I wanted to shed some light with the age old issue of state loss of or lack of it. I have come across plenty of guys on program who seemed to be bent on the “no state, no game” game. It is the usual point of view. A catch 22 where if you have no state your game will suck, and you suck because you have no state.
Relativizing Everything To State. The Perils Of Rock And Roll.
If you live a rock and roll life you will have the problems of such life such as drug addiction, disease infected whores and lunacy. I am sure you don’t want this in your life, that’s why you don’t choose the rock and roll life style.
However, if you choose to live by state or state dependence, then you will have the problems associated with such a life style in the game. The problem here is usually the perfectionist credo of “there is only one good way of doing things”, reminds me of “only one way to skin a cat”. A guy consciously or unconsciously thinks that his way is the right way or no way. So if you have no state, there is no game to be had, and no girl will be attracted so why even try. Or if you feel good people like you more than when you don’t. You are probably right except that people don’t have to like you for you to succeed in this game.
The perils of living under the “state” thumb are that you will have amazingly good nights, and crash nights. When you are not able to crank yourself up to state, then you will have the suckiest nights of your life. It is self-defeating. Your good nights will be few and far between as you get deeper into this rock and roll life style. Your bad nights will increase and corrode your game from inside. Losing motivation, you will be less inclined to go out on nights you feel you are not 100 percent. You see where I am going with this.
Changing How You Feel
If you are a perfectionist or have outcome dependent tendencies, the only way to change how you feel is getting the good stuff, usually, good reactions from females. They love me, they laugh at my jokes, they like me, therefore I am likable=game is good. The opposite is true. If women fail to give me what I long for, then, my game sucks and I am not likable.
If you fall in the above pattern, then you use game to change how you feel. Very dangerous game. Since reality cannot provide all the time what you crave for, women’s validation, then your game is a succession of bad nights with some good ones in between. There will be nights where you will be on fire where other nights you suck. However, good nights will go increasingly scarce because it takes more reactions to make you feel better. Perfectionism or outcome dependence is a progressive disease. What satisfies you as a newbie, will not satisfy you later down the road. I remember when I first got a phone number and an email from a cold approach I was buzzing with excitement. Of course, I was later disappointed when she flaked on me. As I got better, I needed more and more of the good stuff to feel better. Later on in the game, I would not go out when I didn’t feel good because I grew terrified of bad nights. Couldn’t stand them.
Don’t Play This Game
Refuse to buy into the rock and roll life style. Stay away from using game to alter how you feel. Whatever brought you to your present state has nothing to do with game but with life itself. Stop blaming your game when you feel bad too. It is likely you were feeling bad already and you just wanted girls to change that.
Can You Please Change My State?
(Havana BootCamp December 16-18)
I have had this unreasonable request on program long enough to see there is a problem. I don’t have a magic wand to change how you feel. Focus on state creates this problem. It is a symptom not a cause. The cause is believing you can change the way you feel by talking to women. The problem is usually the way you see the problem, not the problem itself. You eliminate the cause you get rid of the problem.
Losing your state or lack of it, is the result of you making others responsible for how you feel.
You can’t expect talking to people to provide you with “feel good” vibes. It is usually the opposite. You end up carrying water for others and resenting them when they don’t deliver. In other words, people pleasing or entertaining people will never result in you having a good time. May be for a while but not long term. You will end up exhausted, and yes, out of state.
Low Expectations Of Others
You must march into a club and not expect a lot from people. In fact you don’t want expectations of any kind. Can you control the future? Nope. You will find that people have also very low expectations of you. That evens out the playing field. Nobody has any expectations. This is something I can get behind. Your mental state becomes unmanageable when you rely on things outside your control like people’s reactions.
When your expectations are low, then you will have fun. Why? Anything that happens is a bonus. If they do like me it is ok because I didn’t expect them too, but if they don’t, then I don’t worry about it either because I didn’t expect them too. All I can control is myself. I am very aware that this is not what you want to hear. You want the magic wand. In many ways, I am giving you the magic wand. You need practice for staying within yourself and not lose yourself in how others treat you. Perfect practice makes perfect. Go out and practice the low expectation game and you will see results getting better. You will find that when you get yourself out of the way, things change for the better. Too simple for you. I know. It is not for everybody. You think it is a number’s game? It is not. You want to control the outcome of your nights and I understand it. Short term you think you are in control. But long term you will see the futility of attempting to control what happens in a chaotic environment like a club. Do not confuse this with having no goals in the game. It is not what I mean. If you don’t plan for goals you are planning failure. Your goals must be outside people’s reactions.
I am out. Peace.
PS: I wrote this while waiting for my flight to Barcelona for BC. I have very low expectations of the airline I am flying with. So I won’t be disappointed. But I lie. I knew it was a crappy airline all the way. (Attempted humor)
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