Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 
The fallacy of goals

You can’t afford not to have goals but in the same vein you can’t afford to obsess over them. They are both game killers.

Good feelings



Most guys pursue a goal obsessively because such achievement will make them feel good about themselves. True enough but it hides a catch. Achievement of goals in general fails to live up to its “feel good” expectations. Either because of brevity –you feel good for a short period of time and you go back to miserable-, or because it fails all together to produce any good feelings whatsoever.

(The following infield video shows students going after their goals in field)



Goals, once achieved, fail to live up to its hype. “Once I get that one turbo girl, I will feel great”, “Once my game is amazing, I will be permanently happy” and so on. But it won’t do that for you. Joy is short lived in the game. On the other hand, good skills fail to stay the same for longs periods of time. Your skills with women will go through periods of ups and downs. Enjoy the ups when you can because you will plateau at some point and become stagnant. Realistically speaking you must put your eggs (high expectations) in a different basket. High expectations in terms of happiness levels must be canned for all I care in the dating realm.

However, you must have goals and strive to get them.

Is this some kind of sick minded paradox? How can I go after something that I know will fail to give me all the good feelings I look for? Then why go after anything for that matter.

Moderation

Most people don’t like this word. It is not an exciting word. Moderation. It sounds boring. You want excitement, not moderation.

But what is moderation?

You, as most people, have the wrong idea about this word. It doesn’t mean selling yourself short like most believe. You can aim for the sky with your goals and be moderate too. You can be moderate in the middle of a loud, high energy, aggressive dance floor when you approach girls. It is exciting. I throw myself into impossible missions in such dance floors every weekend armed with my only weapon- moderation.

Moderation means not attaching too much emotional meaning to results. You go after them but you keep your feet on the ground, you don’t take them too seriously. Because results once accomplished fail to produce its eternal happiness promise. You must view it as a process and submerge yourself neck deep in it. Process in itself is exciting. Results pale in comparison to the excitement of process. To give you a practical example: as a coach I enjoy more working with a guy who has more to overcome personally than with a guy who is already good and get results in the field fast. What’s the fun in helping a guy who is arm length from its ultimate goal?

When you are process oriented you enjoy working through the process with a guy rather than getting the end result right away. You want to work the kinks of approaching and meeting women. You focus on personal growth rather than the results themselves.

But you need results

That is why you got in it. Without goals you will be lost in the field. You need a direction, a point B to get to. But unless you become process oriented you won’t get them. If you do get them it will be a hollow victory. Nobody wants a victory devoid of struggle. Where is the fun in that? It feels like cheating. Why is it that our most enjoyable successes are the ones that cost us the most and we struggled the most? The answer is process. You struggled more and you grew more. You had to call on resources you thought you didn’t have in you - but you did.

Let’s get back to moderation now. That awful word. Once you realize that basic truth about goal accomplishing, you will star to appreciate process more. You will concede that you won’t have more fun than when you treadmill after your goals. The journey becomes more important than the destination. At some point, you stop caring whether we get there or not. All you care about is going after it.

Moderation does this trick

You stop looking for highs. You let go of the hyped up emotional component of achieving your goals. You are more moderate, more calm, which is ideal for goal achieving in the first place. With less fear and anxiety riding you, you can focus better on performance, thus performance improves. Once my students on the live in field program stop worrying about rejection (being accepted was their unconscious goal), their performance improves. They start getting those results they thought they were impossible. Once they realize rejection not only is scarce it doesn’t hurt, they relax. They stop looking for approval from beautiful girls as their end goal. They start to enjoy interactions more. They are happy even if they don’t get a girl. Moderation does this.

Moderate success?

Not really. Moderate attitude, yes. Longing, striving, over extending yourself for superficial highs, no. You still go after the big fish (ambitious goals like approaching and hooking up with hot women, getting mind boggling results and so on) with a moderate stride because you realise is a marathon, not a 100 meter dash. The journey itself is your destination. You are in it. You are already there so stop craving for the high because it will lead to deadly lows. Be moderate in both success and failure. In fact, don’t think about those “highs” they give you as you will be setting yourself up for the opposite...
the dreaded “lows”.



Once a student gets to a certain level of success he starts craving it all the time, which leads to him losing because he doesn’t have his feet on the ground anymore. He is chasing “highs” all the time. Unless he gets a high on every approach he feels he is losing. It leads to paralysis. All this can be avoided if you stop craving the highs but keep going after the goals you set up for yourself.

Ozzie
RSD EXECUTIVE COACH

http://www.pickupmadesimple.com
http://www.physicalgamebook.com
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Comments

#1
M@verick

M@verick

Member

Join Date: 04/25/2011 | Posts: 39

That's a great article Ozzie! The word "moderation" makes so much more sense now.

God, I would love to take a bootcamp with you!
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#2

Be.Cool

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/04/2010 | Posts: 711

really deep stuff, thanks for the articel!

I can see "moderation" in many successful people.

but are you saying you dont need results?

so you could do pick up for ten years, never get a girl close to your ideal type and still be happy enjoying the process?

anyway, great article"
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#3
Kakánr1

Kakánr1

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/08/2007 | Posts: 923

WOW.  one of the best articles on here (I think?). I think moderation, in these sense you're talking about, is to be taken as a synonyme of "self control". Right? It's like... you moderate yourself, while in field (or when doing whatever you want to achieve). If you have control over (iow: can moderate) your emotions, you won't have to deal with unconscious goals (like going after highs all the time).
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#4
White Placenta

White Placenta

Member

Join Date: 04/12/2011 | Posts: 55

Fucking "A", Ozzie. You speak from a very mature and wise place. Deep respect and lots of love for you and your crew!
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#5

Forum_Username

Member

Join Date: 03/26/2008 | Posts: 90

Needed this article, thanks a lot man.
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#6
In-tangible

In-tangible

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/17/2011 | Posts: 5

A key, to living a fulfilling life, is enjoyment, acceptance, and enthusiasm in the journey. I hate to go all 'Eckhart' on your arse but what he says holds truth.

I think Tyler would say, "Intent + freedom from outcome."

We should embrace both 'success' and 'failure' as combined, they lead to balanced growth.

Good article Oz, it's a great frame to come from in many areas in life.
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#7

Pablinov

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/14/2010 | Posts: 333

eeeh, hit the spot. thanks
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#8
willgood

willgood

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/13/2008 | Posts: 255

In-tangible wrote:
A key, to living a fulfilling life, is enjoyment, acceptance, and enthusiasm in the journey. I hate to go all 'Eckhart' on your arse but what he says holds truth.

I think Tyler would say, "Intent + freedom from outcome."

We should embrace both 'success' and 'failure' as combined, they lead to balanced growth.

Good article Oz, it's a great frame to come from in many areas in life.



EXACTLY! You have to have those goals as something to strive towards, motivate you and get you moving but the goals themselves will NEVER be fulfilling to you as a person. What WILL be fulfilling is moving towards them. "Like woahh...the duality brooo" But seriously, create goals, go after them like you're on the druge Charlie Sheen and ENJOY the flippin ride. 

At the end of your life, laying on your deathbed, I hope you can say you absolutely became the man you knew you could.

ANYTHING is possible // We're all in this together
WillGood.net
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#9
Steve-0!

Steve-0!

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/08/2008 | Posts: 1579

Loving it oz!

Smooth living !
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#10
HEAT et Veritas

HEAT et Veritas

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/13/2008 | Posts: 124

That is some Old Spice...swag.  You know when you are talking to an old timer(thats what we call old people in North Carolina) and you are listening to them ramble on about something and then...they say ....If I could only be in your shoes again...this is what I would do...Thats the moment when your mind gets blown dawg. You realize you will be that guy one day...trying to tell one of your grandsons what it took you 80 years to figure out...praying he will understand. In most cases he won't. Thanks Oz-HeATb
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#11
freshbit

freshbit

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2009 | Posts: 180

"Nobody wants a victory devoid of struggle."

Funny.
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#12

Behzad

Member

Join Date: 05/06/2011 | Posts: 63

 Wow man. Great stuff. And now that I look back on some of the stuff I did i find all of this to be so true!
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#13
Blom10

Blom10

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/27/2010 | Posts: 292

 nice little story about the 1 girl 7 guys set :) 
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#14

B-MAN

Junior Member

Join Date: 08/16/2010 | Posts: 20

 Your best article so far ozzie, good stuff!
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#15
randombaz

randombaz

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/12/2011 | Posts: 140

This was a really great article and just what I required right now (so on point as I just set goals).

I hope pepole don't just dismiss it as a cliche bit of advice considering the nature of the topic is motivation. There was some truely great advice in there that I took out. Thanks again Ozzie
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#16
Trojan-

Trojan-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/02/2011 | Posts: 1172

is a process. Great article. Insightful.
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#17
GoldenGun

GoldenGun

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/13/2009 | Posts: 271

When I get results or make incredible break through's I always feel there's a plateau or a wall ahead.

This article has definitely helped me with my mind set when dealing with high's and low's. AWESOME!

Thanks!
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#18
Kuz

Kuz

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

 Hey Ozzie,

While i didn't get as much out of this article as your others, something you said a few week/months ago on this topic has been the biggest CLICK for me in game in YEARS.

Literally - in 5 years i been doing this this one article you wrote, i wrote down two of your quotes in my journal:

"Letting go of that powerful desire to get something allows you to go after it in a more moderate sane manner"

"Giving up doesn't always mean your weak, sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go."

Those two things you said, i guess relate to this article have had a profound effect on me in everything i do in life.

cHEERS

K
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#19
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

Kuz wrote:
 Hey Ozzie,

While i didn't get as much out of this article as your others, something you said a few week/months ago on this topic has been the biggest CLICK for me in game in YEARS.

Literally - in 5 years i been doing this this one article you wrote, i wrote down two of your quotes in my journal:

"Letting go of that powerful desire to get something allows you to go after it in a more moderate sane manner"

"Giving up doesn't always mean your weak, sometimes it means you're strong enough to let go."

Those two things you said, i guess relate to this article have had a profound effect on me in everything i do in life.

cHEERS

Thanks. Sounds like you got a lot out of it.

K


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#20

hixam

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/01/2009 | Posts: 5

you really hit the point ozzy is the same what anthony de mello talk about in his book "awarness" i don't know way he don't get mentioned here , i even find him more straight forword more clear than ecky . guy if any one have an idea way im glad to hear it . thx ozzy
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#21

Canello

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

Great article Ozzie!

''Everything in moderation'' ~ Ancient Greeks
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#22
RuleNo1isFun

RuleNo1isFun

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/24/2008 | Posts: 455

Once a student gets to a certain level of success he starts craving it all the time, which leads to him losing because he doesn’t have his feet on the ground anymore. He is chasing “highs” all the time. Unless he gets a high on every approach he feels he is losing. It leads to paralysis. All this can be avoided if you stop craving the highs but keep going after the goals you set up for yourself.

Holy shit! You hit it on the nose with a baseball bat. 
That might be exactly what's killing me lately.

Good shit - thanks Oz.
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#23
PeteyPiranha

PeteyPiranha

Member

Join Date: 04/04/2011 | Posts: 53

Interesting. My take is this - in life generally, you need to put certain logical 'conditions' on allowing yourself to feel good in order to achieve goals, like, say, 'I'm not going to be able to relax until I've done X' . But when you're out, you have to get rid of all those conditions and just feel awesome for no logical reason whatsoever - that's why I think you always see Tyler and Jeffy saying "IRRELEVANT", it defeats their brains attempts to make them justify their good feeling. Brain's like 'hey if you were a millionaire and super handsome these people might like you' IRRELEVENT
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#24

Charlie11

Member

Join Date: 04/15/2011 | Posts: 76

willgood wrote:

In-tangible wrote:
A key, to living a fulfilling life, is enjoyment, acceptance, and enthusiasm in the journey. I hate to go all 'Eckhart' on your arse but what he says holds truth.

I think Tyler would say, "Intent + freedom from outcome."

We should embrace both 'success' and 'failure' as combined, they lead to balanced growth.

Good article Oz, it's a great frame to come from in many areas in life.



EXACTLY! You have to have those goals as something to strive towards, motivate you and get you moving but the goals themselves will NEVER be fulfilling to you as a person. What WILL be fulfilling is moving towards them. "Like woahh...the duality brooo" But seriously, create goals, go after them like you're on the druge Charlie Sheen and ENJOY the flippin ride. 

At the end of your life, laying on your deathbed, I hope you can say you absolutely became the man you knew you could.

ANYTHING is possible // We're all in this together
WillGood.net
Most inspirating thing I heard to day.
Irrelevant.
Clarity of Intent+freedom from outcome
Acceptance, Enjoyment, Enthusiasm, wheter you one likes Tolle or not
Go
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#25

Waginator

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/10/2011 | Posts: 272

Love Ozzies writing style and hey i tried it out the same day i read this and it works...i had an instant coffee date literally 20 minutes after reading this...haha solid
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#26

YaBoiRayDawg

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/02/2009 | Posts: 1499

is the same as the "just make approaching your goal" mindset?
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#27
Miško

Miško

Member

Join Date: 05/03/2012 | Posts: 44

 amazing article!
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