Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
Fear of Failure

A lot of time is wasted thinking how to fear, overcome approach anxiety, be more comfortable while there is a short cut to all this. It looks as if fear is the enemy. Haven’t you done anything while afraid? Have you ever jumped in a pool while thinking the water will be cold but you did it anyway?

If you think long and hard you will find you have done many things in your life while afraid. Not only that you accomplish your ultimate goal, scared. I played baseball for 8 + years and while I like this game there were moments when I was fearful and manage to get it done. Off the top of my head I remember home games with a bit of a crowd and me struggling to get a starting job in the line up up against much better peer players-some were out of professional leagues. I went out and went 2 for 3 on a home game against a tough pitcher. I got props from everybody including the coach. I did it all afraid. I was afraid to fail, in a sense every game was a try out for me. I was always proving my worth to the team because there were better guys around.

I DIWAed.

Discipline

Discipline means doing something that is not particularly fun to do. Ploughing through the pain of rejection in a club is probably not a fun thing. Now, the fear of such pain, not the pain itself, prevents us from making progress.

Pressing through the pain of rejection, confronting it, acknowledging it is a big part of the progress. To stand in front of a girl, trying to talk to her, reacting to her anger, you will probably feel a fear eating at you, the first time around. If you press on, rather than run away and hide, you will look at fear in the eye. You will lose respect for it because the pain in itself is never as big as the fear of it. It is like a bully that turns out to be less scary once you get to know him and see they are just real people with an attitude.

Last week I was in a club on bc with G and there is this huge guy walks up to us and gets on our face and G and me looked at each other and started laughing and talking to him. He eventually told us he was fucking with us. It was funny. That shit wouldn’t have been funny 4 or 5 years ago when I was a complete chode.

DIWA Principle Or Trying To Control Fear



Don’t fight your fears, don’t try to make them go away, acknowledge they are there...and do it afraid. See what happens.

“Introduce a little anarchy” joker says.

A great deal of energy is spent trying to hide your fears, destroying them, pretending they are not there. The worst thing you can do is pretend you are somebody you are not. Somebody with no weaknesses, somebody who is strong when he is not. I admit my weaknesses constantly. It is part of getting to know who I am. The truth will make you free. Hiding, running, pretending will keep you in bondage to your dark side. I cannot recommend strong enough that guys work on their shadow or shadow projections. Things that are under your level of consciousness that dominate your behaviour. There are plenty of books out there for shadow work so I won’t even bother to explain.

It is easy to identify your shadow if you determine the things that you hate in life or things that scare you. A common shadow part is weakness. Most males don’t want to look weak, so they avoid doing things that would show their weaknesses. Being the weak one or the rejected one is a big part of the shadow of males who need to put up an image of toughness in society, etc...Like I said it is all over the place.

“I Don’t Like To Go On Stage Unless I Have Butterflies In My Stomach” Or Something Like That.

I can’t remember the exact quote from Elvis. So true. Here is a guy who made a habit of doing it afraid. He knew himself so well and he knew that he was fallible. Too bad he was a self-destructive individual but the lesson remains. He knew he was afraid and he knew that it was normal and didn’t freak out.

I have made a lifestyle of doing it afraid. I have talked to audiences larger than I have thought I could, I have open groups that I knew were going to be tougher for me than I could handle, I have run programs in conditions I thought were impossible, etc., and you would think by this time I wouldn’t be afraid. Nope. I am still afraid. I suspect I will be for as long as I live. Fear is part of life. It is also a great signal for danger; it keeps us safe and alive. It tells you when something is not safe. Everything has a function in life even the things we don’t like so much.

I forced a student who was afraid once to open girls with “I am lost. I don’t know what I am doing here. Can you help me?” Because of his sincerity many girls wanted to talk to him and find out about him. Now if I had forced upon him some cocky opener and some tough it up attitude he would probably have failed miserably. It would have been pretending, incongruent, girls would have seen right through him.

Rejected=Unwanted!

When you are going through the pain of rejection realize is a good thing. Get excited. Going through something is good news; it means you are getting to the other side. Students hate plateaus in their game but going through a plateau is a sign of good things to come. When I start to get bored with my salsa routines, I know it is a good thing. Sooner or later I am going to get through to the other side and I will start enjoying my dancing. I am pretty sure I will find something new that I will enjoy. I don’t freak out, I just keep going through with it. It is good news. I am getting somewhere. I am excited about my next stage.

For some being rejected means being unwanted or unloved etc. that’s why we teach “approval from inside”. Every rejection will make it clear to you that a new paradigm needs to be formed. If you approve of yourself you wouldn’t seek people or women’s approval. That’s your first step. Finding ways to approve of yourself regardless of people’s approval.

Things You Could Do. Tap Into Your Real Self.

Tree of Life

1. Say your honest opinion about something and stick to it throughout the night. Share it with people. Try to avoid gloom topics like war, death, etc...This is not appropriate for a Friday when people are trying to have fun. Don’t be a party pooper but in the same token stick to your guns, say “you find women shoes confusing” and stick to it. Approve of your opinion first yourself and then share it.

2. Put your real self on the line every time you talk to girls no matter how “uncool” it is. “Yeah, I love lord of the rings and every weekend I have a geek out party with my friends where we wear lord of the rings costumes as we watch all the movies. Sometimes the party goes until the very next day. I love it. I can’t believe frodo is actually gay.”Etc.

Do it while afraid you will be disapproved. It is exhilarating. You will end up loving these things, in fact, you will get addicted to sharing honestly who you are with people.
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Comments

#1
Syndrome

Syndrome

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/01/2008 | Posts: 140

I will be the first one to say

''I was afraid to post first because it would make me look less cool''

DIWA MOTHERFUCKERS!
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#2
cinefilo

cinefilo

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Join Date: 04/09/2009 | Posts: 24

Great post Ozzie.... we just need to put ourself on the line
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#3
Mack-E

Mack-E

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Join Date: 12/04/2008 | Posts: 150

Ñooooooooooo,  ;)
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#4

Russianguy

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/25/2009 | Posts: 200

Sincerity is such a good thing to have!

I approach girls with "Hi, you know i just thought you were cute and wanted to meet you... but now i don't know what to say :)". And it still works. 
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#5

E1000

Member

Join Date: 05/14/2009 | Posts: 68

Great Post Ozzie, I definitely have felt those moments when you are standing there, opening a 10,  looking at fear in the eye, and when you realize the fear was greater than whatever she can do to you, its such a moment of freedom that a shift occurs and the girl doesnt really matter anymore , and somehow she now wants to know you.... I have felt this, and it's powerful. I have felt it in other areas in my life as well, not only in pick up.  Thanks for the post
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#6
AceBrennan

AceBrennan

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Join Date: 02/20/2008 | Posts: 55

For me the more i do something and the more i push myself the less and less afraid i become...
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#7
xeofreestyle

xeofreestyle

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Join Date: 12/09/2007 | Posts: 422

Ozzie! This Article and your other one about accepting losing as part of the game, were Huge in my mind! Thanks for taking the time to write this up! Very Cool! =)
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#8
HEAT et Veritas

HEAT et Veritas

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Join Date: 12/13/2008 | Posts: 124

ok Ill say it...im in love with Carrie Underwood. I will quit the game right NOW for you. Carrie?
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#9
J.Sark

J.Sark

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Join Date: 04/27/2009 | Posts: 402

Great fucking post!!!! If we never do things we are afraid of we never improve ourselves!!!!
You're really, really inspiring!!!! (i'm not in love with you) 
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#10
NDN-Steve

NDN-Steve

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Join Date: 04/29/2009 | Posts: 44

DIWA!!  This is soooo useful, it's like now there's something to grasp on to when before my thoughts about it were scattered and useless.  It's like knowing about the emotion of resistance or knowing about jealousy vs not even knowing there was a word or term to describe my own feeling or action.  I can FOCUS on this and make it a routine.  I'll be runnin around doin stuff and in my head shoutin DIWA BETCH!! and practicing DIWA instead of practicing pussyfooting around things because of foolish rationalizing all the time.  Thnx OZZIE
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#11

gogl~

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Join Date: 03/06/2009 | Posts: 469

good thoughts,
thanks
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#12
Doge~

Doge~

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Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3689

So awesome Ozzie, thank you.
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#13
Nimbus

Nimbus

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Join Date: 12/02/2007 | Posts: 795

I love your writing ozzie.

One day I wlil travel across the world to take BC with you.

muahaahhahaha

I am not cool. lol
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#14
Wil~

Wil~

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Join Date: 04/12/2009 | Posts: 110

fuck your articles are awesome Ozzie!  thanks again for the simple and no-bullshit approach to an important topic
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#15
Super Cool Predator

Super Cool Predator

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Join Date: 01/17/2008 | Posts: 51

What you say is something i have come to realise. I always look and see what my weaknesses and i always find women adorable to speak even if they hate my guts!!
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#16

Inher Bodhi Buddha

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Join Date: 07/16/2008 | Posts: 56

Good article.
What is shadow work?
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#17
Davey Train

Davey Train

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Join Date: 06/02/2008 | Posts: 317

Wait a fucking minute here!! Frodo is GAY???!!!!!!
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#18

Mo~

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Awesome inspiring post
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#19
Lucard

Lucard

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Join Date: 01/25/2008 | Posts: 31

Very inspiring post Ozzie! Thank you.
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#20
Daniel

Daniel

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Join Date: 10/10/2008 | Posts: 1943

If the bible and fight club had a baby
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#21
The Duck ✘

The Duck ✘

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Join Date: 12/02/2006 | Posts: 1353

"The worst thing you can do is pretend you are somebody you are not. Somebody with no weaknesses, somebody who is strong when he is not. I admit my weaknesses constantly. It is part of getting to know who I am." - My favourite part.
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#22
Timbo Slice

Timbo Slice

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Join Date: 03/18/2009 | Posts: 46

Incredible article!!  What i took from it:  1)Don't try to hide your true self, in fact your true self is exceptionally attractive, both the good and bad, don't try to just push up the positive parts of yourself or the socially acceptable awesome ones, the uncool or weird things are who you are as well  (2)  Being afraid is normal and natural, and not only that- its probably weird if you're not afraid, you're probably not pushing yourself or growing as a person  (3)  Self approval is the only kind of approval you will ever need, never look outside yourself,  and (4)  Be a man and step up, you must do things that are tough to get where you want to go, bust through the pain and don't let it stop you, this is the way to become truly fulfilled, the more fear you overcome the better you will become
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#23
Job

Job

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Join Date: 09/11/2008 | Posts: 130

Good one Ozzie - mandotory reading for all of yous! Read all of Ozzie's articles I say!
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#24
willgood

willgood

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Join Date: 01/13/2008 | Posts: 255

DIWA is funner too!
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#25
STATEofFUFILLMENT

STATEofFUFILLMENT

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Join Date: 03/27/2009 | Posts: 59

rock on =)
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#26
WireySpindell

WireySpindell

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Join Date: 01/12/2009 | Posts: 663

There's a book that I was lucky enough to come across in high school that deals with this exact topic. "Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. It was one of the books that got me started on the self-help path, and is still one of my favorites.
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#27

Canello

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Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

A-Guy-Named-Lawson wrote:
Mad respect for Ozzie, one of my favorite instructors.

True definition of plow. Not plow through THEIR bullshit, plow through YOUR bullshit.

Unstoppable force, even by you.
IT's actually removing your shield,the 'man's shield' instead of removing the shield.
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#28

Canello

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Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Ozzie your articles are becoming better and better man.At this point you are writing probably the best articles of all the instructors.

Fear won't get away no matter what.And this isn't because it is hard wired in our brains the fear of approach as TMM says.

Most of the guys here don't have approach anxiety,at least this is what i want to believe.And when i say approach anxiety i mean to approach a girl and say an opener.There are other kinds of fears such as fear of not creating attraction,of not being able to establish comfort,fear of closing etc.All these fears may be expressed as approach anxiety.

Fear is an emotion that is created every time we move out of our comfort zone.It is a pshycho-cybernetic mechanism that tells us that we have stepped out of our normal range and that we move into an uncharted territory.Our unconscious mind wants us to be aware of this,that's why it creates fear.Every interaction with girls will lead to new territory which will create fear,let aside the stepping out of our comfort zone every time we want to move to the next level.Having this in mind fear is pretty sure that it will exist almost every time.It is irrational to try to get rid of it.

Every time fear is created,the thermostat in our subconscious tells us that we are facing sth unknown.This unknown doesn't mean it is necessarily bad or dangerous.It is just a signal.

Trying to use our logic to diminuish fear it won't work,because our conscious mind and our willpower although they may have an impact on the course,it is on;y for short term,not for the long term.That is the great flaw,we do conscious efforts and our conscious mind isn't effective at changing our habits.To have a result,we need to address these habits where they live,in our subconscious mind.

How we can do this?threw REPETITION.There is no other way.And how we achieve this?by doing it anyway,under any circumstances,no matter how we feel inside.

Good players don't have fear.Great players control it.The best players use it to their advantage.~Canello
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#29

Timtent®

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Join Date: 07/09/2008 | Posts: 322

powerful stuff. realy amazing..

it's like you're touching all the core things of how to get good in a row with your articles.
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#30
Angle

Angle

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Join Date: 01/08/2009 | Posts: 150

Thanks. Great article.
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#31
Pavarotti

Pavarotti

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Join Date: 04/06/2009 | Posts: 196

 Good Shit!
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#32

upstart

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Join Date: 05/30/2008 | Posts: 240

Just cloze! nice post
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#33

Canello

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Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Again great motivational article.However this has to be very basic for every guy who takes seriously success with women.
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#34
Abower

Abower

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Join Date: 08/26/2007 | Posts: 1762

I thought this article was going to be useless to me. I was wrong to have doubted you Ozzie. Your insights are as valuable as always.
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#35
SlingShot!

SlingShot!

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Join Date: 02/03/2009 | Posts: 191

very helpful article again dude! thanks!
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#36

WizardOne

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Join Date: 05/06/2009 | Posts: 144

Nice post ... Loved the idea of acknowledging fear as part of the whole thing what i have learned in this is To fear is to be excited for whats gonna happen is worth telling...
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#37
Solstice

Solstice

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Join Date: 12/21/2008 | Posts: 289

A great write-up on one of the core issues. Can completely relate. Thanks Ozzie.
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#38

®ico

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Join Date: 06/14/2009 | Posts: 9

Good read thanks for the post.
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#39
snowdog

snowdog

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Join Date: 06/18/2009 | Posts: 518

Ozzie you're one of my favorite writers on here. Good stuff man! 
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#40

Mark G

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Join Date: 07/30/2009 | Posts: 2

This was perfect.  really motivating
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#41

zine

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Join Date: 08/14/2007 | Posts: 122

great read thank you.
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#42
kk89

kk89

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Join Date: 01/19/2010 | Posts: 133

Thanks ozzie another great gem from you. I always wanted to learn "the close" the way you do it.
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#43

Molan

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Join Date: 04/03/2009 | Posts: 400

so much value here!...thanks!

....
"do it while affraid"...
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#44
bankonit67

bankonit67

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Join Date: 08/20/2008 | Posts: 30

This is an incredible article.
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#45
Skyisthelimit

Skyisthelimit

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Join Date: 10/27/2009 | Posts: 783

This is awesome.
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#46

Keiss

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Join Date: 05/28/2010 | Posts: 93

 no tak to je krutost ozzie, awesome
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