Ozzie's Blog

Ozzie
 

 
Hey Guys,
Since my intense travelling has stopped, I have had time to start writing again. Something I used to enjoy doing and finally I can do it again. So you will be seeing more articles and new sections coming up. I intend to start writing again about relationship advice. So far it has been an intense year and I have thrived under the stress of free tours, bootcamps and travelling every week. Time to chill now and write and cut videos and write quality articles. So here we go.
I will be next:

October 17-19, 2014: London, United Kingdom
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October 24-26, 2014: London, United KingdomWait-List
October 31-November 2, 2014: Helsinki, FinlandSign-Up
November 14-16, 2014: Berlin, GermanySign-Up
November 21-23, 2014: London, United KingdomSign-Up
January 2-4, 2015: London, United Kingdom
 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QX_oy9614HQ


 
http://youtu.be/ItqJXXBDgWU
 
 Success can be sometimes defined as sustained effort for long periods of time. Giving up is always a temptation. Retracing your steps and going home can rank high when it comes to succeed. In sports they describe it as playing through pain. In other areas it is almost a stereotype that you must suffer to get the reward.  But how much of that is true or fiction? Simply palaver that gets repeated to death and it doesn't mean anything anymore. Some people seem to "skate" into success. It looks as though success suits them like a garment. All they touch turns to gold. Indeed. I have had students like that. Success seems to suit them. They roll up to girls and get make outs with ease like it is nothing. How much of that is hard work and how much is genetic?

Back to the Marshmallow Test
In certain tribes in east asia and the pacific, some western type of behaviours are considered a form of insanity. Some of our "culturally accepted" behaviours in the west are viewed as reckless, without self control and conducive to death. For example, our inability to be calm and become restless when there are small delays in our train/bus/plane. In those "uncivilized" tribes our restlessness is seen as a form of dementia. Those tribes depend on nature to survive and they cultivate patience from an early age. It comes with the culture and is taught by the elders. There is this program on the BBC where they insert a British house wife in an african village and nine out of ten housewives can't survive two weeks there without a nervous breakdown. They cry, can't sleep, isolate, fight with the tribe members and they end up going home. They cant stand two weeks without distractions or the excitement of the western world. Fun to watch how strange they seem to the local villagers. They don't understand why the european house wives can't stop crying. They are stunned.
What does it have to do with delayed gratification you might ask? Everything. We chase highs all the time. In the westernized world we are addicts to excitement, entertainment, distractions of any kind. That's why most diets fail. Because people can't cope with the drudgery of healthy regular food, they miss too much the excitement in the form of sugar, flavours and various chemicals found in junk food.

Family Structure
When they analyze kids who responded well to the marshmallow test they found interesting data. Most kids with broken family structures, commonly no father figure, failed the test, while the overwhelming majority of kids who effectively delayed gratification came from two parent homes. Not only that, later on in life those same kids, when their brain was examined, they found less activity in areas of the brain related to addiction to substances. In other words, they found a lot of "healthy" brain activity while the opposite was true for the group that failed the test.
Something interesting they found in the socio economic groups. Money had nothing to do with it. Those kids delaying gratification came from poor families too. As it happens being economically deprived had nothing to do with it. Very young kids apparently are not self aware of their position in society or whether mom drives a ferrari or a scooter. They simply don't care.
 
Delaying Gratification and Skill Building
So if you take an adult with the positive above characteristics and put him through a skill building process, what do you think will happen? Do you think he will give up at the first sign of trouble or will he follow through? Most likely he will stick around the time necessary to build the skill because he won't be chasing highs. He can be one of those people that seems to excel at whatever they try. Are they superior beings? No, they arent. Whatever is working for them you can learn. We can re-educate our brain to respond in a certain way to stimuli. It is not easy but it is not impossible either.
 
Small Victories
I train my students to look for the small victories. I educate them to stay away from chasing big battles out there or instant success. You must look for the little tiny nuggets of gold in your performance and focus on them, no matter how small. You tend to brush everything aside as bad when things go wrong in the field. But do you consider the complexity of the group you approach, the level of difficulty of your approach and so on? You need to pay attention and look for whatever is salvable. Does that mean you are duping yourself into believing you are good when you suck? Certainly not. Big victories in the pickup game are few and far between. Chasing those emotional highs can be detrimental to your performance. Pretty soon you will become needy because they don't happen often. You will "need" to be rewarded with the marshmallow. Things will start look down from there on.

What If You Do Get The Marshmallow
Let's say you get to taste the sweet victory. For many, those unable to delay gratification, it will taste sweet, so much so they will want it to last forever. Unfortunately, emotional states don't last. Nothing is forever than they will find themselves chasing that sweet high again, painfully finding the field can not deliver those consistently. You will become resentful and pretty soon it will affect your performance and the women you talk to.

Dealing With Negative Emotions
You could say the ability to deal with negative emotions is the reverse of the marshmallow test. Most students of cold approaching find themselves caught up between running away from bad emotions (rejection) and chasing highs (girl's validation). Most successful guys in this game are those who can effectively master negative emotions without affecting them and stay away from chasing emotional highs (female validation). In other words they don't take anything too seriously because they are not trying to "fix" themselves with emotional highs (marshmallow). They can delay that gratification if at all and not chase it. There isn't that much value attached to it. Those are those very guys you see they seem to "skate" to success. Nothing stops them.

Old resource


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsqdEDZ4Bg0


I will be next:

October 17-19, 2014: London, United Kingdom
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October 24-26, 2014: London, United KingdomWait-List
October 31-November 2, 2014: Helsinki, FinlandSign-Up
November 14-16, 2014: Berlin, GermanySign-Up
November 21-23, 2014: London, United KingdomSign-Up
January 2-4, 2015: London, United Kingdom

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Comments

#1
SassyDragon79

SassyDragon79

Member

Join Date: 09/29/2014 | Posts: 37

Hey ozzie, cool post, is there any possibility of you doing a free tour in helsinki?
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#2
Alexanderje

Alexanderje

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/22/2013 | Posts: 1854

Cool stuff, glad to see you making articles again :) You always know these principles that are the mental process behind good game, very interesting. Problem is that a lot of guys will indeed not even want to hear this, but that's their problem.
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#3
Zicooo

Zicooo

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/30/2014 | Posts: 177

Finally...The Lone Wolf is back.

Can tell you love writing articles instead of filming yourself, the articles you produce are very ressourceful.
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#4
L0ngSh0t

L0ngSh0t

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/17/2014 | Posts: 241

The marshmellow test! Lol those kids are so cute. So true though about instant gratification, alot of guys chase for womens validation or instant gratification. 
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#5

Jimy

Member

Join Date: 06/06/2013 | Posts: 63

hey ozzie awesome content here ! you're my favourite instructor... !!! when is your new book coming out?!
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#6
kinderdave

kinderdave

Member

Join Date: 07/05/2014 | Posts: 65

Nice stuff Ozzie!
 
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#7

The Hawk

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/05/2012 | Posts: 545

Good Ozzie.

Now I'll chase a marshmallow.... Where's your New book man!
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#8

Elamanopiskelija

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/08/2011 | Posts: 485

Maybe in game, but in practical real life my experience is almost the opposite in terms of discipline and ability to delay gratification. When I think about my generation, those who delayed gratification for "better grades" or whatever society told them that was what would bring them success, are now dry, boring people without many social contacts and mediocre jobs.
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#9
Lolito

Lolito

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/30/2013 | Posts: 634

Elamanopiskelija Wrote:
Maybe in game, but in practical real life my experience is almost the opposite in terms of discipline and ability to delay gratification. When I think about my generation, those who delayed gratification for "better grades" or whatever society told them that was what would bring them success, are now dry, boring people without many social contacts and mediocre jobs.


I think you didn't get the idea of delayed gratification.

It's more like you're doing a diet, delayed gratification is sticking to your diet and enjoy the result after a while. 

About school, as you're talking about it, it's about doing your homework and listening in class to get good grade ..

Now, it's about your goals. It's not because they delayed gratification who got them dry and boring. 
 
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#10

NewBoy

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/27/2013 | Posts: 136

Best written article on rsdn in many months and probably the best I have read on rsdn. Keep them comming Ozzie :)
Newboy
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#11

financebro

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/18/2012 | Posts: 745

Ozzie, can't wait until your book on fear that you talked about at Summit comes out!
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#12

Vyesta

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/15/2014 | Posts: 104

great stuff as always oz
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#13

gecko

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/24/2014 | Posts: 3

Haha this test is funny :D
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#14

FreeSpirit_

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/26/2014 | Posts: 13

Awesome article. Thanks Ozzie
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