People who become outcome dependent in the game remind me of the fake wheel attached to the boat in a children’s amusement park. Every time the kid turns the wheel and the boat goes his way he thinks he is in control of the boat. However, the boat is attached to a rail underwater. The boat will turn anyway in that direction. The boat turns in his mind only!
So you meet guys in the game who think that an interaction changed for the better because of something they did. They stick to those moves with faith and commitment. Every time the boat turns in their direction they think it was them who did it.
My I-Am-Going-To-Get-Laid-Tonight Shirt
Back in the day I had a lot of “peacocked” t-shirts that I thought looked really good on me. They disguised my real age, muscle tone and figure. They made me look better than I was under normal daylight, kind of like skank would dress to look like a hot girl but knowing deep inside she is just a skank. I did the same. I had one t-shirt that I got laid a lot in. So in my mind I thought it was my “lucky” t-shirt. So I would wear it and got laid with it. I chose unconsciously to ignore the times when I wore it and didn’t get laid. Back to the fake wheel attached to the boat metaphor. I was putting my success to a fake turn in the wheel. So do most guys in the game. They put their faith in a move, pickup theory or mindset and attached their faith to it like the fake wheel. If the boat turns they think they did it.
Reality of Interactions
The fact that an interaction changes course or improves has little to do with us and a lot with the particulars of the girl and logistics of the situation, is very liberating. Why? In that sense I don’t have to carry the burden of outcome dependence on my shoulders. It frees me from worrying about “game” and makes me more focus on taking action rather than the result of my actions. It is freeing. It makes you a better person too. It improves your quality of life in the field. It makes you more efficient. However, this is not something most people would like to hear in the pickup industry that thrives on “secrets” to success with women. But it is the truth. Not all the truth.
However, I am not saying here that it is a number’s game because if I did everybody would be getting laid and we know it is not true. You still need pickup education- finding ways to get rid of your outcome dependence is pickup education in itself and requires training, probably more and harder training than reciting a dumb opener or following a tactic. So doing more doesn’t necessarily lead to success. It often means the opposite. However, if you look at things the right way you have better chances than the next guy. If you become outcome dependent –fake wheel metaphor- you really have no chance. Why? You are setting yourself up for disappointment which leads to lack of motivation. You will quit or get frustrated which leads to quitting.
I recently read an article that got my attention. It was about how start buttons in the elevators don’t really work or how traffic sign buttons are dummies for the deluded stressed-out pedestrians. They give you a false sense of control. You can push those buttons all you want but the signal changes anyway at a preset time. What an amazing discovery because it works. It gives the human being a fall sense of control so he can relax and go about his business. However, they are just a placebo. A sugar pill.
It was the same back in the day when I was learning openers. I would use an opener many times until the openers started opening solid. Then a light bulb would go in my head saying “of course it works because it has been field tested before by a great number of people”. Nothing further from the truth. I made the opener work. The opener by itself was meaningless without me.
Before I took my first program, I was very inconsistent and I was not getting laid. After my first program, my skill set sky rocketed. Really? Not really. I just got laid more and more frequently. It had nothing to do with skills. I already had the skills. Bootcamp made me feel entitled to get laid. I had credibility now because I had taken a program. In my mind I was going, “Of course, I should get laid because I have taken a program with the best in the world at this thing”. Though the last statement is true, I was not doing things much more differently after program. I just had a belief that “now it is possible”. It works because you think it will work. Not to take any credit out of my instructor at the time, he made me feel it was possible. That was his contribution.
A Bootcamp, Simple Solutions to Complicated Problems
Pickup programs in general operate as a rite of passage more than anything else. It works because you think it will work. Of course, an instructor has accumulated knowledge of having taught thousands of students. So in that sense he knows what he is doing or the right course of action for your problems because it has worked with others. He has field experience and that goes a long way into making the rite work even better.
I used to watch a show on BBC about British women inserted for 2 weeks in a tribe in Africa in the middle of the wild. These women had to adapt to life in the wild for 2 weeks. As you can imagine they absolutely sucked at it. Without TV and western type of distractions for the mind, nearly all of them had a nervous breakdown. They couldn’t stand living in day to day reality. Anyway, the thing that caught my attention was the different ceremonies and traditions those tribes lived by. Specifically how when a boy turned 18 he would become an adult. They had ceremony that it was a rite of passage into adulthood. The boy had to pass an initiation ritual where he would be tested and finally when the tests were passed –they were symbolical, nothing fancy, kind of like a mini-Hero’s journey- he would be turned into an adult and he could go and marry and support his own family, etc. All the tribe, as a community, will be involved in this so that the boy’s brain got the message that now he was an adult. Everybody he knew since the day he was born including people from nearby villages was there with him in this all important ceremony making it valid. After that, the whole village will consider him an adult for all intents and purposes. The sugar pill all over again because he was still a boy at the age of 18. He was not and adult yet.
Same thing happens when a student comes to a pickup program. He goes through different tests and finally he passes them and he is given the rite of passage. However, the rite of passage must be credible otherwise the desired effect cannot be achieved. The boy needs to feel like an adult in the tribe.
(Havana Special Event Promo, watch out…December 16-18/11)
Most guys would not take responsibility for their success. They want somebody else to do it for them. They want the easy way out. They don’t want to go through the tests of the rite of passage. It means taking rejection in the field, trial and error, inconsistent results and so on.
Taking things in your hands implies becoming an adult. Doing your part so you can enjoy success implies a certain level of adulthood. No technique, tactic, opener will do it for you. You must embrace the process with all its consequences. You must pass the test. You must re-enact the ancient rite of passage type of ceremony in your game. Go through the tests and come out victorious.
(Disclaimer: I had to find a way to finish this article, so I apologize for the last paragraph. Anyway it is not like you are paying to read this. But I stand by the rest of my article. I must admit I have a problem finishing things especially when I have to because of the word count. Anyway, hope the rest of it was still useful. )