August 15th, 2018
You won’t.

The only way to find out is to go for it.

You struggle with the same things a Himalaya mountain climber struggles. How is the weather going to be today?” What type of gear is better for this type of climb?” How long will it take to get to the top?” What if there is an avalanche in the middle of the climb?”

The future is unknown.

Same for girls. You won’t know until you do it.

Signal reading

Reading a woman is like reading the weather in London. Completely unpredictable. If you get up in the morning in London and look outside expecting the weather to hold, chances are you won’t get out of the house much. Weather changes from hour to hour unexpectedly. I am not in the habit of listening to weather forecasts anymore. If I have to do something, I would just do it regardless.

Many guys, because of the unpredictable nature of the game, get in the habit of reading women’s reactions. I like to think that it is like reading the weather; you will never get out of the house. Read by this, you will never get girls consistently if you get in the habit of reading whether they like you or not.

Like you or approve of you?

The signal reading that you do is normally around whether a girl thinks you are cool or not. Basically you want to know if she approves of you.


Approval seeking is common in primates. Lower level individuals in chimpanzee societies smile more plus they report a higher level of stress. This is a scientific fact. Sharing most of our genome with monkeys, it is not surprising that we, as humans, crave approval. We thrive on it.

Unlike the monkeys we don’t have to. It is not needed for our survival in a club. We do it out of habit or genes. The difference with animals is that we can understand it and minimize it, even eradicate it. The question is whether we are willing to do that.

Are you willing to put the work in to eliminate approval seeking from your game?

Only if it was that easy. But we can go the other way and look for self approval.

Self approval


Mostly when guys approach a girl or a group of girls they are trying to get approval...outside. That is the case for 99 percent of the guys that come to this game. Unless they get laughs, or signs that indicate “you are a cool dude”, they feel bad inside and walk away.

Looking for approval outside has these problems and more. Not only you are giving your power away by looking for the approval of stranger, you will feel extremely uncomfortable doing this. Like a comedian before the function starts. A comedian’s future depends on how much of a reaction he gets from an audience. When you look for approval outside you become an entertainer and as a consequence you will feel all the issues related to entertaining like short and frantic breathing, choking, nervousness, accelerated speech patterns, heightened tension, etc.

Why bother? Why be an entertainer when you can find an unlimited source of approval inside of you?

When you are in a fun mood

When you feel like nothing can break you. You feel on top of the world-no alcohol please. Let’s say you arrive to the Greek Islands in summer and you are on the beach, feeling happy to be there. You don’t need people’s approval anymore. You feel great. Nobody can touch you. You start conversations naturally with the clerk girl at the sunglasses shop near the beach, you chat up the receptionist of your hotel cheerfully, you start a conversation with the people on the table next to you at breakfast, and you are so happy it spreads and contaminate the world.

This is happening because you are fully approving of yourself. You took a well deserved holiday, you planned it, you made it happen, it was the place you wanted to go etc...

However, very rarely we feel like that. We are not in the habit of approving ourselves without some kind of feedback from the environment like a pat in the back from your boss, a smile from a girl, etc...

I like this quote from The Power of Self Approval by Yuri Elkaim:

“Well, one theory is that we behave in order to gain approval from others. This may seem farfetched but think about it for a minute. Everything we do in life can boil down to 2 fundamental needs: the need to be loved and the need to be helped. As such, our actions tend to be determined by our ability to please others. This stems from the fact that our mind operates in a primitive survival mode looking to protect us at all costs. This survival mentality was originally formed during our early childhood where, as dependent helpless babies, we learned that it was necessary to please our parents (or caregivers) in order to get what we wanted whether it be food or milk, and so forth. If we didn’t gain this approval, we feared the worst – that we would perish. Fortunately, we are no longer dependent children needing others approval in order to survive. However, our conditioning has ingrained in us this need to please others eventhough it no longer makes sense to do so.

As such, one of our biggest obstacles to happiness in life is our need for approval from others or our need to prove ourselves, our fear of disapproval, and our fear of rejection. It is solely based on survival! Now, the need for survival is gone but the habit remains.”

So basically once we understand that there is no need for survival anymore we can start working on ourselves and curve this tendency to please people or entertain people.

Approving of your story

Dig deep and find your passions and things you truly care about. Share those with people. One thing I ask guys is “what is your time warp activity?” In other words what makes you forget about time? Those things that absorb you are best. Last weekend I had a guy who named a video game. I instructed him to talk about it with girls. He was surprised to find out how girls got into it because he sounded so passionate and convincing about it. He even invited girls to play with him at home. There you go.

No matter how retarded you think it is say it. Don’t hide who you really are from girls. Those things that your deep self finds amusing will have a magnetic effect on others.
25 Comments | 9,865 Views
Poolside Party
Partying at a Summer Poolside Party with Young Hollywood

One of the most fun ways to attract beautiful girls into your life is to throw a party. Throughout my youth, I have thrown several parties. In high school, I rented out a large Manhattan nightclub called Club Apple after my high school prom for a large after-hours party. From there, I went to the University of Wisconsin-Madison and threw very grand parties.

I started off by having my dorm friends and I buy a bunch of alcohol and then throwing a party in my dorm room, where there was a keg of beer in my shower and a mini-fridge full of alcohol. It escalated to me renting a 55 foot motor yacht and having an all you can drink booze cruise. Then, it escalated to me renting a 3 story supper club and transforming it into a fully catered event with a separate DJ in the first 2 floors and 3rd floor with free drinks and finger foods.

I started throwing regular parties throughout my college career and it allowed me to meet lots of girls. In order to fill my parties, I’d approach hot sororities and invite their girls to come to my events. I’d also drop a private newsletter in each of the cubbies of girls in my dorms to invite them to my parties. And I reached out to the press and my parties were discussed in newspapers and magazines.

Soon, I got the attention of Playboy Magazine, who recruited me to start throwing parties for them as a representative for Playboy Magazine’s College Division based out of New York. I’d receive regular promotional material packages of Playboy that they’d want me to promote via various parties.

However, when I graduated, instead of renting out venues and spending a lot of my own money to do so, I joined Xenii and they organized the parties, renting out large movie studio stages and mansions. As a member, I had fun attending the events, but I also promoted the parties via text message. My blackberry can send out 2000 text messages with the push of a button.

I’ve also masterd the ability of throwing a party. In fact, on a NY bootcamp in January, I threw a party at Pop Burger, where I invited VIP promoters, girls, and event got people to buy bottle service, and the entire event was organized in 30 minutes of text messages. The contacts, I built up in the previous week via cold approaches and networking in a social circle that I built in 1 week.

That goes to show you how easy it is to throw a party and get people involved in your events. This is a great way to keep girls going out with you to your events on a regular basis. If you don’t want to throw the party yourself, you can promote the nights when you go out to hot nightclubs and call it “hosting a party” since you are the one who is organizing everything.

As a result, I have several girls in Young Hollywood, whose social calendars revolve around events that I throw. My friends and I often get invited to other parties and hot nightclubs because we invite a lot of girls to the events that we go to. In fact, myself and others will even get paid to promote these parties and go to them with our girls.

I’ve been offered equity in exclusive private membership social clubs because of my knowledge and relationships in LA nightlife. I’ve offered served on the Members Board of Xenii, which was a young Hollywood social club for young socialites, models and celebrities who paid between $650-$25,000/month to party in all-night Friday movie studio parties, all-day mansion swimsuit summer parties, and elite vacations with special event access to exotic locations like Park City for Sundance Film Festival or Rio De Janeiro for Carnival.

Hollywood Party
Inviting Friends Out to Party in Hollywood

Parties can help you develop a lifestyle and it doesn’t require a lot of money or a lot of resources. All it requires is a bit of time to network. Most of the contacts I’ve made to establish my rolodex were from cold approaches. I didn’t start off with a list of hot girls, cool dudes, industry connections, and models, but I did have a drive to build my contact list and to have a lot of fun doing it.

Instead of using my skills to pickup girls solely to get phone numbers of girls that I’d want to date or hookup with, I also used my skills of walking up to random strangers to develop a social network of male and female friends that would help me build a fun and cool social circle. When I got the phone numbers of girls, I’d invite all of them to weekly parties (and sometimes more frequently). Instead of spending a month organizing a sophisticated gala, I’d organize a small wine tasting or dinner party with an exclusive, tight group of friends.

Although I’d develop a lot of broad relationships with everyone, I also kept close relationships with a tight, small circle of friends, and we’d throw parties together. Sometimes, we’d combine forces to rent out large houses for parties, or get alcohol sponsors to provide us with booze, but we each threw our own parties. Once you get the hang of throwing parties, it is a very fun, rewarding experience, and it is an easy skill to master.

When I organize a dinner party, all it takes is to send out a text message and invite a bunch of girls and guys to the restaurant for dinner. Likewise, if I want to do a wine tasting, I’d simply text message my friends to show-up at a wine tasting lounge. Sometimes, I’d throw a party at my house and invite everyone back to my place for an after-hours party for when the nightclubs closed, but this wasn’t absolutely necessary.

Other times, I’d throw parties at my friends’ houses or wait for my friends to throw parties at their houses. I have a lot of friends who have very cool homes or know of great locations to throw parties. And when my friends host a wine-tasting or private dinner at their house, I can get credit for inviting hot girls and cool company to the party.

New York Party Home of One of My Friends

There are several things to consider when you are throwing a party so I’m going to make a short list of what these are here (it is not totally comprehensive, but it should give you a simple checklist to help you throw your own party):

1) VENUE – Where are you doing to throw the event? Is this venue unique, hot, or have a special appeal to your party-goers? Will you be able to host a party for free or will they charge you for bringing your people to the venue?

2) GIRLS – Do you know a lot of hot girls that you can invite to the party or will you have to do cold approaches to build up your rolodex? Will your friends invite hot girls to the party? What will you do to make sure that the girls at your party are of a high caliber?

3) DRINKS – Will an alcohol company sponsor your event or will you have to charge money for booze? What are the laws governing the sale of alcohol in your city at a party? Do you have enough drinks for the people attending your event for the duration of the event?

4) MUSIC – Are you going to DJ your own party or hire a DJ? Do you have a good sound system to use or will you need to oursource your sound system? Does the venue you are using already have the music setup for you?

5) FOOD – Will you cater the event with a meal or finger foods? Do you have light foods or a dinner meal? What staff will you need to cater your event? Will guests help you with food or do you know of local restaurants that can sponsor your party? How about a chef for a dinner party?

6) AMBIANCE – Is this party a classy and upscale event with a sophisticated theme, furniture, and décor, or is this going to be a more laid-back and down to early party-scene? Will the music, fashion, and venue match the ambiance that you want to exude for your party?

7) FASHION – Is this going to be a down-to-earth casual or semi-formal function or will party-goers be required to dress to the nines or wear a funky costume? How are you going to let your audience know what to wear?

8) LIGHTS – Will you host a sophisticated lights show or have the audio/visual company that you need to project lasers or video images? Are you going to need a technician to have lights on the dance floor?

9) DANCING – Will there be a hip hop dancefloor or a more classic feel to the dancefloor? Are people going to be dancing throughout the night or will there be no dancefloor at all? Do you need a portable dancefloor or does the venue already have one in place?

10) POKER – Do you offer Texas Hold’em poker, have a table, and hire a professional dealer to run the cards, in which case your guest play for real money? Will there be “play money” competition on different gambling games? Is there going to be cash or other prizes for a tournament?

11) BARTENDERS – Who is bartending your event? Are the bartenders educated on mixology and complex drinks or are they only trained on making simple mixed drinks? Do your bartenders work for an alcohol sponsor or are they simply working for the venue hosts?

12) PROMOTERS – Who is promoting your party? What kind of people are on the list of the promoters that you invited to promote for you? Do you offer a commission for selling tickets, memberships, or VIP bottle service?

13) VIP – Do you charge a premium for a roped-off VIP area for private clients? Are you going to have VIP Hosts manage special guests with drinks and food? Will you offer VIP security for premium party guests? Will celebrities be in a roped off area?

14) GO-GO – Do you want go-go dancers or a cirque de soleil show available at your party near the dance floor or for entertainment? At what hour(s) of the night will your entertainers be performing at your party?

15) SECURITY – Do you have good security protecting the door of your party and also inside of the venue to prevent drunken fights? Are you using off-duty cops to protect you from noise violations in a private neighborhood with easily disturbed neighbors or a random door guy?

In addition to the above questions, as a party host, it your job to make sure your guests are having fun, and this can be as much work as running a business enterprise. This is why it is often easier and more fun to promote your own party, but let someone else host the party and create the entire production.

I’ve done both, and I have a lot of fun doing both, but I definitely have a lot more fun when I am just promoting the party, because when you organize the production, you have to manage the party and make sure everyone is having fun. However, if you do produce the entire event, you will get more credit for the party and a lot of hookups, favors, and connections.
36 Comments | 19,463 Views
Frequently, I'll get emails from guys who have signed up for a Real Social Dynamics Bootcamp asking me what they can do to prepare for their upcoming experience. They want to know if there are any specific things they can do in order to prime themselves to get the maximum value out of the program.

Invariably, I tell these guys the same thing, and it has nothing to do with approaching women.

I tell them to get their ass in the gym and prepare for the program like it's an Olympic event.

Now a lot of people, when I tell them this, are confused. "But Jeff," they ask, "what does that have to do with picking up girls?"

In and of itself, nothing. But the fact is, a Real Social Dynamics Bootcamp is designed to be one of the most intense learning experiences in the world, and as such places serious demands on your physical, mental and emotional capacities.

I tell people to train for it like an Olympic event because THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT I WILL BE DOING.

I keep myself fit. That means daily exercises, spanning a broad spectrum of activities.

One such activity is the practice of hatha yoga to develop flexibility and body awareness. I've recently started getting into this, and it's been very helpful. I've been studying it for a while now, attending class and also doing a lot of reading. In doing so, the other day I came across an interesting bit which was used to describe the process of learning, which I find has application in the realm of social dynamics.

The book described something called "The Ten Bull Pictures," an ancient Buddhist parable that illustrates the stages of awakening to hidden potential. The story uses a series of pictures to tell the story of a student seeking, finding, and integrating knowledge of the self. The images use a bull as a symbol of this knowledge. The bull itself eventually disappears but the knowledge remains and becomes a part of the individual. In this article, I'd like to share this parable with you and examine how it can be interpreted in terms of this journey towards success with women.

1. The first picture is "Searching for the Bull." First, one learns that game exists. This is the realization that we are wholly responsible for our results, the realization that you don't have to accept a sub-par dating life just because you aren't six-foot-five with Brad Pitt looks. In other words, you discover that, despite how things might seem, it is not an objective world that is keeping us down, but rather our self-deceiving minds.
Japanese Text

2. The second picture shows the herder "Discovering the Footprints of the Bull." In this second stage, you know that "game" exists, and begin consciously seeking it out: reading about it on the internet, studying DVD programs, etc. By this process you begin to gain "head knowledge" of game functions.

With the aid of things like RSD programs and by the means of study, you come to understand a few things. At this point a key realization takes place: you begin to realize that the objective world is merely a reflection of the self, as opposed to the other way around.

For me, in the early days this epiphany came when I read some of Tyler's posts, which led me to believe that "attitude determines what you can get away with." This was a bit of a crude, surface level analysis or way of arriving at the realization that we craft our own reality, tinged with pessimism (“get away with”?) but at the time it was a huge turning point for me.

Still, I was largely unable to distinguish amidst the whirlwind of pickup theory out there what was good from what sucked.

3. The third picture is entitled "Seeing the Bull." This is a major point. Up until now, the student has had a lot of "book learning" but really hasn't been able to translate it to the field. It is at this stage that he goes out, experiments around, and finally experiences the "body knowledge" of game.

He starts to realize that this game is not about LOGIC, but rather is all about EMOTIONS. He starts to understand what good game "feels like" when he's in the field. He starts to understand what is meant by "getting into state."

This is the first "twitch" of activation. It is here that he experiences the pure state of energy flow that I like to call "the Nimbus."

"The boy finds the way by the sound he hears;
he sees thereby into the origin of things, and all his senses are in harmonious order.
In all his activities, it is manifestly present. It is like the salt in water and the glue in color. [It is there though not distinguishable as an individual entity.]
When the eye is properly directed, he will find that it is no other than himself."

4. The fourth picture depicts the oxherder "Catching the Bull." Using conscious control, it is now possible to regulate in rough fashion, the power of the nimbus.


See, the nimbus is the true realization of the phrase, "I don't care what anybody thinks of me." When I see a guy hit that state for the first time, it's obvious, because I will come around the corner and see him jumping and thrashing about like a psychopath. I'll laugh and say to myself, "Yup... he's got it."

The thing is, they don't know how to use the power yet. They are simply running around like a bull in a china shop, smashing things up. Sure, they are having a great time while doing it, and for a lot of guys, just the idea that game can actually be FUN (as opposed to some ball-wracking referendum on your worth as a human being) is an epiphany in and of itself. But they're not getting the girls, because they're just going in there like a sledgehammer now.

Again, while this is a monumental step, it is no time to rest. You have to work even harder at this point to continue onwards and upwards.

"With the energy of his whole being, the boy has at last taken hold of the ox: But how wild his will, how ungovernable his power!
 At times he struts up a plateau,
 When lo! he is lost again in a misty unpenetrable mountain-pass."

5. The fifth picture is "Taming the Bull." This is the stage where you start to bring in FINESSE. Through a conscious process of discipline, you bring the power of the nimbus under control. You don't care what they think. Great. Now, start to become aware of how you are making them FEEL. Bring the power of the nimbus to bear on THAT, using it to direct the energy of the interactions like a virtuoso concert pianist, and you are on the path to mastery. Again, it is in this stage that functional regulation of your game becomes refined. It is here that you develop what is commonly referred to as "calibration."

6. "Riding the Bull Home" One can now activate the skills at will, without having to think much about it. You just roll to the club and GO. This is the beginning of "game clairvoyance." This term refers to the ability of the awakened mind of the accomplished "pick up artist" to anticipate an action and use the most efficient method, tactic, or strategy to accomplish it.

Only consistent practice creates this type of phenomenon, a feeling of "knowing" what to do. Some have referred to this as "unconscious competence."

Riding Bull

"Riding on the animal, he leisurely wends his way home:
 Enveloped in the evening mist, how tunefully the flute vanishes away!
 Singing a ditty, beating time, his heart is filled with a joy indescribable!
 That he is now one of those who know, need it be told?"

7. "The Bull Transcended." I'd actually call this one "the GAME transcended." The "skill set," as it were, now automatically activates whenever needed and exactly as needed - no more no less. This is full game clairvoyance.

I've met many "naturals" over the course of my career, and an interesting thing I've noticed about them is that, when questioned about game, they often get a puzzled look on their face, and are unable to articulate what exactly it is they do in any meaningful way. It's as if they just can't see what the big deal is.

"Just be cool," they'll say.

I now realize that this is because they have transcended the game in the manner described here. Definitely an admirable way to live, and a remarkable achievement for anybody who reaches this step. But there are three more pictures remaining...

8. The next picture features "Both Bull and Self Transcended." Integration. Rest. Connection. Many will never reach this stage. This is what Tyler's getting at in the Blueprint when he talks about "moving from a place of ego to a place of authenticity and self-esteem."

Here, you are no longer concerned with "being a bad ass pick up artist" or impressing others with your feats of skill. You receive no ego validation from your success.

It simply is what it is.


Many practitioners will, at this point, take a step away from the game for a bit. They might even feel a bit of disillusionment. This is where you'll see odd stuff like top guys going celibate for a while, "just to mix things up a bit." Of course, this often leaves their buddies scratching their heads and thinking they've gone full insane. Or maybe they settle down with one girl for a while.

Truth is, a rest period is often the germination of the seed of something new. A renewed vigor for the game, or even a completely different endeavor sprouting out of the old. Again, this is the stage where everything you've experienced and learned becomes fully integrated.

Remember that rest is an essential part of the growth process. If you feel yourself arriving at this stage, embrace it and let it run its course. You've certainly earned it, and it’s when growth happens.

9. The ninth picture: "Returning to the Source." The knowledge is now consolidated, and the circuitry unlocked.

10. Finally, we see the herder "In the World with Knowledge Integrated."

At the end of every Bootcamp, I tell the student: "You're on our meme tree now, bitch... go forth and spread the word." And that is the ultimate aim of Real Social Dynamics: not to create a legion of followers, but to do our own small part in transforming the world, snapping as many people as possible out of the spectator mindset characteristic of "the unthinking masses."

We are simply the facilitators. The catalysts. We share our experiences so that those who learn from them can go on to make their own myths, and in turn inspire the next generation.

"The cycle begins again, each time more exquisite, each time more arduous. But we know the process and the way."
42 Comments | 10,133 Views
Most guys are looking for the perfect strategy or tactic that works 100 percent of the time. However, no such a thing exists, may be in their heads only.


It is not their fault. Devious internet marketing and the drive of our society to perfection makes the average guy believe there is a 100 percent bullet proof way of getting a girl. It becomes apparent night after night in the field that perfection is not a part of this game.

Imperfection and Acceptance

You must learn to live with imperfection. Things don’t go always the way they are supposed to. Actually looking into the times that you will get laid, you will notice that nothing goes according to plan most of the time.


Most guys make the terrible mistake of assuming they will get bad reactions as they enter a group of girls. Don’t assume anything. If you assume, assume the best. Expect they will be in a good mood and they often will. Assume success and you will get success.

Mistakes and Sticking Points


Embrace your imperfections. Don’t hide them, don’t obsess over them, don’t get mad, and don’t try to make them go away. Typical mistake is to try and make imperfections disappear. Any attempt to focus on your shortcomings, will make them grow larger and stronger. Rather focus on your strengths.

It is funny that most guys know by heart their shortcomings but when asked what their strengths are they have no idea. They don’t even know what they are good at in the game.

Let’s say you are a positive dude. Well, that’s your strength. Focus on it, overplay it, blow it out of proportions, be the happiest guy in the club. You must approach sets and get them excited. Let them feel your positivity.

Live your life in the imperfect zone

The more imperfect you allow yourself to be, the more you will improve your game. Making mistakes is a sign of strength, never a weakness. Only guys that are pushing the boundaries of reality err.

If It Is Worth Doing is worth doing it poorly but it is worth getting it done.

Most times I say to guys “don’t try to be perfect. Just get it done”. Which means don’t try to look good or smooth? Do you want to look good or do you want to get laid?

It is never going to be perfect but you will spend more time doing the right things. That’s the difference. You will do more right. You will be able to tell when you are doing the right things not based on the girl’s reactions but on how you feel inside. You will have an internal compass for doing the necessary things no matter if you are getting it wrong.

Doing something new feels extreme

If you never approached in clubs before or you are doing something new it can be scary. It is new behaviour. New territory. The unknown. Fear of the unknown.

You need to feel good when you are treading the unknown. Resistance to doing new things should be your compass. You are doing right. You are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Big lessons will be learned from doing this.

Lack of passion. Lack of energy. Lack of intensity

Excessive outcome orientation, dependence on results, etc., will your energy inside. A tension to get results will substitute passion, playfulness and fun. You won’t be able to operate with such a sense of urgency. Most people will think you are weird and dismiss you on the basis that they don’t know what you are after.

Lack of energy happens because you waste all your mojo trying to hide. You make tremendous efforts to conceal your intentions by putting on a show to entertain people. I am referring to when guys try to make girls like them because they think this is what pickup is all about.

Making girls like you is not going to get you laid. What’s going to get you laid is not giving a damn whether they liked you or not. Truth is that on any given night there are a number of girls that are going to like you no matter what, regardless of the show you put on when you meet them. On the other hand there is going to be another group of girls that are not going to like you no matter what either. And there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t care how long you have been in the field or how much pickup literature you have devoured. When a girl doesn’t like you there is nothing much you can do about it, better move on...

Performance Anxiety. I Must Perform. I Have To Do It Right

What most guys call approach anxiety or AA I call it performance anxiety. It runs along the line of “I have to approach and pick up”, “I have to do it right”. All these “have to” sentences create an enormous amount of tension, tension which paralyses most guys. It is important to get rid of all those “have to”, “obligatory” type of sentences. They only work you up.

They should be substituted by affirmations like “it is ok to make mistakes”, “it is fun to approach”, etc...I usually repeat those as I approach a group of people. It puts me in the right frame of mind.
35 Comments | 12,304 Views
Welcome to yet another thrilling installment of resplendent glory. Start off with some Pixies:

All right. You know, one thing that I find myself reiterating to students again and again is the fact that RSD is not about guru worship. In fact, such thinking goes against the very ethos of the company, which is of course rooted in the concepts of self-esteem and authenticity.

To that end, it's important to understand that while a lot can be learned from the experience of the so-called gurus, attempting to emulate them is ultimately going to be counterproductive to your own development. You have to nuture and cultivate a style that is uniquely your own.

Take a look at the motley crew that is the RSD Executive Coaching Team. Each guy brings a different style to the party. We've got Alexander, who basically defines the term "free spirit." There's Papa, who uses a combination of high status and unparallelled networking skills to manage a list of nearly 800 Los Angeles hotties. You've got Christophe the Frenchman with his ultimate comfort game. There's the calm, suave Saad, whose game is slow but inevitable, like a lava flow.

Then there's me.

People have always told me that I have a somewhat unique approach to the game. I wasn't really sure what people meant by that; after all, I'm just out there doing my thing. Recently I felt that this could use some examination, so I got together with Ryan aka Sparky aka Yahya JONES to get to the bottom of it. Ryan's particular talent is in depth game analysis, so who better to delve into the Passion of the Jeffy and get us all some answers? The following is what we came up with, presented here for your reading pleasure.

As I stated above, the idea here is to take what works for YOU and implement it into your own style, not become a Jeffy clone. Now that we've gotten that disclaimer out of the way, let's dig right into it:

Essentially, "Jeffy game" is comprised of several things, however the unifying element to these pieces is breaking rapport - the central crux of Jeffy game.

Examining the pieces in depth:

1. Zen minimalism - from meet to close, I say the bare minimum number of words. My sentences are short, and to the point. I’ve found that being a master of brevity is very effective. The net effect is a powerfully low quantity to content ratio. The result: the words carry a shit-ton of weight since I’m able to pack a lot of content into just a few of them.


Going further, as people seek rapport their sentences get longer and there's more hedging - i.e. "Yeah, so I saw Fight Club on Wednesday night, haha, it was really good... I mean at first I wasn't sure I wanted to see it but then my friends talked me into it. Well anyway, yeah it was really good, I mean it was kinda violent, and some parts were weird, but overall I liked it I guess."

Ok, so that's chode-speak taken to an extreme, but if you look at me, I'm pretty much the complete opposite.

"Yeah, Fight Club is solid."

No uncertainty, no nonsense, not trying to hedge or please; just truth, take it or leave it.

Another example: somebody on the forum recently asked a question. He was going on a date with a girl, and the day before, she asks him, "Is it ok if I bring my friend along?"

Now, a bunch of guys jumped in to help him out, offering a variety of “witty” responses such as, “Only if you’re not afraid she’ll take me,” and, "Oh, so you want a threesome eh?” Yes, these are all perfectly acceptable answers. I, however, had a different response.

HER: "Is it ok if I bring my friend along?"

ME: “No."

And that's that.

2. A vaguely "breaking rapport" tonality. This one is fairly obvious, also I suspect it's in large part the result of running hundreds of bootcamps and constantly assuming the tone of unflinching authority. I never switch into falsetto. Unless I'm singing Prince at the karaoke bar.

3. Detached indifference - essentially non reactivity. But whereas most guys apply the principles of being unreactive with regard to the girl only - I apply it to both the girl and MYSELF. So for instance, I will sometimes purposefully over-escalate or miscalibrate. But where other guys will try to break the tension created by such a move (either by laughing or plowing on top of it), I simply speak then absorb the created tension with a detached indifference.

I will purposefully over-escalate to elicit a negative response? Why??

Well this serves a couple of purposes. Looking at the big picture, I have an amazingly low flake rate. That is to say, for the rest of the guys, say they hypothetically open 5 girls and from that have 4 good interactions, they bang say 1 girl. With me, it's more like I open 5 girls, and three of them immediately hate me, but I end up closing both of the other two girls - no time wasted, minimal game expended for maximum payoff.

How does this work?


In set, many guys tend to walk a bit of a high-wire act, basically dancing the fine dance of calibration trying to 'not screw it up' before the pull. I do the opposite - I essentially TRY to screw it up multiple times before the pull, and as a result, the girl either walks off, OR, she accepts that I say whatever the fuck I want, and is even attracted to me for it. From here, there's no high-wire balancing act taking place, I have carte blanche to say and do as I please and I've set the frame that my doing so actually builds attraction in the girl.

So interestingly enough, this type of over-escalation not only works as an effective closing tool, but also serves as a screening mechanism.

Me: (offensive nonsense)
Girl: (ok, I should be offended and walk off, but I do like this guy... so screw it, he can get away with it)

Now she's built up a tolerance to my particular brand of idiocy- she's essentially with the program and willing to accept stuff from me that she won't from others. So now she's basically committed to accepting the emotional roller-coaster ride that is "Jeffy."

And it is a roller-coaster ride. Because by the same token, I can SLAM GEARS in a second and bust out some of the most cutesy, sensitive “connection” stuff that would make most guys cringe and dismiss as “FULL chode.” I can appear to be a coarse, vulgar moron, and in the same breath I'm suddenly the most articulate and urbane gentleman in the place (in many ways I think my vocabulary is my saving grace). One minute I'm talking obnoxiously loud, the next I bring it down and whisper in her ear. I'm UNPREDICTABLE, which is a key characteristic of the Sexworthy Man.

You gotta consider that I have seriously been at this for the better part of SIX years now. That's a long time! As a result, I screen heavily to make sure that the girl is actually open to getting railed - and not just some validation chasing flirt-girl.

So we’re having a pleasant conversation and out of left field I’m talking about doing her in the arse. BOOM - emotional spike - but beyond that, what the hell?! "Who the fuck does he think he is???" Well, it's decision time: she can either walk off right here and now, or she can get with the fucking program. And if she does walk off, do you really think she was ever really willing to get down TONIGHT?

From here, either it's on, or if not, no time wasted, on to the next girl... ensuring the close happens tonight. None of this "ohhh we talked and laughed all night, I'm gonna call her!" Either it's full on or it's not.

No ambiguity, no mickey mouse bullshit.

Game, Set, Jeffy.
36 Comments | 10,616 Views
Timing is everything.

That’s what people say. I tend to disagree when it comes to this game. Guys who focus on the right timing finish last here.

The way I look at this game is that the moment you step into a club either you are moving forward or you are going backwards. Let me explain: you come in and you go to the bar and hang out for some time; you are moving backwards. You must step in the club and approach and you will be moving forward.

Another example, you step into a club and approach a couple of groups and then stop; you are moving backwards. You stopped your forward momentum.

You talk to a girl and then stall the conversation with a variety of inane questions; you are moving backwards. You talk to a girl and you evolve from conversation to pulling her to the dance floor and start grinding with her; you are moving forward.

You can think of hundreds of examples of moving forward or backwards depending on what you choose to do.

The First Chunk of the Night

I get up in the morning and I know I have to write a bunch of stuff. My book, my emails, articles for rsd nation etc.... I just start typing somewhere. I let it rip. I don’t care if what is coming out is good or bad at this point. I just type and type. Where am I going or what or how good it is, is irrelevant. I will look at it later. Point being is that my whole focus is building some kind of momentum. Usually 10 minutes of steady work propel me for the next hour...then this hour pole vaults me in to the next 2 etc.... forward momentum at work.

Excessive attention to outcomes and details will stop you dead on your tracks.

Man of Action

I tell all bootcamp students they have to become men of action.... not men of thought.

Actions speak louder than words. The deep self realizations on program will come from actions that you take and their outcomes. No book, DVD or seminar can give you such depth. Your actions will be more instructional than any piece of material. You are learning by doing.

Some Ways to Build Momentum

1. Act NOW

Pick one thing that will contribute to one of your goals. Take immediate action and get moving. This means no postponing, no delaying, and no procrastinating.

Don’t pick your sets. Come into a club and walk straight into the first group you see. Take immediate action as you go into a club. This means no procrastinating, no stalling, and no delay. Get yourself into gear by approaching right away. Act NOW... the worst 2 words in this game are “not now”....

2. Stay Focused

When you find yourself distracted by something that is not directly in line with your goals, ask yourself, "Why?" Identify how you will manage future distractions and look for ways to eliminate them.

Don’t roam around the room endlessly. Turn around and approach the first set you see. Stay in set at all times. You are in the field, no time for thinking.

3. Be Decisive

Nothing slows momentum more than indecision. Decide as quickly as possible and then take some immediate action to support the decision - no matter how trivial it seems. Grab a girl that is talking to you and lead her to the dance floor. Do something. Make up your mind. Don’t wait for the girl to make decisions for you. The worst case scenario is a girl dragging you around the club, making decisions about where to go, what to do. This is a recipe for disaster.

4. Be Optimistic

Change can truly happen in the moment. If you are frustrated or discouraged, it will certainly be tough to build momentum. But if you are optimistic, things will happen more freely and your momentum will build.

I would like you to be walk out of a group with a smile on your face no matter what. Most guys will have a grim face if it doesn’t go well. You want to be happy that you approached in the first place. A sustainable level of positivity should be maintained throughout the night. Not necessarily a “ra ra” attitude but a calm level of positive expectations.

5. Develop an Action Plan

This plan doesn't have to be complicated. Just list how many nights you want to go out a week, how many hours, enrol in a gym, change your diet, etc...Then go and do that without thinking whether it is working or not. You will see the difference probably 3 months from now. Action plans should help as a guide to your actions, not as measuring stick for your success. Take action number 1 and results will take care of themselves.

All in all moving things forward beats timing in this game. Waiting for the right moment, pondering over what to do, will only stall you and kill you in the field. I don’t believe there is such a thing as perfect game but plough thru game. In teaching pick up I realized that I am teaching success. Getting laid is a by-product of applying success principles that apply to everything else. It takes the same attitude to build a church, a business or a family.
45 Comments | 22,003 Views
How many of you guys are going through your day smiling?

Even now, as you’re reading this article.

For me, smiling isn’t just something I do immediately whenever I talk to someone, it’s really a mental mode that I’m in 24/7. Even when you’re quiet or by yourself you should be smiling inside – a silent smile, if you will.

Smiling is powerful. It’s hard to say no to. And it’s one of the first things that I immediately correct in students; too often guys will be overly analytical, logical, and serious. Pickup, women, business, and every goal in life are viewed as something that should be conquered rather than being ENJOYED.

Our philosophy here at RSD has transformed dramatically over the past few years and it’s quite noticeable to me as a guy who was teaching two years ago, took a short break, and is now back with the crew. What I see as the fundamental transformation in our teaching style is that it’s now focused on BEING rather than TRYING. Old-school tactics and “The Game” doctrine are cool because they teach you how to assess social situations strategically, but taken to the extreme it never really pushes for that deep identity level change that’s noticeable on every level – it still comes from a place of insecurity, a place of need and negativity, a place without any real confidence.

It’s funny writing about this because I was there several years ago. I vividly remember that place when I was starting out, though it still seems miles and miles away from where I am now. Your heart gets broken, your ego gets crushed, and you have this unshakeable desire to get back at the world.

Common scenarios that we see here at RSD:

A) Guy gets rejected by women and has his heart broken >> B) Guy is miserable, questions his self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and hates women for not liking him >> C) Guy discovers “game” and sees it as the perfect way to take revenge on women >> D) Guy struggles at first, but eventually succeeds in getting a few dates >> E) Guy’s skills improve with time and his inner confidence starts to catch up with his external social skills >> F) Guy starts dating the women he always wanted and his inner game equilibrates with his “outer game” >> G) Guy loves women with a passion, makes the most out of every day, and wants to make a positive contribution to society and give back to the world

A) Guy’s professional life takes a blow, his business fails, or he suffers from financial distress >> B) Guy is miserable, questions his self-worth, hates life for not being better to him, and is jealous of anyone who is more successful than he is >> C) Guy discovers books, mentors, and other resources that teach him how to be financially/professionally successful >> D) Guy struggles at first, but eventually starts making some moves with his life >> E) Guy starts making some money and starts feeling secure about his natural talents again >> F) Guy starts making millions, reaches the top of his industry through discipline and hard work, and starts appreciating the overall process >> G) Guy loves his profession/business and natural talents, makes the most out of every day, and wants to make a positive contribution to society and give back to the world

In both cases, most teaching methods (including “old-school game”) are heavily focused on phases A through D. Yes, this does get results – me and the older guys on the crew went through it – BUT what we realize now is that the whole process can be sped up much much faster. Don’t get me wrong – there is no substitute for discipline and hard work, and there never will be for any endeavor you put yourself through in life, but what can be tweaked is the mental headspace from which that effort is channeled from – and that makes a world of difference when you start out. You need to maintain that hardcore ambition while also being completely positive about yourself and everyone around you.

You can leap over most of the process and save yourself a lot of time by mentally assuming phase G right from the get-go – by assuming an “abundance mentality” – as they say in the movie Boiler Room: “ACT AS IF”. The reason this speeds up the whole process is because it doesn’t require your psychology to wait until there are tangible exterior results in order to get your inner confidence up to speed. When you live every day with an abundance mentality while training yourself hard in the field, your inner and outer game will be moving in synch and you’ll start getting results that much faster.

So, SMILE… every time you’re in set and every moment throughout the day. Yes, even NOW. Start right this minute.

Enjoy the process – regardless of where you are at the moment. Look at your life in the bigger picture, think long-term, and realize that it’s just one big story or movie – the tough times only add to the plotline and make it far more interesting.

Relax and smile. Have fun with women and have fun with work. ACT AS IF.


32 Comments | 23,468 Views
Hey gang. Today, I've got a question for you.

On a scale of one to ten, what is your game?

Like, say we are out at the club. The music is bumping and you're rested and feeling good. Suddenly, across the room, you see a BANGING hot turbogirl. She is the epitome of glory, a veritable angel. Now, on a scale of one to ten, where do you put your ability to go up to her, initiate a conversation, get her attracted to you, deal with the logistics, get her home and place your weener inside of her hoo ha?


Now, for a lot of guys, this is a question they've heard before. If you've seen our amazing Transformations DVD program, Tim poses it to the audience in his bit, near the very beginning.

And, if you've seen it, you know that there is only one correct answer.

"My game is a TEN, Jeffy."

That's right. A f***ing ten.

Now, this isn't some happy-time, feel-good affirmation here. Not some delusional confidence builder meant to be recited 30 times in the mirror before you go out.

The real meaning of "my game is a ten" goes much deeper than that.

It means that, regardless of what your experience has been in the past, at any given moment you have the ability, somewhere inside of you, to step to that turbo-girl and PULL HER. You are already in possession of everything that you need.

The "ten game" is already inside of you, waiting to be unleashed.

That's why, when a guy comes and takes a Bootcamp with me, I tell him, "I have nothing to teach you in the traditional sense of that word. My role is simply to remove that which separates you from the truth of who you are, from what you already know in the depth of your being."

The "ten game" has ALWAYS been inside you. The problem is that it's been covered up with social conditioning and ego BULLSHIT.

What you need to understand is this:

There is no need for any personality but your own.

This is the lesson at the heart of the RSD philosophy.

If you've been with us since the beginning, you know that it wasn't always like this. In the early years, we espoused a structure that went something like this:

1. Approach and try to entertain the girl.

2. The girl responds favorably.

3. You get good emotions and state from her validation, feed on the validation and continue.

As our experience and understanding of the game deepened, we realized this was an inherently flawed model, and we resolved to get to the bottom of this dilemma. Nearly five years later, we've arrived at a new model, which is as follows:

1. Self-amuse

2. Go into state not because of the girl's reaction, but rather because you amuse yourself.

3. Your state draws the girl into your reality and you then lead the interaction from there.

Now, I'll admit, coming from a place where I was getting VERY VERY good results from the previous model, this was in many ways a bitter pill to swallow. But the mandate came down from on high, from Tyler himself:

"It's time to drop the routines and the button-pushing and go full natural, Jeff."

I had to do it. And so I pressed ahead. It was hard. Harder than you can imagine, as I had developed a dependence on the old mentality stronger than a fat kid's desire for pie. But I did it, and eventually I was able to master this "reverse-engineered natural" style.

Tell you what: let me share with you a story that really cemented the natural ideas for me.

I've been kicking around an idea for a novel for quote a while now. I intend for it to be the worst novel ever written, and the title of this atrocity shall be:

Ichor of the Wolf.

It centers on a LARPing misfit named Jeremy Landman, and his various exploits and travails. Now, if you don't know what LARPing is, and I'm guessing there's a good chance that you don't, it's an acronym. It stands for Live Action Role Playing, and here's a little taste of what it entails:


So anyways, this Landman is a fully fleshed-out character, and in many ways he's as real as you or I. So one day not so long ago, Ryan and I were kicking around the house, bored, and we decided to create a profile for him on the dating site "Hot or Not."

After an intense creative process, we had the profile honed to perfection. It started off with him revealing a little about himself:

"Hello, my name is Jeremy and I live in SF. I enjoy fantasy and times of yore. I am a very active LARPer (with quite a rep in my guild I might add!). Looking for someone to raise a chalice of mead with. Hit yes if you like me!"

Oh man.

He then goes on to list some of his interests:

"Christ, crests, Highlander, long hair, the Matrix Trilogy, swords, wolves, paladin, fantasy, chivalry, Creed, karate, mutton"


To top it all off, we scoured around until we found a suitable photo of him. He's the one on the right:

Now, initially we just wanted to see what kind of rating he would garner (he got a 6). But then something really interesting happened:


I couldn't believe it. These weren't mingers, either. Ok, well some of them were, but there were also some pretty decent ones. After the initial shock wore off, we decided to push for dates. If it worked out, I'd just show up as Jer and be like, "Oh I got a haircut." So, we sent the girls who expressed interest the following message:

"Hello. You appear to be quite a classye ladye. I would love the opportunity to purchase for you a bottle of fine red wine. Perhaps over cheese? Could you be the beautiful angel for whome I have been searching for all of my lonely years?"

I was like, ok, now it's over. There's no way they will think this guy is for real.

The next day, I look at the profile and he's got messages. I was almost scared to open them up. I held my breath and did so, expecting them to be all, "Nice try loser."

That wasn't the case. They were all positive. One of them said:

"Wine and cheese, huh? Wow, aren't you the smooth talker! :) Your place or mine? I work this weekend but Monday sounds great! Hope you aren't too lonely until then... or just enough ;)"

What. The. Heck.

I couldn't believe it. I decided to push it even more, and replied with this:

"Apologies, my ladyfaire, but I have a confession. We may not be able to enjoy the fine cheese. I am severely lactose intolerant and my gastrointestinal tract may be torn asunder, as vellum beneath the talons of a mighty gryphon."

Okay, THAT one did it. No response. Hehehe.

I began experimenting out in the field. My standard opener became, "You appear to be quite a classy lady. I would love the opportunity to purchase for you a bottle of fine red wine... perhaps over CHEESE?!"

It worked gloriously.

I started dressing like a nerd at the club, going so far as to wear a POCKET PROTECTOR. There was no substantive difference in my results. It didn't matter at all.

I implemented a new opener which I made up one night with Ryan out at the club: "Excuse me ladies, settle an argument: who is hotter, Captain Kirk or Captain Picard?"

Again, it was solid.

Perhaps "chode game" could be the wave of the future.

The whole experience got me thinking. I started to think about what made the Landman profile attractive to these women, enough so that THEY would take the initiative to message him.

The thing is, Landman is attractive because he has total belief in himself. Even though he is what many would consider a FULL NERDWEIRD, he is completely oblivious to this fact, and furthermore considers himself quite the catch for any ladyfaire. He is completely authentic and does not self-seek in other's opinions. He values his his OWN opinion of himself above all.

This type of thinking cuts to the very heart of "natural" game.

Now, you might be saying, "But when you're saying that stuff in the field, is that you being authentic or parroting Landman?"

Well, I created the guy, so I sort of am him. But that aside, when I was saying that stuff, it was coming from a place of full self-amusement. I really don't care what the response is, I'm merely bringing fun to the interaction.

That's giving value.

Interesting post-script: a few months later, I met a couple girls in a club in Sydney who happened to be actual LARPers. I enthusiastically informed them that I, too, was a LARPer.

"No way," said the blonde one, "you're just saying that."

Little did they know that I've done my homework. I based Landman's LARP nemesis in the book on myself, and had worked out a character for him. I smiled.

"No... I am. My character is named Lord Sir Beastkins DeMorrowild. I am a chaotic evil wizard-mage. Level 12. My specialty is necromancy and my favorite spell is Stream of Corruption."

She shrieked, "Oh my god! That's so cool!" She gestured over to her friend, who by now was isolated on a couch with my Bootcamp student, making out. “My friend is a samurai, and I am a thief.”

I look at her, and in my best Ron Burgundy voice, go, "You truly are a thief... for you have stolen my heart."

She explodes in laughter. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! You are such a dork!"

"Yes. Yes I am. Come here." BOOM.

We have a name for this now: "Go in chode, then explode." Try it out tonight.

I'll see you in the field.
76 Comments | 28,918 Views