February 25th, 2018
Ozzie
 
Getting out of your comfort zone whatever or wherever it is right now with a daring task.

You know you are cheating. You know your game will not get good. You know you won’t get the girls you want by staying there. But still there is a strong pull to stay there and don’t do anything. Hard core sometimes. And it doesn’t get any better when you don’t succeed in your approaches, it actually gets worse. The pull of the comfort zone drags you back even stronger and more steadily. Insidiously.



Nobody can win this game. Nobody. Why? There are years of programming pulling you back and there are promises of a better life pulling you forward. But those promises are weak in the light of rejections, how can I go forward with all this around me? Rejection feels like death. Especially if you have been rejected before, and it hurt you bad, the pull to stay girl-less and dick-less is ever stronger. It is not so bad after all. You go out, you don’t approach or barely approach, you go home and jack off to porn, nobody gets hurt, better safe than sorry right.... But deep down inside there is a feeling bothering you, telling you that you are cheating. This is not meant to be you, the you that you dreamed of when you first got in the game and started reading about and trying to emulate those “pickup guys” or at least tried to model.

But, hey, better safe than sorry. That piece drags you back right away. You step into a club, you see that loud music, those girls high on booze jumping up and down and you get scared. Oh, man, rejection is a bad thing. What if they don’t like me? What if they find out that I have no life or I am a dork?

While your mind tries to project the future, your body stays in the hateful comfort zone. It doesn’t move. The “ifs” paralyze you. “What if”...what if you approached. What if you approached all night, got blown out all night, and got the last girl, in the last set. But then again, what if I didn’t. Is it worth the risk? Is it worth the pain?

This is the all too familiar concept of “homeostasis” at work.

In other words, resistance to change, to do something differently, to risk failure.

Homeostasis keeps all systems balanced and doesn’t know whether the change is for good or bad. It is not its concern whether you are on your way to be a chode or a pimp. Homeostasis doesn’t know that your girl-less or dick-less and you have been for some years, even all your life. The H thermostat is the guardian of balance in your body. Anything threatens balance it will go off sending alarm signals all thru your body. It will tell you to stop. Telling is an understatement, it will yell at you, scream, shout, itch, kick, plunge, etc. A rebel force will descend upon you.

I like gym examples because they illustrate it better. I have been running for 2 months now, using intervals on the tread mill. I use intervals of higher and lower speeds to stress and shock my body whenever it reaches balance point. I go high intensity for a while, then I drop to lower, and I play with levels of speed to achieve this effect. However, even though I have doing this for 2 months, I never went higher than 12 level of speed in my treadmill. 12 is pretty fast for me. I have to switch to long strides which are of a different quality of the shorter strides. It is a stretch mentally and physically. I decided yesterday to go 14 speed. That’s only 2 points above my max. Shouldn’t be a problem, right? Wrong. As soon as I hit that 14 level, I started to run out of breath. As I kept going, I kept increasing the time I spent on this dreadful 14. It went from 1 min to 2 min, then 3 min...man, I sweated like a pig, I was puffing and panting for air. As I finish my 25 min cardio session, every part of my body was screaming for help. Please, stop, it seemed to say. Sometimes it demanded me to stop and get out of the tread mill.



Just a 2 point increase. Unbelievable. I probably burned more calories yesterday in one session than in the entire weak. Lesson learned. Homeostasis will rebel and fight for balance but you must keep going and acknowledge but not ignore alarm signals.

Ignore? No. “Let pain be your guide” is the saying among bodybuilders. If it is painful take 1 step back. Regroup and reduce intensity, then “2 steps forward”. Go faster again. Keep negotiating resistance like this and you will be golden. Goals will be reached and passed. Negotiating resistance with your body this way will take you all the way to wherever you want to go.

Guess where my new comfort zone is. Yes, at 14 now. 12 looks like a walk in the park now....
38 Comments | 16,584 Views
Sam_old
 


This isn’t discussed much here on the forums, because of our focus on gaming up girls with cold approaches, but it’s huge and should be focused on. Learning pick-up is awesome because it trains you to put yourself through intense self-development and you really improve your overall confidence in the process, but way too often guys in this community will just go out every single night and have no friends outside of dudes that they’ve met on this online community. Building up your social circle is important because it’s pretty much your lifestyle – it’s who you are and what you do 24/7, developing it alongside your game just turbocharges your self-identity that much faster.

Social circle game is a bit slower and more subtle than pick-up and cold-approaching, but it’s also complementary. If you’re already pulling regularly you should have no problem building social circle quickly in any new city that you move into – the same exact skills will help you from the start. And on the other hand, if you’re not confident meeting new people and approaching women – just baseline game – then you should work on that first – one of the reasons some guys in this community are anti-social circle is because they came from the lowest rung of their group of friends, a place of low confidence, and now they’re focused on improving themselves socially and getting themselves back up. But if you’ve been practicing pick-up for a while now, you need to start committing some time to penetrate some social circles that you’re interested in….


1. Build social capital and acclimate yourself to the scene

“Social capital” – it’s like currency, but for socializing, it’s anything that displays value indirectly without you really doing anything, it expresses your lifestyle to those around you. Examples include: your close group of friends, having lots of cute female friends, cool pictures on your Facebook/MySpace profile of you partying and hanging out, living in a cool area where there’s a lot going on, knowing people in the nightlife scene (promoters, club owners, etc.), travel stories, having a blog, having lots of pictures on your digital camera, knowing what’s happening in your city – cool parties and events, etc. You should always be building your social capital, and it’s really easy to do with pick-up. It’s part of your overall image and it adds massive value automatically. Tailor it to whatever scene you’re getting into.


2. Think of everyone you meet as a connector to meeting even more people

This is very basic and simple, but powerful – it’s what good salesmen and businessmen do, you never know who that person knows. Expand your social circle exponentially – get to meet two or three more people out of every one person that you just met. Decent-looking girls who are cool to hang out with usually have a few hot friends. This is why learning how to cold approach is awesome – because you could expand your social circle that much quicker.


3. Add value to everyone you meet – give them a good time and help them out

This is obvious, but what’s key is that you do this to maintain those relationships. It’s easy to just meet a ton of people, hang out with all of them and make friends with their friends, but that still doesn’t add to your circle unless you maintain them. You do that by inviting them to parties, giving them a good time whenever they’re around you, connecting them to other people that they’d be interested in meeting, and overall taking care of them – this is all done in a friendly “I’m the host” mentality. If you help people and take care of them, you’ll eventually get dividends from them – they’ll intro you to their hot friends, valuable business contacts, etc.


4. Be the connector, “the party guy” – the center of attention

In every social circle, there’s one guy who knows where all the parties are, what the plans are going to be this weekend, and who gets called from every girl about places to check out. You need to be that guy. That same guy is continually linking his friends with his other friends and then those friends with even more friends – he’s automatically social proofing himself with tons of people around him. He’s the connector.

If you’re throwing a party or organizing an event or any small hangout, don’t ever just invite one small group of friends – or just one group of girls. Invite multiple groups of people, hype them up to each other, and connect them.

Continually build options for yourself and work the room by leveraging different groups.


5. Wash, rinse, repeat
null
17 Comments | 17,295 Views
jlaix
 
I've been working with Real Social Dynamics since 2002. That's right, for SIX WHOLE YEARS, I've been running live, in-field Bootcamps in cities all over the world. The program has continually evolved since that time, eventually becoming the life-changing juggernaut that it is today, but a few things have remained the same.

For example, at the very beginning of the program, we do a little "meet and greet." I ask the guys where they're from, what they do for a living, and what their hobbies are.

You can tell a lot about a guy by the things that he chooses to do in his spare time. Generally, I've found that the guys who do the best on Bootcamp are the ones whose hobbies involve some form of physical activity. I'm not exactly sure why, it's just a conclusion that I've reached over the years through analysis of the empirical data at hand.

On the other hand, when I ask him what his hobbies are and the dude looks at me with a blank stare and says, "Nothing," then I know I'm probably gonna be in for a tough weekend.

Of course, it's never entirely wise to indulge in generalizations. Sometimes, the biggest pimps will have some pretty esoteric interests that don't necessarily lend themselves directly to pickup.

For example, I am pretty hardcore into gardening, of all things.

Yeah, gardening. I'm a freakin’ plant nerd. Wayyyy back in the day, I worked at a nursery for a period of several years. I initially took the job to get discounts on supplies, as at the time I was an avid cultivator of Manchurian Fern Tomatoes. During my tenure at the nursery however, I soaked up horticultural knowledge like a sponge. Everything from diseases, to landscape architecture, to soil amendment, you name it. I grew roses and entered them in shows. I installed lawns. I cloned specimens from cuttings. I advised homeowners on native plant installations, etcetera etcetera etcetera.

In any case, those days are long gone now, but I still have a little place in my heart for the botany. If you ever meet me in person, look closely at my thumb and you can still see the green. In fact, this summer, while back in town on hiatus from the Jeffy Freedom Tour, I decided to take back my yard from the wild. I'd neglected it for a couple years, and it was overrun with weeds and random debris.

So I went to the garden center, got some stuff, rolled up my sleeves and went for it. A couple months later, the space is totally transformed. It is similar to heaven.

null

So I was putting around out there today, doing a little pruning, a little weeding, and I got to thinking about the parallels between pickup and gardening.

Yeah, on the surface it sounds a little ridiculous, but understand you're talking to a guy who eats, breathes and sleeps pickup 24/7 so it shouldn't really be that surprising. So. What are the lessons we can learn here?

First off, gardening is great because it connects you with that primal masculine core.

"What?" you might be asking, "how does dicking around with flowers do that?"

Let me assure you, when I was digging that tree stump out of the yard with a pick-axe and a hatchet, I was a goddamn Neanderthal. Hacking and sweating for an hour and a half, covered in dirt, I finally ripped the damn thing up out the ground with my bare hands, threw it across the yard, thrust my arms over my head and bellowed a primal scream that I'm sure had my neighbors thinking I was deranged.

Thing is, THAT is the same way that I feel when I'm lording it up in the field. It's the exact same impulse... that impulse to dominate, to crush the opposition and come out on top, to OVERCOME. To let loose all Hell like good ole Maximus in "Gladiator." When you are in the club,THAT is the juice you want to tap into. Tim calls it THE FURY.



You step up to that tree stump, i.e. that mixed group with the turbo in it, whatever, and you get your hands dirty. When you connect with that masculine core, questions like, "What do I say?" become laughable, a joke. It does not matter, because you KNOW that you're going to step to her and OWN, and you are going to PULL. You get in the ring and you BANG until the fight is over. Come hell or high water, you are going to get a RESULT.

Moving on.

One thing about maintaining the garden: I have to be out there every couple of days to assess the whole scenario. I go out there, snip some dead stuff off, give it some water, and ruthlessly yank out any weeds that have started to sprout up. As I'm slowly combing through the beds, pulling the weeds out one by one, I become completely immersed in the activity. There's a real meditative aspect to it. I'm focused on the task at hand as opposed to the eventual outcome. There is an overarching plan for how I want the thing to turn out, but that's merely providing the framework.

When I was out there earlier today, I realized how true this is for your game as well. If you want to cultivate a really slick game, you need to be out there a lot. That means going out with regularity and talking to girls, plain and simple. You cannot hope to get there by merely playing around with it when the fancy happens to strike. If I neglect it for a few weeks, I go out to the yard and all of a sudden, the weeds have choked out my digitalis. If I hide in my home and play World of Warcraft without human contact for a few months, then hit up the club, my game is going to be filled with all kinds of weeds as well. I'm gonna be rollin some kind of weird Howard Hughes type game. "You will hand me the milk with your left hand, only touching the bag." No, it must be a consistent and concerted effort.

With consistency, you are going to succeed, provided you are intelligent about your growth and are willing to put yourself under the microscope, weeding out disempowering behaviors and planting the seeds of new, empowering ones. This is a constant battle, one that never ends (until you're six feet under, that is).

If you haven't read the book "Mastery" by George Leonard yet, you need to do so IMMEDIATELY. It's a concise book that packs a lot of value. In it, Leonard outlines the path to true mastery of a skill, as opposed to mere "dabbling" or "hacking."

Reading it, the biggest principle that stuck out to me was the idea that masters practice solely for the sake of practicing. They take massive enjoyment in the actual *development* of the skill. The results, the accolades, the wins, these are all mere side-effects. They are a bonus, icing on the cake.

null

My friend Owl once told me about a jiu-jitsu instructor he had in Hawaii. This guy was crazy, he'd fight people on the street while he had two broken hands, etc. One day at practice, this guy is grinding my friend's face into the floor and nearly breaking his arm off, and suddenly he screams, "YOU LIKE THIS!! THIS IS WHY YOU COME HERE! YOU LIKE THIS!"

At that moment, at strange and disturbing as it may have sounded, my friend realized the guy was right. You see, Owl's not a guy who "sweats the process" as they say. He truly loves the process of learning itself: going in to the gym day after day, punching and kicking his way through the drills, sweating like hell. Consequently he has developed into a very skilled fighter.

So. From choding about with plants, we can observe some fundamental yet powerful lessons about our game:

1. Connect with the FURY and don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. Bring the full force of your masculine core energy to bear on your interactions.

2. Your practice needs to be consistent. Examine yourself, and pluck those weeds out of your game on a daily basis, preferably while they are SMALL little sproutlets. Cause once they get big, it's a huge pain in the ass to pull them out.

3. Learn to enjoy the process itself, viewing it as an almost meditative exercise. Lose yourself in it. Eckhart Tolle, the author of "A New Earth" and "The Power of Now," outlines this process in three steps: Acceptance, Enjoyment, and Enthusiasm. Let yourself experience all three modalities while in the club, and watch the magic happen.

With that, allow me to clean up my tools, sweep up the dirt, roll up my giant hose, and bid you farewell... until next time.
31 Comments | 18,071 Views
Ozzie
 
The other day I was doing one of my classic drills on BC where zero self talk is required and I happened to be doing it with yet another brilliant guy. For some reason he was incapable of doing it. We went back and forth but he couldn’t... I kept at it, encouraging, pushing, trying to relax him and he started doing it right towards the end. He seemed to shut the self talk off for a while.


Self talk
You will find yourself at your peak when you are able to shut the mental chatter off. Smart people have trouble with that. They are in the habit of intellectualizing everything. They seem to weigh the pros and cons of every decision before they do something. This, no doubt, is a killer of game. It will make you hesitant.

The best players have a quality of zero self talk that makes them extremely effective in the field. In the field, little or no self talk is required. Self talk is actually bad for you. You will notice you climb huge positive peaks when your self talk is at the lowest.

It is literally impossible to feel good and be happy and have any kind of self talk. Self talk tends to be reduced as we focus and get in a flow. Actually the word “flow” is very much related to not having any mental cobwebs. Just “flowing” like a river would.




Analysis and stalling, another name for AA?
null

It is when you can’t make any forward progress because you bog yourself down in useless details, pondering, weighing the odds...as opposed to getting on with it. Sound familiar?

While it is perfectly natural to want to spend time pondering about a plan, especially one with elements of risk involved, there comes a point where any more thinking goes against its accomplishment and you need to start making some real progress.

Planning is good. Failure to plan is planning to fail. But too much can be as destructive as not enough.
It is pretty common in this community to have a guy reading material for a year and a half or sometimes 3 or 4 years without doing a single approach. The guy knows everything there is to know about pick up but fails to execute in the field. In his mind he has to be ready first. By ready he means, I got to have all the angles covered, all the openers, all the possible situations as he devours pages and pages of pick up related stuff. He plays the game in his mind over and over.

Then he comes to BC and it is a shocker that he doesn’t need 90 percent of all that knowledge to approach a girl. The game is simple.


Procrastination
I remember in executive training in my old job, there was this pamphlet being passed around about Collin Powell, the guy in charge of the US Military campaign in the Middle East,’s management style in which he claimed he would make decisions with as little as 40 percent of the information. Most managers in my old company frowned at that. Needless to say my old company was known for long 4 hour meetings that would yield no clear decisions. They couldn’t understand that more information doesn’t necessarily equal better decisions.


Some good pointers to break procrastination are the following:
1. Agree on a point in time to get something done...and get it done or die trying. Don’t allow yourself to float into the nothingness of no dates.

2. Get reckless. Yes, act like a lunatic for a while. Go kamikaze for a while. If you are the typical procrastinator, this will show you the power of actions over ideas.

3. Make up your damn mind! Yes, shit or get out of the pot. Start small: what cloth to wear tonight for the club?

4. Gain momentum....does 3 or 4 approaches on your way to the club. Don’t wait for the situation to be perfect.


Excuses
null

I like this list of excuses I found on a web page. These are real excuses parents gave for their children not to go to school. Some have gross spelling mistakes in them. Enjoy.

“Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot”.

“Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,
30, 31, 32, and also 33.”

“Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.”

“Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he
fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip”

“John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face”

“Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part”

Smart people, because they are brilliant, can produce extremely compelling arguments NOT to do something. They are hand downs the best excusers in the world-from “I am not good looking enough” to “she is not hot enough for me”... If you let them, they can argue their way into sitting by the bar and getting drunk without approaching a single girl in the whole night. They love to give arguments, pros and cons of such and such method of pickup, etc.

Bad for pickup.

That’s why most of the best guys that I know are either dumb or have a knack of minimizing self talk or reducing it to zero as soon as they get into a club. That’s the quality that I am after when I teach bcs. All my drills, tactics and strategies to teach aim at eliminating self talk.

You could say “what about positive self talk?” Very clever. Smart point I tell you. You will notice when you are in the “flow”, that self talk is all gone. You seem to be in the present moment, not in the past, not in the future. And yes, you will be positive without trying.
54 Comments | 29,064 Views