Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
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I wanted to shed some light with the age old issue of state loss of or lack of it. I have come across plenty of guys on program who seemed to be bent on the “no state, no game” game. It is the usual point of view. A catch 22 where if you have no state your game will suck, and you suck because you have no state.

Relativizing Everything To State. The Perils Of Rock And Roll.



If you live a rock and roll life you will have the problems of such life such as drug addiction, disease infected whores and lunacy. I am sure you don’t want this in your life, that’s why you don’t choose the rock and roll life style.

However, if you choose to live by state or state dependence, then you will have the problems associated with such a life style in the game. The problem here is usually the perfectionist credo of “there is only one good way of doing things”, reminds me of “only one way to skin a cat”. A guy consciously or unconsciously thinks that his way is the right way or no way. So if you have no state, there is no game to be had, and no girl will be attracted so why even try. Or if you feel good people like you more than when you don’t. You are probably right except that people don’t have to like you for you to succeed in this game.

The perils of living under the “state” thumb are that you will have amazingly good nights, and crash nights. When you are not able to crank yourself up to state, then you will have the suckiest nights of your life. It is self-defeating. Your good nights will be few and far between as you get deeper into this rock and roll life style. Your bad nights will increase and corrode your game from inside. Losing motivation, you will be less inclined to go out on nights you feel you are not 100 percent. You see where I am going with this.

Changing How You Feel



If you are a perfectionist or have outcome dependent tendencies, the only way to change how you feel is getting the good stuff, usually, good reactions from females. They love me, they laugh at my jokes, they like me, therefore I am likable=game is good. The opposite is true. If women fail to give me what I long for, then, my game sucks and I am not likable.

If you fall in the above pattern, then you use game to change how you feel. Very dangerous game. Since reality cannot provide all the time what you crave for, women’s validation, then your game is a succession of bad nights with some good ones in between. There will be nights where you will be on fire where other nights you suck. However, good nights will go increasingly scarce because it takes more reactions to make you feel better. Perfectionism or outcome dependence is a progressive disease. What satisfies you as a newbie, will not satisfy you later down the road. I remember when I first got a phone number and an email from a cold approach I was buzzing with excitement. Of course, I was later disappointed when she flaked on me. As I got better, I needed more and more of the good stuff to feel better. Later on in the game, I would not go out when I didn’t feel good because I grew terrified of bad nights. Couldn’t stand them.

Don’t Play This Game

Refuse to buy into the rock and roll life style. Stay away from using game to alter how you feel. Whatever brought you to your present state has nothing to do with game but with life itself. Stop blaming your game when you feel bad too. It is likely you were feeling bad already and you just wanted girls to change that.

Can You Please Change My State?

(Havana BootCamp December 16-18)



I have had this unreasonable request on program long enough to see there is a problem. I don’t have a magic wand to change how you feel. Focus on state creates this problem. It is a symptom not a cause. The cause is believing you can change the way you feel by talking to women. The problem is usually the way you see the problem, not the problem itself. You eliminate the cause you get rid of the problem.

Losing your state or lack of it, is the result of you making others responsible for how you feel.

Unreasonable Expectations

You can’t expect talking to people to provide you with “feel good” vibes. It is usually the opposite. You end up carrying water for others and resenting them when they don’t deliver. In other words, people pleasing or entertaining people will never result in you having a good time. May be for a while but not long term. You will end up exhausted, and yes, out of state.

Low Expectations Of Others

You must march into a club and not expect a lot from people. In fact you don’t want expectations of any kind. Can you control the future? Nope. You will find that people have also very low expectations of you. That evens out the playing field. Nobody has any expectations. This is something I can get behind. Your mental state becomes unmanageable when you rely on things outside your control like people’s reactions.

When your expectations are low, then you will have fun. Why? Anything that happens is a bonus. If they do like me it is ok because I didn’t expect them too, but if they don’t, then I don’t worry about it either because I didn’t expect them too. All I can control is myself. I am very aware that this is not what you want to hear. You want the magic wand. In many ways, I am giving you the magic wand. You need practice for staying within yourself and not lose yourself in how others treat you. Perfect practice makes perfect. Go out and practice the low expectation game and you will see results getting better. You will find that when you get yourself out of the way, things change for the better. Too simple for you. I know. It is not for everybody. You think it is a number’s game? It is not. You want to control the outcome of your nights and I understand it. Short term you think you are in control. But long term you will see the futility of attempting to control what happens in a chaotic environment like a club. Do not confuse this with having no goals in the game. It is not what I mean. If you don’t plan for goals you are planning failure. Your goals must be outside people’s reactions.

I am out. Peace.

PS: I wrote this while waiting for my flight to Barcelona for BC. I have very low expectations of the airline I am flying with. So I won’t be disappointed. But I lie. I knew it was a crappy airline all the way. (Attempted humor)
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#1

ExtraordinaryDump

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/09/2010 | Posts: 282

OMG FIRST
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#2

rstlnewheeloffortune

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/24/2011 | Posts: 2

body language appears as if you are trying to tell not show. you have have reserved and especially judgmental body language toward the interviewer. i wonder if you are like this to all males or just interviewers....i love how you describe the mindset behind the scenes. i think you are on another level but you are not willing to share this insight with viewers. i dont think what you have to say is particularly profound but that you have the positive experience to make a more accurate assessment of what women are thinking than what most guys are thinking about women.
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#3
Pumba

Pumba

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/20/2009 | Posts: 440

 This is exactly what has been on my mind for the last month or so, surprisingly enough most of the nights go good when you don't have any expectations (which can be another mindfuck cause then you expect it again but anyway), greatly elaborated here though, thanks 
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#4

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

my philosophy:
your moods or thoughts don't matter. If you are sad, or angry, or happy or bored or anything else.
What matters is that you express yourself.
Express not impress like alex~ says.
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#5

LoveHandle*

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 940

Quoted for reference:
Ozzie wrote:
 Your mental state becomes unmanageable when you rely on things outside your control like people’s reactions.

When your expectations are low, then you will have fun. Why? Anything that happens is a bonus. 
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#6
SouffléHead

SouffléHead

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/01/2011 | Posts: 321

I guess this is the blurry line between expectations and entitlement.

Expectations are hopes and entitlement is absolute belief.

I don't go out hoping to have great interaction with people, I just go out and do.

The key to this distinction?

Experience.

And to say all my interactions are amazing would be an utter lie. Most aren't, but ultimately I don't care. At least I tried. No big deal.
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#7
Laaavish

Laaavish

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Join Date: 10/30/2007 | Posts: 306

Great post Oz
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#8

subx

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 1248

 "If they do like me it is ok because I didn’t expect them too, but if they don’t, then I don’t worry about it either because I didn’t expect them too"

This is confusing and seemingly opposite of what RSD teaches.  You are saying to expect people to not like you?  Thats exactly what causes people to NOT like you!  

When you fully assume people WILL like you and plow even if youre getting negative reactions, eventually it turns around when they find out you dont care and trust in yourself that they will eventually like you.
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#9

TheAnchorMan

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/26/2011 | Posts: 102

I agree this is stupid. 


When you appoach assuming the person will like you they pick up on your confidence. 
If they don't end up liking you fuck them there is something wrong with them. 

I do find my state falling towards the end of the night when I can't pull a girl but this is out come dependence I can't control if she will have sex with me or like when I approach but I can control how I feel about myself  I expect girls to like and want to have sex with me.    I understand I do not control other people
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#10
alyosha11

alyosha11

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/17/2009 | Posts: 342

Thanks Ozzie, this is bringing back painful memories of trying to pump my state in the club and feeling like shit lol. Good reminder to stay out of the whole reaction dependence thing and stay congruent no matter what.

PS. Guys... theres a difference between expecting people not to like you and not expecting anything from people, come on :p
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#11

heyauslad

Member

Join Date: 02/22/2011 | Posts: 52

yeah i agree, way to contradict all the other instructors, yay for being more confused.
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#12
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

heyauslad wrote:
yeah i agree, way to contradict all the other instructors, yay for being more confused.

confusion is not a bad place to be. It means you must start thinking for yourself and not let others do all the thinking for you.
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#13
AssEatingOwl

AssEatingOwl

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/09/2010 | Posts: 145

This was a brilliant article being a perfectionist, i am saving up for a bootcamp with u ozzie, u the man!
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#14
AssEatingOwl

AssEatingOwl

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/09/2010 | Posts: 145

This was a brilliant article being a perfectionist, i am saving up for a bootcamp with u ozzie, u the man!
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#15
AssEatingOwl

AssEatingOwl

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/09/2010 | Posts: 145

murray wrote:
This was a brilliant article being a perfectionist, i am saving up for a bootcamp with u ozzie, u the man!

dont know why posted twice that always happens to me.
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#16

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

Ozzie wrote:

heyauslad wrote:
yeah i agree, way to contradict all the other instructors, yay for being more confused.

confusion is not a bad place to be. It means you must start thinking for yourself and not let others do all the thinking for you.
lol
great answer
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#17

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 272

lower the expectations to perform and lower my expectations of others.  go into the club just having fun! perfect practice makes perfect! got it! thanks ozzie!
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#18

Playboy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/02/2010 | Posts: 556

It's like that, and that's the way it is.  Straight up and real. hhahathumbs up
Thinking that I needed a good state of mind has fuck up many nights for me, thanks ;) 
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#19
gman3

gman3

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/13/2008 | Posts: 251

Great post. I agree that not being dependent on others reactions is the right way to be. It's something that I am still not totally doing. When I have good nights I have that full self trust and Im more likely to be free of outcome. But that doesn't always happen. Sometimes I might not even feel like approaching, or I will but i will still be outcome dependent. Maybe I need to go and get blown out on purpose to stop caring.

But when you step to the girl you should expect a positive response, no? I mean sure you shouldn't care if is "positive" or not ( in the sense that you don't seek any reactions and validation and don't need any. Like you said, you dont let others control how you feel)
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#20
Trojan-

Trojan-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/02/2011 | Posts: 1172

Thanks Ozzie. You're the instructor that gets the least amount of attention, but you're my favorite teacher because of what you represent: longevity and pure love for the game without any expectations.
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#21
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

Trojan- wrote:
Thanks Ozzie. You're the instructor that gets the least amount of attention, but you're my favorite teacher because of what you represent: longevity and pure love for the game without any expectations.

You mean like senile. Lol.
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#22
The Story of the One

The Story of the One

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/05/2009 | Posts: 237

Ozzie,

sounds like what you are talking about is what Owen called our identity criterion in the blueprint decided

Identity criterion is where my mind looks to reference how much value I have. (A.k.a. the rules I have to decide whether or not I can go into state or feel entitled be myself and not feel like I have to convey value)

In this instance, the lower the bar the better,

It is first and foremost about me and the expectations I put on myself

Am I close or way off, Ozzie? 
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#23
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

Jaime Adrian wrote:
Ozzie,

sounds like what you are talking about is what Owen called our identity criterion in the blueprint decided

Identity criterion is where my mind looks to reference how much value I have. (A.k.a. the rules I have to decide whether or not I can go into state or be myself/)

In this instance, the lower the bar the better,

It is first and foremost about me and the expectations I put on myself

Am I close or way off, Ozzie? 

I guess I don't have the word power to give it a name. I try to make it as simple as possible. It is what I have written and don't read much into it.
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#24

Kurjak

Junior Member

Join Date: 10/13/2010 | Posts: 4

Nice post. I don't understand why some guys say that is "opposite to what other instructors teach". Quite the contrary. In life you have two kinds of people, the ones that create ("actors") and the ones that criticize ("spectators"). I personally don't give a damn about the opinon of the seconds. 
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#25
The Story of the One

The Story of the One

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/05/2009 | Posts: 237

I guess I don't have the word power to give it a name. I try to make it as simple as possible. It is what I have written and don't read much into it.

Thanks Ozzie!

Great article :)
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#26
Pumba

Pumba

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/20/2009 | Posts: 440

idk about most guys but I resonate with Ozzie's articles A LOT. It's basically practical stuff to apply in the field not mental masturbation
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#27

champ

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/19/2011 | Posts: 850

....
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#28
donston

donston

Member

Join Date: 11/07/2011 | Posts: 40

Kinda of off topic, but, don't expect anything from anyone ... that way when they dissapoint you ... it won't be a big deal ^_^ ...

I learned this from just asking favors from others and they fail to meet my expectations ... and then I feel so dissapointed in them and shit hits the fans ... etc etc ...

.....

Donston
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