Here is my schedule for the first quarter of 2012, Europe. I will be hitting some big European Cities with Nick’s Hot Seat. Check it out. I haven’t travelled in Europe in years because I decided to make London my home base and build the UK market. I already did. So, time to spread the love. All my Bootcamps now feature Fear Technology as taught in London for those who have asked me whether I run the same type of program on the road. Yes, I do.

Flat Schedule

February 17-19: Barcelona, Spain

March 15-17: Amsterdam, Netherlands (Thursday-Saturday; Nick doing hotseat)

March 22-24: Munich, Germany (Thursday-Saturday; Nick doing hotseat)

April 19-21: London (Thursday-Saturday; Nick doing hotseat)

April 26-28: Copenhagen, Denmark (Thursday-Saturday; Nick doing hotseat)

(This article is a composite of 3 or 4 articles I wrote on this topic for my blog. Since very few people read them -blog stinks, dismal readership and now it is down and I can’t repair it myself, nor do I get any help from our Tech Department. But this won’t stop me. Word. It is very dope! Yo!* Attempted humour, trying to see if I can get them to repair my blog by being “from the street” and therefore cool -, any who, I have decided to condense the message of many articles into one and add a few new things that have come up since. Enjoy.)

Getting Rejected



Most times is about an idea, a belief or a perception you are unworthy of a beautiful girl or even choice in the dating realm. You must be content with whatever you get. The idea that “no girl would be interested in a guy like me” has far reaching consequences for those guys who try to change this area of their lives.

If you come to the conclusion that you are unworthy for an attractive woman, then, you can only assume that a woman will reach that conclusion too. Women will find you unattractive and unworthy of their love and affection. Thus, you will find women incapable of meeting your needs for love and affection. You can’t rely on them.

As a result of rejecting yourself, you concede that others will do it too. Guys get angry. You become the victim. When you step into a crowded venue and you fail to walk up to girls and start an interaction you blame it on the venue’s loud music, crazy energy or unpredictable women. You become angry at the world as you embrace rejection as a natural conclusion of your unworthiness.

You Must Change the Odds, or Not



So, if you are lacking as you are, you must add something. But what?

First thing average guys think of is money or status. Either I make a million or I get a top job. But what are the chances for that if you are under 30 or even under 40? Unless you were part of the Silicon Valley dot-com generation who dug gold there, you won’t be rich at 23. So guys despair and give up. I can’t get a girl because I won’t be rich any time soon.

Though the possibilities of making a million before 30 are there, the reality is that males come into wealth later on in their lives. But it is discouraging to think that you can only get choice in your dating life when you will be too old to really enjoy it. To add insult to injury, what if girls only want me for my money? Oops! In their quest from rag to riches most guys forget a basic truth: once you become rich, most people who come to you do it because they want a piece of the pie, and it includes women too.

But “I am not good at this”, “I am a defective item”, “I am unworthy”, “I am not good enough”

How can you give yourself “inner permission” when you feel unworthy of good things? Simply, you can’t. Not only that, when you feel “flawed” you feel like nobody ever is going to give you what you want. If you look at this issue with a magnifying glass, you will see that it affects other areas of your life, not only dating. At work, you fail to ask for the raise that you deserve. At family reunions, you try not to rock the boat by speaking your mind. With your friends, you probably never ask for too many favours in order not to make them uncomfortable. You remain needless and wantless. You get used to misery.

You Must Go Out There and Do Stuff or, Do you?



So you decide to change your make your life “better”. You go to the gym, diet, travel or study self help in an attempt to change yourself. Furthermore, when you meet women, you force yourself to stay positive and try and explain to them how much of an exciting person you are in the hope this would stir their interest in you.

However, because you haven’t changed your core, you haven’t substituted yet your scarcity mentality for the abundant one; you still fail to get attraction from women you like. Even though you are seriously working on yourself, at the end of the day, you are not working on the root cause of the problem: your feelings of unworthiness. You are still afraid if they knew the real you, without the gym, the diet, the travelling, the self help you will be rejected. You are still in fear. You are yet to overcome your last hurdle: present your authentic self to others and let them judge you. However, most guys in the dating world never grow so much as individuals to get to this point. They already have some success dating and they feel don’t need to go deeper into core issues. But, down the line, they find themselves struggling with the same issues. It is like a wound that keeps bleeding.

Asking for what you want is key

If you want to defeat those feelings of unworthiness, you must learn to ask for what you want from a woman and allow room for her to say no. But you must take the risk.

If you want beautiful girls, you must walk up to them and start an interaction. In doing this some will want to hang out with you and others won’t. However, in the process you will teach yourself you are worthy of those girls. At least more than the next guy who hangs by the bar. If you keep at it you will end up dating some of those girls if you have the courage to ask. Ask for what you want. Then allow them to say “no” if they must. Keep reminding yourself it is none of your business how they respond to you. But it is your business to ask for what you want.

{“Remember that transcendence is a conscious process. You do those things that feel unnatural to you, even dangerous. You befriend your fears. And remember that you get to the other side through conscious repetition. You go through the motions over and over until you are comfortable doing the unnatural, the unscripted, and the impossible. You transform.” Quote from another article of mine}

For some guys, because they are confident the effect of this lives on, for others, the ones that are only bold, the effect wears off and they find themselves back in chode land in a couple of days if they don’t do the inner work required for being confident.

Confidence means something different. You don’t depend on lines anymore or moves. You know who you are and you don’t need a shield to hide behind. You approach women from a sense of being deserving of it. From the inner core.