Ozzie's Blog

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It Is Good To Lose

Losers

How can you embrace winning without losing? How can you win girls without losing them? Let’s face it, you won’t be pulling more than one girl or may be two every night most of the time. How do you get to those girls? What’s the process? I can almost guarantee that for every girl you pull there was a bigger amount that you lost in the process-the number of girls you lose varies depending on how on you were that night.

So was it good to lose girls those? You bet.

When you are banging that very girl you pulled you don’t think about the dozen you couldn’t pull home. You conveniently erase them from your memory.

Why Is It Then That We Don’t Like Losing And Refuse To Embrace Losing As Part Of The Game?



For every time you looked good in set there are more times when you looked bad. I refuse to accept not being rejected on my program. If a guy is not being rejected, he is playing “safe” game. You need to embrace losing to win. Like Paul Newman tells Tom Cruise in the movie “The Color of Money”, “I will teach you how to lose, son”. Uncomfortable, inconvenient, painful? Yes, sir. Necessary? Yes, too.

Fundamentals and Losing


I think the art of applying fundamentals is there for you to be able to stand “losing” and not allowing you to get sidetracked. When I teach “freedom from outcome”, one of the fundamentals, I encounter resistance in the student at first, then, once he sees what an advantage it is to be free from outcome, and how relax he can approach women without being obsessed with a result, he let’s go. A new avenue for exploration has opened itself up. He starts “getting it”.

This is something that cannot be grasped by logic or congruently explained but it is experiential, the same way enlightenment cannot be explained in terms of words because it is a state of mind and spirit. In other words the fundamentals must be experienced in order to be understood. The reality of it far exceeds any plausible explanation. That is why logical guys seem to finish last in this game.

How Much Should I Lose?

Religion says “lose everything, and then you will be free”. Our society goes the other way and says “Winning is everything. Don’t be a loser!” How can we reconcile these two? And if we do, what would we lose? Fear of losing at work.

Scarcity Mentality in Pick Up

Unless a guy is in the field consistently it is hard to understand the fundamentals. Anybody who approaches women regularly quickly realizes this “freedom from outcome” fundamental: he knows better than to go in a club looking for the quick result. He intuitively knows that the night is long and success could come anytime as long as he keeps approaching and is not affected by losing.

He develops a long term focus naturally and refuses to judge results based on one approach or one night. This long term vision is necessary for switching from the scarcity-“if I lose a girl, it means I will suck forever”- to the abundance paradigm with women-“there is more than plenty for everybody”.

Money is scarce-though some money gurus will tell you different-, food is scarce, and natural resources are scarce but women-an unlimited resource unless you live in a 200 people village.

Actually some of the scarcity mentality around women can be traced back in history to the fact that humans used to gather in small communities limited in female population in prehistoric times and yes; there were no clubs to go with hundreds of available girls! But not today. Even if you live in a remote village, you can move to a bigger town and solve the scarcity problem. Approach as many as you want, lose as many as you want, get as many as you want.

Yeah, yeah, we know all this. But still what’s the problem? Why guys react so bad against losing?

Society Rejects Losers as Defective Items

We live in a perfectionist society. Due to the influence of technology we have zero tolerance to error. Let’s face it: if the computer doesn’t work we buy a new one and discard the old, etc...We dump everything that is not working and replace it with something new, more perfect, more efficient. We live in this paradigm that to err is to be defective and the item must be replaced. We turn into defective items when we lose. It is a sin of modern society to err.

What happens in pickup?


You are such an item. Can you be replaced by a better one?

You are stuck with what you got.

That enrages people! We don’t want to be stuck and losing.

What if “being stuck” for a while is what you need right now? Unacceptable. Something must be done. What if I told you that there is nothing to be done. You are stuck with what you got: your imperfections, your virtues, your looks, your rejections in the field. You need to accept the process, not fight it. If you fight it, it is likely to get worse.

How To Spot You Are A Victim Of Losing Syndrome?


Take a piece of paper and draw 2 columns. In one write all the things you consider your “good qualities” and on the other your “bad qualities”. If your “bad qualities” far exceed the good quality list you are a victim of this “defective item” syndrome. You probably spend too much time trying to fix yourself because you look at yourself as defective, faulty, etc. you will encounter a lot of resistance submitting yourself to the practice of pick up, a discipline that requires tons of flexibility and ample room for error.

You probably are a “fixer upper”, somebody who focuses on problems and defects rather than strengths. Too much time in the dark and very little in the light. You will remain forever in darkness.

Coming Into the Light



The way you see the problem IS the problem. If you see yourself as defective that’s how you will present yourself to people. People will feel it coming out of you. It is involuntary, you cannot control this process. You can hide which is what most people do. Interactions with people become a race of how long it will take for them to figure you are “defective” before you can crawl your way out of the interaction into “your next set”. And it starts all over again. It is a recipe for failure.

You need to change the way you look at yourself. A new paradigm needs to be in place where you don’t feel defective when you make a mistake. There is room for error and imperfections. Realizing that there is no fixed structure to human interactions and that conversations could go anywhere is a good start. It will allow you not to try to control the outcome of a conversation. Of course, you need lots of practice for this. That’s why field is king. But you need to go in the field with the intention of practicing and changing the paradigm about how you see yourself. Reconciliation, not a split, between the dark and the light must take place in your head.
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Comments

#1
Jack Hammer

Jack Hammer

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Join Date: 01/30/2008 | Posts: 646

great article ozzie... they always hit close to home.. Looking forward to seeing you in Vegas!!!
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#2
sonofcasanova

sonofcasanova

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Join Date: 05/09/2009 | Posts: 62

powerful stuff.

5*
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#3

danniel.vm

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Join Date: 02/16/2009 | Posts: 32

finally! lol, i've been waiting 5 days now :p
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#4
HEAT et Veritas

HEAT et Veritas

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/13/2008 | Posts: 124

this isn't even your first language and I still feel it.

Its not losing its gettin beat. Losing insinuates your gonna give up. Gettin beat means now I know what I need to work on.-HEAT-
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#5
Brainz

Brainz

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Join Date: 06/11/2008 | Posts: 424

awesome stuff Ozzie! i've been feeling inadequate/"deffecient" in regards to specific areas of my life. this entry will go a long way to helping me develop my game and attain self-actualization! this post and Ryans' (called "Treating Yourself Like You Value Yourself") are like two HUGE pieces of a puzzle just snapping together in my mind!

im gonna havta read both articles twice to make sure they fit in my head, then see how that impacts my game this weekend :D
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#6
Getts

Getts

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Join Date: 10/21/2008 | Posts: 69

"women-an unlimited resource unless you live in a 200 people village"
lol. Past experience FTW.

Cool article.
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#7
English Boy

English Boy

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Join Date: 11/02/2008 | Posts: 201

its only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything. The things you own end up owning you - especially your ego and "perfect" outcome.
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#8
JFM

JFM

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Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

People will feel it coming out of you. It is involuntary, you cannot control this process.

Great article....I do see that you underestimate what might be involved for some guys.   Let's say for example that you're training an alcoholic....in field.    Say it's an alcoholic that has quit drinking cold turkey.   This is a guy who has major software that is screaming DEFECTIVE....all day long.    And his defective?   He won't even put it on the list...he'll BLAME his environment and others as a way of survival.   He doesn't even know about a lot of it.

Survival strategies.

Those are things that may not auto-correct in field.    So some guys don't cut it in "the game" because they "gave up".    But the reality is that their defective software requires more tools that run parallel to the process.    And there are a lot of them out there.   Some really good....some really bad.   

I think the idea is to get the SCOPE going on.   The thing is that in western society the software is codependency.    Check recovery for that condition.    They use the same steps as are used for AA.   Nothing is different.     

YOU CANNOT CONTROL THIS PROCESS.

This is what's great about the article for me....asserting this.   Because the parallel tools all have to say the same thing.    Whatever a guy is doing....he can't control his epiphanies and when it all comes together.

How do I know that the "tool kit" I'm picking is working for me?   It gets me to the point where the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing.   So I change because I have to.

....it's just that everyone avoids pain.

Your philosophy is FACING "pain".....and letting autocorrection happen.   It's POWERFUL....but missing something.

I'm saying this because "just do it"  doesn't motivate an addict who's so self destructive that he actually wants his defects to stay in place....and denies it all  SINCERELY.     You know what?   That probably applies to a huge majority of guys.   Most don't even admit they have a problem...and most quit in field  if they ever even make "getting out there" a habit at all.    It doesn't have to be that way to the extent it currently is.

I think the SCOPE of your article isn't big enough ...bceause it's not clear about this reality.    It's not clearly facing up to codependency ( addiction) as a social dynamic driver.   It's strongly hinting at it.



  
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#9

subx

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Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 1193

brilliant as usual.
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#10

ds~

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Join Date: 08/17/2007 | Posts: 335

nice stuff man
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#11

hasan

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Join Date: 06/11/2007 | Posts: 30

OZZie......ozzie...oZZie!   go ozzieeeeeee
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#12
Davey Train

Davey Train

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Join Date: 06/02/2008 | Posts: 317

money money money moonneey.......... moooneey!
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#13
Zebra

Zebra

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Join Date: 06/01/2007 | Posts: 272

 thanks for sharing your experience.
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#14

Timtent®

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Join Date: 07/09/2008 | Posts: 322

so essential, so true, so simple.......

awesome article, ozzie!
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#15

Buddy Rich

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Join Date: 12/16/2008 | Posts: 248

Ozzie for president
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#16

Danny O

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Join Date: 09/09/2007 | Posts: 36

Ozzie you are the true master. Great article like everyone else.
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#17
malaspina

malaspina

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Join Date: 11/30/2008 | Posts: 76

Greeeeaat article. It's stuff that's been wandering in my head for quite some time, as I am a perfectionist myself (at least about my social interactions); you gave me a good structure for the confused ideas I had, and added more to it. This is often the sign of great teachers, that they don't tell you what you don't know, but they teach you what you know, only better.

So, thank you for that.
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#18
Eazy-R

Eazy-R

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Join Date: 05/11/2008 | Posts: 929

i appreciate this article man and your writing has gotten pretty sharp lately

thanks for all the articles big man
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#19
Bobby K

Bobby K

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Join Date: 11/26/2008 | Posts: 255

Triffic :)
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#20
goforit14

goforit14

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Join Date: 05/15/2009 | Posts: 53

This principle is very important specially at the begining because we all want to be perfect before we even try to approach, It just doesnt work.we get good by actually messing up it lots of times and then getting so used to getting blown out that it doesnt even affect us anymore thats when we drop the outcome. Ithink we all know this deep down but until we head out and try we will never know
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#21
besserwisser

besserwisser

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Join Date: 07/28/2008 | Posts: 3090

Today I realized some of just the things you wrote when I talked to some people I always wanted to approach.

RUN DA TRAAIIIN!
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#22
J.Sark

J.Sark

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Join Date: 04/27/2009 | Posts: 393

Great fucking post! I started approaching last week and damn, it feels great to be rejected! 
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#23
Ish

Ish

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Join Date: 04/21/2008 | Posts: 171

RUNNING THE TRAIINNN!!!!!! CHOOO CHOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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#24

HowBoutNo

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/02/2007 | Posts: 484

Awesome, this is what Ozzie told me during bootcamp.. I AM a fixer upper. Really neatly written down here. The last couple of weeks ALL I've been doing is just realizing, I'm okay and not defective. No matter what happens.. I'm okay. I should do my work, but I lie in bed, EVEN THEN I'm okay. I feels REALLY counter intuitive for me, but it is what must be done.
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#25
PUA of the Future

PUA of the Future

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Join Date: 07/05/2008 | Posts: 761

 Holy f-ing balls how as noone commented on that video?!?  That is prolly the funniest thing I've ever seen.!
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#26

The Boss

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Join Date: 02/16/2009 | Posts: 823

ya, i can defenitely implement this, thanx Ozzie
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#27

Massage

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Join Date: 12/11/2008 | Posts: 5

And again thanks to Ozzie : epiphanies all around :) thanks Ozzie, you've just catalysed me for LIFE :) 
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#28

Slick85

Member

Join Date: 11/11/2007 | Posts: 77

I understand what your saying... but the thing I don't get is that even if you see all of your positive qualities and like yourself it still doesn't make a woman feel attracted to you... for example a woman can like herself all she wants but if you don't find her attractive it won't make a damn bit of difference... I'm not trying to be negative just stating how it is in the real world...
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#29
Nimbus

Nimbus

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Join Date: 12/02/2007 | Posts: 799

one of the best articles ever.

I am imperfect...and I make mistakes, and thats fine.
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#30
Timbo Slice

Timbo Slice

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Join Date: 03/18/2009 | Posts: 46

If a guy is not being rejected, he is playing “safe” game. You need to embrace losing to win.


This comment really stuck out for me.  It is absolutely crucial to get anywhere in this game to be rejected, and get used to being rejected so it doesn't affect you.

One of your best articles
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#31

Slick85

Member

Join Date: 11/11/2007 | Posts: 77

ozzie can you respond to my comment... just because you think your a positive guy doesn't mean a girl will like you... do you agree or disagree?
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#32
NDN-Steve

NDN-Steve

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Join Date: 04/29/2009 | Posts: 44

This elaborates freedom from outcome wonderfully.  I never really grasped it as much, and i still probably don't fully.  But atleast now i know what i'm working towards, what i can consciously practice.  Freedom from Outcome.  Very important piece for pickup and life to me, thank you Ozzie.
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#33

BiggieSmalls

Member

Join Date: 09/03/2007 | Posts: 40

 Awesome man - this came at a time when I'm really starting to take risks in my game, really in the form of saying ballsy and silly things at all times.

At the free seminar, Jeffy told us, and I'm paraphrasing Jeffy paraphrasing Bruce Lee:

"Be on the lead foot. If you're on the back foot, you won't get your ass kicked, but you'll never win the fight. If you're on the lead foot, you may get your ass kicked a few times, but it's the only way to learn how to win."

Another way to interpret this is something Alexander~ told me at my b/c:  "Attractiveness is being, not doing." Taking risks is what makes you attractive, not some scripted sequence of events. In fact, through the whole interaction, you're leading her through the risks.

Those are both logical ways to view this. Really, know that once you start doing this, emotionally, it starts to feel good to take risks, and you move to the zone where blowouts don't matter. You get tired of the green slopes and move to black diamonds. Another funny change that happened to me is that with all the little hook material I heard and readabout, I'm starting to process it through a different side of my brain. It stops becoming a way to put out a false personality or cushion rejection and becomes a way, a channel through which to assert yourself. I'm start ing to get accustomed to feeling the difference and taking the low road is un-fun and un acceptable.

Awesome stuff for starting the week!

BS
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#34

tom203

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/18/2009 | Posts: 3

Great shit...Its like riding a bike...u fell over and over but the reward was worth the risk...same here ive been slappped...just last week the girl(ashley) said i dont want to talk to you... no prob head held high i stayed infectious. cause i gonna ride this bike..even for just five feet then ten then twenty then around the block....then im a back flip this shit over the table top i built. ur not gonnna stop me... im ten foot tall and bullet proof...i still got layed and got my boy layed.. worked my shit and was a wicked wing for him. who said it "positive DOMINANCE assertivness w/ a smile"... look in the damn mirror at ur self if ur not smilin then ur not makin waves...MAKE WAVES EVERYWHERE U GO.  MOTIVATE...STOP PROCRASTINATIN(SPELL CHECK)

UR ONLY AS GOOD AS U KNOW U R.TAKE A DEEP BREATH... U ONLY GET TO GO AROUND ONCE IN THIS WORLD...IMA MAKE WAVES AND BE REMEMBERED. DONT BE A POND
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#35
Whorelord~

Whorelord~

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Join Date: 02/03/2009 | Posts: 772

Thank you.
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#36

Canello

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Very good article ozzie,probably the best you've written so far.

'I expect nothing.I fear no one.I'm free.' ~N.Kazantzakis
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#37
~cavalheiro

~cavalheiro

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/29/2008 | Posts: 107

"You probably are a “fixer upper”, somebody who focuses on problems and defects rather than strengths. Too much time in the dark and very little in the light. You will remain forever in darkness."

Thanks for this Ozzie.

For real.
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#38
Papa

Papa

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 5342

Very profound, Ozzie. Like it.
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#39
tiago

tiago

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Join Date: 05/27/2009 | Posts: 2

Great!

thats true, sometimes the way you look the problem is the problem
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#40

Nephilim

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/13/2009 | Posts: 101

 Awesome, this really struck a chord with me. Tyler talks in blueprint about the Indifference Threshold - when you get so many rejections, you lose so much, that you just don't give a fuck about what others think, about the outcome. And then you start getting the success, because you realize that winning versus losing doesn't really mean shit, they aren't that different and both can only make you stronger if you take them the right way. 

I really do believe there is something magical about losing everything in a fight club sort of way. Same thing in Count of Monte Cristo (the book) which I think is one of the best chode -> alpha books ever. "It was only after I felt absolute suffering that I could feel absolute bliss" - something like that. I think it is that we have to RISK the worst if we want to achieve the best. And society is set up to tell us not to risk anything - Zero risk is like magic words in business. But risk is life, we have to go with risk, risk losing. 

Not saying you should try to get rejected, or blow your money on some risky shit lol, but the way I feel about articles like Ozzy's is that you (and I) gotta be filling to put our necks on the chopping block for what we want to achieve, and Know, not Fear, Know that our necks might be chopped.
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#41
Ray!

Ray!

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Join Date: 05/23/2008 | Posts: 183

awesome stuff ozzie.  you're stuff is always spot on.
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#42

YaBoiRayDawg

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/02/2009 | Posts: 1499

the only problem i have with losing(that i know of) is what if i dont want that girl on the right or that girl over there in the corner, or the girl behind me eye-effing me. what if i only want the girl in front of me. what if while all those other girls i find attractive, the one in front of me is the only one i find attractive AND interesting.
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#43
Full.Metal.0_0

Full.Metal.0_0

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/09/2009 | Posts: 319

i like starting random sets, i look for failure. its exciting to prove myself wrong.
why the train clip? choo choo choo choo..... choode?

JAMES APPROVED THIS ARTICLE tounge
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#44

®ico

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/14/2009 | Posts: 9

Thanks for the post Ozzie....the cup is half full...
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