Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
The Next Guy

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In this Article
- Peer pressure and its consequences
- Withstanding the urge to be “cool”
- Peer pressure and performance in Pick up
- Embracing past experiences and moving onto the future
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I have spent the last two years writing “The Physical Game Book” (Coming out September 1rst this year, watch out!), I have had time sometimes to pause and reflect about my life before/after learning “game”. You probably have done the same. So at times it blows my mind how my perspectives about my past have changed.

High school

I was looking at my high school pics and trying to remember who is who. Most of the gang disbanded and they are scattered in different countries around the world, some have children, etc...

I cannot help but think of the tremendous influence those high school friends had on me growing up. From the clothe I wore to the attitude towards women, they moulded my opinion and the way I behaved in social situations. They defined what was cool and what was not. My parents had little or no hold over me anymore. It was the peer group who superimposed their personalities, likes, dislikes, etc... It was a dictatorship. A dictatorship upon my behaviour and overall attitude. I had to conform or else...I would lose major cool points with the “in” crowd- approval is the word. Looking back it is sad but no less true.

My high school friends were a bunch of heavy metal wannabe's and posers. They had the hair, the attitude but nothing to back it up. They were a bunch of losers. Today they hold menial jobs-married early, had kids, no studies -- and have gotten nowhere in life except for 1 or 2 exceptions. It is funny that those exceptions were guys that were not so “cool”. They didn’t care much about the group’s approval.

“It is enough. I am out of here”


I remember going on a road trip with 3 of them, the heart of the gang, trip which by the way I was talked into. Being weak minded and trying to fit in I said yes and went along with it. I was just trying to get their approval.

Of course, on this road trip we didn’t have a car or money. We would just sleep in train stations, beaches, travel at night etc. It was the most retarded stupid idea ever. Looking back I am appalled that I agreed to do that shit.

To make a long story short, I abandoned the trip towards the end. We were 2 days away from going home and I remember all of us going into a pizzeria to eat and I said to them “fuck all of you. It is enough. I am out of here”. Something inside of me shouted to stop. This doesn’t feel right.

Of course, I lost major cool points when I got back to my high school and had to face my “cool/loser” friends. I don’t think my reputation ever recovered. I was considered “not reliable” for quite some time. I lost their approval.

The Problem

It is very simple. This happens usually when you are with your friends out. Unless your friends are tuned into who you are and your desires and are truly supportive, when you see a girl you like and you go “I want her”, there is another voice, peer group’s voice, that goes “you don’t want to be rejected in front of the guys; you will lose major cool points”. Then you don’t approach based on your peer group’s opinion and you lose a major opportunity to meet a girl you like. The dictatorship is back again. Peer pressure reared its ugly head under a different disguise: to look good in front of friends.

Remember:
People think of peer pressure as a teenage thing but it is not. It goes where ever and whenever you go. I remember my novice attempts to pick up girls surrounded by my friends and being blown out and my friends making fun of me. Of course, they would never approach but surely enjoy the show. Then when I got really good and picked up a girl in a bar on a company dinner, my office peers-including girls- started telling me I was too sexual out there and how dare I to pick up a girl on a formal company dinner. You can never win! But girls in the office started to look at me in a different way.

Peer pressure and performance

I have done hours of practice in my salsa moves and as soon as I step on the dance floor I shrink and stay with the “safe stuff”- things I know I can do. Because of that, my salsa dancing stops evolving. The pressure of having onlookers is too strong and you are afraid to fuck up. Better stick to what works. I have to literally force myself and look like an idiot for a while until I am ready to execute my new stuff. If I have a fun partner, like some of the girls in my class, I would probably unwind faster and I will be loose in no time.

COACH INSIGHT
I have heard similar stories from advanced guys in the game when they go out with their “pick up gang”. It paralyses them the prospect of being rejected in front of the “cool, pickup friends”. It hurts their game. Unless your pick up gang is a supportive one you will run into this down the line. People that go out with you should be a rock of positivity and enthusiasm for the game or you are better off alone.


If you started to learn pick up because you wanted to stop being a loser-show everybody you can have a hot girl- you will run into a lot of trouble when you execute. You will not be able to stand being a loser-losing girls- in front of others. Because you came into the game to prove a point....to others. This is actually the root cause for most of your problems with rejection. Are you doing this for you or for the others?

Remember:

Most people are not truly supportive. Pick and choose the people you go out with on the basis of positivity, unconditional support and coolness. In my Instructor Crew (Goran “The Gore”, Paul, Matt) negativity has no place. There is unconditional support for everybody even though sometimes we make ridiculous bets on who is pulling that night or not; we always keep a camaraderie and fun vibe in the air. Your wing must be as excited about you pulling as he doing it himself. If not, drop your wing and get a new one. I remember going out with Tim on a Greece RSD retreat of Glory, and he was just as excited about me pulling than he was about pulling himself even though at times it would mean one of us had to leave the room and sleep on another guy’s room or fuck a girl in the swimming pool surrounded by chodes watching. Or get your ass full of sand because you could only fuck on the beach. Lol. God, I hope he is reading this. Fun times!


Looking Back and Looking Forward

I fully embrace what happened in my teenage years but I can’t help but think of things I would have done differently. No use now of course. However, looking back, it taught me a valuable lesson. I guess the lesson goes along the lines of “not give a fuck to what people think”. It is a lesson that gets relearned every single day of my life.

On the course of the week I have innumerable temptations to do what is appropriate and what others would like to see me do, that includes, girlfriend, friends, business, etc...The pressure is always there for you to act out of people’s intentions and not your own. Today I make it a habit to listen to that inner voice. It is a full time job.

Steps to success
- What would it mean to be yourself and disregard what your peer, colleagues, family think?
- Are your Pick up friends unconditionally supportive? Will they give up winning themselves for you to win? Would you be willing to do the same for them?
- Do you get sidetracked by the temptation to please others like boss, family and friends? Do you thing you gain or you lose?
- Were you attracted to pick up to please your friends or “in” crowd aka impressing others? Do you try to impress Pick up people on line?
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Comments

#1
Jack Hammer

Jack Hammer

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/30/2008 | Posts: 646

Hey buddy! Get ready for Vegas.. looks like we're rooming together!  No loosing you're passport in the dryer this time.. :o)
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#2
maxil

maxil

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/18/2009 | Posts: 139

THANK YOU.
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#3
theeddie91

theeddie91

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/22/2010 | Posts: 13

It's just great waking up out of bed, and coming onto this site as the first point of interest.

Stuff like this CLEARS my mind of the BS I don't need and starts me up..unleashes the awesomeness:D
Recently I have had a new mental representation of who I am and who I am going to further relax into as a kick ass man. It feels the same direction as this material :)


I'm going this way with my life, COME ALONG, if not, no biggie, I got me and I am the fucking shit! HOLLA! :D
great posts.
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#4

micr0

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/09/2009 | Posts: 19

This is good knowledge! This is wise man.
I see myself doing this, approaching scared with pressure, with a demonstrating frame.
It doesnt work. I know wings which I like, but for some reason i cant run the train with them.
Its almost like I >must< demonstrate something to them.
I'm doing fine with the smooth wings.
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#5

TheJourney

Member

Join Date: 11/26/2008 | Posts: 56

hey, great post, great value, really nice, actually just saved that "Are you doing this for you or the others?" on the screen of my mobile, so i see it everytime i look at the clock. really nice posts, they're helping big time! :D
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#6
Reprobate

Reprobate

Member

Join Date: 03/09/2010 | Posts: 75

 Super awesome.  I can totally relate to the highschool stuff save that it wasn't metal heads, it was super feminist punk rockers.  I'm sure you all know what THAT would do to a dude.  But hey, getting through.  Thanks Ozzie I am really looking forward to a whole book full of this kind of value. 
Cheers!
-R
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#7
DoggyStylz

DoggyStylz

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/23/2010 | Posts: 15

 Hey Ozzie, when are you in London? I like to work on my closing..
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#8
Stinson.

Stinson.

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/30/2010 | Posts: 131

Man! if this is what your book is going to  be about then im most deffiently going to have to get it
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#9
Aligator

Aligator

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/19/2007 | Posts: 260

Good stuff your putting out here, will you have stuff like this in your book too? (I hope so :P)

Cheers
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#10

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

u got to take responsibility & be reative & play your strong points(of ur personality)
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#11
Master Milo

Master Milo

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/09/2009 | Posts: 387

 Thanks Ozzie, good insights as usual. 
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#12
EnVee

EnVee

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 277

Liking the new article format!
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#13

Playboy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/02/2010 | Posts: 556

 You've helped me alot on closeing! Sometimes when I'm stuck I think; what would Ozzie do! ? hahaha
Thanks :D 
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#14

El_Diego

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/29/2009 | Posts: 146

 So true, on so many levels. Peer pressure is an invisible chode that talks you into doing nothing and to be like him watching the girl you like with your dick in your hand.
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#15
Abower

Abower

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/26/2007 | Posts: 1762

Gave me a lot to think about, thanks.
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#16
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5327

Ozzie mate,  thanks.

I was just talking about this the other day. I notice even some close friends can be destructive. I am so happy for a friend when he pulls. Then again, I don't always get the same admiration back. I pull quite a bit. Like anything, it comes in spurts. Some times, I am hot & other times, it is cold. I do my best to keep positive, dress my best but not try hard & PLOW even in dry spells. THEN BAM - it hits. It can be a text message from a girl I picked up or a FB msg. It could be a girl at the gym. Its that never quit; never die; who gives a fuck attitude. I pull. Then again, some times, it is tough. It could be a rough day or some horrible family ordeal occured, financial or whatever; your game is effected. There is attachment to outcome & it not only fucks up with your work or personal life but, pick up as well. Then, there are times where everything is clean sailing. Everything is in sync. Life is dynamic and nothing is truly linear. Everything is prone to change.

This is a powerful article; one of many. I am in disbelief at how many people, some who are family that even seem to want to hold me back. Its insanity. I've even seen nights where, I am pulling but, my mate is trying to fucking tool me. I've dropped girls a couple years ago in this instant. I reacted and it set me off. I started to portray my ugly unattractive side. I just text my mate about getting back out solo and placing the emphasis on self. Winging with the good people and limiting my time away from the manic depressants.

Thanks.
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#17

bostonbull

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/23/2007 | Posts: 15

Love it!

So true that peer pressure and fear of looking bad in front of friends holds people back probably even more than fear of rejection from the girl. At least in my experience...

Hugely important to have positive friends, not just in terms of WANTING you to pull, but in terms of encouraging you to step out of your comfort zone. It makes it a lot easier when your friends give you props for taking risks and making moves, regardless of the outcome. Any worry of looking like a chode disappears.

Glad I read this, great reminder.
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#18

Michael!

Member

Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 89

"Today they hold menial jobs-married early, had kids, no studies -- and have gotten nowhere in life except for 1 or 2 exceptions."

Society requires a lot of people to hold these "menial jobs". In fact, they're probably more essential than "better" careers like those of actors, musicians, authors, etc. So I think it's very short-sighted to condemn people for not "getting somewhere in life" -- a judgement which itself is biased: not everyone is interested in travelling, entertaining, or otherwise making lots of money. Some people are happy to work simple jobs to bring in enough money for food and shelter; to spend their days having a relaxing evening with the friends and family they love. It's not that they're not "getting anywhere", it's just that they have different goals. Some people like to go to parties. Some people like to stay at home and read. There's nothing better or worse about either.

"Of course, on this road trip we didn’t have a car or money. We would just sleep in train stations, beaches, travel at night etc. It was the most retarded stupid idea ever. Looking back I am appalled that I agreed to do that shit.

"To make a long story short, I abandoned the trip towards the end. We were 2 days away from going home and I remember all of us going into a pizzeria to eat and I said to them 'fuck all of you. It is enough. I am out of here'."


I certainly don't claim to know all the facts about this trip, but from what information you've provided, it seems that all these people did was invite you on a trip which they, themselves, would find fun. Clearly you didn't. But to say something like "fuck all of you" seems unwarranted. If you didn't enjoy it, then that's understandable, but to insult them because you didn't enjoy it seems more of a "retarded stupid idea" than the trip itself -- after all, a lot of people like the idea of travelling and roughing it. And they didn't force you to go; you accepted their offer. Sure, you might have felt compelled by their possible judgements if you'd declined, but so what? They have just as much a right to judge you as uncool for not going on the trip as you do for judging them to be under-achieving losers for not making lots of money and holding only "menial" jobs. It is quite hypocritical to shit-talk them for shit-talking you.

But aside from these issues, good article. It's important that people do not succumb to (negative) peer-pressure.
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#19
Z.O.O.

Z.O.O.

Member

Join Date: 06/22/2008 | Posts: 71

Wow, this goes deep
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#20
sub5tance

sub5tance

Member

Join Date: 02/05/2009 | Posts: 95

When people are negative about you or your actions its normally because you have disturbed them in some way. Normally its actually a projection of their OWN insecurities. So when you find other men reacting badly to your behavior with women, its usually a good sign because you are exposing their own feelings of insecurity when they compare themsleves with you. Confident guys either don't care or are supportive.

I'll never forget a while back I was out with a good friend. He's actually quite switched on when it comes to girls, but he does act weird when I start doing well with a girl. This girl looks over at me and smiles. Then she comes over in a group and sits on the next table. He starts talking to her but she keeps glancing over at me, like she wants me to open her. So I do, across the table. In a break in convo when she is talking to one of her friends he shouts across to me 'Shes not interested in you Dude! Don't bother'

Why would you say that to a friend? Even if it were true, why be so negative?

Made me realise that even 'good friends' can show their weaknesses/negativity when it comes to girls. I'm still friends with this guy, but I've lost any trust in openining up to him or sharing this part of my life to any degree with him.

BTW, Ozzie that trip you went on sounded like it could have been quite good fun. I did something like that when I was about 18 (a good few years ago now). It was cold. We slept rough. But hell what an ADVENTURE!
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#21
freshbit

freshbit

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2009 | Posts: 180

Great stuff, Ozzie.

I'm grateful.
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#22

Fringe

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/19/2010 | Posts: 7

 i can totally relate my life to this!

I just started university life, which marks the beginning of my PU journey.  

Some weeks back i saw a good-looking chick, but i was with my friend(s), something just pulled me back from opening her. Peer pressure damit.
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#23
pretty_ricky

pretty_ricky

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/09/2010 | Posts: 18

This article really surprised me.  The peer pressure stuff is really good.  It's especially given me some pause to do self refleciton so that i make sure i'm possitive around my wings when we go do pickups, but I have always thought of any travel as a good thing since it gives you perspect on cultures, or at least communities outside of your own.  Not to mention the objection to the mode of travel, it's the journey itself, not the destination or even the mode of transportation.
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#24

disvala

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/21/2008 | Posts: 2



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#25

berlinrsd

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/29/2009 | Posts: 734

calling your friends losers, it's harsh.
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#26

ElTighre

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/03/2010 | Posts: 24

I dunno why any of y'all are trying to pass judgment like you know the deal with Ozzie's friends better than he does.

Good article, definitely going to keep this in mind
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#27
Holland

Holland

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 769

That whole high school thing kinda sucks, because you're stuck for some time having to be at high school and spending time with people, so if you're in a class full of lame people, you're forced to spend time with lame people. Luckily the educational system gives you more freedom later on if you perform well, but overall it's still an incredible shitty system that;s holding back the potential for growth for teenagers and children IMO.
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