Vulnerability




What does this mean? Being weak? Gay? The opposite of manliness? Behaving like a girl with girls? Actually this was the case back in the day. When we used to run routines we went from being Tarzan to being Jane. The idea was to put the girl through a roller coaster of emotions who finally will land us some pussy. We wanted them to get into deep rapport with us so we could exploit those vulnerable feelings to our advantage. I remember that some guys went as far as crying in front of the girls. Who can blame them? It was the thing to do at the time. Was this really effective even necessary to get laid? Actually neither. The reality was that by the time we got to this point in the seduction our girl, nine out of ten, had already made up their mind whether she was going to sleep with us or not. We were just delaying the process either way.

True Vulnerability

It works. However, you must understand this is not behaving like a female at all. It is more about finding what I am not saying more than what I am really saying with my attitude. For example, if you are acting out your “alpha shit” by displaying some ultra pimp body language and attitude, what are you hiding? May be, you are hiding how inadequate you feel in front of others. For example, if you are telling others how awesome your life is today all the time, what are you hiding? May be, how geeky, isolated, and depressed you are most of the time in your real life. You must be honest with yourself most of all.



The Nuances Of Character

I once had this student who would never shut up about how cool his LA life was. Now doubt LA is cool but he was always dropping names of celebrities he would meet at parties. Also how he would go to Kabala retreats with Madonna. He was really exhausting to be around. It was clear that there was a part of himself that he was not sharing with us, the rest of the Bootcamp bunch. The other thing was that he was super positive all the time, in true LA style. We couldn’t figure out who he really was behind all that persona he put up.

Of course, he had trouble getting rejected. In fact, he couldn’t be rejected or admit it- situation was akin to male fashion models which I have had on program some time ago that couldn’t handle rejection either. In his case, every time I asked, “How did you do with that group you just approached?” He would say, “I did fine”. Nobody is that good, especially when you must perform “mission impossible” type of approaches. I started thinking he was either embellishing the truth, or plain lying.

You can’t say to these people the truth because they can’t handle it. They don’t want to be human. They just want to be this abstract thing with no flaws. So as a coach, I can’t say to this guy, “Look, buddy, stop bullshitting yourself and give it to me straight”. I could but won’t. I know this would create more problems down the road. So my job as a coach is to make him feel safe enough with me he starts to spill the beans a little bit. But I don’t have enough time for that, I barely have 3 days of coaching for this guy.

What Works



What I do: I start being vulnerable around him. I sometimes blow myself out of set in front of him and explain to him how much I sucked in that set and how shitty I feel. I also share with him some parts of myself I am not so proud of and encourage him to do the same. I say shit like, “I sometimes wear the same socks every day”, “I sometimes pee in the shower”, “I once fucked a girl who had one tooth missing and I only found out about it during sex because she never smiled to me”, “I had a crush on a girl in college and never told her for 2 years while she banged every guy in my class” and so on.

Sometimes this works like a charm. Others times it takes a while, but it gets the job done. They start to open up and be more human and pleasant to be around. They drop the façade and join the group of mortals that we are. Progress starts to happen because he starts enjoying himself more around people and his game starts to improve faster than he ever thought. In reality, his front to others was an obstacle in his development.
Down deep you discover those people have great personalities hidden under all the persona rubble. Actually ten times better than what they are trying to portrait. It is like night and day. Once they open up it is easy to coach them. Sometimes, surprisingly easy. Just a few adjustments and they start succeeding. Growth starts to happen. They realize they don’t need the fake side to pick up girls. Can this be done sooner rather than later? It depends on the guy and how attached he is to his worldly image.

Are You Trapped In Your Invulnerable Pickup Persona?

That is usually the first casualty for those who succeed in the game for a while. They lose the vulnerability that brought them to the game. Actually the thing that made them human. As success piles up, so does the new pick up persona. It slows them down in their learning curve and sometimes brings them to a complete halt. Forward movement stops and now they are moving backwards.

I have had guys who take their second bootcamp because of this. They got rusty after a while. 6 months to a year after program, all forward movement stopped. They need another push. They must realize they must go back to beginner’s mindset again. They must expose themselves to being vulnerable again. Dare to fail.