10 Things I learned from "Night Crawler" 1. Psychopathic behaviour brings about results. And by that I mean one track mind on a goal. Most people say they want something but few are able to focus and stay the course. I believe that the main character, though psychopathic, brings something that is overlooked to the table. He is motivated, focused and relentless. Though I find him funny in dark way of sorts, he reveals a certain vulnerability that is enchanting. He is willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, sometimes it means humbling yourself to suck some butt to get things done. His humility, though sick, it is admirable. Totally required for success, being able to be humble and recognize when you need others to succeed and you can't make it on your own. The main character, though psycho, is inspiring. 2. Not be afraid of confrontation. Fighting others can be real growing up stage. Don't be afraid to push for what you want. It is a test. Success is testing you to see if you can afford to confront others and get through. In the movie, he confronts people as sees them as stepping stones in his success. Personally I would take that with a pinch of salt but you don't want to be afraid to when it comes to approaching people to get your goals. I would not encourage to look at people like objects like the character does though. But I do believe you want the company of like minded individuals you can draw from a inspiration for you goals. You can feed off each other. Most guys hang around a crew that doesn't support their goals. Get to the people that can get things done for you and when you are there, not be afraid of confrontation. 3. Welcome the challenge. Imagine you want to succeed but want to stay in comfort zone. Is that a contradiction or what? Actually the fear coming from the challenge is the juice that will feed your success. Fear tells you you are on the path to success. The main character is fearless because psychos don't see danger, they are reckless. He almost kills himself by driving like a maniac. Again, take that one with a pinch of salt. You need to speed up the challenge ladder. We need some recklessness. We need some chaos. It is the way life is telling you you are on the road to success. Unless you are being challenged you won't succeed. 4. Be deliberately ignorant of the people and society. Again, this killer in the movie crosses boundaries all the time and gets shit done. Somehow you need to do that. Most of these boundaries you have are self made. For example, guys tell themselves "I won't approach couples but I would not want to steal the guys girlfriend". Being the good Samaritan here. It doesn't work that way. Most "couples" are not together. Even couples making out are not boyfriend and girlfriend. They are just random people that just met in the club. But you need to cross that internal limit you set for yourself. Be ignorant of the "rules". 5. No social life. It is overrated. If you want to succeed big some things must die. You can get them back up to life again once you achieved but you must stay in the flow. To do that, you must let go of certain things until your ultimate goal is accomplished. You can see in the movie how single minded he is as psycho and why he is able to catch the best footage out there. Everything else dies when he is in pursuit of his goal. That's why he is the first man through the door. Others come second to him. He doesn't have a life. Having a life is over rated. Sad truth is that highly successful people don't have a life. Again some things must die. You need to throw your mom under a bus to get your goals you must do it, so to speak. You need to be fierce because other's demise is your salvation. I am joking, maybe. When I started out in the game, I lost all my friends. I was too busy going out. I realize in hindsight, I kind of outgrew their friendship. They were not motivated to succeed. My best friends today we have met in the field. Cold approaching is so hard that very few survive. Those that survive are quality people. You can't survive the amount of rejections you get out there if you are not on the path to personal growth. ...... (to be continued....in Part II next week) Relationship Advice: Christmas Shopping for Your Girlfriend If you think giving her good sex will keep her around forever, better think again. Women pay attention to how you behave in major anniversaries. That's why Valentine's day, New Years Eve and so forth become relationship "barometers". Women measure where they are in the relationship. If you are in a long term relationship, and you want to keep it that way, you want to pay attention when they are paying attention. As we have discussed before women want to see if you "care". Men tend to relax in relationship and take it for granted. Women hate that. Again, don't become a girlfriend "pleaser" because that behaviour is punished too. Find that fine line. What to buy on Christmas ? Can't go wrong with handbags. women spend top dollar on handbags and can't get enough of them. My ex bought once a 800 gbp hand bag made with snakeskin and all kinds of accessories. When asked why? She claimed she felt down that day and needed boost in morale. That's it. No logical reason to drop that much cash. It was her money anyway and I didn't care at the time. But you want to "care". Pay attention. See what kind of handbags she has. Does she have the ones that sling or does she have a clutch? This information is important. Warning: If you are told what to buy her, stick with that. Once I was told about a perfume she liked. It was her "hint" to buy her that on valentine's day. Go with that and don't risk anything else. Remember that you have no clue about what women want. Why? Because you are a man. Back to the bags. Most women won't sling their bags on a night out. They want to look classy and carry something lighter like a clutch. You can get a clutch bag on the internet for as little as 25 pounds. However, you don't want to go on the cheap on this one. A top brand bag will set you back a couple of hundred dollars at least. Don't cheap out. This is an investment, not a buy. You are investing in the relationship. That's how they see it anyway. Look, like most guys who don't have money for diamonds, you need to be smart. Colours are important in handbags. Too colourful reeks of cheapness and lack of taste. When it comes to hand bags, women prefer aside from classic black, colours that seem understated. Mushroom, black and other type of understated colours might make a girl happy and you into a "classy" guy. She will show it off to her friends. Her friends being key here. Her friends tell her how "good a boyfriend" she has and how grateful she should be. Never underestimate her friends as her sole source of relationship advice and support. They are more important than the girl. Again this applies to girlfriends which you intend to keep, not other type of arrangements.
Anyway, I am out. Glad to be back in the article rotation.
Hey Guys, Since my intense travelling has stopped, I have had time to dig into my many hours of free tour videos. I love digging and finding things that are important for guys out there. I have included relationship advice on this one as a bonus.
Low energy and Cold Approaching Found many guys with this issue in the field so I decided to write about it. Some struggle with what they call "state" which is nothing but high positive energy levels. If they lack it they try to put themselves in it by talking themselves into it or getting girls to like them so they can feel better. After working with many guys in this situation I have realized at times there is a part missing they are not seeing. Good clean positive vibes sometimes cannot be manufactured at will and here is why. Testosterone. What is it? Otherwise called androgen, testosterone is the "male" hormone. Women don't produce enough of it, that's why Michael Jackson got rid of it(sorry, bad joke). It is naturally produced by the body in the testicles. Just like other stuff in your body, there is a normal level of it for you to properly function and lift the grocery bag in the supermarket. Both your brains and your testes work in conjunction to keep levels kosher in your body so you can get on with your daily efforts and routines. Other functions, include production of sperm, recuperation of muscle mass among other things. When are you going to talk about Picking Up girls in this article? Testosterone is described as "fuel" for men. Men thrive on it. It boosts our mood and mental capacity. Testosterone levels go down when you are under duress for long periods of time such as when you approach women. Most guys experience pickup as a highly stressful activity. Most of their energy is burned in trying to control symptoms of fear, rationalizing, trying not to think about their fears, predicting catastrophic scenarios. Most guys burn their energy in the field by trying to curve their symptoms and keep them in check. In other words, that's where their energy, otherwise used for talking with girls, goes. As a result they find themselves lacking it and impossible to get into a good talking positive mood. Mood Swings and Testosterone Lack of proper testosterone levels produce mood swings otherwise called "bad state" or bad state of mind in the community. They are not all related to testosterone levels but there are some. When you are doing something stressful like approaching if it feels stressful to you, then you will experience loss of testosterone on account of the high stress levels. Then, low energy levels come and you can't recuperate from the challenges that cold approaching people in the a night club required. I have seen guys in my program go from really "high" emotionally to absolutely crash mentally to the point that they have to sit down for a while. The mood swings are common when the testosterone is going down and it is attributed to "bad game" or whatever. Most of the time, it is a lack of energy that causes these monster swings. I have seen guys get high when a hot girl likes to crash completely when another one dislikes them. Then they start "chasing highs" in the field trying to make up for the losses and it goes downhill from there. As a coach, when I see a student chasing a "high" in the field I know it precludes a crash. It is just a matter of time. But what causes the student to chase the high? Sometimes he is too stressed out about results, outcome dependence, at other times, it is the student trying to change a "low" state, in other words, "low energy" state caused by lack of testosterone levels. High Testosterone Before you go out there and shoot some steroids, let me tell you about high testosterone levels. There are a lot of myths about it. Actually shooting steroids reduces your natural T production. Reason why body builder types have small testicles because they substitute their natural production with the injections. Don't do it. (and stay off drugs! Bad joke again). Again, there is no such a thing as high T levels. You can't have enough of it. In other words, the more the better. More male energy to apply to any activity. High testosterone levels are rare in males. It is hard to come by in big numbers. How Can You Improve It So You Have Sustainable Levels In The Field? Dieting is one way to go. A high protein diet naturally improve T production. That is why a body building diet can work for you. New diets like Paleo are coming up that use other methods to increase energy such as fat. Either way you might want to do a little digging and work out a diet that suits you. Cut out the sugar. Eating fructose and other unhealthy fats may cut your natural flow of testosterone. Time to get on those "sweet and low" or other sugar substitutes. Personally I use a sweetener with almost zero calories, coming from sugars naturally appearing in nature. I never use refined sugar for anything. Sugar causes insulin levels to fluctuate and therefore cause energy levels to go up and down creating loss in energy. Lift weights! Simple solution to a complex problem. We always recommend getting into some kind of lifting program when you approach women. Not only you will look better, you will feel better. You will have the required levels of energy for cold approaching women. They will feel it too. Win win. Relationship Advice(How Make her Miss you?) Women love to miss you. For them it means they are in love otherwise they wouldn't miss you. Women need to feel that deep sense of connection otherwise they feel they must move on or have "the talk" with you that something is wrong. Even though they only thing that may be wrong is the fact that they don't miss you enough. Here is the breakdown: How to make her miss you? 1. Don't be needy or appear needy. Women hate that. Needing them too much is a sign you are not "the man". You are just a child, a kid. Women love men but hate looking after a boy. Women expect you to have your shit together. When you don't they start doubting their choice of committing to you. I have a client who has taken 3 or 4 bootcamps in the last 3 years. His wife sends him to BC because she feels every time he comes through a bootcamp, he comes home full of energy and a better man. Go figure! 2. Be a bit of an asshole to her! Just kidding. Be a tease. Don't agree with everything she says. Make her work for your approval. First words out of my mouth is usually "No". Women have to work hard to get that "yes" from me. They love a guy with an opinion. They hate the opposite, the woman "yes" man. So when you are not around she is missing "something". What she is missing is all the hard work she has to do to get your approval. 3. Be in demand! This one goes without saying. Get her to see that you are fine around other women. Her friends can work for you in this instance. Be a charmer around her girlfriends. Soon her friends will love to be around you which will cause her not to take you for granted. I made a mistake with a girlfriend once: I made her friends hate me because I thought they were gold diggers, not very hot in the first place (in the field I was approaching really hot girls and her friends didn't cut it for me). Not only she didn't like it, her friends hated me and they cause her to try and break up with me. In retrospect, I should have played that differently. 3. Make Her Want Sex By Not Cheapening It! Most guys take it wherever they can get it from their girlfriends. This is really bad. Sooner rather than later she would stop wanting it. Sex is not just sex for a woman. It is an experience. Guys want to have sex to relief themselves (that's why they masturbate) but women use sex for connection. If you give her too much of it in any occasion you cheapen it and she won't want it. Make her want it by not giving to her on the cheap. In other words don't be a slut! Make her work for it. I would often make her horny and then not give it to her unless she had been a good girl for a while. I gave her sex to reinforce positive behaviour not for my own personal gratification. Women feel cheap when you do that all the time. They feel you don't want them anymore except to relieve yourself. Women attach meaning to sex but most men won't or don't. We are different that way. So get with the program. Make her miss you sexually too. When I am in a relationship, I hold off on sex until I really want to. I also try to cheapen it because soon I will stop wanting it too. I make myself "miss her" too. I know that it doesnt make a lot of sense but it does to me. By missing her, my performance is better when I let her have it because it feels like something I want to do too.
Hey Guys, Since my intense travelling has stopped, I have had time to start writing again. Something I used to enjoy doing and finally I can do it again. So you will be seeing more articles and new sections coming up. I intend to start writing again about relationship advice. So far it has been an intense year and I have thrived under the stress of free tours, bootcamps and travelling every week. Time to chill now and write and cut videos and write quality articles. So here we go. I will be next:
Success can be sometimes defined as sustained effort for long periods of time. Giving up is always a temptation. Retracing your steps and going home can rank high when it comes to succeed. In sports they describe it as playing through pain. In other areas it is almost a stereotype that you must suffer to get the reward. But how much of that is true or fiction? Simply palaver that gets repeated to death and it doesn't mean anything anymore. Some people seem to "skate" into success. It looks as though success suits them like a garment. All they touch turns to gold. Indeed. I have had students like that. Success seems to suit them. They roll up to girls and get make outs with ease like it is nothing. How much of that is hard work and how much is genetic?
Back to the Marshmallow Test In certain tribes in east asia and the pacific, some western type of behaviours are considered a form of insanity. Some of our "culturally accepted" behaviours in the west are viewed as reckless, without self control and conducive to death. For example, our inability to be calm and become restless when there are small delays in our train/bus/plane. In those "uncivilized" tribes our restlessness is seen as a form of dementia. Those tribes depend on nature to survive and they cultivate patience from an early age. It comes with the culture and is taught by the elders. There is this program on the BBC where they insert a British house wife in an african village and nine out of ten housewives can't survive two weeks there without a nervous breakdown. They cry, can't sleep, isolate, fight with the tribe members and they end up going home. They cant stand two weeks without distractions or the excitement of the western world. Fun to watch how strange they seem to the local villagers. They don't understand why the european house wives can't stop crying. They are stunned. What does it have to do with delayed gratification you might ask? Everything. We chase highs all the time. In the westernized world we are addicts to excitement, entertainment, distractions of any kind. That's why most diets fail. Because people can't cope with the drudgery of healthy regular food, they miss too much the excitement in the form of sugar, flavours and various chemicals found in junk food.
Family Structure When they analyze kids who responded well to the marshmallow test they found interesting data. Most kids with broken family structures, commonly no father figure, failed the test, while the overwhelming majority of kids who effectively delayed gratification came from two parent homes. Not only that, later on in life those same kids, when their brain was examined, they found less activity in areas of the brain related to addiction to substances. In other words, they found a lot of "healthy" brain activity while the opposite was true for the group that failed the test. Something interesting they found in the socio economic groups. Money had nothing to do with it. Those kids delaying gratification came from poor families too. As it happens being economically deprived had nothing to do with it. Very young kids apparently are not self aware of their position in society or whether mom drives a ferrari or a scooter. They simply don't care.
Delaying Gratification and Skill Building So if you take an adult with the positive above characteristics and put him through a skill building process, what do you think will happen? Do you think he will give up at the first sign of trouble or will he follow through? Most likely he will stick around the time necessary to build the skill because he won't be chasing highs. He can be one of those people that seems to excel at whatever they try. Are they superior beings? No, they arent. Whatever is working for them you can learn. We can re-educate our brain to respond in a certain way to stimuli. It is not easy but it is not impossible either.
Small Victories I train my students to look for the small victories. I educate them to stay away from chasing big battles out there or instant success. You must look for the little tiny nuggets of gold in your performance and focus on them, no matter how small. You tend to brush everything aside as bad when things go wrong in the field. But do you consider the complexity of the group you approach, the level of difficulty of your approach and so on? You need to pay attention and look for whatever is salvable. Does that mean you are duping yourself into believing you are good when you suck? Certainly not. Big victories in the pickup game are few and far between. Chasing those emotional highs can be detrimental to your performance. Pretty soon you will become needy because they don't happen often. You will "need" to be rewarded with the marshmallow. Things will start look down from there on.
What If You Do Get The Marshmallow Let's say you get to taste the sweet victory. For many, those unable to delay gratification, it will taste sweet, so much so they will want it to last forever. Unfortunately, emotional states don't last. Nothing is forever than they will find themselves chasing that sweet high again, painfully finding the field can not deliver those consistently. You will become resentful and pretty soon it will affect your performance and the women you talk to.
Dealing With Negative Emotions You could say the ability to deal with negative emotions is the reverse of the marshmallow test. Most students of cold approaching find themselves caught up between running away from bad emotions (rejection) and chasing highs (girl's validation). Most successful guys in this game are those who can effectively master negative emotions without affecting them and stay away from chasing emotional highs (female validation). In other words they don't take anything too seriously because they are not trying to "fix" themselves with emotional highs (marshmallow). They can delay that gratification if at all and not chase it. There isn't that much value attached to it. Those are those very guys you see they seem to "skate" to success. Nothing stops them.