You attract what you are, not what you are trying to be. May be, all you are is a weirdo in a club at this point. Been there done that. No shame in it. If I look at the barrage of head cases I used to fuck I must admit that it was all me. None other. I was running all kinds of weird shit in my game that made girls fall into mental loops of liking me. Think about it. What sort of girls fall into mental loops? Loony ones. I was attracting the exact type of girls that was meant to attract with the type of crap I was running.
I was never myself, I hid my intentions all the time, I had phony memorized jokes and lines, etc... Who would fall for that? You guessed it, weird chicks. They would do crazy shit to be with me because my weirdness stroke a cord with theirs. Attraction guaranteed. But I was getting laid so that meant I was good, right? Really?
Something Terribly Wrong. Personality Functions
This is when pick up is a function of your personality, not who you are. It is simple. For example, you discover that when you are positive, people tend to give you more approval and you feel better about yourself. Then being positive becomes “a trick” in your bag, not real whatsoever.
Being positive is not you but you do it because it has a function. With repetition it becomes a function of your personality, a gimmick, a hook for people. But deep down inside you know that you are not. You are cheating. You haven’t build character; you have built personality functions that make you functional.
The Real You
Personality functions sub the real you. They push him down. They don’t let him out. In fact you can get so deep into personality functions that you will lose your real self forever. You don’t know who you are anymore. You become this mesh of personality functions that make you functional but not happy. Because you cannot be happy at the expense of the real you. The real you is sad because he cannot come out and play.
Real Self Vs. Social Self
Social self kicks in social situations. It is a like a bunch of personality functions you use to interact with people and get approval. It rarely represents who we really are. The social self is not interested in anything but approval. So it builds a persona that he knows people will approve of and in the process butchers, pushes down, and bullies the real self into submission. Ever met somebody that is name dropping all the time and talking about exclusive destinations he has travelled to ski or kill a fucking manatee? A guy like that has identified that society approves tacitly of wealthy people as worthy ones. So he uses this as a tool. Sadly enough it repels most people.
The Real Self
I stopped getting laid when I switched gears. I would go out and just be myself around girls but it would not get me attraction. For somebody used to getting laid almost on a weekly basis with new girls it was hard to accept that who I really was didn’t get me any pussy. I struggled for a while...and for a while.
May be the real self is not the way to go or so I thought while I walk the streets of Barcelona with Jeffy at night and approached anything with a pulse on a Tuesday night, a dead night by the way. This happened while Jlaix and me dropped routines altogether and dedicated ourselves to try to pull girls home with nothing but sheer enthusiasm at a time when routines and canned game ruled.
We hit upon a couple of things like self amusement. I remember doing the “super star” dance because it amused us. We would do some really fucking weird dancing moves -jeffy copied from a crazy guy in London- and teach them to girls. Then we would teach this to a couple of girls and then lots of people in the club would join us in the weird dance. It blew my mind to see this. All of a sudden we hit gold without meaning too.
There were other useful discoveries on the way to being natural like physical game, dance floor game, etc...But it was all experimentation; we never aimed for it as “game”. It was more like what we wanted to do at a certain point, etc.
Can I Say What I Want To Say?
Of course you can. There is one condition: you must not look for approval or outcome. If you do it becomes a personality function, not character. I am after character in the game. Personality functions not only are damaging to the real self but they are short term band aids on a bleeding wound that requires surgery. If you are serious about changing your life then don’t go for the quick fix that would make you miserable down the road. Sacrifice the instant gratification of personality functions for long term transformation. Uncover the real self and let it roam free. You cannot fake real growth, you must pay the price.
I usually ask for bold statements to guys: tell me something about you that would get you the least approval from a girl: “I ate my own buggarts growing up and I still do”...I want you to say that to a girl and shut up. Let her fill in the blanks. Let them judge you. Don’t judge yourself. Quiet your inner critic which is yelling in your head “don’t do that” “that’s so wrong on so many levels”.
Your inner critic is your social self. It maintains the status quo: prevents you from doing things it deems “dangerous “and it steers you towards things that make you “acceptable” to others. It is never happy with anything other than approval. But in this deal you will always be short changed. Your real self is the price you will be paying.
In the end you can’t fight truth. Conning, manipulation and hiding your true self are all personality functions, not character. True character is measured by how comfortable you are being yourself around people. Comfort means not paying attention to approval.
Fake It To Make It
I always had issues with this philosophy. It is still very popular and wide spread. My question is “how long can you fake something you are not?” Your true self will push through at some point. May be in other disciplines that philosophy pays but I have found it to be extremely counterproductive long term in this game. Why not become what you are meant to be in the first place? Draw energy from your true purpose in life. Start looking inside. No need to run around faking it.