Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
A lot have been said about change and what it takes to change. I don’t think I can add anything new that has not been out there in any way, matter or form.

Same Ol

I personally have experienced quite a few dramatic changes in my life too.

I have tried to explain, articulate, and teach what goes into changing to fail every time. I have learned bits and pieces here and there. I have taught those but there is always a lack of a defined map for change.

Changing The Scene

Many people change after a change of scenery.

I remember as far back as elementary school, changing schools was dramatic. I didn’t have the usual friends and the usual scenery. Even as a small child I was thrown into an uncharted territory and forced to thrive on my own. I remembered those school changes as forcing me to grow or sometimes retreat into a shell. I changed 3 times of schools and finally settled as I went into 7th grade into a school and environment where I felt I belonged more. I started doing better, practiced more sports, made more friends but it finally ended when I went to high school. I went to a dorm school and it really shook my foundations. This was by far the craziest environment I ever been thrown to, one that was hard adapt- it was a shock.

All these changes forced me to change who I was in order to adapt-of course, I was a kid growing up, forming a personality but still- they all stroke my core, my identity.

Identity level change. The accelerator

The accelerator for change is usually an event or a series of them. They send you into a major life transition be it a drastic change of scenery or a life event-death of a loved one-, or even a positive one-winning of the lottery.

Most people think the accelerator has to be a negative one. Contrary to popular opinion the accelerator for change can be a “positive” event. Some people become miserable after winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money. It turns out that saying good bye to their old life-read old identity-, is troublesome and sad even if their old identity sucks. They find themselves struggling to adapt to the new life or “identity”.

Going out 4 nights a week will challenge your usual routine of watching TV or surfing the net for endless hours. Even if watching TV sucks you will find it hard to change this habit. You will want to go back to that life after going out for a while. You want the comfort of your living room without girls. It sucks but you will want it. Even if you are making out with girls in bars and getting a lay here and there. I remember many a Friday coming back from work, tired and wanting to stay home and watch TV.

I recently changed my ultra lean diet for another one. The accelerator was seeing my buddy Goran breaking his abs in less than 2 weeks. I couldn’t believe it. So, I changed my diet and tried the new one. It was a good accelerator.



On my first day on the new diet, I had terrible headaches but kept going. It is going fine now.

Change Is Traumatic And Uncomfortable. It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

If you are stuck into an identity that is not making you very happy you will be thrown into hell if you want to change it. Moving out of an old identity is horrifying. Most people experience alienation, confusion, frustration and a million other painful forms of unease.

In a way you could say you are doing the right thing when you feel those negative emotions. Your emotional compass is telling you that real change is taking place. Your identity is changing. So it hurts.

Like going to the gym for the first time in years, makes every muscle in your body hurt for weeks on end, your new identity will make you ache inside.

Rejection And Pick Up

Being rejected on a regular basis is the price guys pay to get good at pick up. It takes a lot of getting used to. The pain of rejection is something your old identity doesn’t like and refuses to adapt to. Still it is a necessary change in your identity. You require adapting to this new scenery for it will bring you all the joy of banging girls that otherwise would be out of your league.

Internal validation implies a change of identity, a painful one, for guys are in the habit of being rewarded externally for what they do. Society teaches that over and over.

Eventually guys develop a sense of entitlement that is attractive to most girls out there but until that comes they need to go thru necessary identity level changes.

Change Can Be Comfortable. There Is A Map For Change

It looks like I am contradicting myself but I am not. You can study the map of change and predict it, even ride it comfortably.

The same way you can manipulate yourself out of a plateau in a learning curve- for you to do that, you need to know how a learning curve operates. Let’s say you are in a plateau, you can feel it, and all you have to do is to start doing something different.

Likewise there is a map for change. Your body will tell you. Your emotional compass can identify when there is an accelerator happening. It is identifiable because things become uncomfortable.

All change goes thru this sequence:

1. Accelerator/catharsis (my life sucks; girlfriend dumped me, no social life, I hit rock bottom with drugs or alcohol, etc.)
2. New life plan(decide to take a bootcamp, buy a DVD, read a book, writing down goals, new identity or life plan,)
3. Readjustment of plan according to changing reality (rejections, bad nights, good nights, Pu learning, old identity frame snap backs, etc...)
4. Land of milk and honey(fuck buddies, ltrs, threesomes)

If you follow this pattern change can be even enjoyable. This is the map you will use. All it takes is to know where you are in that sequence. Learning who you are is a huge part of making changes simple and comfortable. It takes honesty to understand and recognize where you are in that sequence.

Back To Square One

The point is that you don’t stay in step 4. Sooner rather than later you will find yourself stagnating and yearning for new changes in your life. Unforeseen things and events will make you go back to a catharsis or accelerator and force you to create a new life plan. Change will show its ugly head again. But is it ugly? Or, is it a sign of good things yet to come?

Habit Of Change



People who have been thru major life changes in the course of their existence are better equipped for change. Their internal compass will move like a fish in the water. They know intuitively the map of change. The same way happens when you learn a new language. For 1rs timers a new language proves to be a challenge. For people who already know another language, learning a new language is easier. They already know what it takes. They have an internal road map for learning languages. Same happens with change.

Another good example is break ups. People who learned the game go easily thru break ups. For most people breaking up with a girlfriend is painful and traumatizing. For guys in the game, they know how easy they can get another so this change is known and charted territory. They do better at it.
Login or register to post.

Related Posts

Comments

#1
nestea

nestea

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2301

this is a great article right here.
thanks.
Login or register to post.
#2
King of Sparta

King of Sparta

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/26/2008 | Posts: 327

 Basically - in order for change to happen, you need to be OPEN to change, and not get put down when you start to get uncomfortable. CHANGE implies something NEW, and oftentimes this new is uncharted territory, causing a sense of unease or even fear.

Keep on keepin on.
Login or register to post.
#3

El_Diego

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/29/2009 | Posts: 146

Ozzie wrote:

All change goes thru this sequence:

3. Readjustment of plan according to changing reality (rejections, bad nights, good nights, Pu learning, old identity frame snap backs,

I guess that that´s were i am right now in the sequence, even though i´ve already changed several times. Change is good, it takes courage to admit it but it´s good. I guess that Persistency is key to lead change were you want it to take you. I mean, change is happening whether we like it or not, and we can orient our change if we have the focus, persistency and flexibility to know when sometimes you have to adapt your plans to the current situation. I´ve already got myslef into a rejection challenge (1000) i don´t know how long it´ll take , but i´ll get there. Also i think that balance is super important when it comes to get into fulfilling places in your life, cause other change that i must make is in my financial life so i´ll get more time and adquisitive power to do the things that i truly want.

Thanks for this article, it helped me to enhace my focus were it belongs.

D
Login or register to post.
#4
TheBear

TheBear

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/29/2008 | Posts: 354

 
Login or register to post.
#5
Alejandro!

Alejandro!

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 784

 El articulo te quedo d poca madre....

Vamos Espana!!! (ya esta en el mundial no?)
Login or register to post.
#6
Firewater

Firewater

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/17/2008 | Posts: 1341

I can explain why and how people change very well actually.  I'm in the process of writing a book on it.

There are 3 phases to human action:  Inspiration, Motivation, and Determination.

That which inspires you, moves you, that movement must be sustained until you have reached that which motivated you in the first place.  Depite failures, you push onward, remembering why you came until you are taking action to reach your goals.
Login or register to post.
#7
EnVee

EnVee

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 277

I've been feeling a lot like this recently, and was pondering this a lot. I asked myself today wtf is going on, and this is almost like a message from God...

Wewt, go Ozzie!
Login or register to post.
#8
Nate

Nate

Member

Join Date: 06/01/2009 | Posts: 80

 Awesome.  Thanks Ozzie.  It's wierd how these articles seem to land at exactly the right time for me.   it's nice
Login or register to post.
#9
Getupa

Getupa

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/21/2008 | Posts: 830

 High quality.
Login or register to post.
#10

Buddy Rich

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/16/2008 | Posts: 248

I swear routines are the keys to life. Not douchebag m.m routines, but regular lifestyle routines.
Login or register to post.
#11

Wem

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/12/2008 | Posts: 114

I stumbled across this book, and it is the quintessential book on how to change. If only RSD had written it, it would be the ABSOLUTE missing piece to their repitoire of products. I'm serious. The book is...

YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY: BREAKING THE HABIT OF ADULT UNDER-ACHIEVEMENT by Kenneth W. Christian, Ph.D. (founder of the Maximum Potential Project)

(P.S. Don't let the subtitle fool you. This is an AMAZING book, IMO.)
Login or register to post.
#12

tio_andres

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/14/2009 | Posts: 4

every article written by ozzie is just awesome , very easy to understand.
Login or register to post.
#13

aurelius

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/21/2008 | Posts: 281

I guess I would say that I'm at the RE-ADJUSTMENT part of the Four Steps.

I've had the Cathartic experience and made up most my plans. My main issue is following through, ya dig?
I need to just PLOW, PLOW, PLOW and BLAST thrrough it. I'll rest when I die.

High ocatane article. =)
Login or register to post.
#14

zine

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/14/2007 | Posts: 122

variety is the spice of life.  If it weren't for it life would be pretty boring in my opinion.  Great post..
Login or register to post.
#15
Ricky Fitts

Ricky Fitts

Member

Join Date: 05/26/2009 | Posts: 28

If I was not going trough a change myself, somehow I wouldn't beilieve a word in this article. 

But when you come back home and start wondering: "Who am I? Is this really me?" And when it hits your head so much it blows your mind, than you figure out that you can be whoever you want yourself to be... 
Login or register to post.
#16
hamburgar

hamburgar

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/04/2009 | Posts: 116

I'm going to get that book too.  I was reading the reviews and it sounds like the same kind of program as Overcoming Social Anxiety (which I'm following now), where you focus on catching and removing thoughts that don't serve you.  I really like that teaching method.

Thanks for this excellent article, and all the helpful comments :)
Login or register to post.
#17
Jack Hammer

Jack Hammer

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/30/2008 | Posts: 646

Going out 4 nights a week will challenge your usual routine of watching TV or surfing the net for endless hours. Even if watching TV sucks you will find it hard to change this habit. You will want to go back to that life after going out for a while. You want the comfort of your living room without girls. It sucks but you will want it. Even if you are making out with girls in bars and getting a lay here and there. I remember many a Friday coming back from work, tired and wanting to stay home and watch TV.

Wow totally can relate to that one!
Login or register to post.
#18
fizzypants

fizzypants

Member

Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 61

Great article Ozzie. You put the learning plateu  experience out there in a new way. I noticed that when I stagnate at a level of progress I get discouraged beacuse I see myself at ground level looking up at the moutain. I forget that I've already progressed higher than I every though I could.

If ifnd it facinating that by just thinking of of change can cause internal pain. Its bizzare that we can produce this effect with just a thought. I often wonder is this what over weight people feel when they think of getting in shape. I'm very successful at getting lean and improving my fitness and strenght. I find it the easiet thing in the world, its hard work but there is no internal emotional pain preventing me from acting. I know I put in the right work, I get results. How can I do this when so many others avoid it. Yet meeting girls and being social is constant struggle against inner resistance?

Time to change it up again.
Login or register to post.
#19

Buddy Rich

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/16/2008 | Posts: 248

Login or register to post.
#20

PSmoker

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/01/2009 | Posts: 4

This funny...cause it seemes like I'm going through #3 right now. And it hurts as hell. 
Login or register to post.
#21

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

should i close my eyes when i close?
Login or register to post.
#22
Steve-0!

Steve-0!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/08/2008 | Posts: 1579

 Lets go get rejected! 
Login or register to post.
#23

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

I got rejected 3 times. Not by women but by the bouncer.
Login or register to post.
#24
Jolly

Jolly

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/30/2009 | Posts: 25

We men always need logic, Oz this is nice.

The "Change", This is something I have been trying to understand, But you cant Learn how to do a backflip VIA youtube. U only learn how its done..So basicly now we know.. and now we need to learn.

Thanks For the motivation Oz!

I feel all fuzzy and warm inside... Is that normal?

I think it its...  

http://www.warmandfuzzyfeeling.com/

Its real I garanty you!
Login or register to post.
#25

No-Mind

Member

Join Date: 03/02/2009 | Posts: 73

awesome article, just what I needed to hear. THanks Oz.
Login or register to post.
#26
TransgressiveFiction

TransgressiveFiction

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/01/2009 | Posts: 251

Good stuff. Change is not always linear.
Login or register to post.
#27

Denominator

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/09/2009 | Posts: 23

i can personally attest to this.  largely it's because there are many mental blocks/emotional reasons as to why you should keep smoking(your friends do, it's cool, it helps you relax, etc).  The end comes finally when you cut all of the bullshit reasons out.
Alexander~ wrote:
 hrrrm, i hear a statistic that people who try to give up smoking regree back to smoking up to nine times before they let go of it forever. From what ive seen, this is pretty true in terms of reality snap backs.
Login or register to post.
#28
Mepper

Mepper

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 19

amazing stuff. I've been reading your articles and a lot of them seem to click with me
Login or register to post.
#29
Euphoria777

Euphoria777

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/07/2009 | Posts: 118

This article is a gem!! I actually hit #2 New Life Plan stage today, and it felt like THIS was written for ME. Thanx Ozzie, I'm gonna follow-thru!
Login or register to post.