A lot of time is wasted thinking how to fear, overcome approach anxiety, be more comfortable while there is a short cut to all this. It looks as if fear is the enemy. Haven’t you done anything while afraid? Have you ever jumped in a pool while thinking the water will be cold but you did it anyway?
If you think long and hard you will find you have done many things in your life while afraid. Not only that you accomplish your ultimate goal, scared. I played baseball for 8 + years and while I like this game there were moments when I was fearful and manage to get it done. Off the top of my head I remember home games with a bit of a crowd and me struggling to get a starting job in the line up up against much better peer players-some were out of professional leagues. I went out and went 2 for 3 on a home game against a tough pitcher. I got props from everybody including the coach. I did it all afraid. I was afraid to fail, in a sense every game was a try out for me. I was always proving my worth to the team because there were better guys around.
Discipline means doing something that is not particularly fun to do. Ploughing through the pain of rejection in a club is probably not a fun thing. Now, the fear of such pain, not the pain itself, prevents us from making progress.
Pressing through the pain of rejection, confronting it, acknowledging it is a big part of the progress. To stand in front of a girl, trying to talk to her, reacting to her anger, you will probably feel a fear eating at you, the first time around. If you press on, rather than run away and hide, you will look at fear in the eye. You will lose respect for it because the pain in itself is never as big as the fear of it. It is like a bully that turns out to be less scary once you get to know him and see they are just real people with an attitude.
Last week I was in a club on bc with G and there is this huge guy walks up to us and gets on our face and G and me looked at each other and started laughing and talking to him. He eventually told us he was fucking with us. It was funny. That shit wouldn’t have been funny 4 or 5 years ago when I was a complete chode.
DIWA Principle Or Trying To Control Fear
Don’t fight your fears, don’t try to make them go away, acknowledge they are there...and do it afraid. See what happens.
“Introduce a little anarchy” joker says.
A great deal of energy is spent trying to hide your fears, destroying them, pretending they are not there. The worst thing you can do is pretend you are somebody you are not. Somebody with no weaknesses, somebody who is strong when he is not. I admit my weaknesses constantly. It is part of getting to know who I am. The truth will make you free. Hiding, running, pretending will keep you in bondage to your dark side. I cannot recommend strong enough that guys work on their shadow or shadow projections. Things that are under your level of consciousness that dominate your behaviour. There are plenty of books out there for shadow work so I won’t even bother to explain.
It is easy to identify your shadow if you determine the things that you hate in life or things that scare you. A common shadow part is weakness. Most males don’t want to look weak, so they avoid doing things that would show their weaknesses. Being the weak one or the rejected one is a big part of the shadow of males who need to put up an image of toughness in society, etc...Like I said it is all over the place.
“I Don’t Like To Go On Stage Unless I Have Butterflies In My Stomach” Or Something Like That.
I can’t remember the exact quote from Elvis. So true. Here is a guy who made a habit of doing it afraid. He knew himself so well and he knew that he was fallible. Too bad he was a self-destructive individual but the lesson remains. He knew he was afraid and he knew that it was normal and didn’t freak out.
I have made a lifestyle of doing it afraid. I have talked to audiences larger than I have thought I could, I have open groups that I knew were going to be tougher for me than I could handle, I have run programs in conditions I thought were impossible, etc., and you would think by this time I wouldn’t be afraid. Nope. I am still afraid. I suspect I will be for as long as I live. Fear is part of life. It is also a great signal for danger; it keeps us safe and alive. It tells you when something is not safe. Everything has a function in life even the things we don’t like so much.
I forced a student who was afraid once to open girls with “I am lost. I don’t know what I am doing here. Can you help me?” Because of his sincerity many girls wanted to talk to him and find out about him. Now if I had forced upon him some cocky opener and some tough it up attitude he would probably have failed miserably. It would have been pretending, incongruent, girls would have seen right through him.
When you are going through the pain of rejection realize is a good thing. Get excited. Going through something is good news; it means you are getting to the other side. Students hate plateaus in their game but going through a plateau is a sign of good things to come. When I start to get bored with my salsa routines, I know it is a good thing. Sooner or later I am going to get through to the other side and I will start enjoying my dancing. I am pretty sure I will find something new that I will enjoy. I don’t freak out, I just keep going through with it. It is good news. I am getting somewhere. I am excited about my next stage.
For some being rejected means being unwanted or unloved etc. that’s why we teach “approval from inside”. Every rejection will make it clear to you that a new paradigm needs to be formed. If you approve of yourself you wouldn’t seek people or women’s approval. That’s your first step. Finding ways to approve of yourself regardless of people’s approval.
Things You Could Do. Tap Into Your Real Self.
1. Say your honest opinion about something and stick to it throughout the night. Share it with people. Try to avoid gloom topics like war, death, etc...This is not appropriate for a Friday when people are trying to have fun. Don’t be a party pooper but in the same token stick to your guns, say “you find women shoes confusing” and stick to it. Approve of your opinion first yourself and then share it.
2. Put your real self on the line every time you talk to girls no matter how “uncool” it is. “Yeah, I love lord of the rings and every weekend I have a geek out party with my friends where we wear lord of the rings costumes as we watch all the movies. Sometimes the party goes until the very next day. I love it. I can’t believe frodo is actually gay.”Etc.
Do it while afraid you will be disapproved. It is exhilarating. You will end up loving these things, in fact, you will get addicted to sharing honestly who you are with people.
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