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Ozzie
 
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http://youtu.be/Q3vB5Mfmwlw

I had this student who would keep having strong reactions to approaching saying that it was too weird what he was doing and that he didn’t want to do it anymore. He also had a strong bodily aversion to talking to girls on the street. At t he club level he would either back out of the approach and simply freeze in the middle of the group and claimed he choked and couldn’t talk. Nothing that I had never seen before in the field, no surprise for me. His theory was interesting about why that was. In his mind he was “advanced” due to the amount of videos and theory he knew during the years he had been in a long term relationship, which was broken now and he being single again wanted to sow his wild oats. Nothing wrong with the oats part.
All this amalgamation of pickup theory and videos in his head combined with a tendency to be a perfectionist contributed to have him paralyzed in the field. He couldn’t handle the real approaching rejections and despaired quickly. Knowing doesn’t get. If it was that easy everybody will be successful from home courses.
Another thing that seemed to not work is the demands on reality to provide success at all times. Reality doesn’t give what you want but what you deserve. It is the law of the game. There are no diplomas or nepotism like in real life. Game has its own rules.
Attitude
You have got to be small in this game. Be humble. That means being small in size  but great in ambition. It seems like a contradiction but it is not. The ambition to be successful is your drive, what makes you go out every night and try again. But you must be small in attitude. It means you have to be humble to accept the small tiny victories in the field before you get the big ones. Even at the beginning of the night you must accept whatever little success comes your way as if you won the Olympics. You must accept little victories as a premonition of big ones, even when big victories don’t appear.
Successful Types
I have trained guys with exceptional qualities for the game. They seem to be gifted. All you need to do as a coach is a little technical tweaking and they start pulling girls, getting make outs, or insta dates in day time. One thing those guys have in common is that they are ok with practicing and getting small victories. They don’t seem to mind when things don’t work out. They are also comfortable with success like they deserve it.
Low Self Esteem
People with low self esteem need constant affirmation. That’s why when they get to cold approaching they struggle. They need a constant stream of female approval. Even then it is never good enough. They will always find fault with whatever and never be happy. It seems that they need the whip all the time. Even when winning they still need a “but” to bring them down. They are bent on confirming how truly worthless they are. They won’t accept success either and usually managed to view it as a coincidence or freak occurrence. They didn’t deserve it. That’s why no amount of technical knowledge will help because it is a low self esteem issue. They self sabotage.
Negative thoughts
Negative thoughts can be transformed quite quickly and they are healthy for the average player. If you have a negative thought you must view it as a challenge to transform. Typical negative thoughts concerning “looks”, “skill level” or the like must be brought into awareness and proper attention given. They could be of use. If you think you don’t have the looks to attract hot girls, you might want to enter hot approaches with a mind to prove it wrong. You need to prove your negative thought is not true, or at least not 100 percent. You must separate negative attitude, low self esteem issues from negative thoughts.
Victim
“I am a victim” thoughts appear after long streaks of rejection. You seem to blame whoever is around for your lack of success. You may blame the venue, “too loud in here”. You need to understand it is not the loud music but yourself to blame. Other times you blame the girls, “they are bitches”. But in the very same venue you see others being successful. Attitude reassessment and adjustment is necessary. Take a quick break and situate your thoughts and focus on your breathing, bodily sensations and connect with what’s going one “inside”, not “outside”. Take responsibility. 
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BootcampJuly 17-19, 2015: Amsterdam, NetherlandsSign-Up
BootcampJuly 24-26, 2015: London, United KingdomSign
BootcampJune 19-21, 2015: Berlin, Germany
BootcampJune 26-28, 2015: London, United Kingdom
BootcampJuly 3-5, 2015: Oslo, NorwaySign-Up
BootcampJuly 10-12, 2015: London, United KingdomSign-Up
BootcampJuly 17-19, 2015: Amsterdam, Netherlands
BootcampJuly 24-26, 2015: London, United KingdomSign-Up
BootcampJuly 31-August 2, 2015: London, United KingdomSign-Up
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BootcampAugust 28-30, 2015: London, United KingdomSign-Up
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BootcampSeptember 18-20, 2015: London, United Kingdom

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Comments

#1

cazador

Member

Join Date: 10/09/2010 | Posts: 66

First? Hooray.

Good thoughts here. It's easy to fall in the trap of too much theoretical knowledge, which helps inmensely, but can only be of real help when it's actualized, otherwise we become the pedantic annoying professor: all theory no real experience. Rejection can be harsh but it's never as harsh as we imagine it will be. As a friend told me: rejection never hurts as much as not approaching while wanting to.
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#2

jay.black.

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/26/2015 | Posts: 294

ozzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzz
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#3
gaminginlondonontario

gaminginlondono...

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/03/2015 | Posts: 127

Great insights
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#4
Alexanderje

Alexanderje

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/22/2013 | Posts: 1854

Your articles are the best Ozzie. They should get a lot more attention. You could consider putting them in the main forum as well, as purely the written articles. You deserve that. Would also be a huge upgrade to that forum.
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#5

SimonInJapan

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/08/2015 | Posts: 15

Alexanderje Wrote:
Your articles are the best Ozzie. They should get a lot more attention. You could consider putting them in the main forum as well, as purely the written articles. You deserve that. Would also be a huge upgrade to that forum.


Absolutely.I full heartedly agree.
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#6

SimonInJapan

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/08/2015 | Posts: 15

 Reality doesn’t give what you want but what you deserve. It is the law of the game. 
 GOLD right here

You have got to be small in this game. Be humble.
That means being small in size but great in ambition. 
 
SAGE advice

 It took me 7-8 years to build my self esteem to the healthy place it is now so I really related   to this.
 I got rejected today and sure I felt the pang of it but relished the massive learning opportunity.
I think as with musicians it doesn't go away(stagefright,the pain of rejection .. )
rather you learn to happily live with it make it your servant as opposed to your master.
 
 
 
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