Changing the dressing
It is funny how in many cultures variations of the same aphorism exists: “you can dress up a goat but it is still a goat”.
It has to do with the insanity of repeating the same things we do in our daily lives expecting something different will happen. Guys keep going out to the same venues for a drink expecting something different will happen. They expect they will get laid somehow just by showing up and getting drunk. Still sex with beautiful women eludes them. Your average Joe goes to the club every weekend with his friends expecting to get a girl, gets drunk and goes home alone. It is the definition of insanity, doing always the same expecting something different will happen. It is systemic. It means it is predictable, repetitive and resistant to change. The system is flawed. The more you try to make this flawed system work for you the more frustrated you become. The harder you try solutions that do not work the more stuck you become.
You must change the system
If you expect a different result you must start making systemic changes. It is funny how easy results change when you target the system. Results can change in just one night. For example, if instead of hanging by the bar with friends you hit the dance floor and approach 5 different women within the first 20 minutes of being in the club you might get some different results. At the beginning of the night, since people just arrived in the venue, they are more open for conversation and might engage you for longer periods of time. Some of those first interactions might turn into a 30 to 45 minute marathon of you talking to a hot girl. It might change your night even if you don’t have sex with her. It may give you the boost in confidence you need to keep approaching other women for the rest of the night.
A systemic change brings about this kind of results. You are altering your usual system. It happens at all levels of game in the dating world. Even an experience guy needs systemic changes. If he doesn’t he may get stuck. For example, it is customary for advanced guys who have already had success in the game to stop challenging themselves in the field. They end up approaching only those groups of girls where they feel they might have a chance to get laid. However, since getting laid in the game is the result of risk taking, they stop getting laid. No risk, no reward. They also need to make systemic changes otherwise they would continue to be stuck in their game. Exposing yourself to rejection on an ongoing basis can do the trick.
“on going” is the key word
If you expose yourself to rejection on an ongoing basis you may change the entire system. In fact you throw it out of whack. In fact, Tim (RSD instructor deluxe) has pointed out how you should create “chaos” around you. He wrote an article about it. What he meant there was to try and make systemic changes in your behaviour. Put your old system through systemic changes. If you do things that scare you, you might have a chance. However, if you do scary things on an “ongoing” basis, the old system can’t survive. You will see different results on an “ongoing” basis too.
If you expect transformation to happen you must keep churning the cream for butter. If you want a better metaphor for it, you might want to think about trying to get ketchup out of the bottle by hitting it with your hand at the bottom. At first no ketchup comes out but if you keep at it, and don’t dismay, you may end up with all the ketchup you need. I think I explained this better in this particular video.
Every weekend I step in the dance floor of a crowded club and look around and ask my students, “Which group here looks impossible to approach?” They point out two girls jumping up and down like crazy, or a couple making out, or one hot girl surround by a herd of guys. After that I approach such group. This is my very first approach of the night, but I don’t care. I do it anyway. I want to challenge myself as soon as step into the club. That keeps my system out of whack. No room for complacency or comfort zone bullshit. Step into the unknown. This process is “ongoing”. I do it through out the night. I teach my students to make the same systemic changes throughout a three day program.
Why bootcamps are successful
When you come to bootcamp, you are thrown out of your normal system. You are forced to make systemic changes. The old system where you were stuck is no longer valid. A program for dating women puts you on the fast track to make those system changes. Not only that it teaches you to become your own coach. You can’t help but change results if you apply yourself to the systemic changes offered on program. It works like an intervention of sorts. It aims to change old systemic patterns of behaviour.
Systemic changes and time
As a result of changing the system you would expect different results. However, such results might come right away for some and for others it would take longer. It is hard to tell how long it will take for the systemic changes to take effect and translate into new results. Sometimes when students get anxious about results I just say, “Keep doing what you are doing”. Sometimes it is a matter of time. Other times you must pay attention to what you are doing because you might be repeating the old system by disguising it with new behaviours. For example, you might go to a club and do a couple of approaches per night. Two approaches compared to none is an improvement but it fails to change the system dramatically. You will still get the same results because no major overhaul of the old system has taken place. The word is “ongoing” as in throughout the night.
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