Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
Most guys you get on BC come under the impression that the instructor is going to teach them the ropes to impress women. Wrong.

One of the things that needs to go away is the drive to impress people- and subbed it with being comfortable being yourself.

I was the other day talking to a girl in my regular salsa club. I go there on Wednesdays and dance all night. I meet plenty of girls and dance with them. Sometimes I strike conversations if I am not practicing and it is usually and undoubtedly when I do my best. I am in a dancing mood, in a good mood and girls finish dancing and strike a conversation with me and start asking where I am from etc...

Funny thing is that for me those are not pick up nights. Those are my dancing nights. However I seem to do better when I am not thinking pick up. Women can’t get enough. They hover around, wait around for me to dance with them, then talk to them. Needless to say, after a year of regular salsa dancing I am in the top 10 percent of the salsa dancers in any salsa club. But that’s not the point. I seem to be in my element there and so the girls chill around me. I am being my chill self.

“I must go and pick her up now” mindset.

This type of mindset generates all kinds of problems. The first and by far the most dangerous of all is that guys think they have to approach and impress. I usually get this mindset from guys who have been in the game for a while even gotten laid regularly, etc...They stick to what works and I can understand that. Let’s say they got plenty of kiss closes with a line they will use it to death. They refuse to go for it without the line. They are hooked to that line. They don’t think they can get a make out any other way.

It surprises them when they get 2 or 3 make outs with just “going for it”. Funny thing is that when they do that they never go back to the lines. They don’t feel they need a line anymore.

This applies to openers and conversation starters. Most guys cannot believe they can open with their honest opinion on fried chicken. When they see they can do it, they pretty much drop everything else.
Brilliance of statements. Learn how being bold can change the way you interact with women

Be assertive.



Our society is build around the idea of compliance, read “follow”, don’t lead. Because instead of order, we would have chaos.



But not following your inner impulses can be death in a club when you face girls.

Instead of asking, take; instead of questioning, affirm. Let’s say I want to ask “where are you from?”, instead I use “let me guess, you are....” that’s just a tiny example. For the most part I don’t want to ask a whole lot of questions, especially at the beginning of an interaction. Use lots of “I want...” “I think...” “I believe” sentences. I force my students to start conversations with statements. I try to make them more assertive from the get go.

Being assertive communicates you are comfortable being yourself around people. It is also a way of reaffirming yourself.



Lose a few, win a few.

Bold statements drill is an exercise designed to fulfil the purpose of being yourself and saying whatever you feel like saying around girls. I ask guys to tell me what they really would like to say to a girl about a particular subject. I ask them to turn the sensors off and tell me how they feel about for example “women shoes”.

I, of course, tell guys bad language and insults are out of limits just to be safe. I want them to be honest. I one time had this guy telling me “women shoes are very confusing to me”. We approached girls that night by saying “women shoes are confusing to me”. He opened groups successfully all night with that.

It was just an exercise for my students to get bolder and honest around women. I also instruct them to stop talking after they say their bold statements and wait for women to fill in the gaps. Most guys struggle to fill in the gaps of a conversation with girls. In my case, I want to say my bold statement, something I really feel like saying and let them talk.

It is very counter intuitive because most guys find it hard to stop talking after they say something bold. They feel they must “explain themselves”, more like “apologise themselves” for having a spine. I force them to shut up and listen to the girls. It works. This single exercise here is responsible for most epiphanies on day 1 on my live program. Guys cannot believe what just happened. They expressed themselves honestly around a girl and the girl loved it.

Reality check: women hate the “interview”. Instead make a lot of statements. A good way to go about it is to say something bold and let them fill in the gaps. Never ask girls questions before they do. Avoid the interview style.
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Comments

#1
Deft

Deft

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Join Date: 06/16/2008 | Posts: 2040

What I found interesting about your article is the fact at least from my personal experience that when I loose the picking up mindset I do far better I just share and have a good time.
Thanks.
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#2
Nimbus

Nimbus

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Join Date: 12/02/2007 | Posts: 800

I'm gonna try the magical bold statement vacuum thing wooooooooooooooo
new rsdnation wooooooooooooooooooooo
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#3
Daniel

Daniel

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Join Date: 10/10/2008 | Posts: 1945

Fucking sick post.

Is there something wrong with the few people I know who always HAVE to showoff and impress?
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#4
Mizu

Mizu

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Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 542

 Umm, is there like a limit to the honesty you can have? Like should I walk up to a hot girl and be like "You're pretty hot. I would like to fuck you.. but I don't know if you are psycho or not..." etc?

Like what honest things SHOULDN'T we say.. if I spoke my mind I would say some messed up stuff. "I don't like that you don;t have makeup on today."
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#5
IvánPérez

IvánPérez

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Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 1716

I loved the article. Simple yet money stuff. I loved the Alonso video too wink.
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#6
CrotchGrab McFadden

CrotchGrab McFadden

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Join Date: 01/21/2009 | Posts: 1

I am very excited to try this out
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#7
RagaTanha

RagaTanha

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Join Date: 06/30/2008 | Posts: 994

 Awesome article, will try. 
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#8
Eazy-R

Eazy-R

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Join Date: 05/11/2008 | Posts: 929

Dude, Salsa dancing is badass.
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#9
The Rev

The Rev

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Join Date: 12/04/2008 | Posts: 179

This is a money article!
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#10
Johannes

Johannes

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Join Date: 04/21/2008 | Posts: 32

Yo salsa is where its at! I used to go around pimpin all around my school dancing salsa when I was 11!
Damn I got more cooties than a toothbrush shades
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#11
Eunoia~

Eunoia~

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Join Date: 02/11/2008 | Posts: 1135

Awesome post Ozzie I feel the whole thing here lol it's funny because as I make the interaction more exciting story telling, observations, bold statements etc. There giving me interveiw style questions which annoys me because it breaks the rythm down I'm like wtf uh oh boring anyway....
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#12
Dulak

Dulak

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Join Date: 09/23/2008 | Posts: 1312

Nice article ...

I like the part instead of asking where they are from make a statement.  I bet you are from blah ...
Or say your initial statement and just shut up and listen.

I often feel like I have to fill the gaps - like I'm not enough unless I keep talking - like I am not enough as a person only if I entertain or self-express to keep up the noise.

lets try something different
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#13
James!*^

James!*^

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Join Date: 01/16/2009 | Posts: 56

LOL !!! WAS JUST WRITING ABOUT THAT, IT'S LIKE BECAUSE YOUR SO COMFORTABLE SPEAKING WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND / TEASING WHAT SHE SAYS SHE GOES INTERVIEW ON YOU. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE THEY HAVE REALISED DUDES DO THIS AND THEY HAVE ASOCIATED THIS AS SHOWING A SIGN OF INTEREST ??!

BUT YH CHEER'S PIMPCOAT SAVED ME WRITING ABOUT IT!!

- J
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#14
Spork

Spork

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Join Date: 08/05/2008 | Posts: 33

Hell yes.
This is exactly what I've been needing.
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#15

Damone

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 10

Great article, i liked the part about the “I want...” “I think...” “I believe” statements. very helpful.
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#16
Wasp

Wasp

Member

Join Date: 01/19/2009 | Posts: 79

I've tried this and it's amazing, before I was filling the gaps explaining mysef afraid of a bad reaction, now I'm silent after a bold statement and everything is better. Great explanation of why it works.

I love the Alonso video too. Greetings from Spain.
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#17
JFM

JFM

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Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

I really enjoy your style.   Always great content.   The simpler and more relevant, the better.
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#18
De Reet Sap Rammer aka De Reet Thalys met 1986 kpu

De Reet Sap Ram...

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Join Date: 01/04/2008 | Posts: 1267

Yes thanks Ozzie; I'm really glad you're more active on the forum and writing awesome articles like this one more often than in the last year or so.

Please enlighten and indulge us with your presence more often!
cheers man
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#19

Mixy

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/04/2008 | Posts: 139

 Great post man... opening with honest statements... Brilliant.. Will do next time I'm out, or TRY TO lol =))
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#20
wakeboardr

wakeboardr

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Join Date: 04/01/2008 | Posts: 779

sick post def trying it out
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#21
JamesBond

JamesBond

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Join Date: 04/17/2008 | Posts: 444

PURE GOLD teeth
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#22

Lee~

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/21/2007 | Posts: 174

This is awesome advice, I'm going to try that this weekend.

Thanks Ozzie!
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#23

HowBoutNo

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/02/2007 | Posts: 484

This was a great reminder of things I learned at bootcamp. After three days of practice with this I was having a ton of fun with the statements and saying what I wanted to. 'who lies more, guys or neurotic sea turtles?', etc :P I re-read it from time to time.
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#24
Gonzo

Gonzo

Member

Join Date: 11/18/2008 | Posts: 58

That last part of the article stood out to me. "Don't interview them", makes a lot of sense. I find myself trying to impress women at times, even without thinking about it. Later on I realize what I did, so it's good to read stuff like this.
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#25
Timbo Slice

Timbo Slice

Member

Join Date: 03/18/2009 | Posts: 46

I'm gonna try this out big guy.. thanks for the reminder.  All too often I fall into the interview style when I'm nervous or don't know what to say, or am just plain not in state, or getting bad reactions all night.  Bold statements, and not needing to apologize or explain myself... very powerful, and coming from how I truly feel!

Awesome,
Tim
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#26
Brainz

Brainz

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/11/2008 | Posts: 424

very awesome article, Ozzie! it's late, so i've turned this page into my homepage: i will read it again tomorrow to make sure that i internalize all the juicy value!

At this point i can see myself opening sets with assertive lines such as "womens' shoes are very confusing to me". however the articles that you guys post here on RSD (like this one) teach me so much. it's to the point where i have no choice but to admit to myself that there's ever SO MUCH MORE to learn, and it's from RSD that i want to learn as much as i can!
for instance: like Timbo S. i sometimes fall into the interview questions. it's lame. it annoys me. but it's all i can think of.
over all, it's motivating for me to keep a goal in mind: save up money for a RSD bootcamp!
(hell, i'd do it just for the experience of meeting the instructors!)

i'm going to apply what you've written here in my daily life. that's why im going to read it a few times over, until i've squeezed all of the value out of it, and internalized that value. mmmm lemon juice-value...
posts like these are one reason why i appreciate RSD so much! seriously man!

ive never been able to say this before, but i REALLY appreciate the company and everything it offers! the values and philosophies are ROCK SOLID!

thanks for this Ozzie! it's yet another RSD article that will make my game that much more better and -- consequently -- my life as well! ;)
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#27
Nathan!

Nathan!

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 1470

Great stuff. I love the part where most guys come on program thinking their gonna learn how to impress girls
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#28
SocialGuy

SocialGuy

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Join Date: 12/30/2009 | Posts: 92

Nice, ozzie!
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#29

kcarte22

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/12/2009 | Posts: 5

I find that every time I go into situation with the mindset that I need to pickup or impress, failure is always looming. However, my best approaches are those where I'm in my own element not tied to the outcome. I feel it is very important to be yourself. Women can tell if you're congruent with who you are portraying yourself to be so be content with who you are. Put yourself out there and let the chips fall where they may. Good read! Thanks.
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#30

Nitrox

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/01/2011 | Posts: 2

Nice article. I often feel i do an interview style and when i do that i feel uncomfortable and i notice the girl is uncomfortable to.
I get to the interview style when i got nothing to say.
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