wider range of people. Talk a bit with the waitress/barman, this is easier now because they have actually some time now.  (tip: take note of names of personnel and people you talk to, can give you a little bit of social proof next time you go out) It happens that i get a free drink from the house, because they like the fact that there is some animation and not a few people sitting at the bar staring at the wall or worse outside.  Sometimes people i met in the bar invite me to go to the club afterwards.

4) transition to the girls
STAGE 2: fun mode
Ideally you should already had some fun with the people in the bar (if this is difficult, learn a few jokes to loosen things up). Usually there will be some girls arriving.  Most people are sheep so in half an hour the bar will fill up.  You have now warmed up and talked.  It is far easier to talk to others in the bar and the girls havent been approached yet.  There are opportunities now: 2 sets, a girl alone, 3 sets with a man.  Dont set the bar to heigh.  Remember you can open with anything. Set you brain on zero and go talk to the girl(s).  Try to inject more energy by playing games, fool around, get the girls laughing, amuse yourself (example: fuck mary kill-game)  

5) going out alone is an adventure
You can have this mindset.  It is important to enjoy the experience.  You get to socialize, meet new people, going out is always an adventure anyway (for us cold approachers), but it is even more if you go out alone because you have more freedom.

6) be creative
Get yourself to look at things in a positive way. You can do whatever you want. There are numerous options, train yourself to be open to them. Believe it or not, going out alone has its advantages too. Approach girls on the street when you venue change, shout happy birthday! If you need a wing, there are always other people sometimes you can get to recruit them as your wing. (Sometimes there will be some dude alone, talk to him, transition the topic to girls and ask his name and ask him if he want to talk to girls, then take the lead)
If they wont let you in in a club turn around and get some girls to accompany you. 

7) dont masturbate the day you go out

This will give you a little bit of edgyness.  There will actually be some hormones crossing through your blood.  You will naturally push yourself further.

8) keep your head clear before you go out
I dont read, see or think about pick-up at least an hour before i go out (otherwise i start overanalyzing, like i am going to perform, gets me in the wrong headspace) .  I stay in the moment. I just think in the now. Drive to x. Park my car. Go to bar y. See group, ask something i am curious about, ...my thoughts are simple

9) after the night out focus and reflect on the good things you did
There are always a lot of points you did good, focus on them, take time to give them some attention
You talked to other people? very good
you tried something new? good
Have you learned a few names? yes
Get to now the personnel? excellent
You had some fun? excellent
Had a good voice projection? booming shades
How was your body language? Relaxed, laid back, getting close to the girl for kino
Approached a 6 set? yeah!
You did a make-out? great


The things you didnt like will be in the back of your mind.  It is important that you have an idea what a good pick-up looks like. Go out without someone who is stellar with girls, take a bootcamp, do whatever it takes to get that image in your mind.  Dont get your ego involved and get an identity out of it, be cool, this is a part of your lifestyle. You are just a guy, be it a more potent, skilled, more attractive, fun version of yourself.  Some of the things you learned on the forum, through pickup material, or from other "players" will stick.  See what resonates with you and let it sip in.  It will slowly become a part of the fabric of who you are, together with the things you learned from experience and being creative.

10) have clear objectives
Start out modestly, remember you are training yourself to go out alone and have fun.  The vast majority of people cannot do that (besides getting really drunk confused), so this is something you have to learn.  You are maybe already pushing your comfort zone by going out alone.  Include a number of approaches you want to do (set it low and then when you are confident that you hit that number with ease, set the bar heigher.  Use the principle of CANI, constant and never ending improvement, see Anthony Robbins)

* Going out alone will teach you to be the leader of your life, to make things happen. Its harder in the beginning, but it will pay of in increased confidence and social skills.

This is a resume of my experiences so far, i will ad to it if i have something note worthy, feel free to comment or add a tip idea

Rock on,
p90x aka 4tops
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