Hi guys,


Had to cut this article in two because it got too long. Don’t like to do, hate the cliffhanger,  that but I had to. I chose to outline the problem on Part I and offer tools, drills and solutions on Part 2.  Hope that’s ok but again feedback is welcome as usual.

Anybody from the London, UK area is welcome
to apply for instructor assistant. Just email me at
ozzie@realsocialdynamics.com.

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Here's the schedule for 2013

January 11-13 Munich or London BC with Alex

January 18-20 London BC

January 25-27 Oslo BC with Alex

February 1-3 London BC with Alex

February 8-10 Stockholm BC

February 15-17 London BC

February 22-24 Tallinn BC

March 1-3 London BC

March 8-10 Dublin BC

March 15-17 London BC

March 22-24 Berlin BC

March 29-31 London BC


Sign up right now at: www.rsdbootcamp.com

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Lame Attempts To Control Women
I ask a student on a program night, prior to an approach, “What do you think of those girls over there?”, to which he says, “I am going to run out of things to say and I will suck”. Normally I would say, “Let’s go and suck”. I project his “gloom and doom” future scenario with him. I don’t contradict him or try and make him “be more positive” because it doesn’t work long term. Let’s see why.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6bZrTuU1HA


It is widely accepted that when your mind is in the future, you are in fear and when in the past, you are in resentment (another word for fear, since fear is an emotion that always lies under anger, you get angry when you feel defensive, the pre-emptive strike response.) So you are always in fear, past or future. BUT YOU ARE NEVER HERE.
You are missing the present. In this article, will try and teach you how to solve the “not being in the present” moment issue, so crucial when you interact with girls. Women (and men) can feel when you are not “here and now” and reject you based on the assumption that “something is off with you”, even when they can’t pin point what. As an extension you can use those tools in your job, social life, and anything really. At the end of the article I will outline some solutions that might solve the problem even before the problem starts.
First, let’s explain why this happens, to give you a context.
I will explain why you become so negative when you try to control your environment. Welcome to the world of the control freak, my kind of world. You could say, “But I am not a control freak”.
And you might be right about that. Sometimes controlling issues appear only in certain areas but you need to deal with it anyway. Maybe, you enter a club and your control mania kicks in. Other guys, psychos, autistics, spend hours aligning and re-aligning their toy soldiers in their shelves. You, on the other hand, want to control women, people, situations. You want to fiercely re-align those “toy soldiers” so they always “look good”.

My Pattern
I travel to a different country every other week. I try to figure out the weather patterns for the weekend in every country I go to. I am preparing myself to “imaginary” challenges. In other words, I am trying to control the weather. My pattern kicks in especially in winter months where there is rain, snow, cold and I arrive in a town I don’t even know the clubs. I feel threatened by the unknown circumstances I will find when I land there.
I have been travelling for 7 years in this job and I still find myself worrying about this every time. At an unconscious level, I figured that I can control the weather. Basically, when I am in my control freak mode, I am playing God. However, weather, when I land, it is going to go either way and there is nothing I can do about it. As a control freak, I don’t want control, I want the illusion of control so I can relax. It is all fear-based. I want to get rid of my fear by controlling my environment. I am trying to figure out what I am up against in those bootcamp destinations. But since it is impossible, I want an illusion of control through a weather forecast or any other way. And now the weather controls me. I gave my power away to the weather.
There is not a big difference between me and my travelling weather obsession, and a guy in the club trying to control girls reactions. A guy in the club is as fear-based as the guy trying to figure out the weather pattern so he is “prepared”. They both want an illusion of control for the lack of any real confidence.
We are both afraid about what will happen when we are “not in control”. But since control is an illusion, it is not real, we worry about something that is fake. Yes, control is fake. It is never true control. That’s why real confidence is all about being ok with the odds, no matter what.
Another way you control is by “attaching” yourself to an outcome. The most common outcome guys attached themselves to in dating is girls liking them. They think they can control that. As a result of that, they give their power away and women are the ones in control. Guys become reactive to girls. They end up micromanaging interactions by being funny, arrogant, exciting, “sucking girls in” and so on. But because of the nature of micromanaging, you lose the big picture. If you want to be successful, you want to “macro” manage interactions. It means you roll with the punches and don’t take things as face value either good or bad but instead focus more on the interaction moving forward as a whole.



ww.youtube.com/watch?v=70Ty-LVGwVg

The more “in control” you are, the less you are in control. Things feel more out of control the more you try to control the little details of the interaction from the opening sentence to the close. You feel like somebody is in control. And you are right! Another person is in control, the girl. She is controlling you because you are so worried about anything she does or says because you are using it as feedback of how well you are doing.
Humans Love Control. Here Is Why?
Fear is the number one cause for controlling behavior. Fear based people feel out of control all the time. They feel they are “being played” rather than “playing others”. Fear of humiliation dominates guys in the field. you don’t want a female to expose their shortcomings in an approach. You try to control female’s reactions because we are afraid of what can happen if we don’t. We are afraid they will freak out and tell us to go to hell. So the obsession becomes about making them laugh, comfortable and so on. However, attempting to control things makes you feel out of your mind crazy. Your focus becomes too narrow and you start become reactive.

Fear And The Fight/Flight Response In Social Situations
All animals including humans are equipped with fight/flight response. They are programmed by years of evolution to fight/flight/freeze in response to a threat. The problem is that in humans it happens in social situations where they can’t control the outcome. In nature, the outcome is very specific; just survive. In social situations, survival just doesn’t quite cut it. Actually it can be argued that surviving only will lead to isolation and despair. We want results!
However, fear gets in the way, the old fight/flight/freeze response to a threat. In this case, women are the threat. You want to control them. You want interactions to go your way. And that generates the gut wrenching fear. You set yourself up for this the moment you become controlling. You are afraid you won’t get the desired outcome of the interaction. In other words, you think you can play God and control the future.
Becoming comfortable in your mind and your body becomes a paramount issue. How do we do that? How can we beat years of biological evolution?
How can we let go of the fear and truly become comfortable in those feared situations.

“I Am Ok With The World” Response
I tell my students on program, “People want to be friendly”. It is true if you give them a chance most people are friendly even when you are bothering them. To illustrate, I make my students walk backwards into a thick crowd in central London with clear instructions not to apologize for bumping into or stepping on people’s toes. I also make my students block with their bodies the escalator exits of the tube stations so people have to push them aside to get through. Students are surprised to find out that most people are friendly in those situations and actually apologize to them! Not the other way around.
If I am ok with the world, the world is ok with me. I used to read this Indian Guru who would keep saying to his disciples, “there is nothing wrong with the world”, “Look inside”. At the time I was so deep into pickup theory that I didn’t understand what he was saying. Today, I see what he meant. If I look for validation outside, I will always be at odds with the world but the world doesn’t have to conform to me. There is nothing wrong with the outside world. However, something is wrong with me when I look at the world in a negative light, in a fearful light.

Women Control In Relationships (Relationship Section)
The most common way is through the withholding of sex. It is funny that I was the one doing that to my ex in my past relationship. She was chasing me for sex all the time and I would withhold it from her until she would do whatever I wanted (you can do this by applying the tips for becoming a sex God in previous article). I became a chick in that relationship. It is embarrassing but I did.
Anyway, this is about women not me.
Let’s get back to those awful bitches (attempted humor). So, women know men are dogs, they only want to bury the bone. So they withhold sex from you if they know you want it bad. That’s how they control you. Sometimes it is subtle, other times this is very obvious.

How Do They Do It? One Subtle Way Women Control
Fights.
They pick up a fight with you over nothing. And when I mean nothing, I mean absolutely nothing. Typical fight goes like this:
Guys notice girls in a “mood”. Conversation goes something like this.
Guy: what’s wrong?
Girl: nothing.
Guy: you look mad. What did I do?
Girl: nothing.
Guy: why you acting like this.
Girl: I don’t know.
Guy: what the fuck is wrong with you?
She cornered you into a fight. She wanted control and she got it. she got you to react. Now you are her bitch. Now it is your fault for biting her bait and she can ignore you in bed.
How can we, as people, avoid this? (more attempted humor, slowly becoming a comedian in this article)
Don’t bite. Don’t play the game and you won’t lose. You need an awful lot of restrain to pull this off but it pays off big. Your girl will become as docile as a sheep. Say something along the lines of, “Oh, you would tell me when you are ready.” Fake it. Remember this is a war and you will lose if you bite. Act as if she was the nicest girl in the world when she is in a mood.
Women use their moods to control and manipulate us. Women are passive aggressive. They can’t express their anger, they have to swallow it (pun intended). Western/eastern society won’t allow for women to be angry. So their anger at men comes sideways in the form of moods and withholding. Understand also what women go through in our male-centric society. They get used to the idea that males are in control. So they rebel against it but sideways.
That’s why when you ask why they are mad, they get annoyed. In their head, they think, “doh, don’t you fucking know why I am angry”. Maybe they are angry because you forgot her birthday but she won’t tell. The fact that you don’t know, makes her even more belligerent. So sex becomes a bargaining chip (sexual criptonite) they will use against you, to punish you. They can’t use it if you refuse to play. You take away their chip by refusing to engage in fights. So, so after a while, they become submissive. Women give their power away all the time you just have to know how to get it.
Cool. Back to the article. Relationship section ends here. (Thinking of striking this section off because of lack of feedback on it. I don’t think it is landing with the guys here. That’s why I keep making it smaller.)
Here is another solution to the letting go challenge
Letting Go Of The Body…. (to be continued in Part II of this article, next week.)

Anyway leave
comments, criticism is welcome too.



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Here's the schedule for 2013


January 4-6 Amsterdam or London BC with Alex

January 11-13 Munich or London BC with Alex

January 18-20 London BC

January 25-27 Oslo BC with Alex

February 1-3 London BC with Alex

February 8-10 Stockholm BC

February 15-17 London BC

February 22-24 Tallinn BC

March 1-3 London BC

March 8-10 Dublin BC

March 15-17 London BC

March 22-24 Berlin BC

March 29-31 London BC



Sign up right now at: www.rsdbootcamp.com

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Ps: Loving all
the comments I got in the previous article, including the youtube comments.
Working on some of the suggestions there. Video quality improves slowly but we
are getting there. Soon I will release some infield if possible. Anybody from the
London, UK area is welcome to apply for instructor assistant. Just email me at
ozzie@realsocialdynamics.com.