February 24th, 2018
It Is Good To Lose


How can you embrace winning without losing? How can you win girls without losing them? Let’s face it, you won’t be pulling more than one girl or may be two every night most of the time. How do you get to those girls? What’s the process? I can almost guarantee that for every girl you pull there was a bigger amount that you lost in the process-the number of girls you lose varies depending on how on you were that night.

So was it good to lose girls those? You bet.

When you are banging that very girl you pulled you don’t think about the dozen you couldn’t pull home. You conveniently erase them from your memory.

Why Is It Then That We Don’t Like Losing And Refuse To Embrace Losing As Part Of The Game?

For every time you looked good in set there are more times when you looked bad. I refuse to accept not being rejected on my program. If a guy is not being rejected, he is playing “safe” game. You need to embrace losing to win. Like Paul Newman tells Tom Cruise in the movie “The Color of Money”, “I will teach you how to lose, son”. Uncomfortable, inconvenient, painful? Yes, sir. Necessary? Yes, too.

Fundamentals and Losing

I think the art of applying fundamentals is there for you to be able to stand “losing” and not allowing you to get sidetracked. When I teach “freedom from outcome”, one of the fundamentals, I encounter resistance in the student at first, then, once he sees what an advantage it is to be free from outcome, and how relax he can approach women without being obsessed with a result, he let’s go. A new avenue for exploration has opened itself up. He starts “getting it”.

This is something that cannot be grasped by logic or congruently explained but it is experiential, the same way enlightenment cannot be explained in terms of words because it is a state of mind and spirit. In other words the fundamentals must be experienced in order to be understood. The reality of it far exceeds any plausible explanation. That is why logical guys seem to finish last in this game.

How Much Should I Lose?

Religion says “lose everything, and then you will be free”. Our society goes the other way and says “Winning is everything. Don’t be a loser!” How can we reconcile these two? And if we do, what would we lose? Fear of losing at work.

Scarcity Mentality in Pick Up

Unless a guy is in the field consistently it is hard to understand the fundamentals. Anybody who approaches women regularly quickly realizes this “freedom from outcome” fundamental: he knows better than to go in a club looking for the quick result. He intuitively knows that the night is long and success could come anytime as long as he keeps approaching and is not affected by losing.

He develops a long term focus naturally and refuses to judge results based on one approach or one night. This long term vision is necessary for switching from the scarcity-“if I lose a girl, it means I will suck forever”- to the abundance paradigm with women-“there is more than plenty for everybody”.

Money is scarce-though some money gurus will tell you different-, food is scarce, and natural resources are scarce but women-an unlimited resource unless you live in a 200 people village.

Actually some of the scarcity mentality around women can be traced back in history to the fact that humans used to gather in small communities limited in female population in prehistoric times and yes; there were no clubs to go with hundreds of available girls! But not today. Even if you live in a remote village, you can move to a bigger town and solve the scarcity problem. Approach as many as you want, lose as many as you want, get as many as you want.

Yeah, yeah, we know all this. But still what’s the problem? Why guys react so bad against losing?

Society Rejects Losers as Defective Items

We live in a perfectionist society. Due to the influence of technology we have zero tolerance to error. Let’s face it: if the computer doesn’t work we buy a new one and discard the old, etc...We dump everything that is not working and replace it with something new, more perfect, more efficient. We live in this paradigm that to err is to be defective and the item must be replaced. We turn into defective items when we lose. It is a sin of modern society to err.

What happens in pickup?

You are such an item. Can you be replaced by a better one?

You are stuck with what you got.

That enrages people! We don’t want to be stuck and losing.

What if “being stuck” for a while is what you need right now? Unacceptable. Something must be done. What if I told you that there is nothing to be done. You are stuck with what you got: your imperfections, your virtues, your looks, your rejections in the field. You need to accept the process, not fight it. If you fight it, it is likely to get worse.

How To Spot You Are A Victim Of Losing Syndrome?

Take a piece of paper and draw 2 columns. In one write all the things you consider your “good qualities” and on the other your “bad qualities”. If your “bad qualities” far exceed the good quality list you are a victim of this “defective item” syndrome. You probably spend too much time trying to fix yourself because you look at yourself as defective, faulty, etc. you will encounter a lot of resistance submitting yourself to the practice of pick up, a discipline that requires tons of flexibility and ample room for error.

You probably are a “fixer upper”, somebody who focuses on problems and defects rather than strengths. Too much time in the dark and very little in the light. You will remain forever in darkness.

Coming Into the Light

The way you see the problem IS the problem. If you see yourself as defective that’s how you will present yourself to people. People will feel it coming out of you. It is involuntary, you cannot control this process. You can hide which is what most people do. Interactions with people become a race of how long it will take for them to figure you are “defective” before you can crawl your way out of the interaction into “your next set”. And it starts all over again. It is a recipe for failure.

You need to change the way you look at yourself. A new paradigm needs to be in place where you don’t feel defective when you make a mistake. There is room for error and imperfections. Realizing that there is no fixed structure to human interactions and that conversations could go anywhere is a good start. It will allow you not to try to control the outcome of a conversation. Of course, you need lots of practice for this. That’s why field is king. But you need to go in the field with the intention of practicing and changing the paradigm about how you see yourself. Reconciliation, not a split, between the dark and the light must take place in your head.
43 Comments | 9,207 Views
Here’s my introduction: Nathan, the man and instructor you know probably the least about. That is unless you’ve taken a program with me, and then you know everything. Because in everything I do, I am. If you think I’m the coolest motherfucker you’ve ever met, I am. If you think I’m a biggest asshole you’ve ever met, I am. Trust me, I’m both; it’s who I am. If it were ever just one way or the other, then you’d know, and I’d know, something is fraudulent. Life isn’t all clouds, moonbeams and ‘glory pulls’ and neither is it all death, despair, and STDs. It has elements of both—and if you’re smart (or lucky) enough to engineer your life—then it’s mostly excellent. Mine is mostly excellent, but at times it has definitely been the former. I am an open book: past and present. Besides, as the famed psychologist Sigmund Freud once coined, “The self is always coming through” and I won’t try to pump or persuade you of one way or the other. So there is little for you I won’t answer. In the military we called it leading by example.

Entertaining picture to keep your attention span

I stand by myself and my words and actions. I am a man of integrity. The hardest job on the planet. The .01% man. Integrity to self is the most attractive quality in a man. A man of integrity IS and ‘does’ little. He speaks through action. He has no choice. And women are drawn to it.

I am abnormal. I am not like you, you, or YOU. Everything about my life is a contradiction to what people see their lives as. I am not talking just women. I am definitely NOT talking ‘pick up’ (possibly the last time you will hear me use that term). Yet, in everything I am, it is completely normal.

I have an abnormal IQ (top 5%), EQ (top 3%), and ZQ (?) (but that doesn’t comfort me at night and possibly by stating this probably puts me in the bottom 5% of all of them)

I have an abnormal sense of humor (but in high school I entertained the thoughts of being a comedian)

I am abnormally freaky good with women (personally the best I’ve ever known for whatever that means)

I’ve traveled to an abnormal amount of countries (but still yearn for more adventure)

I’ve had an abnormal amount of jobs and CAREERS (but, few passions in those categories)

I am abnormally passionate about helping others and myself (obsessive may be the best term)

I’ve broken an abnormal amount of bones (but loved everything I was doing when I broke them)

I’m abnormally strong (and I have great genes to help thank)

As Alexander~ once said, I have an abnormally strong sense of reality (though it wasn’t necessarily under the greatest of circumstances. lol)

I have an abnormal sense of entitlement (but, I earned that through a lifetime of hard work and not compromising myself)

I have abnormal beliefs (but all of them are based in love, faith and overall good for people)

I can be abnormally abrasive/cutting/confrontational

Above all, I’m abnormally honest. ‘The truth’ is the one and only code I live for and by. God I hate clichés, but, to me this is me and to me the truth is Love and it’s why I’m here.

Indiana StayPuff and my excellent coffee stain

This is normal. Because I am the product of a lifelong process and vision. Therefore, with everything I do, it’s all normal. Being bored or excelling is normal. Egoless Eckhart Tolle in action without all the wimpy soft stuff I suppose.

When the guys at RSD asked me to start writing I was more than reluctant knowing that this is a task that could take up more time than I can dedicate (that, and I'm not a fan of the over-the-top dating marketing). I am a purposeful writer and take time with my craft and what represents me. Sometimes when I write I look back and wish I could be more concise, but rarely do I write something that in the future I wish I could take back. I write and ‘do’ like my interactions and life with women. I speak and move with purpose. I am an energy optimist.

“To me, there’s only one form of human depravity—the man without purpose” Ayn Rand Atlas Shrugged pg148

Welcome to my abnormal life. In it everything is normal. Being really good with women? Trust me, it’s normal. It’s whom I’m meant to be. That all. Considering you’re reading this, there’s a chance it’s whom you’re meant to be. I won’t be able to tell you that, but you know. Anyway…

I want to ask you. I’ve had many mentors in my life. Who are yours? What do they represent? Do you have people who inspire you in your life? I do. Are you, or can you be, an inspiration to yourself? I think you can. Remember that.

Appreciate those people in your life that have a positive effect in your life. You can love them, but don’t worship them as idols. Be your own guru. Understand many of the people that inspire, motivate, and create greatness in the world were not born that way and had many teachers inspiring, motivating and guiding them. Know before they became ‘gurus’ they had to diverge paths to become who they knew they were meant to become. That path wasn’t always the same as their mentors. Do me a favor and today, completely unattached to outcome, thank people who have had positive affects in your life. When the time is right, know that you will eventually have to, not leave, but move on with whom you’re meant to be.

So, that’s the Nathan introduction. Do me another favor and write comments telling me what you’ve learned, what you like and/or what more you want to hear about. There’s a LOT to come and I hope you can reflect and get whatever lessons I’ve learned from my life onto yours.

Be Passionate. Make me proud.

52 Comments | 9,916 Views
You’re out. You hit up the first set you see with a buddy. They don’t know you guys at all, but a couple of minutes pass and they love you guys and they are all over you. They’re asking you questions, she’s moving in closer, touching your chest, and keeps trying to get to know you. It was only 20min ago that she was standing aloof without a care for anyone else, but now she’s trying to win your approval, trying to figure out what you like/dislike, and trying to impress you. She’s itching to be part of your world and she’s changing herself in hopes of getting in.


Similar thing happens on a far bigger level…. it’s weird, but maybe lately you’ve been noticing that most of your buddies have been adopting your mannerisms. It’s always the little things. You started using a specific word, typing a certain way, wearing something different, walking a different way, or speaking in a slight accent – for no reason at all, just at a whim, but you notice that they follow.

This is your brand in full effect on auto-pilot. It’s your vision, your idea, the REAL YOU. People are trying to be a part of your world 24/7.

Very important concept to digest here and it will make you or break you. Ask yourself – what comes to mind when people in your social circle think of YOU? What’s going through a girl’s head a few minutes after you’ve approached her, what’s her impression of you, what’s your world like?

Branding isn’t about gay company mission statements and cheesy commercials. It’s about vision and core values. It’s the single message that you’re sending out to the world. I AM XYZ….

One of the biggest things you’re reminded of in marketing, psychology, NLP, hypnosis, list goes on… is that people could process a limited amount of information, both logically and emotionally, at any given time, and also that most people are ADD as fuck. Because of this as you think about what exactly your overall style/brand/message is and how you can improve it, need to realize that the more singular and unique it is the better.

That said though you should never “try” to be different for the sake of being different. Needs to come from a place of genuineness, not insecurity. Do something and be something because you love it at the moment and others will follow. This is also why this is often a process of self-discovery for many guys, because as your game, personality, and personal style strengthens you also become more aware of who you really are and what exactly that message is.


So, to cap off here….

RULE #1 – The strongest message *ALWAYS* wins.

RULE #2 – Your message is infectious. It’s VIRAL. Masssive domino effect.

RULE #3 – People want to be led and are always looking for new people, things, and trends to follow.


Yah, the term “pick-up artist” is prettty chode-y and def has a weird ring to it, but you know, thinking it over I actually like that it uses the word “artist” – but NOT thinking about it in the way that it’s typically thought about.

Your personal style, your wardrobe, your mannerisms, your lingo, your passions, interests, and hobbies – your presence, brand, message, and self-identity are all part of YOUR ART.

Game is art because it’s self-expression.

23 Comments | 9,528 Views
Here at Real Social Dynamics, we have a unique culture, which I think is pretty cool.

It's undeniable that we're at the vanguard of the industry when it comes to researching and developing the latest technologies in the realm of social dynamics. As we discover things, we inevitably have to come up with names and labels for them, so certain "buzzwords" get formed that people who follow our stuff adopt. Furthermore, as a crew we've sort of developed our own lexicon for describing everyday things and events as well.

Hey, rappers do it all the time. So can we.

As sort of a funny side-effect, this has sometimes made us the butt of some good-natured jokes.


"Yep." Just sort of give a tight-lipped smile and nod.

So yeah, we have our share of buzzwords and lingo up in here. One that gets bandied about quite frequently these days is the phrase "core confidence."

Core confidence means having a sense of self that's independent of any external validation. This is the opposite of what we would call "situational confidence," wherein you derive your self-worth from external factors such as the approval of others, the environment, your possessions, the way you look, etc.

Why is it important? Simply put, having core confidence allows you to access, at any time, the charismatic part of yourself that is attractive to ALL people.

Now, it's one thing to talk about it, and another thing entirely to actually have it. Because I know that many will read the above and think to themselves:

"That's all well and good, Jeff... but how do I GET it?!"

The answer is interesting, because core confidence isn't something you have to "get" or "acquire." You already have it, in a sense. Awakening to it involves a process of coming to certain realizations about yourself.

Each weekend, on Bootcamp, one of the first things that I ask each student, point-blank, is the question, "WHO ARE YOU?"

Identity Fraud

Most of the time, they reply by giving their name and then staring blankly at me. "I'm Bob."

Great. Fantastic. You are Bob. Well, what do you stand for, Bob? What do you value most? What is your purpose in life?

"Durrrr... I dunno."

I see. Well, given your answers here, is it really any surprise that you have to look to external factors to prop up your confidence?

No. It's not. So let's change that. Let me tell you a story.

Back in 2005, I was a bit of a mess. I was having a ton of success in terms of my sex life, ripping it up in a carnival of sexual abundance the likes of which I could never have dreamed of in my days as a "chode."

Nonetheless, something was missing. There was always this nagging feeling that despite my success, I was still just a devious nerd, subverting the social order and getting girls who were "out of my league" by means of trickery.

Finally, things came to a head and I had to get away. I moved to Spain briefly where I embarked on a serious journey of self-discovery and introspection. I came to realize that I was using sex with all these girls as a way to give myself confidence. "Well, if I can convince a complete stranger to let me put my weener inside of her, I must be an ok person, right?"

Wow.... oooookay....

There was one problem with this, however. Ultimately, this external validation game is not one that you can win. It's like trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in it. It's NEVER going to be enough.

So I knew something had to change. It was around this time that I read "Awaken the Giant Within," the seminal self-development book by Anthony Robbins. In the book, Robbins cuts to the heart of this very issue by forcing the reader to really look inside themselves and come up with the answers to the questions I posed earlier. I'd encourage you to do the same, right now. Go through the following questions and take a few minutes to jot down whatever answers you come up with.

1. Who are you? That is, what roles do you play in your life, and to whom? How do you see yourself when you are at your BEST?

2. What do you value most? How do you embody these values?

3. What is your purpose in life? Why are you here? What would you like people to say about you when you are gone?

Just by virtue of having answered these questions, you've taken a huge step towards complete core confidence. It comes from an unshakeable conviction of who you are and what you're entitled to. It's what allows you to take on the type of charismatic attitude that gets people reacting to you regardless of the situation that you're in.

Further, you know what you've been through in life, and you trust yourself to get by in any situation, no matter what.

You know you offer value simply by communicating in an authentic manner, and if they don't see it, it's their issue... not yours. You know that your life perspective and energy have an inherent value whether others acknowledge it or not.

If you've seen The Jeffy Show, you might remember that I had quite an awesome hairstyle in that program (if you haven't seen The Jeffy Show, you're missing out big time, get it immediately). It was best described once as "dirty-ass JBF Agent Mulder with a beard meets Fat Elvis with a mullet." It was the kind of haircut that would make girls come up to me and say things like, "You look like an asshole," and then start making out with me, passionately grasping the luscious mullet locks in their little french-manicured hands.

So it came as quite a surprise to many when I came out a bit after the program was recorded and SHAVED MY HEAD. People were straight tripping. "Dude," they'd exclaim, "that was like the best haircut EVAR! Why would you throw that all away?!"

I was frankly a little surprised at the strong reactions. But the truth is, I had just gotten sick of all the upkeep. Spraying it with magical mists. Styling it. I was even using a straight iron on the mullet part to make it longer.

So, one night, I'm sitting there using the straight iron on my mullet, and it hits me: "This is like a GIRL, yo." Like, it was literally taking me as long to get ready as your average WOMAN. So it had to go.

I was in Melbourne at the time. I walked out, demanded that I be provided with a set of hair clippers, and went to town on it:

So there I was, bald as the first monkey shot into space. A SPACE MONKEY.

To be completely honest, there was another reason that I shaved it. Tyler had recently told both Tim and myself that he thought we were too dependent on our appearance, that we were deriving too much of our confidence from it. So part of me wanted to go ahead and make myself as UGLY as possible, just to shake things up a bit. Would I have the same success without my glorious haircut?

For the first week I was walking around in a state of shock at what I had done. Every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded of what a ghastly mistake I had made. I felt like the biblical hero Samson, who derived his tremendous strength from his hair. After it was shaved off, he was captured by the Philistines and had his eyes burned out. I feared a similar fate awaited me at the club.

The weekend rolled around, and once more it was time to hit the club. How much of a difference did you think that it made?



There was absolutely no substantive difference in terms of my "game" or in women's responses to me.

So I decided to take things further. With the help of fellow RSD coach Alexander, I took a razor to what was left of my hair and crafted it into a HARRY POTTER MOHAWK.

What, might you ask, is a "Harry Potter mohawk"? Well, here... have a look:


Now, how much of a difference do you think THAT made?



Ok... it made a LITTLE difference. Heheh.

I mean, I'm running BOOTCAMP with this monstrosity on my head, we're going to high class venues where people are dressed nicely.

Really though, the effect was negligible in the overall scheme of things. I'd run up on girls, ask them, "HEY... do you believe in Harry Potter?" Regardless of the response, I would proceed to do a bizarre, theatrical twirl letting them view the full glory, and then say, "HOW ABOUT NOW?"

Oh, you've convinced me. Now I believe. What?

BOOM. I'd roll into my standard game and all was well.

That's not to say it was all sweetness and light. One evening, as I'm prowling through the club, I feel a tug on my arm and some woman is glaring at me. "Hey guy," she snarls, "1994 called. It wants its haircut back."

I chuckle and reply, "Oh, I see. Well, YOUR MOM called... she wants HER haircut back. IN THE ASS."

She looks stunned for a second, then you can feel the ice break. She takes a step toward me and puts her hand on my arm again. Grinning, looking into my eyes, she says "Oh my god… who ARE you?!"

I feel myself smile, one of those smirks that you just want to slap off my face. If this was a tv show, this is the part where I would turn to the camera and wink at you.


I know damn well who I am. That is core confidence.

You value your own opinion of yourself more highly than the opinion of others, and determine your own value by criteria that are your own. You know that your acceptance in any particular situation is no threat to your well being. You know what your best qualities are and even if others don't see them or acknowledge them, you know very well that they exist.

In closing, you know now what it is that you have to do:

Go out and get a bizarre, social terrorist haircut.

Just kidding. If that's what you really want to do though, don't let me stop you. Hell, to this day I’m still cutting my own hair with scissors, while drunk. The mullet is returning, only this time it’s wild and free of serums and mists. It’s like McConaughey meets Bell Biv DeVoe.

So yeah, maybe you actually should.

Just remember to post the pics to the forum.
31 Comments | 12,249 Views