Hi guys, 

Had to cut this article in two because it got too long. Don’t like to do that but I had to. I chose to outline the problem on the first part and offer tools, drills and solutions on part 2. Hope that’s ok but again feedback is welcome as usual.

Anybody from the London, UK area is welcome
to apply for instructor assistant. Just email me at
ozzie@realsocialdynamics.com.

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Here's the schedule for 2013

January 11-13 Munich or London BC with Alex

January 18-20 London BC

January 25-27 Oslo BC with Alex

February 1-3 London BC with Alex

February 8-10 Stockholm BC

February 15-17 London BC

February 22-24 Tallinn BC

March 1-3 London BC

March 8-10 Dublin BC

March 15-17 London BC

March 22-24 Berlin BC

March 29-31 London BC


Sign up right now at: www.rsdbootcamp.com

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Letting Go of the Body

If you don’t know how to swim, try and let go of your body when you are in a swimming pool. You can practice this on your own if you like- learn to let go at a physical level-, if you truly let go of your body, you will find that you float. Water carries your weight. However, if you become tense in the water, you go right to the bottom. You become too heavy for the water to carry you. Reason why in drowning rescue missions you see guys punching the rescued person in the face to stop him from thrashing about. If the person is tense they become a problem to rescue from the water. Reason why dead bodies float.



It might feel scary at first but you will let go if you practice in the water and eventually you can practice the same way in the middle of a crowd.
You can also practice letting go of the following things in that state of relaxation. Practice getting rid of the most common things that make you a control bandit:
1. Fear: I am afraid I will be humiliated and laughed at when I approach.
2. Not good enough: I don’t deserve hot girls. I don’t deserve a healthy sex life or a nice girlfriend. I will always struggle in this area.
3. Fear of letting go: if I let go I will make things worse. Learn to live with the idea that we will be fine without “micromanaging” every aspect of the interactions and people.

What do you lose by being controlling?

Another way of solving this problem it is by telling yourself all the great things that being a control freak is costing you.
First thing to go is fun. When you are in “control mode” it is impossible to have fun at all. Micromanaging is not fun at all. You become so worried with the outcome of interactions and filled with fear about not getting what you want that you won’t enjoy it. This is how you don’t enjoy when you get what you want because it “cost you” too much. Emotional cost outweighs the payoff of getting a lay.

Second, your energy will be depleted. The cost in zest of controlling your environment will take a huge toll on your game. You won’t feel like approaching because you got no enthusiasm to go on. Being in “over alert” because of fear, will make you extremely tired very quickly.

Third, you will lose your personal free will. Your controlling behavior will give your power away. People will control you with their reactions. You won’t feel free. You will feel controlled. You set yourself for this and you only have yourself to blame.

Among other things, you will lose basic grip on your wellbeing. So looking at the things you lose will help you motivate yourself to practice letting go.

What Else Can We Do?

I am throwing at you as many solutions as possible so you grab whatever fits and run with it. Letting go of control is not as hard as you think once you know what you are doing.
Let me point something that helps in this endeavor.
I want you to adopt a new life philosophy in the field. Remember the more uncomfortable it is, the better is hitting home. So if you are uneasy about the following you might consider taking it on seriously.

My New Life Philosophy for Approaching Women

1. With women, to affect their behavior, I must accept it first, whatever it is.
2. By focusing on changing their behavior, I make it more uncontrollable.
(It works for relationship too! I always screwed up mine for being too controlling.)

The only way to changing other’s behavior is by inspiring others. Women will mirror your accepting attitude when they see you don’t care and you accept them as they are. You will change a girl’s behavior by not reacting to it. Needless to say this requires “focused” practice, not “long practice”. It doesn’t have to take long to install this new philosophy if you just make it a point to have it present when you approach.
When I am in a club, I ask a guy, “what do you think about this group of girls”, and the guy goes, “I think nothing of them”. Great. I know fear has left the building. Guy is ready to move on and do “harder stuff”. Guys also tell me things like, “if I approach it will be fine”. I know then they are in a good space so they can move on to riskier approaches.

Trust Yourself

Is that easy? Yes, it is. It is that easy. Why am I writing this whole article about it? Because we, instructors, love to complicate things. It is not your fault. But honestly, everything I have said will lead you to this conclusion. You must trust yourself and that the universe will help. The universe does align with people that take positive action, kind of that stupid movie “the secret”. I don’t agree with almost anything there but I do agree with the universe backing you up theory. Things happen when you trust yourself and that you will be supported by the universe. It is kind of scientific too. There is an energy released when you take action, and that energy released into the environment makes things happen. Whoa! I went woo, woo on that one. Eckhart Tollish of me. (Attempted humor)

Stop white knuckling it (hanging on too tight)

Don’t try so hard. Loosen your grip on interactions. I always say to guys, “you only win girls by losing girls”. Learn to lose girls and don’t care. Go for the make out when it is not going well. Stop waiting for the interaction to go well to do closing moves. Pull the girl away from the group when you think it is the worst moment. “Lose a few, gain a few” (Lemmy, Motorhead). Learn to play before you learn to win.

Stop wanting your way all the time. You had a horrible night of rejection galore, so be it. You will win tomorrow.
Learn the way of the path of the least resistance. Flow. Accept your losses as part of winning. Surrender and accept that you are not in control. Like the Chinese knot, the more you pull, the tighter it gets.

You have to let go to get out of it. Be reminded of that monkey trap they use in Borneo: they put food inside a coconut on a stick and only open a small fist size hole. The monkey introduces its small simian hand in the coconut but can’t get it out. Because to get its greedy paw out he needs to let go of the food. It is a fool proof way to catch a monkey since it won’t let go of the food, its outcome. In a way, he doesn’t want to be free.
So do you.

You are like a monkey in a club by hanging on to the outcome. You will get caught by the paralyzing fear of losing your outcome. That’s your personal coconut. You won’t take risks as a result of it and you won’t get the rewards. You are playing “not to lose” like the monkey. You are not playing to win. It is a paradox and if you don’t get it, you don’t get what it takes to be a winner.

You Accomplish More

By giving up your “illusion of power”, you accomplish more than by trying to control others. Your vision gets too narrow, you care too much, and you will destroy your performance by trying to control it. By letting go of control over women, you accomplish relaxation, coolness and a sense of being in control. You see the whole forest, not just the trees. You aggrandize your vision. So who cares if a girl rejects me in the club? It is not the last woman on earth. You become abundant. By resisting reality you accomplish nothing. By letting go of reality, you get everything.

Use images to cure you (NLP stuff)

For once, NLP was right. Visualize yourself in a situation letting go of control. For example, you might want to hold an image of a train leaving the station. That’s it, the train is gone, and you see the back of last wagon disappear slowly in the distance. And you are left on your own by the station and there is nothing you can do about it.

You must accept you are to wait for the next one. In real life, you let go in those situations almost immediately; basically, you concede defeat, and wait for the next train. Letting go is something we are already doing. It is just a matter of practicing it in different situations like cold approaching. Hold that image in your head when you arrive to the club, or any other image of your choosing.

The way I practice this in my daily life is by standing by the traffic light until it turns green. I try not to cross the road on red even when everybody is doing it. I resist the urge to cross by “letting go of the urge”. That’s how I get my power back. It has taught me to arrive early to meetings because I know that I won’t be able to rush through traffic. I became better at time management because of it. That’s what I gained by letting go.

Sometimes I am standing by the traffic light “like an idiot” waiting for green when there are no cars coming for miles. So be it. Let go. I am profoundly controlling (fearful) and I need radical solutions otherwise I won’t change. I like going over board when learning new patterns because at some point I will return to normalcy or some middle ground. But at first you must be radical. To break my patterns, I have even gone as far as risking missing a flight on purpose to find out it doesn’t kill me. I purposely arrived late to the airport. I found out the plain was waiting for me to my surprise (delayed). That’s how I got over my fear of losing flights.

Anyway leave
comments, criticism is welcome too.

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Here's the schedule for 2013


January 11-13 Munich or London BC with Alex

January 18-20 London BC

January 25-27 Oslo BC with Alex

February 1-3 London BC with Alex

February 8-10 Stockholm BC

February 15-17 London BC

February 22-24 Tallinn BC

March 1-3 London BC

March 8-10 Dublin BC

March 15-17 London BC

March 22-24 Berlin BC

March 29-31 London BC



Sign up right now at: www.rsdbootcamp.com

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PS: Loving all of the comments I got in the previous article, including the youtube comments.
Working on some of the suggestions there. Video quality improves slowly but we
are getting there. Soon I will release some infield if possible. Anybody from the
London, UK area is welcome to apply for instructor assistant. Just email me at
ozzie@realsocialdynamics.com