February 24th, 2018
Ozzie
 
The western mind is geared to forward progress, forward change. Our culture is obsessed with forward motion. We want to go from point A to point B in the least amount of time...and all the way there we are asking ourselves “are we there yet?” “Where are we?” “How long do we have?”

Trained Dummies



All our culture is based on the idea that progress is linear. It is not even questioned. You invest a certain amount of time and effort and you get from one end of the pool to the other end of the pool. With more time and more effort and more training you can reduce –in a linear fashion- the time you do this to a swimming world record.

Wrong.

Linear Progress as an Illusion

Tank

It doesn’t take much to find out that this model for change is flawed. If change was linear we could change everything very easily. We just had to invest time, effort and money and voala. Change is done. We can move to the next thing.

On further examination linear progress is just a construct of our minds to somehow give a logical explanation of reality. But as we all know, reality is far from logical. If it was, we could all be millionaires tomorrow by investing in the “best” company in the stock market. Following a linear pattern, the company with the best fundamentals will steadily increase its stock value exponentially and will make us rich in time down the line. If that was true everybody will be rich. If everybody is rich what’s the point of having a stock exchange anyway?

Cycles of Change

Butterfly

Change operates in cycles just like nature does. Nature is cyclical and so are we. We cannot expect personal change and skill progress to be any different. It is against nature. It is not real.

Skills and personal changes go thru cyclical patterns. There are moments of spurts of progress and there are moments of sudden darkness, where nothing seems to be working.

It is not uncommon for me to receive emails from advanced guys in the game who are stuck at some point in their development where nothing seems to be working. They also complain that “forward progress” has stopped.

Well, forward progress is just an illusion to begin with. It is how we explain things but it is not the real thing. Forward progress is just how we make sense out of reality. However, this illusion of straight-onwards change is at the very foundation of most guy’s inner game. It is only a matter time before this illusion bites them in the ass.

Even economic experts, trained in logic, talk all the time about economic cycles. They always talk about riding the wave of economic changes and let the economy do the work for you.

Airplanes Never Fly On Route

May be this is a example to understand change. An airplane never sticks to its original course. It is always out of course but always gets to its destination. I think the same applies when we set goals for ourselves. We are most of the time blown off course, sometimes taking by-ways or secondary routes until we get back on track. However, without a goal we have no direction. We would be lost.

The Newbie’s Linear Progress

One of the things that feeds this myth of linear progress is how a newbie progresses in the game. The newbie that starts from scratch marches forward in an apparent linear manner. They go from not being able to approach to engaging girls and at times making out with them in the first night of BC. Their levels of excitement propels them to incredible results. Nothing can touch them. In their mind they are moving forward at 200 mph.

And in a sense they are right. At the beginning skills develop real quick but then the challenge of consistency starts to rear its ugly head. They find out pretty soon that producing those kinds of results on a regular basis take some lengthy repetition and practice.

However, guys get used to thinking that progress is linear and they are only going to get better in an increasingly linear fashion.

Needless to say, as they go out consistently they realize that change is not linear and it sometimes goes back and gets worse before it gets better. And that to get good at anything they have to plough thru rough periods or times where they are not getting what they expected-namely linear progress.

Negotiating Change

I teach guys that you have to become a master at negotiating change. We all have an inner resistance to change. We have to negotiate it every time.

A big part of negotiating change is understanding change. By knowing that change is not linear, we can welcome going backwards a little bit. We can adapt better to periods where nothing seems to be happening in our game. We can expect those moments and not obsess over them and keep doing our jobs like nothing happened.

We can adopt the mantra for hard times: “I don’t know where I am going but it is ok”. Sooner or later I will hit my stride if I don’t fuck with my head too much. It is all part of becoming a master of change.

I can think of Christopher Columbus in the middle of the ocean leading his expedition into the unknown and thinking “I don’t know where the fuck I am but I will keep going”. If Columbus believed in forward progress he would have quit his efforts to discover the new world long before he even started. It took him a long time and many backwards cycles-namely fund raising- to get his expedition off the ground.
22 Comments | 6,846 Views
Nathan!
 
"Ain’t No Good Life, But It’s My Life" –Willie Nelson

SERIES PRELUDE:
I originally wrote this in response to an old Tyler blog post before I started professionally coaching. Mainly for myself because I found as time went on I tended to forget more and more. More than once people had told me I should write a book about my life and things I’d done and seen, so I contributed in order to work on my writing as well. These next 6 articles or so will be meant to be read in whole, so keep reading.

These articles basically say a lot about me and how I’ve lived my life. They should display how "being good with women" is more of a byproduct of who you are than what you do. I think you realize the old days of guys in this industry hoping to seduce a girl and drag her down to your World of Warcraft dungeon basement are over.

Anyway, many people have found inspiration (and challenged the possibility of all this) and asked me to elaborate and write more. So I’ve made some updates and will write about what’s gone on since I originally wrote this article. Many have said it's just as mind-blowing. Funny, I just see it as how I've chosen to live compounded over the years. Live and learn. I’ve included some pictures I’ve found in a shoe box and scanned, but understand I just bought my first digital camera maybe only a few years ago (and still not really a big photo guy).

 Nathan and Willie Nelson
2001: Me and Willie on stage for the Annual 4th of July Picnic. Luckenbach, Texas
A true poet, original Outlaw, and inspiration in my life

By the way, so you understand, when I originally wrote this I was at another crossroad in my life and about to make a choice whether to continue with RSD and this industry or help start another business with my brother-in-law back in Texas. At the time I’d learned just about all I could from "the community" and was about to move on and leave it forever. Not much longer, two days before I was moving, I got the call to become a full instructor. And the New Natural Game as we know it today was ushered in. A year later the Blueprint was released.

PART 1: MY LIFE
… Thank you for writing a biography about my life... goodbye investment banking... goodbye search and rescue... goodbye 3 countries... goodbye MTV & Jerry Bruckheimer... I'm working with RSD and UCLA now... solely passionately and intrinsically motivated... Sometimes I miss the money, but I had to figure out the hard way that the way I was doing it wasn't worth it. Internally it was like slowly dying when I wasn't doing what I knew I needed to do. You have to follow your path.

I look back now at all my many life experiences, hard and good, as awesome social and cultural experiences that I LEARNED from. Trust me, some lessons really hurt. But, they all gave me depth and wisdom beyond belief. I feel I can relate to anybody on almost any level because I've been there in one way or another. From hanging and fighting in the streets of Baltimore, to corn husking in the fields of Iowa, to picking my neighbor’s grape harvest in Italy, to riding camels in the sands of Oman, to red carpet events and the social elite of Hollywood. They’ve all expanded my reality to the point where nothing surprises or intimidates me. I’ve made all this my reality.

Here’s just a few other crazy things that’s possible in reality: I’m also a decorated war veteran, been recognized on national TV, was adopted Chinese (I’m white), dated Playboy, Hawaiian Tropic, and Budweiser models, have been kidnapped, worked for the US Embassy in Central America actively fighting Colombian drug traffickers, modeled, was a top ranked wrestler, helped write porn scripts for a friend in Budapest, started businesses, saved a man's life, am an expert pistol shot, cliff dove in 2 countries, managed over $300 million dollars, played stickball in Brooklyn, hang glided over Brazilian rain forest, written my own TV show, graduated from a #1 ranked program in the world, hiked mountains, ATTACKED BY A GANG OF WILD MONKEYS, lived on a boat for 3 years, partied for Carnival in Rio, Venice, and New Orleans, been arrested and put in jail (a couple times--I was found innocent), traveled to over 30 countries (lived in 4), am fluent in renaissance art, broken too many bones to remember, speak parts of 5 languages, was actually kicked out of a country once and made to fly home (again, innocent), was almost a father and engaged, ran a black market, had sex in 2000 year old plazas where saints were once burned on a stake, thoroughly well read in classical and contemporary literature, met, partied and am friends with famous Spanish bullfighters, been questioned by the CIA, taught at 2 renowned university, stowed away on a train once out of desperation, camped in complete wilderness, traveled to East Germany while under Soviet Union’s control (it was as crazy and depressing as the movies portray it), ran with the bulls in Pamplona, been part of a pit crew in the Mexican Baja 500 twice, been courted by the Russian Mafia (long story), won ski races in the Alps, promoted parties, and also kicked the tree of life. I just turned 30 and have been completely independent since I was 18. Funny thing is, is that I need my friends to really remember some of the crazy shit that’s gone on.       Nathan1998: Life saving days, U.S. Navy                          
2001(?): Someone actually took a picture as the first monkey started attacking me in Gibraltar

I guess the only thing left is to own a monkey, be in a heist, and get shot. Seriously, these are my goals for the next 5-20 years... climb a mountain, write a couple books, start a philanthropic organization, motorcycle around S. America, go on safari, visit the North Pole (before it's gone), buy a home in Europe and in the great state of Texas, get married and have kids, and finally put an end to the mystery and hunt down the Loch Ness monster. Anything’s possible when you’re living your own legend. What's yours?

That said, file this under an experience I wouldn't trade ANYTHING for--college. I don't think it's necessary for everyone to go, but for people who don't know who they are or what they're doing--then GO. When you don't know who you are or what you want, experiencing new cultures is one of the best ways to find out... that's what college is and why it was so awesome for me. Make sure, so you make all the memorized-learning tests bearable, study things that piques your intellectual curiosity!

 Nathan in Germany
1989?: Brandenburg Gate, East Germany. This is a COMPLETELY different place today.
This is for the guy who emailed me saying that it was not possible that I had been to communist East Germany before the Berlin Wall came down. I own a piece of that wall and clearly remember having submachine guns pointed at me. Now, I hear they now have gay pride parades here

Live with Passion. Make yourself proud. Be Whom You're Meant To Be

-Nathan

Visit www.NathanDating.com to get all of Nathan's updates and how to become the person you were meant to be
46 Comments | 11,225 Views
Ozzie
 
Contrary to popular opinion, the more you approach people the more you realize they don’t expect from you as much as you think they do. You are more critical of yourself than people are toward you. It is a fact. You don’t have to have 3 amazing superman type stories told to them in the first 5 minutes. In other words there is no need to impress. People will talk to you anyway even if you are mildly interesting and cool. It turns out we put all the pressure on us for a grade A performance. People would just be pleased if you are just normal.

Value Coming Out Of Your Mouth Regardless



What makes what you say valuable. Think about it. It is coming from you. You are unique. There is none other. Even if you think you are a super dork with no social skills there is still value because you are a unique never to be repeated super dork. None other like you.

It Goes Back To Biology

You have an unique DNA, none other like you. You got unrepeatable finger prints. What proof you need to realize you are one of a kind.

It Goes Back To Personality

Personality is just one thing that would never be repeated. You have your personal history, family background and culture which despite certain common features with others is unrepeatable in itself. Why embellish it? Why fake being somebody you are not.

You are not Tom Cruise with amazing life stories to tell, your are just a regular dude. No need to be Tom Cruise to get laid. Most guys who get laid get attraction right off the bat, without telling many stories about themselves. It is understandable because communication is rarely about what is being said but about the subtext.

You can be saying the most retarded stuff but sub communicating the right stuff to a girl by being physical with her. Then attraction happens.

Why Demonstrate Something You Already Have Inside

What we have is so unique. Why overdo it with inane stories about yourself.

Well, males have a tendency to look for solutions outside. This tendency goes back to caveman days where the environment was supposed to supply food and shelter and males were supposed to go out and fix problems.

Males rarely look inside for cause of problems. They always scout the environment. Females go the opposite way. That’s why females are not victim thinkers as much as males. Women usually think that if there is a problem in the environment is their fault not anybody’s. That’s why women are more prone to depression than men.

In This Game

Male victim thinking makes guys go outside to look for value as opposed to find it inside themselves. They think something else or somebody else is the problem. The solution is never inside themselves but in the environment.

That’s why they always think they need something other than what they already have like an opener, a technique, state, etc. these are all things that they figure are outside themselves. They rarely introspect and think that they can open with anything about themselves-I love bananas!-, or draw state from inside rather than from girls’ reactions-environment has solutions for problems-. What happens when the environment fails to give them solutions for their inner scarcity? They crumble and fall. They become victims. They drop state because the environment fails to give positive feedback for their state to maintain. Solution is not in the environment but inside. That’s why it is so hard for guys to be outcomeless. We are always looking outside. We are agents of doing.

Say Something Boring

Bored

When I notice guys are trying to impress people I attack it head on program. I instruct to say something boring about themselves and then survive it. My student must approach and say “Hi, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, go to office, and check my mail. I rarely have any breakfast...” and so on.

After this exercise and getting a couple of girls attracted with this lame stuff they learn their lesson: people don’t expect as much from them as they thought first.
30 Comments | 10,786 Views
Brad
 
To view this article in it's entirerty, please visit:

Brad’s Book Corner-First Ever Book Review

One of my favorite parts of boot camp is RSD Book Club timezzz.

I give a suggested reading list for what I think will help clients most after program, and inevitably the conversation dives into some intense introspective “inner game” talks.

When suggesting each book, there is a specific order in which students can reinforce the concepts they learned on program best, especially as it relates to the new reference points and theory they learned over the course of bootcamp.
42 Comments | 21,950 Views