October 22nd, 2018
Wuuuuhhh just woke up in South Beach in the middle of summer.  Damn it's hot here, decided to roll through to finish up recording infield footage.  Got back into the swing of cold approach Tuesday and Wednesday and gonna record Thursday through Sunday -- should be awesome!

I'll be teaching the Free Tour / Hot Seat / Bootcamp combo coming up in Seattle June 23rd (Courtyard by Marriot Downtown/Pioneer Square, 612 2nd Avenue) and Honolulu July 21st (location TBA).  You can find out about this at the following sites respectively...:

www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com

These are really smaller markets for RSD and I just visit them because I love both cities.  The Bootcamps fill because people fly out to take them with me, but the Free Tour and Hot Seat events will be small.  Seattle Free Tour will probably be around 40 people and the Hot Seat will likely be around 10 or 15.  Honolulu Free Tour will probably be like 20 people and the Hot Seat may be only 1 or 2 people in which case I'll cancel it, however if you live in Hawaii and want the Hot Seat to happen in your city I'd recommend getting a few friends to join up as well -- I'm fully down.

I've also added a Los Angeles bootcamp to the schedule for the weekend of June 30 as there were a number of people who wanted to take it.  There's still space available so if you want to take a program in my hometown this is probably the last one I'll be teaching there for a long time.

World Summit is also coming up in Las Vegas.  It's a full week event in Las Vegas from July 31st to August 6 where every instructor in RSD flies in to do talks throughout the week, and everyone goes out at night time.

The Summit is probably the craziest week of your life.  It is really a profound experience and the feedback I get on it is insane.  You can learn more about it at: www.rsdworldsummit.com


So yeah I just woke up in Miami with a non-booze hangover after hitting up the club Liv for 6 hours last night, in preparation for a four day recording blitz.

I've been a few days off of going out so thought it would be good to warm up for 2 nights.  I find that if game-wise I'm sharp we rarely have problems with the camera (because the girls are focused on ME) whereas if I'm rusty they get bored and their eyes wander around and there's freakouts.

"Why is there a man with a giant camera two feet away from you?!?!?!  Wait a sec is that a MIC under your shirt??!@!"

Then it's off to the bouncer to come threaten the shit out of me or get all confrontational.  Good times!! :)

You sort of have to psyche yourself into this over a couple of months.  I find the hardest part is that it gives me an "outcome" when I'm talking to the girl -- which I despise.  The only mindset you should be in when speaking to a woman is 1) aroused, 2) self amused, 3) screening her.  Anything other than that is pure garbage -- especially "giving a fuck" about her approval of you or whether or not you "get" her.

When I film for a few months I find I forget about the camera and the "outcome" goes away.  On the flipside I'll sometimes be deep in with a girl and have her spot the camera and freak out, and then I feel weird about recording for several days after.

Nonetheless I do this because the hidden camera footage we get is bar none the best learning tool I'm capable of creating to teach big groups of people at an elite level for super inexpensive.  Guys walk out of the events with so much more context and clarity on the game and when I see this it gives me the motivation to soldier through.  To be honest my mindset is "SACK UP AND GO GET THE SHIT..."

Everyone has excuses -- there's a million I could come up with not to go out and record myself, but FUCK IT.  I go out and soldier through this shit and get it all, and I mean ALL.  The weirdest part is recording the pulls -- fucken strange walking a girl home with a camera team swirling around you, but did it for Hot Seat 1 and gonna nail out a few more for Hot Seat 2.

Speaking of this I usually show some pretty cool infield stuff at Free Tour, not just the Hot Seat.  At Free Tour I'll show like 20 minutes of infield footage usually, whereas Hot Seat it's 10 hours.  For Free Tour it's more to show what's possible -- ie: to immediately any remaining skepticism of the audience they can learn this stuff, and give them some examples to go out and try -- whereas Hot Seat it's basically to reveal every single last detail of the game.

Anyway at the Los Angeles Free Tour I had the fun of showing my new stuff for the first time and the audience was really diggin' it of course.  The event itself was also very funny and had a lot of great content -- in this clip I left in some of the introductory content I spoke about at the start of the talk and then show a few flashes of the infield footage.

(I chose little bursts where you can't see any faces...)



You can also probably tell by the video that my main hobby is teaching right now.  I really have no life -- I just work and teach -- so when I'm teaching I'm having the most fun.

My main fun in life is doing the sickest shit I'm capable of.  When I'm recording bomb ass infield clips, doing crazy Free Tours, cracking the most mind-bending bootcamps that get the students results, I'm feeling awesome.

I'm adjusting to a more hectic workpace because if I fail to do so, I'll fail to accomplish the dreams I've set out for what I want to do with my life.  I feel myself getting better and better every event -- the San Fran and Chicago talks I just did since the LA one were even better, like hands down the craziest shit I've ever done.

I need to get my brain working better, faster, more focused -- work harder and more efficient, become BETTER.  I'm at the tip of the iceberg right now, and all the things I want to do with my life depend on the idea I'll become 10X or 20X better than I am right now.  It'll take into my 50's or 60's what I have planned.

Most people think they have a battle against other people -- they think they have competitors and whatnot.  That's totally fucken ridiculous -- the only competitor is YOURSELF.

You think it's OTHER PEOPLE that make you suck shit in life??  I work damned hard at this shit, and I can say for sure I'm still my own worst enemy.  The day you're on point on all levels and you still have some impediment standing in your way, maybe blame your competitors.  But until that happens (which it never will -- because it's a life long journey) then blaming other people is just a way of "simplifying the more complex issue" that you're fucking up.

Yes -- the rationalization most common in mainstream society is "The little guy can't win".... Waaaaah the LITTLE GUY CANNOT WIN.

Again more oversimplifications.  "I'm not getting laid............it's cause I don't LOOK GOOD."  No dummy -- if you're doing EVERYTHING RIGHT and still not getting laid, maybe you look like such a freakish troll no girl will ever love you, but until you're doing everything properly then how can you blame your appearance?

Come out with me for an hour and I'll rip your game apart.  What you're doing is garbage -- no really, compared to what it should be, it's trash.  You're failing to get yourself into state the second you walk in the door with consistency, you're looking for approval from the girls, you're not screening for logistics, you're not aggressively pushing every set for the extraction, you're making a million other mistakes.

Get these corrected.  Do everything perfect -- fully on point.  If you still aren't getting the results that you want, take the easy way out and blame your looks.  Yes you are disgusting, you deserve no love from a woman you'll get nothing, because the little man can't win. :)

(God damn I'm tired, what the hell am I talking about??)


Anyway yeah as you can guess, been working hard to get the game fully on point lately, as it's been film mode.  Kicking ass of course -- doing a lot of amazing shit.

Been getting real icey, like real fucken cold and pimpish, because that's what works.  Of course combined with a lot of self amusement and relating to the girls -- but there's always something held back, something they can't get without sex.

The game is fun.  It's a lighthearted game with serious principles that make it work, but most people think it's a serious game with principles they don't have to follow.

If I follow the principles, I kick ass.  If I fail to follow the principles, I bomb hard like any other random idiot.

We got out to the club in Miami Tuesday to get our week started, all lazy and not approaching, somehow thinking because our results were good lately that the girls would just come to us throughout the night.  Sure it happens a few times but it's not consistent, and YOU KNOW the dimes of the club aren't wandering over to pull their skirts up and offer themselves to you, because they're busy and got a million eyes already up on them.

I take the game like fully a joke.  I have so much fun it shocks people when they see it, the most common comment I get is "DAMN you have a lot of fun out here..."  Of course I'm having fun -- girls are fucken fun, hooking up is fun, the challenge and the game of it is FUN.

If you're not having a lot of fun, and I mean a LOT of fun, you're taking yourself too seriously.  Taking the game too seriously.  You're ruining beautiful moments of your life by thinking that somehow if you were better at picking up girls you'd be "complete" when you're ALREADY complete.  Stupid, unproductive, unhelpful.

"But how can I have fun if I'm not getting girls??  I'm there to meet girls!!"

Why would a girl like you if you're not having fun in your own reality?  That makes you an energy leach -- a fucken CREEP.

Be different.  Be the man.  Exhibit EXTREME non-neediness.  Not just non-neediness, but EXTREME NON-NEEDINESS to the point it freaks her out a bit because she has no control over you.  Look at the last 5 seconds of the RSD Free Tour clip how I ask for the number -- talk slow, relaxed, indifferent, the GIRL is getting the favor by the fact you're willing to come to her house later that night after she's dropped off her friends.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"You tell me..."

This should be a nightly event for you.  Girls psyched to meet you, feeling lucky to be going home with a guy who isn't all fucken creepy with neediness like all her boyfriends and fans and whatnot.

"But I actually like this girl.... I ACTUALLY like her, so of course I really want it to work out..."

Nope, shut up, stupid.  My buddy met a girl the other night and "really liked her".  He had a connection with her, like a REAL connection.  He gets her phone number too.

I never saw this, he was in the Florida Room at the Delano, I was romping it in the bar area upstairs.  Next thing I see the same girl and I'm indifferent -- I could give a FUCK about this girl, she just turns me on and I'm buzzed off my own awesomeness, so it's natural that she's gonna get pulled.  Like she tries to front like she doesn't like me, tries to get away from me, I'm icey just self amused -- don't give a fuck -- then she wavers and says "Take me..."

He sees us at the restaurant later, she's all embarassed like "That's your FRIEND??"  He mumbles to my other buddy "Damn I guess it really is all value.

And he's right.  Connection means you're relating as a "friend to a friend".  I'm sure she thought he was a great FRIEND and a really COOL GUY.  But he gave a fuck, and giving a fuck means you're her FRIEND.

Be higher value.  Buzzed off your own awesomeness.  Let experiences like this make you an icey cold motherfucker -- super happy to be alive, connected to this brief experience called LIFE, no need for a girl to make you complete, YOU ARE COMPLETE BY DEFINITION.

Amusement from the girl??  NOPE.  Comes from within -- humans look to the person with highest status to decide when they should laugh, so if you have the highest status then you look to YOURSELF.  The enjoyment doesn't come from external stimulation, it comes from your own mind, the feelings in your body, the expression of your own jokes and perspective and ideas.

Sex is natural -- an expression of fun and emotion in the moment.  There's no "validation" in it or any of that shit -- it's just the natural way men and women interact with eachother.  Girls are extremely desperate and think about sex constantly -- they call guys "perverts" and "creepy" a lot because THEY THEMSELVES think about sex continually and try to front like they aren't all desperate to meet a man who doesn't suck.  But there's nothing wrong with that, it's very hard to be a girl.  Be the man who helps them escape from that horrible reality -- the man who "gets it" that girls love sex more than men and doesn't judge them for it.


The little guy can win.  Natural advantages are irrelevant -- advantage breeds weakness, and people of natural advantage are typically soft and made to suffer for it.

If you suck then it's time to get pissed off, get angry.  Your brain is all fucked up because you don't get girls, it'll probably take a few months or years to get your head around it.  ALL GOOD.

The journey is more important than the destination.  Walk your journey, get focused, walk the narrow road.  Things can get so good you have no idea.  You'll be sitting here in a few years looking back at yourself today, thinking you were a fucken joke -- the concerns, fears, and aspirations you had will seem limited and bizarre by comparison.

Anyway I'm out of here.  Gotta get some work done and then hit up the recording tonight.  Gonna finish this damned Hot Seat footage this month and rock into World Summit feeling like a champion.  Hot in pursuit of the goal -- finish line is close, gonna slog through it shortly.

Thanks for reading, let me know what's on your mind, I'll see you soon!!


PS:  The comments on the other 2 videos were appreciated, gave me some good direction.  Also feel free to hit me up with what you'd like to see in future videos and articles.

PPS:  Seattle Free Tour is June 23rd,  Seattle Hot Seat is June 25th.  Honolulu Free Tour is July 21st and both Hot Seat and Bootcamp spots are also available (actually if you want to come do bootcamp with me in Honolulu I can guarantee it will be the bomb -- used to teach there for three years and was super fun).

Also added a Los Angeles Bootcamp for June 30th which I'm psyched about.  Program in Hollywood is always very intense -- we crack into the bomb clubs and do it up proper.  Okay see you soon!
54 Comments | 17,153 Views
At the beginning it is just drills that feel uncomfortable. After that, you get used to the drills and you proceed to open some women. Drills become harder and expose you further to your fears every time. Eventually, as a result of a honing a habit of facing your fears, you build a character.


The good thing about character is that it is up for grabs. You are not given a character. Character is built. Nobody can give it to you; it is one of those things that is earned. Many guys ask me how I do this or that in the game. They ask me, “How is it that you talk normal stuff and difficult sets open?”, the quick answer is character. I have built character and so can you.

Over Reaching And Character

“A man’s reach should exceed his grasp”, or so they say. This applies to dating, and in particular to my “Fear Technology”. Why? In reaching for something far outside your comfort zone on an ongoing basis, you will grow a character. If you shoot for the moon, you might get a star. Not a bad deal. If you attempt to approach those groups that scare you or exceed your grasp, you might not get the girl, but you might end up with some “earned” courage under your belt. Probably a better deal because you can always get girls if you have courage. You can’t do anything without character.


If there is one thing that kills character building is obsession with quick fixes. Sometimes what is a quick fix today is not tomorrow and the other way around. The opener that worked yesterday doesn’t work anymore. The physical game move that brought the quick make outs stops producing. You must put all this behind and focus on character building rather than the shortcut.

In fact character building IS the shortcut.

Slow at the beginning but fast at the end. It means after you build character in the game you don’t have to worry about results. But when you start it seems hard, sometimes impossible. You have to deal with your temptation of finding the easy way out or playing safe, in other words, approaching average girls, easy groups, fancy/enticing openers, and withdrawing your physical game from the mix due to fear of rejection. Moreover, you want to avoid taking shortcuts because you will delay the formation of a character. Character is built only in obstacle courses, not on a flat terrain. You want the bumpy rides.

Why Do You Want Character?

Getting good at meeting women is an inside job. Which means something must change inside for the outside to change. A paint job won’t do or last. A superficial layer of game (some openers, physical game moves, etc.) could give the appearance of being character but character must grow from inside out. The core must change.

The Inner Boundary System

You must set new boundaries for acceptable behavior from yourself. For example, you might decide that it is no longer acceptable from you to approach the easy sets or stand around in the club while others have fun. Out of these new boundaries, character starts to build. They become foundations for change.

As an advanced guy you may decide it is no longer acceptable to play safe and escalate only those girls that seem to like you. You want to push your game to next level so you must take the chances of not looking good in set, no matter how uncomfortable. Take the bumpy ride of being miscalibrated at times as part of the price to pay.

Take Progress Over Perfection

This is a challenge for most advanced guys who want perfection in every approach. You must be happy with a little bit of progress at a time since progress is harder as you move further up in the ace game chart. Even if you enforced your inner boundaries on any given night but came empty handed (no girls) you have to pat yourself in the back. Let’s say you escalated and got nowhere with a girl who was not into you; it is progress because you normally would not have taken the risk. Let’s say you went for the kiss close and got the cheek; it is progress because you always waited for the “safe” moment to kiss close. You are enforcing your inner boundaries and that’s good. You are forcing new behaviors upon yourself. Those new attitudes will start producing down the line for you. Trust the process. A new character will grow out of it. The risk taker. Taking risks is the name of this game. Why do newbies sometimes do amazing things early on in their game? Because they don’t know the limits they take truckloads of risks that pay up dividends. They hit a homerun without even knowing it. You must have a beginner’s mind. Be naïve about the game and think anything is possible. As an advanced, you lost touch with the naivetés and freshness of approaching women. You must come back to basics. When advanced guys come back to basics they rediscover the game. Enthusiasm breeds results. They start having fun again.

(Watch this student on program and how much fun he is having. Try and model that in your own game.)

The Building Blocks Of Character, One At A Time

People will see you after you build your character in the game and wonder how come you seem so at ease handling a hot girl or a big group of amogs. But the world hasn’t seen the countless small pockets of progress you have made in the process of building your character. People just see the exterior side of a good performance, they don’t see you drawing from inner resources you have become accustomed to use like unreactiveness, inner-validation, zero fear of rejection and so on. However, these resources were built over time, one little progress at a time.

However, you can say you don’t have the patience or the time for it. You want the fix now, that what I am proposing to you is not exciting or cool. But sure is the most rewarding. Who wants victory devoid of struggle? What’s the fun in that? I want you to realize this is the ultimate quick fix to your game. Character building works slow at the beginning but very fast at the end. Like Steven Covey says, “With people, slow is fast”. It is kind of like the tale of the hare and the turtle. You might be out gamed at the beginning by other “faster” guys but if you keep steady you will run faster at the end. I have grown accustomed to see this process weekend in, weekend out on Bootcamp. The guys who ace it on Friday, get out gamed on Saturday by a newbie whose progress seemed slow but now is running wild. He started to tap into inner resources he thought he didn’t have. In the end, the game evens out for all. The difference is: Have you built character over game or game over character?
26 Comments | 9,111 Views
Sooooo just sitting at Whole Foods about to drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco -- thought I'd hit you up with a quick blog post first!

First up  my San Francisco Free Tour and Hot Seat events are this week.

Free Tour is Thursday June 9 (tommorow!) 6PM, at the Palace Hotel on 2 New Montgomery Street.  Hot Seat is at the Palace Hotel as well but at noon on Saturday.

Next up the Seattle Free Tour and Hot Seat are Thursday June 23rd at 6PM and June 25th at 2PM, and will be at the Courtyard by Marriot Downtown/Pioneer Square, 612 2nd Avenue.

And lastly the Honolulu Free Tour, Hot Seat, and Bootcamp will be the weekend of July 21st with the locations TBA, and I've JUST ADDED a Los Angeles Bootcamp to the schedule on June 30th.

Hit up these sites if interested (or even remotely curious) in these life-changing events: www.rsdfreetour / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp  


What's up, so yeah gotta slam this one out really quick.

Got the rental van outside and we're doing the trip over to San Francisco.  Gonna catch up with Jeffy, Christophe, Herbal, Gandi, Stifler, and the rest of the SF crew.

Psyched for Free Tour tommorow obviously.  I get pretty amped up for these things.  Hot Seat is also sort of a big deal this time as well because it's one of my last for a while, and also because it's exciting to show the new footage.

Soon as SF Hot Seat ends I'm shooting over to the airport and flying overnight to Chicago to speak as a guest at Nathan's big PUA Conference on Summit (psyched!) and then flying overnight YET AGAIN to speak for Cisco Systems in Miami the day after.

Then I'll be recording Hot Seat footage day and night in South Beach, flying home for three days, and then doing the Free Tour and Hot Seat and Bootcamp in Seattle directly after.  Then home for 3 days and doing the Los Angeles bootcamp followed by the Honolulu programs and then preparation for World Summit.

Blaaaah what a schedule!  What am I doing to myself here?  Fully stupid.  Haven't had a day off in over a month, had two days off and then hadn't had a day off in nearly another six weeks prior to that.

I'm learning a lot from all this.  Mainly how to have fun even when life hits you with task after task.  Also how to manage a complex schedule.  I also mentioned in the last article how I've balanced game with being over-worked, and I've come up with a lot of great ideas on that topic as well.

I guess the biggest thing I'm learning though is where the limit is.  In this video below you see I've gotten sick for the first time in a few years.  I had some cool realizations from this...

Basically what I realized is that in life you need to MAKE YOURSELF STRONG.  By eating an abundance of healthy foods you make yourself strong and therefore don't succumb to stupid ass illnesses.  Success with girls is exactly the same:  You keep yourself feeling awesome by having many options with women in your life, and then choosing from a place of abundance and not scarcity.

...and if you allow yourself to fall into scarcity with one girl, it's a LOT like catching a cold.  This nasty bug that you need to get out of your system, because you allowed yourself to become WEAK due to your failure to take the proper action in your life.

Sounds a bit weird right?  But watch this video and allow me to explain...CLICK THE VIDEO RIGHT NOW.

Within the context of this video I'd like you to ask yourself right now:  Am I making myself strong, or mismanaging my life and allowing myself to be weakened?

Again like I said in the video, it's not that "catching feelings" for a girl is a weakness.  But the majority of the time when it's coming from a place of scarcity and not our conscious choice from among many options, IT IS LAME AND WEIRDS OUT THE GIRL.

Then we wind up with nothing and wishing the girl would come back.  I wanted to mention this because ultimately I believe that "one-itis" is a sign that we have external attachments to the world, and aren't really happy in our own skin.

This leads me into the next video that I shot in Chicago the very next morning after being out all night, which I believe is more important than the first video.  This video I actually think will help you in your game massively if you pay attention to it so have a click now and then I'll explain.


(btw I often shoot two or three videos in a city wherever I'm out and think looks cool, and then choose which one I like best afterwards.  Because I probably won't have time to post a new article next week while I'm in Miami I thought I'd post BOTH of them this time.

But which do you prefer?  I prefer the second video as I find the content more interesting, but maybe you prefer the first.  I'd appreciate it though if YOU let me know which video you prefer because it always interests me the type of material you connect with, or maybe you just connect with both but for different reasons.)

Anyway as I mentioned in this video, which may come across a bit strange, I've really found that when you get to a place of total self fulfillment and have your attachments to women VICIOUSLY SEVERED from you, you do the best with girls.

It's SCARY how much I've found this to be true, again and again and again.  I think it's a message that most people don't want to hear because on the surface it sounds pessimistic, but to me it's actually really positive and a lot of fun.

Here's why:  Ultimately happiness IS derived from within.  Of course you want to get the things you want in life, but life is often a "zen paradox" where it's by not wanting something that you get it.  You have to be clear in your intent, and yet totally free of any need for an outcome.  The enjoyment is more in the process than the result.

Of course if you're a hard working guy and you get a bit of pleasure from a beautiful woman who brings you home, you damned well gotta appreciate it right?  I've learned over the years to REALLY appreciate these types of amazing moments and soak them in, and I actually think that being good at "receiving" gifts from other people (ie: a woman you like giving her body to you) is somewhat of a skill you actually cultivate.

Nonetheless the first and foremost enjoyment comes from the process.  YOU are the shit.  YOU are "buzzed off of your own awesomeness".  You love hearing yourself talk, you love the feeling of being in your own body, you love your own personal universe.  From there you bring the value wherever you go, women pick up on it and many simply can't resist wanting to be around it more intimately.

When you fall back into scarcity you LOSE this amazing element to yourself.  You make your happiness dependent on her moment to moment reactions to you.  You think to yourself "Yeah I like myself but my life is just soooooo much more fun with her in it!  I'm here to meet GIRLS dammit I want a girl to be INTO ME!!"

But you've gotta transcend that shit.  Move past it.  Take action, enjoy the process, live the journey.  Do this while taking massive action:  PIMP HARD, like the hottest girls you see go in full funny, full awesome, full sexual, like AMAZING.  Then just let the chips fall where they may.

Do this for a month and you'll create a "perfect storm" in your game.  You'll go on a "run" probably of many women, feel amazing, and carve out an exciting and memorable chapter in your life.

Or........say "fuck it" and don't bother having an experience like this.  It's up to you! :)  But if you do decide to choose an adventure like this, life becomes a LOT of fun.

I'm out of here, hope you enjoyed the videos and short article that I just wrote in literally about 6 minutes, and please let me know what you think!!  Always appreciate the feedback, and thanks for continuing to read the blog.


Oh and duuuh PS:

San Francisco Free Tour and Hot Seat are this Thursday and Saturday.  Seattle is weekend of June 23rd and I've just added a Los Angeles Bootcamp June 30.  Honolulu is July 21st weekend and otherwise maybe I'll see you at World Summit.

www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com / www.rsdworldsummit.com

Have fun!!
68 Comments | 20,003 Views
The fallacy of goals

You can’t afford not to have goals but in the same vein you can’t afford to obsess over them. They are both game killers.

Good feelings

Most guys pursue a goal obsessively because such achievement will make them feel good about themselves. True enough but it hides a catch. Achievement of goals in general fails to live up to its “feel good” expectations. Either because of brevity –you feel good for a short period of time and you go back to miserable-, or because it fails all together to produce any good feelings whatsoever.

(The following infield video shows students going after their goals in field)

Goals, once achieved, fail to live up to its hype. “Once I get that one turbo girl, I will feel great”, “Once my game is amazing, I will be permanently happy” and so on. But it won’t do that for you. Joy is short lived in the game. On the other hand, good skills fail to stay the same for longs periods of time. Your skills with women will go through periods of ups and downs. Enjoy the ups when you can because you will plateau at some point and become stagnant. Realistically speaking you must put your eggs (high expectations) in a different basket. High expectations in terms of happiness levels must be canned for all I care in the dating realm.

However, you must have goals and strive to get them.

Is this some kind of sick minded paradox? How can I go after something that I know will fail to give me all the good feelings I look for? Then why go after anything for that matter.


Most people don’t like this word. It is not an exciting word. Moderation. It sounds boring. You want excitement, not moderation.

But what is moderation?

You, as most people, have the wrong idea about this word. It doesn’t mean selling yourself short like most believe. You can aim for the sky with your goals and be moderate too. You can be moderate in the middle of a loud, high energy, aggressive dance floor when you approach girls. It is exciting. I throw myself into impossible missions in such dance floors every weekend armed with my only weapon- moderation.

Moderation means not attaching too much emotional meaning to results. You go after them but you keep your feet on the ground, you don’t take them too seriously. Because results once accomplished fail to produce its eternal happiness promise. You must view it as a process and submerge yourself neck deep in it. Process in itself is exciting. Results pale in comparison to the excitement of process. To give you a practical example: as a coach I enjoy more working with a guy who has more to overcome personally than with a guy who is already good and get results in the field fast. What’s the fun in helping a guy who is arm length from its ultimate goal?

When you are process oriented you enjoy working through the process with a guy rather than getting the end result right away. You want to work the kinks of approaching and meeting women. You focus on personal growth rather than the results themselves.

But you need results

That is why you got in it. Without goals you will be lost in the field. You need a direction, a point B to get to. But unless you become process oriented you won’t get them. If you do get them it will be a hollow victory. Nobody wants a victory devoid of struggle. Where is the fun in that? It feels like cheating. Why is it that our most enjoyable successes are the ones that cost us the most and we struggled the most? The answer is process. You struggled more and you grew more. You had to call on resources you thought you didn’t have in you - but you did.

Let’s get back to moderation now. That awful word. Once you realize that basic truth about goal accomplishing, you will star to appreciate process more. You will concede that you won’t have more fun than when you treadmill after your goals. The journey becomes more important than the destination. At some point, you stop caring whether we get there or not. All you care about is going after it.

Moderation does this trick

You stop looking for highs. You let go of the hyped up emotional component of achieving your goals. You are more moderate, more calm, which is ideal for goal achieving in the first place. With less fear and anxiety riding you, you can focus better on performance, thus performance improves. Once my students on the live in field program stop worrying about rejection (being accepted was their unconscious goal), their performance improves. They start getting those results they thought they were impossible. Once they realize rejection not only is scarce it doesn’t hurt, they relax. They stop looking for approval from beautiful girls as their end goal. They start to enjoy interactions more. They are happy even if they don’t get a girl. Moderation does this.

Moderate success?

Not really. Moderate attitude, yes. Longing, striving, over extending yourself for superficial highs, no. You still go after the big fish (ambitious goals like approaching and hooking up with hot women, getting mind boggling results and so on) with a moderate stride because you realise is a marathon, not a 100 meter dash. The journey itself is your destination. You are in it. You are already there so stop craving for the high because it will lead to deadly lows. Be moderate in both success and failure. In fact, don’t think about those “highs” they give you as you will be setting yourself up for the opposite...
the dreaded “lows”.

Once a student gets to a certain level of success he starts craving it all the time, which leads to him losing because he doesn’t have his feet on the ground anymore. He is chasing “highs” all the time. Unless he gets a high on every approach he feels he is losing. It leads to paralysis. All this can be avoided if you stop craving the highs but keep going after the goals you set up for yourself.


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Last few “Tyler” Free Tour, Hot Seat, and Bootcamp events taught by me personally before my second son is born and I’m out of the loop…:

San Francisco: June 9 – 11
Seattle: June 20 – 22
Honolulu: July 21 – 23 (note I bumped this a week back so we can do Bootcamp at that big party)

(Click over to www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com)

Note that these Hot Seat events are my last. I’ve recorded reality shattering new infield footage which I’ll be showing at these events, however future Hot Seat events will no longer be taught by me personally after these final three.

(I’m hoping I can start doing them again in 2012 as I love teaching them, but also realize that other projects may be on the go by then. If you want to take this jaw dropping program of the highest quality with me personally, this is absolutely the time to do it.)

The World Summit is also coming up July 29 to August 6.  This is a one week event in Las Vegas which features every instructor in Real Social Dynamics. I look forward to this all year so if you’re interested in hanging with me for the week in Vegas check this out…:


Last but definitely not least, Jeffy and I have been talking about creating a new “Jeffy Free Tour” for the months I’m out of the loop.

The last time Jeff did a “Free Tour” was 2007 which was about 50 cities—very hardcore! The event became notorious in the pickup community for the fact that it was absolutely insane, both in terms of its absurd comedic value as well as the sheer force of the knowledge that Jeff would reveal.

I attended Jeff’s Free Tour in Hawaii and I can honestly say it was 2 of the coolest hours of my entire life. I not only learned a ton about how to pickup women, but I was more entertained than the best movie I’ve ever seen. He’s really a guy you want to meet in real life.

If you’re interested in a possible Jeffy Free Tour, or even a Jeffy Hot Seat, these are projects which we’re currently talking about and you can email stuart@realsocialdynamics.com to express interest and be kept in the loop. We’re thinking of doing potentially the four cities with the biggest interest in the US, four biggest in Europe, and three biggest in Canada and Australia.


What’s up!!

Just took two days off, Sunday and Monday. What a strange feeling – I’d been hustling from the minute I woke up to the minute I went to sleep for the past six weeks.

I’d had two or three days off six weeks ago and then another six weeks or so before that I’d also been putting in the full days. This seems to be the fate of many young people of ambition these days, and I’m going to talk about WHY I’ve done this and HOW I’ve balanced this with pickup after today’s video.

(By the way when I say a full workday, I’m still going to the gym, reading, doing meditation, going out to pickup girls and record it, etc. So it’s usually around a 12 or 13 hour workday, however every non work task is also related to RSD. That being the case I haven’t really had time to do something “just for fun” – there’s never been a time when I’m not doing something to move forward.)

Speaking of today’s video, I actually think it’s the shittiest video Free Tour I’ve put out. :)

But yeah I also think it offers some good value, and I like to release footage from every speaking event I do in order to track my progress. The video talks about some very important concepts related to getting massive success with girls.

Why do guys become players? How does getting laid constantly affect your psychology? What can you do to wrestle with your mind and FORCE yourself to get the sex life you want, all the time?

That’s what I talk about here, and although I’m half out of it after the week of sleep depriving mayhem I spent in New York City the week before, this Washington D.C. Free Tour video has valuable content that will give you some “food for thought”.


Anyway as you probably noticed in the video, I’m completely fucked at this Free Tour. This was the first ever Free Tour that I actually experienced “micro sleep” and passed out for thirty second bursts as Jeffy and Brad would pipe in.

I do every Free Tour event “off the cuff” with nothing prepared, which usually makes them funny and spontaneous and energetic, although it also causes me to have more “umms” and “likes” in my speaking since I’m just making it up on the fly.

At this Free Tour I was really regretting it as my brain just wasn’t working.  Fortunately even at my most fucked up I’ve done this event so many times I can go through it, and everyone I spoke to said they learned a lot.  Many people also signed up for Hot Seat and the bootcamp demos I recorded that night were some of the sickest I've recorded so far.

Nonetheless I thought this would make a cool topic today that many people would be interested in, which is how do you stay good with girls despite a heavy workload that causes your brain to become “logical”.

This has been a topic that a lot of people have really enjoyed learning about from me because not everyone gets to pickup and have sex with women all day like the typical RSD instructor, and so it’s often harder to get really good with girls.

I’ve actually got a lot going on so I’m going to limit myself to about an hour of writing, and I’m planning to release this pretty rough as I’ve been doing with my articles of late, but if you liked the articles I’ve been putting out then I think you’ll take some good value from it. :)

(Just try to excuse any ill formed thoughts and whatnot…)

Anyway here are my thoughts and a few experiences related to this topic, which I hope you’ll enjoy.


So back from 2005 to 2008 when I grew RSD from a 1 million dollars a year to 3 million a year company within about three years (that’s revenues, not profit folks – I live pretty modestly), I holed myself up in an ocean front apartment in Honolulu and pretty much worked non-stop.

This was a very difficult time in my life because I became very fat, got sick around 8 times a year with one sickness overlapping another, and got stuck in my head in a logical mode. Most of my friends started to find me to be a weird person and I pretty much viewed myself as a robot whose only purpose in life was to produce results.

I would teach two bootcamps a month during this time, but I’d cap the programs at only one student so that I could give my full attention on coaching since my demonstrations were no longer as good. The programs got great reviews because they were so personalized and my ability to make improvements in the students was still strong, but I’d lost the ability to do the jaw dropping pickup demonstrations on the fly like I do now.

As time went on I sort of viewed myself as the guy who “figured out” the game and taught it to the different instructors in RSD, but no longer the guy who had the strongest skills in the field.

It was crazy because instructors I’d taught were just blowing me away and I was happy about it because I loved the value they were offering to students. At the same time it also kind of bothered me that I wasn’t capable of blowing people away in the field anymore with my skills.

Then in 2008 I got to a point where I realized that I’d lost sight of what I got into RSD for. I graduated from the equivalent of an “Ivy League” school in Canada and I could easily be working a good corporate job, but my goal in creating Real Social Dynamics was to be out in the field doing what I love.

Teaching bootcamps was always my biggest hobby and that was why I built a company around it. The only reasons I hired instructors was because I thought it would cool to keep the “3 on 1” student to instructor ratio in local cities so students wouldn’t have to travel as far, and because every so often I’d meet someone who I thought was super awesome and would offer a lot of value to students.

(I still view my biggest accomplishment in RSD that you can take a kick ass program with an elite level teacher with a low student to instructor ratio, for very cheap.)

Anyway over time I realized that the source of my personal power was the game. The game essentially gave me everything I have, it’s my roots and my greatest passion in life aside from raising my sons.

Without the game I would be entirely lost. I love every aspect about it. It’s the time when I’m most present, most happy, most “myself”.

I love teaching this to other people, and revealing to them what’s possible. I love sending home students with their brains melted, unable to sleep or process reality. I love how it increases a man’s sense of entitlement and makes him realize that anything in life is possible. I succeed in this in spades at times, and other times I do only a decent job. But I always give everything I have and I’m always learning and continuing to improve.

(If you dig the videos and articles you’ve seen over the years, these are like the doorway into another planet when compared to the precision surgery performed IN THE ACTUAL FIELD.)

So in 2008 I got back into teaching bootcamps full time, about 50 a year, and made it my goal to get my game back to a level I was happy with. I don’t want to get this article into the typical “PUA pissing contests” about who the best pickup up artist is (obviously I think I’m the best JUST LIKE HOW EVERY GOOD PICKUP ARTIST DELUSIONALLY THINKS HE’S THE BEST BECAUSE WE’VE GOTTA BE AMPED TO APPROACH GORGEOUS GIRLS) but rather just the point that I went from a level I wasn’t happy about to a level I think is awesome.

The next few years I worked on my game constantly, to the point of full on obsession. I thought about the game constantly and made it as important as the work I was doing with RSD.

To do this I had to come up with a “system” that would allow me to be in an extremely “logical headspace” in the day, and yet become charismatic and sociable during the night. This is ultimately the biggest challenge that I think hardworking professionals deal with, and it’s a huge problem for so many people.

Regardless I thought I’d talk here about the system I came up with, but before getting into that, I also thought I’d talk about WHY I decided to take on a higher level of professional responsibility (as opposed to just running an easy company with just me and Papa teaching, and making my life easy on myself).

So here it is… :)


Like I said, the accomplishment I’m most proud about in RSD is that students can take bootcamps that are close to them locally, with a top notch instructor for a very cheap price. Well you probably don’t think it’s cheap but if you understood the systems that Nick and I have had to innovate over the years to keep the ratios good and the prices fair, you’d probably think it’s pretty interesting how we did it. :)

This has meant a lot to me because I had so much pain surrounding the issue of being lame with girls in the first two decades of my life that it’s what allows me to feel like the work I’m doing is very important and worthwhile. When I guest appear on another instructor’s bootcamp and see what a high value program they’re performing it makes me feel proud of what we’ve accomplished, basically systematizing the types of crazy bootcamps that I’m able to do but make them available to you no matter where you live, and with a good ratio.

It's like every day I wake up and there's emails like this in my inbox.  This is typical I literally just grabbed it today (I'll keep it anonymous unless dood who sent it to me wants to pipe in!)...

"I don't tell many people about this, but the following facts about me were true until my boot-camp with Alex:
1) I was a virgin at age 30.
2) I kissed a girl on the lips for the first time a few months earlier right before I turned 30.
3) I held a lot of religious views and conflicting value systems that kept me from pursuing women like I should have been able to for MANY years.

After 3 months post-bootcamp the following facts about me are true:
1) I have had sex with 3 girls; 2 of them I had SNLs with. Each girl I laid were hotter or cuter than the one before.
2) All 3 have become regulars/sex friends who continue to see me for sex but I have no committment to be exclusive and have not had to lie at all!
3) I love sex with all three of them and the chemistry is great.
4) My confidence has skyrocketed and I am well on my way to hooking up with many more hot girls!

I never could've imagined life would be like this; already all of my expectations of where I would be in this amount of time have been greatly exceeded but I have only just begun! It's really exciting.  My boot-camp with Alex was so special; words can't describe what it did for me and I am so grateful to Alex and your company, RSD, for what you've given me. Thank you so much.

Yeah so you can imagine how it's "easy" for me to rationalize that the work I'm putting in is worthwhile.  If it was just ME doing the programs then I'd never have a chance to make it to Tokyo where he took the program, whereas by creating this system I'm able to scale the work I'm doing and make accessible to people who live far away.

At the same time, over the years I’ve found a sort of “selfish motivation” in running the larger organization as opposed to a more manageable one as well.  The main value I’ve personally gained out of it is learning to be a competent professional, an executer, a hard worker, and someone who has the ability to juggle many balls in the air.

I wanted to learn these skills in my twenties and early thirties because I have dreams of doing so much more as I get older, there’s so much that I want to contribute.

This will sound strange, but I believe that “the game” has taught me things about confidence, communication, and emotional intelligence that will eventually give me the ability to do many cool things for society as a whole. I think it’s going to be funny when people look back at my life, and realize this guy who pushed himself to the limit essentially gained the confidence from picking up girls.

And you know in saying this, I realize that I’m risking a lot of embarrassment. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll burn out with this and realize that I just want to chill and be happy, and that the world is fine the way it is and there’s not much impact that I can really have to do anything about it. But honestly I’ve never failed to reach a goal in my life up to this point, even if it took me a few extra attempts and failures to do so. I was in a pretty messed up car accident a few years ago and it made me realize I could die at any moment, but I believe that if I continue to live that I can contribute a lot of cool things.

People talk about hard work as being more important than luck with people who are successful, but in my case I think it’s both. I feel that I’ve been given a lot of setbacks and challenges that most people would never have to deal with, which most people would think of as bad luck, but in reality these have fundamentally been gifts that were given to me because I asked for them.

Since I was young I wanted to do something of value with my life, but I didn’t realize that to gain the abilities and skills it takes to do so you aren’t going to have an easy ride. Essentially you are going to have to “step up” which will result in all sorts of headaches, challenges, heart ache, and a lot of embarrassment, and then learn all the lessons it takes to cope with it psychologically, as well as from a success standpoint just finding the solutions to all the problems.

I think that fundamentally there are two types of people when it comes to success, the first being the type who when they get fucked with will eventually give up, and the other being the type that it only fuels them to step up harder and become more focused. I always made it my goal to be the second type and just keep bouncing back from challenge after challenge. That’s what’s been cool about the setbacks I’ve encountered, is that they’ve only helped me to focus and dig deeper, I really feel like they’re such a gift. I’m LUCKY to have had all the weird challenges that I’ve had.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just rationalizing the pain I’ve encountered in my life as being “leading me somewhere” when in fact sometimes bullshit just happens to people and it’s completely random. But then I realize that even if that’s true it’s irrelevant, and that my definition of a fulfilling life is to become what I’m capable of becoming, and offer the value that I’m capable of bringing forward. It doesn’t matter if this was all God’s plan or just some random bullshit of the universe, the point is to be an adult and recognize the opportunities that are in front of you and play the hand you’ve been dealt.


So yeah my main interest in running a more complex organization while still keeping it as “social entrepreneurship” that offers a product that makes a difference has been like I said: to gain the skills I’ll need to contribute more as I move into my thirties, forties, fifties and beyond.

I think many people in my position become overly narcissistic about it, mostly because they realize that “Everyone is cut from the same cloth…” and therefore they realize that they COULD contribute a shitload if they really wanted to, they just can’t be bothered.

In my own case I’ve been willing to do a lot of hard work, even menial stuff, because I wanted to learn about hard work and creating systems within organizations and how to be an executer.

A big part of this has been psychologically adapting to work that’s repetitious like teaching the Hot Seat and making it a lot of fun. My goal at the Hot Seats I did for the past year was not only to shock the shit out of students and blow away their reality, but to have more fun than anyone in the room. The same went for my Free Tours and Bootcamp events as well.

This probably sounds funny to you, that people who are using their time and money to experience a life changing wouldn’t be having as much fun as the guy teaching it, and yet I attribute this to the discipline I’ve had in learning to have fun. I believe that emotions are essentially muscles and that you can learn to have fun no matter what you’re doing, and that basically I want my emotional “fun muscles” to be ridiculously strong.

Most people rely on “external stimulus” to have fun, but my goal has been to condition myself to “draw state from within”. The fun for me is in the OUTFLOW of value, as opposed to the inflow of stimulation.

This is obviously a cross-discipline that I’ve learned from picking up girls. To be the ultimate pimp you can’t be like most people in modern society where you look to the outside world to make you feel good (ie: get validation from the girl) you need to have this infinite well of awesome emotions that comes from being present to the moment, and then expressing joy by allowing it to flow out.

At the Free Tour everyone is laughing and having a good time, but whose having the most fun? I am. Likewise with the Hot Seat where I have to show the same exact videos every week (except recently as I’ve updated all the videos—which has been sooooo sick). I come into the Hot Seat events on Saturday morning with the mindset that I’m going to crack new jokes and just make it the most fun 10 hours of my life. I want the audience to be shocked at how much fun I’m having, and hold their attention on what I’m teaching them the entire day.

My teaching and pimp skills have cross-over in this weird way, but it also has a spiritual element to me. I’m a huge believer in what Eastern philosophy teaches us about not seeing events in life as “good or bad”. Most people misunderstand this and think you need to be “enlightened” to have this perspective, but what it really means is that by being present to the moment and finding joy in the outflow of value, it’s not nearly as important to be in circumstances that are stimulating or fun.

Think of this like being on that nitrous oxide laughing gas at the dentist. The dentist is about to drill your teeth with some scary metal instrument but because you’re buzzed you think to yourself “Haha this would really suck if I wasn’t on this laughing gas, but I don’t give a fuuuuuuck…….”

Being present to the moment and finding joy in the outflow of value is sort of the same. You’re relying fundamentally on yourself for the good feelings, so it doesn’t matter if you’re presenting the same videos that you’ve showed the past twenty weekends in a row. The parts where you give seminar you just make it funny and awesome, and the parts where you have to watch the same videos you just make yourself present to the moment and you feel content regardless.

My goal in this has been to increase my mental stamina, and ability to produce huge amounts of value. To get as far as I have with RSD I’ve had to dig deeper, find ways to work harder and become more focused, and this was one of the ways that I did it.

Every day I want to be a more effective and more focused worker than I was the day before. I sometimes accomplish this and other times I fall off, sometimes because I push it too far like I did with the D.C. Free Tour video I just posted. But this only teaches me about where the limit is and forces me to find better ways of getting things done.


I think beyond all this, the focus on a greater goal has been what’s allowed me to find happiness.

Being pissed off is ultimately a luxury of people who don’t have enough to get done. All my friends and colleagues who I see getting pissed off, I think to myself, “Haha there’s no way I’d have time to experience emotions like this! This actually looks FUN!” It’s like all the crazy drama is like a funny soap opera that people make when they have nothing better to do.

I guess is also comes from a lack of feeling of control. The way I’ve dealt with these emotions when I’ve encountered them is to realize they’re essentially healthy, because they’re trying to signal my focus onto something that needs to get dealt with.

One of the coolest tricks I’ve ever learned, which I’ve utilized like crazy the past few years, is to resist the temptation to blame bad emotions externally. I’ve gotten really good at looking in the mirror and seeing where my role in my own problems has been.

This is a lot more challenging than it sounds like, because the default human tendency is to preserve your ego and blame your problems on other people. It’s crazy to me how I see most people constantly blaming others for their bullshit lives instead of looking in the mirror, and yet I feel like your brain has this MAGNET that makes you look everywhere for except the one person who is responsible: yourself.

When I feel those bad emotions I’ve literally gone as far as to walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror, point at myself and say “YOU DID THIS OWEN. THIS IS ON YOU. ADMIT IT AND FIND OUT HOW, IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE IT’S YOU BUT IT IS…” Then I trace back my steps to a year ago, a month ago, a week ago, and the same day, and think of how my actions have resulted in my current circumstances.

I really love this because it’s alleviated my frustrations to an amazing degree. I think that bad emotions are essentially healthy and designed to burn the lessons of bad situations into your brain by making them emotionally relevant. So it’s up to you WHAT you want getting burned into your brain.

Do you want the lesson burned into your brain “This person fucked me over blah blah bullshit bullshit…” or do you want the lesson to be something that you fucked up and can improve? Yet many of the smartest people I know perpetually screw this up, their egos simply don’t allow the beneficial process to run its course.

The cool thing about dedicating your life to a larger purpose is that it focuses you, forces you to see reality for what it is and adapt. It makes you happier because you don’t have a choice but to be happy if you want to get done what you want to get done.

You get outside of your own petty concerns and focus more on the value that you want your life to represent. You become more expansive and translucent, less contracted and dense.

I don’t think I could take care of myself the way I do if it wasn’t for taking on more responsibility. I wouldn’t have the motivation to eat healthy or exercise or go to the gym. I wouldn’t have the reason to stop reading and watching bullshit and focus on “high vibration frequency” ideas (as they say) or stay disciplined with meditation. I wouldn’t have the necessity to make “external experience” my primary mode of orientation, and not get stuck up in silly values and principles about “how the world should work” up in my head.

Honestly I still feel like a friggin’ clown compared to the way I see myself in an ideal vision of what’s possible, but whatever progress I’ve made is for something that I think is more important than my own lifestyle or petty experience of life.


So you probably get the idea that my work life is very fulfilling and important to me, so where has that left me with game??

Well like I said, the game is ultimately my great joy in all this, my greatest love and passion. It’s when I feel that higher level state of mind operating at the highest level, and I feel myself becoming re-centered in the state of mind that I’m most fulfilled.

Getting back into the game after taking away from focusing on it was initially difficult. Very difficult. I felt like I was getting my swimming legs back again.

The biggest challenge with working long hours and then going out is that you feel logical and like everything you do has to have a purpose, instead of the non-outcome oriented expression of joy that women find so magnetic and attractive.

You go out and a girl acts bratty towards you, and you’re in disbelief because it’s unprofessional. You joke around with people but it feels forced, like you’re saying some bullshit you’re supposed to say but don’t really want to say. There’s nothing getting accomplished from being out so it feels pointless, yet you know you want to “improve your game” so you go through the motions mechanically and without soul.

Many people talk about the focus and dedication it takes to get good at the game, and yet this focus should only be in soldiering through when you’re getting frustrated that you’re stuck on a plateau. Ultimately though the biggest dedication in the game is a dedication to joy, a dedication to sexuality, and dedication to drawing joy from within yourself and expressing it outwardly.

Of course women reward you for this with…..............sex. You get laid a lot when you have the ability to approach random girls and come across like this.

The hardest part for a hard worker to understand about the game is that although all the work you’re doing might eventually gain you higher status, all that the women perceives is how you’re coming across RIGHT NOW. If you’re so logical and focused on producing linear outcomes that you can’t chill out and enjoy your own sexuality with her, then you must be in some pretty severe scarcity.

Because a man who has an abundance of whatever he needs is happy and chill, not focused on “getting to the future” and “accomplishing the next thing”.


In my own case the most practical idea I came across to get back hardcore in the game was to realize that it simply takes time to wind down from an 80 hour workweek into interacting with girls.

The smartest thing I did was giving myself a lot of “self compassion” and realizing that I was going to take a lot of blowouts before my brain shifted into charming sexual mode. I’d allow myself even three hours to get warmed up, as weird as that sounds, but it worked.

Of course it never (or at least extremely rarely) took three hours to get “warmed up” but I still told everyone it takes me three hours to get warmed up, which gave me the permission to suck with girls and just keep opening and chatting with women. Cool things always happened by the end of the night so it didn’t really matter, as long as I got there eventually.

The most important understanding I gained is that “self confidence is not the same as social momentum”. With all the work I was paradoxically the most confident I’d ever been, and yet the least social. So I allowed myself time to build up momentum and was very disciplined about it.

Here’s what I think is very cool though…

I realized that in life you need to play to your strengths, and find solutions to the limitations of your situation. In my own case I realized that although my situation was limited by the hardcore hours I was putting in with work, that I was also very disciplined in my actions as an individual.

That being the case, I resolved to be the most disciplined “executer” in getting social momentum (ie: “warming up”) as humanly possible. Basically I resolved that any time I got out to the club I’d start clapping and laughing and talking to literally every single girl I’d see, until I eventually the charming and sexually engaging and charismatic part of my brain became active.

Doing this my results improved and improved. Every month I got better and better, with the confidence that no matter how hardcore I burned the candle on both ends during the week that I’d get “into state” when the weekend hit and I was out at the club.

The key here was using the same discipline to take “right action” that I’d cultivated in my professional life, but bringing it into the building of social momentum. When your goal is to become the most effective worker you can be the downside is that you become extremely logical and outcome oriented, but the unique advantage is that you can use this discipline that most people lack to get warmed up faster and lethally effectively.

Now when I go out I know that I’ll reliably get into state, reliably be “that guy” who women find charismatic and charming, and reliably make amazing things happen. Usually it’s within the first twenty minutes or half an hour, but if it takes a few hours that’s okay as well.

What’s also been cool about this is that my bootcamp students have really taken a lot out of it. I focus on getting them watching me warm up and comparing how I am at the start of the night versus the end of the night. They see the massive difference and this gives them internal permission to screw up as well, as long as they get warmed up.

The results of this?? Students getting success like crazy both during and after the program. The challenges I’ve had from having a more professional life have made the program more realistic to the lifestyle of the average person who doesn’t just get to pimp girls all week.

Anyway yeah it’s been cool, really digging it. And over the past two years I’ve gotten my results with women to the highest level they’ve ever been, no joke.

I plan to keep building on it and improving. The game is so much fun, and it’s become such an outlet for the tension I build up over the week. Teaching bootcamp and demonstrating this has become my biggest passion and I love what it’s doing both for myself and the people who learn from me, and feel like the “work hard, play hard…” mindset has really taken hold.

My life is reached a point where I’m both content as well as having a lot of fun. It’s taken me a lot of years of trial and error to reach this point, and I’m sure I’ll mess it up in the future as I did with this video (and you see me with my first cold in a few years in the videos I’m putting out next week), but I’ll just keep improving and refining it over time.


So I hope you took some interesting value from this article. It reveals a lot of personal aspects about my life, and given me a chance to “express myself” so to speak, but it’s written primarily to help you connect it to YOUR OWN life.

If you’re not pushing yourself and what I’ve talked about sounds appealing to you, maybe push yourself a little more and build on it. (I certainly didn’t get to this point overnight, it’s been a good decade in the making.)

And if you’re a professional whose pushing the envelope with work and you’re making excuses about why you’re not going out, I know that if you take to heart what I’ve talked about in the practical steps for getting girls you’re going to get amazing results.

Give this stuff a whirl and let me know what you think!! I always want to know where you’re at and appreciate you letting me know!! :)

I’m going to shoot off to bed now and post this tomorrow morning, and thanks for checking it out!


Oh and yeah a PS:

For inspiration on hard work, check out the new BBC documentary “Human Planet”. It’s the same high definition footage as “Planet Earth” and “Life” but it shows the intense things that humans are capable of.

It’s crazy but I really love the whole 1080p resolution that’s come out over the past few years, and it’s actually part of what inspired me to record Hot Seat in 1080 resolution (with cameras that are big and often get me in trouble!).

But yeah the documentaries Planet Earth and now Human Planet are VERY cool to watch on Blu Ray or in high definition. If you want to be awe inspired I’d recommend you check these out.


I would LOVE to see you at these events, whichever you think are most suited to you. Each has it’s own page and right now would be the best time to check it out…:

San Francisco: June 9 – 11
Seattle: June 20 – 22
Honolulu: July 21 – 23

(Click over to www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com)


And remember that JEFFY is looking at a possible JEFFY FREE TOUR. If this is happening you’ll hear about it next week.

I’m honestly not sure where we stand with it, but if you dig what Jeffy puts out like I do then cross your fingers for it.  Jeff doing a Free Tour would be a really unique opportunity, and the absolute bomb! 
35 Comments | 17,974 Views
Internet has brought many good things to our lives and though I applaud some of the revolution it made in communication (Hey, who doesn’t love e-mails directly delivered on your phone, up-to-the-minute information on your favorite soccer matches, online ordering, etc.) I must point out certain disturbing things that have crept in with this technological revolution.

People Get A Website, Twitter Accounts, Blogs And So On

People have started a new way of communicating with the outside world to friends, clients, and potential business. It is already hard to tell where the commercial interests end and where the personal begins. This is where manipulation starts. If their blog/website/twitter account is successful they start to have some kind of power over others. People follow them.

All of a sudden whatever they say has an audience. And this is where it gets freaky: anything you say starts to make a dent in your followers. They believe it. It doesn’t matter whether the successful internet guy lives in a basement with his mom. He managed to have an audience, sometimes made up of other guys in his same exact situation. Nobody cares about whether the stories or facts he is giving to his audience check out with reality. Sometimes the content is straight forward delusional or simply made up but who cares as long as Google sees activity in your website.

The Internet Persona

It is hard to tell on these various blogs and internet sites where the real person ends and the internet persona (the character he is impersonating to impress his audience) begins. It is not unusual to see facebook profiles full of flair, positivity, and great personality traits, some of those personality traits are nearly impossible to coexist in the same human being. They are plain lying. They are creating an online persona, that is likable for as many people as possible. If a guy is a hopeless home body, he can go to his website and cut and paste some pictures of himself jet skiing or hugging a hot girl and all of a sudden he is a “popular” guy. The illusion of reality becomes reality. Some people who are delusional themselves start to believe this guy is really “popular” and “cool”. He starts to attract an audience of delusional people, people who don’t care about verifying the facts or simply are too lost in fantasy to care. In other words he is becoming “successful” in the internet “game”, while being unsuccessful in real life. But it doesn’t matter because for these people there is no life outside “online life”.

For celebrities is the same thing. They go into personal crisis because their personal lives become “public”. All of a sudden they become “a living legend”. People have certain expectations about them that need to be fulfilled. The real human being behind “the legend” with both talents and defects of character becomes secondary. Something has got to give.

As a result of this tension they turn to drugs and alcohol to mitigate the pain of living in the public eye. Case in point, Charlie Sheen and his “winning” antics. A whole PR industry has been born out of this problem. There is people who get paid to feed lines and speeches and ways of behaving in public to celebrities. PR otherwise known as manipulation.

I remember this famous line Warren Betty said while he was being filmed in real life during a documentary of Madonna’s “Blonde Ambition Tour”; he told Madonna, “Why would you wanna do anything outside the camera?” It is like saying today, “Why would you wanna do anything unless you twitter it first?”

But we are not talking about real celebs, we are talking “online celebs”. A different breed or a breed in itself. Way more pathetic because it is all or most of it made up.

The “Me” Generation

Self centered as they come, with the online revolution we are witnessing a new generation emerges. People who grew up with e-mail accounts, twitter, facebook, and so on. They are not in the habit of real life sharing. They prefer cyber space sharing and keep track of their on line “friends” via their phones. It is almost like a cyber life as opposed to a real life. They spend half their day checking their android phone for messages on line, e-mails and so on. Their phones are an extension of their hands. It is glued to their bodies.

It is the “me” people. The real world is just a blur. Cyber space is the real world. You see them on the street and tube and they are absent. They are not present. They are waiting for the next twitter, facebook, e-mail to bring them back to life. Nothing matters unless it comes through the net. It should be the opposite, the internet should be secondary but it is not the case.

Catering To The Internet Crowd Or “I Am Too Old For This Shit”

( This is a hilarious video that I thought about putting up. It is an advanced drill in the fear technology realm and I won’t recommend it unless you have taken a program with me and I have taught you the purpose of doing this. If you are advanced in the game, it could be fun to do with your friends. The more you do this drill, the more you will feel that your fears around attractive women are laughable and funny. The way we do this in our London Crew is we take turns to approach and the others will drill you with “negativity” before the approach happens. Sometimes it becomes hilarious because we get really silly and hard core on the negativity to the point that the guy approaching breaks down in laughter and it becomes really fun.

Be wise when you apply fear technology and make sure you are surrounded by supportive people when you do this otherwise the drill can backfire and make you very uncomfortable.


Of course, I have a blog commercially and I try to cater to this crowd and I have problems. I grew up in a different generation and it is challenging for me to appeal to people I don’t understand. I try to keep my blog simple and helpful to those who are really trying to get good with women, also for former clients of mine to keep track of the evolution of my teaching.

But my blog is unappealing to the great majority. There is no drama, no fake online persona, no “manifesto” to awe the deluded, there is no “Tony Robbins on steroids” speeches, there is no speeches at all for that matter. I don’t post about my trip to the moon, I don’t twitter: “I am in a club right now and my ass is on fire”, I don’t do facebook. I just post simple stuff coming from the field. I never say my life is amazing because it is not. Or that I am walking on water or sunshine and that I live in a fantasy world. I don’t do speeches hanging from the London Bridge because I hate the fucking bridge to start with, I rather hang myself from it. In other words, I am not deluded. I am just your average guy. Boring. Ha!

The “me” generation connects with the online persona, not with the real person. First and foremost because they have managed to build an online persona for themselves. Marketers know this really well and they use it. Not only that they publish how-to books for the self deluded who read those books and write for the other self deluded. Those books teach how to manipulate and give the “me” generation what they want to see and hear.

In our dating industry, this takes a whole new level of manipulation, craziness and why not, delusion. There is a very, very few companies who still do bootcamps on a regular basis or feature bootcamps as their main product. Probably RSD and a couple more. It is way too expensive and requires top-notch coaching standards. Too complicated and expensive. Too hard. You must know what you are doing and be dedicated to teaching for years before you can call yourself an expert. Takes too long. Nothing good comes fast.

However, if you go online, you see hundreds of “seminar type” of companies. They all teach Pick up. How can they operate on line and feed pick up content to a crowd without interacting their material with real clients and real girls? How can they teach this stuff to clients without teaching/verifying it “in field” for real with real clients weekend in-weekend out? The fact is that they don’t . They don’t have to thanks to the online revolution. They can give the “appearance” of real teaching and the “me” generation will buy their product, as long as it is entertaining and explained in an amusing way. For the same reason videos with live cats in them in Youtube get hundreds of thousands of hits. Everybody loves kitties. Retarded yet effective. A video of somebody with a clown suit number closing a girl on the street gets one hundred thousand hits. A video of a real life Pick up of a guy making out with a girl in club, you are lucky if you get a hundred hits. Nobody cares. There is no flash.

You get somebody like Ekart Tolle, pedaling spiritual knowledge that was written and explained by Indian Gurus thousands of years before him but he explains it with a funny accent which makes him successful. I know many ignorant people who mocked me for -and I quote- “Living in cave with a diaper” because I used to real the all-time-spiritual classic book “I am that” by Maharaj. Those same people embraced Ekart Tolle’s “eastern philosophy” approach 2 years later.

Of course, Tolle doesn’t bother to explain he ripped it all off from Indian culture and spiritual tradition. Plus he has credibility, simply because he is from the west. Nobody cares to check the facts that it all has been said before. “Living in the now” is something advocated by every eastern prophet that we know of. Who cares? Right? As long as it is amusing and explained by a dwarfish German dude with a funny accent we will buy it. People tell me, “you have to live in the now like Tolle says in that book”. Yes, Tolle taught that to Bhudda himself. While you are at it, throw Jesus Christ in there too.

Addictive behavior

I for one have fallen in this online life of sorts. As soon as I woke up I would check my emails, favorite websites, blogs, recent posts and so on. I would keep coming back to my computer or android to check all the internet crap that I have grown addicted to. All of a sudden I realized that when I was not plugged on line, I was fantasizing about my “on line” life. I wanted to go back and recheck on my email account, posts and my favorite soccer team articles on their website. I had no life outside online life. It was insanity.

Today, I don’t have internet in my room. If I want to check my website, I pay in an internet Café which allows me to keep my internet time in check. I often put a timer next to my computer in the internet Café, not to spend more time than necessary. It prevents me from getting lost in the various websites and do my work as a priority on my website.

Furthermore, I have a strict rule that I will only use my android on line to check my work email account twice a day. I would only surf the net with my android when I am sitting idle in the train for the 10 minutes of my trip. No more. By enforcing this “online discipline” I keep my “fantasy” online life to a minimum while attending my various duties on line. It works for me. Sometimes I slip and find myself surfing the net mindlessly but I self-correct in no time. Back to real life. It is more important.

What Is Real?

I hear stories these days that are really crazy but true. For example, somebody has a blog about photography but he is not a real photographer. He just put together an e-book for photography. Now he sells this e-book and makes money out of it. To add insult to injury, he pays some smarter, more qualified worker in India dirt-low wages to update and manage the blog for him. Sometimes he pays a third party to put the e-book together in the first place. In other words, the real owner of the site did nothing and is an expert on nothing. Now all he –or his Indian employee- has to do is bring traffic to his website to sell “his” book on photography and boost his online profile as photography expert. However, it doesn’t end there. Once the blog is successful, he sells it to another guy who doesn’t have the faintest idea of photography. Internet marketing at work.

Where does that leave the consumer, the end user of the e-book?

What’s The Future For This Online Thing?

We are part of it whether we like it or not. Some people tell me, either you adapt or you die. Dinosaur type-of-shit. Get the money and run. The “me” generation doesn’t have or care about “abstract” concepts like ethics, reality, truth, honesty, congruence, and so on. “Boring”, I hear them say. “What’s the fun in cold hard facts? Let’s spin them a little so it is more appealing”, then a little becomes a lot. Until all you have is spinning and no truth behind it. “People are suckers” seems to be their motto.

Like any trend, this “fake online persona” will run its course. I trust the human race. We have been through everything and we will get through this one too. I remember the times where “routine” game was king. Nobody dared to challenge it because it was effective in getting reactions. Some of us changed and stuck to natural game in the face of challenging pick up theories. We stuck with it even though we were rubbing against the grain. Today we don’t have to “sell” natural game. No only that, most of my clients come to me and say, “I don’t want to use fake Pick up lines. I want to be able to do it for myself”. That is a ray of hope for the “me” generation. The chosen few.


38 Comments | 8,519 Views
DAMMIT so busy, can somebody give me a day off?! :)  Hmmm this isn't letting off any time soon.

Well FUCK IT because it's in your advantage.  Today's video is THE BOMB if you're able to understand it.  And in the meantime I have four Free Tour / Hot Seat / Bootcamp combo weekends on the West Coast of the United States.

Los Angeles:  May 26 - 28 (as in TOMMOROW 6PM! -- see you at Westin LAX!)
San Francisco:  June 9 - 11
Seattle:  June 23 - 25
Honolulu:  July 14 - 16

There's a page for each program if you're interested in attending:  www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com

And yes the rumors are true.  I've spent the past month recording brand new infield footage -- been in the lab cutting it apart 18 hours a day the past few days to prep for this weekend.

If you've attended a previous Hot Seat -- yes! -- it would be worth it to attend again, you'll learn a ton more.  And yeah my game has improved to a stunning degree from going out non stop the past 2 years, so what you'll be seeing will be on a "next level" to say the least.  These are my final four Hot Seat events as my second son is being born and I have to help around the house -- so if you want to take this mind-melting event with me personally now is the time.



So let's get into it.  First up I want to introduce this new video I shot.

It's funny because my goal in every city is to get at least one Free Tour video and one video blog.  If I get more than that it's cool but I always want to nail at least two those videos.

In DC I was sooooooo trashed.  Like 10 days of garbage sleep from all the work and adventures in New York the week before.  Next week's DC Free Tour vid will make that obvious, I'm half out of it.  But it's still a pretty sweet clip. :)

The video blog I did:  I actually thought I was too jumbled to use it, but I was able to edit together a decent cut and preserve the fact I'm in Washington (I'm not getting back there for another year so had to get it).  Then I got back to Hollywood and added some substance onto the backend.

My instructor assistant Julien was filming me and I forced him into the video against his will as well.  :)

Then I thought his part was too weak because he's not used to speaking into the camera (as you'll see) but then I remembered we actually had the infield footage that TELLS the story I shared from the video blog.  I couldn't resist adding his section onto it anyway because the infield clips at the end makes him look cooooool. ;)

The result of all the editing is like you're taking a FULL VIDEO ADVENTURE from Washington D.C. to the the elite clubs of Hollywood, from embarassing destruction to ultimate victory X 2.  You'll learn secrets that have been helping us massively lately to get some pretty wild results.


btw if you've never heard of Julien, he's been my instructor assistant on bootcamps for the past year and a half or so.  He does it as a hobby as he's very passionate about the game -- like I said he's shy on the camera but his game is ridiculously good to the point that students sometimes ditch me to watch him on programs.

Dood has been saying for a long time that he wants to create a blog as an extension of his hobby assisting me on programs, and he's just recently put it up.  If you want to be first to the party you can find it at (click over now)...:


Funny enough I mainly forced him onto the video blog to get him off his ass to do up the new blog.  Now that he looks like a full tool in the video the only place he has to go is UP! :)


Anyway I thought I'd share a few insights I've had from recording infield footage the past month or so...

First up it's a total head trip recording this shit.  It really fucks up your game -- makes you feel like a FULL CREEPER with an agenda when you're talking to girls.

It's almost like....................how a chode feels!!  Blech!! :)

What I love about the game is the exercise of "intent" PLUS the "freedom from outcome".  The game is when I usually feel the most free, the most awesome, the most like myself.

With a camera on me I just feel like a lamo pickup newbie who WANTS something from the girl.  I WANT her to like me, I WANT her to make me look good on film so I can get the fuck out of there with the camera.  BLAAAAAAAH.

To counter this I've just been recording constantly so that I can slowly forget about the fact I'm being recorded.  Of course this is difficult when you're being thrown out of venues every so often, but it is what it is. :)

Here are the main lessons I've learned from it regardless, I think they're pretty cool....


Compared to the footage I recorded 2 years ago, the level I'm at now is like watching two different guys.  I feel like I've only captured so-so footage relative to where I'm at (again the camera weirds me out), but even the so-so pickups are like night and day compared to where I was at 2 years back.

If you want to become awesome with women, KEEP GOING OUT and REGULARLY TALK TO GIRLS!!

Yeah I realize a few guys who have mental health issues will follow this advice and get super bitter about it when they don't get results -- suffer all the rejections from girls and whatnot.  I've seen this over the years and it's a bummer.

But if you're in the "majority" of people who maybe have challenges but are decently mentally stable -- and you love women and you love sex and you love building up social skills and confidence -- going out and meeting women constantly will do incredible things for your life.

The fact I'm where I'm at comes from one simple reason:  I've been going out constantly for 10 years, improving for 10 years, stayed passionate for 10 years.

My love for the game has gotten to the point where it's the main thing I like to do, and I have few other hobbies.  I'm like the bomb dismantler from "The Hurt Locker" -- you start out young with lots of hobbies, then you have only a few, then maybe it's just one.  For me it's basically picking up girls and all the cool teaching stuff that surrounds it.

(What can I say?  I'm a weird dood.  I'm WEIRDLY into this shit because it's weirdly fucken fun.)


I really believe that most guys can't understand the advice "be yourself..." for two reasons.

The first is that if the guy is a freak / loser (like how I came into the game) then the advice isn't necessarily helpful.  If you think about killing yourself a lot and how the world is a dark cruel place, then sharing that negativity isn't likely to help.

(Then again I've seen guys use their darkness in their game to great effect, so it depends...)

And the second which is more common, is that guys SEEK APPROVAL for "being themselves".  They go out and "be themselves" and they're like "Here I am!!  Do you LIKE ME??  This is the REAL ME!!  What do you think of THAT?!"

Then they go post on RSD Nation "I TRIED being myself and it DIDN"T WORK!!" -- not realizing that wanting acceptance for being who you are isn't really the same thing.

The reason that "being yourself" is cool is because it's paradoxically the easiest thing in the world.....and the hardest!

I've been lucky to hang out with a few known comedians here in Los Angeles and also New York, and one of the most common bits of wisdom they've offered me is that the best comedians bring the "most of themselves" into their sets.  They say it takes years to make themselves that vulnerable -- and I think this same advice applies to the way you relate to women.


It's crazy because watching my infield footage, the times when I do best you'll even see interactions where the girls are total bitches to me, and I just keep being who I am without being slightly fazed by it.

After a few seconds or minutes of this they just look stupid and realize they're being brats.  The result?  Attraction.  You see girls bitching at me suddenly wanting to be my girlfriend.

The key is that I'm self amused / self contained / just doing my thing without worrying about it.

OTOH when I'm the most weak is when I make the girl the star of the movie.  You can see that I need her to interact with me for me to be having fun.  It's like I came to the club to meet girls, and meeting girls is what I want to do dammit!

That's why the game is a zen paradox.  You go out for the love of meeting women, but that doesn't work.  Instead you go out to be present, to be self amused, to express joy THROUGH YOURSELF and in the direction of women.

The ideal is like those scenes you see in the show "Entourage" where the guys are sitting around on the couch having a blast and you can see that women are just ALONG FOR THE RIDE.  They'd be having the same fun whether the girls were there or not, but on the other hand they obviously love talking to girls.

When you go out just to be all "direct game beast mode" it works best when you include this self contained element to it.  If you make the girls the stars of the night you look like Julien in that set where he tries to stop the girl and you can just sense that he'd be SO MUCH HAPPIER if she just stopped and talked to him dammit.

It's gotta be like she's lucky you stopped to talk to her, like you're being generous to let her in on your vibe.  Not the other way around.


A big difference I see in my footage from 2 years ago versus my footage from the past month is that I have no limiting beliefs about what's possible.

The girl is across the street with her boyfriend??  IRRELEVANT.  Scream her over, she'll ditch him and come to you.

The girl refuses to make out within 2 seconds?  IRRELEVANT.  Grab her friend, take her outside and makeout behind the car, bring her back in and makeout with the first girl now that she's jealous.

The girl is with a guy and there's no way to get at her without pissing him off?  IRRELEVANT.  Reach your hand in and grab her out, make out with her instantly and vapourize all the friends.

The girl says she can't go home with you because her friends will think she's a slut??  IRRELEVANT.  Call her a and tell her to tell her friends she's a slut, then take her home.

The friend is getting jealous that you're giving the girl all the attention?  IRRELEVANT.  Make out with both of them at the same time so she's happy, then bring her home (hmmmm well that one was Julien...).

Catch my drift here??

This is the type of stuff I see myself doing in the footage -- yet because I've been slowly building up to this point over the past two years I take it for granted.  Ultimately it's about being SOLUTIONS oriented, not EXCUSES oriented -- winners find a way.

Seeing the comparison between two years ago and now I realize that these developments came from constantly pushing the envelope, pushing the limiting beliefs, realizing that THERE ARE no limits in this game.

(And yeah, if you're coming to Hot Seat in Los Angeles this Saturday I'll be showing this footage and explaining in detail every aspect of how you can replicate these types of results in your own life -- it's really not hard once you realize it can be done.)


Yeah so being back at recording full time has been fun, although a bit stressful as I've mentioned.  It's worth it though as there's really no better teaching tool for a mass audience.

(Bootcamp is best for a small one.)

I decided to get this done now because I have such a love for "cold approach" and in the future I may not have the same level of anonymity.  I think people will look back at this shit someday and be like "DAMN that guy really was NUTS!!"

What are YOUR goals in the game??  Do you see major improvements every few months??  Do you get caught in plateaus??

If you're not as excited as I am about this shit, get back to fundamentals.  85% of all this is in sticking to those fundamentals in the game -- it's when you get too much game theory in your head that it gets complicated.

Yes guys like Jeffy or Brad or myself talk about game all day, but we're also out doing this a good 20 or 30 hours a week so we're able to internalize it.  I always say it takes a good 3 hours in the field to internalize what you learn in 1 hour of theory, so if this is an hour of theory assume it will take a few nights of going out to internalize what you learned here today.

(Frankly with a topic like becoming more "who you are" in your interactions, it's really a life long journey.)


Lastly I wanted to add that when you make "exposing your real personality and making it vulnerable" a focus in your interactions with women and people in general, this makes you more congruent and powerful as a person.  The effects compound greatly over the course of your life.

I recently asked Brad how his "game has improved" over the past year, and he said that it's not that it's improved but rather "become more dense, like petrified wood..."

What he means by this is that he's not doing anything new necessarily, but rather that he's more CERTAIN that his genuine personality is the shit, and so he doesn't seek validation for it, doesn't waver in the way that he is.

Of course he's done work on his personality in order to get to that point, right?  So it's a balance between self acceptance and self improvement.  But once you're at a point where you're pretty happy with where you're at, you can do them both simultaneously.

The reason guys like Brad often get the 5 minute lays (as in they have sex with a girl within minutes of meeting her -- which is pretty crazy when you think about it) is NOT because he's "good looking" as many people will try to write it off. 

Rather it's because the guy is so obviously congruent in his personality that it's like a "yatch" that's going where it's going, whether she likes it or not.  This makes her feel a TRUST in him -- not necessarily a trust that he's not a player or doesn't sleep with a lot of girls (it's obvious that he does) but rather a trust that HE IS WHO HE IS.

KEY TO THE GAME:  Make your personality vulnerable without pinging off the girl for approval.  She freaks out and realizes "He's fully this way without the slightest need for approval, he must be the shit!"

This is a very subtle point but please read it and re-read it, because it's one of the most powerful peices of wisdom I've ever stumbled onto...:

Women wait to have sex with you mostly for one reason, and it's to see if you're really the same guy who initially attracted them in the first few minutes.  That being the case, the more vulnerable your personality is, the more congruent it is, the more aligned it is, the faster she's able to tell you're really that guy.  And so the sooner she wants to have sex.

Keep making strides towards being more who you are, more anticipating a positive response for your real personality expressing itself.  Every year you're moving in a direction -- so make it less about gimmicks and game and more about just putting it out there, and letting the chips fall where they may.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed this and let me know what you think!!

I've actually got my editor up on me right now to quit typing and get back to editing to have this ready for Saturday (and new some clips I want to show at Free Tour as well) so I've gotta bounce -- I'll see you soon!


PS here's those dates again, if you're near these cities absolutely get onto this...:

Los Angeles: May 26 - 28 (as in TOMMOROW 6PM! -- see you at Westin LAX!)
San Francisco: June 9 - 11
Seattle: June 23 - 25
Honolulu: July 14 - 16

www.rsdfreetour.com / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com
50 Comments | 19,800 Views
I'll be in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, and Honolulu for the Free Tour / Hot Seat / Bootcamp combo over the coming few weeks.  These are my final Hot Seat events as I no longer have the time available to run them -- if you want to attend this amazing event with me personally, this is the time.

The weekends are...:
Los Angeles:  May 26
San Francisco:  June 9
Seattle:  June 23
Honolulu:  July 14

Click over to
www.rsdfreetour / www.rsdhotseat.com / www.rsdbootcamp.com if you want to do this now.


Happy Monday, I’m back in Los Angeles after a big East Coast trip to Chicago, NY, DC, and back to Chicago again. Just spent the day on the beach in Malibu with my sons and GF, and I’m typing this up Sunday night at home to go post it at the internet café when I wake up.

The New York Free Tour video I was telling you about last week is now up. I’m very happy with it, and it’s my favorite Free Tour clip so far. Then again I think every Free Tour clip I do is better than the last.

I do each of these events with “no parachute” meaning that I go in with very little prepared and hit it up off the cuff. I try to do new concepts, jokes, stories, and communication styles at every event in order to challenge myself to expand on my repertoire. Whatever has been on my mind at the time is what I talk about.

This is tricky because I walk a fine line between giving a great experience for guys who have been following RSD for a long time and making it relatable to newbies who aren’t in the loop.

The challenge is to create a seminar that “laces in” the basics of pickup while going into more advanced topics. I create it in my head as I’m speaking in real time and then hope to tie together something coherent as I’m doing it. Every talk is “experimental” and I try to do something totally new.

At the New York Free Tour I went into the most “advanced” ideas I’ve ever shared on pickup, but I’ve cut them out in this clip because I want to further refine them. Yes I realize you’re probably thinking “I want it NOW…” but this material was very hardcore and needs to be better explained and backed up with concrete examples to do it justice.

(You can't just run around saying the crazy shit I say at that event without properly explaining it -- you’ll see it within the next year or so. I’ve also thought to make a documentary film on the topic as one of my current instructor assistants is a professional film maker—he’s also helping me to record infield footage which is pretty sick.)

Regardless the NY event was SO AWESOME in my humble opinion. :)  I’ve put together a half hour clip of solid content here which I know you’ll love. It’s based on fundamentals about the game that I offered to help out the newbies in attendance.

This includes the attitudes, mindsets, and views that I have towards picking up girls and sex which allow me to be successful. This one is highly entertaining so CLICK IT NOW TO CHECK IT OUT.

LOL, amusing shit no??  Hopefully you enjoyed watching it as much as I did being up there as the speaker.

As a side note I wish MORE girls would come out to Free Tour. There’s usually one or two but I love talking to women. If you have any female friends that want to come out definitely bring them.

This is one of the big incentives for creating the self development company in the future. I can’t even imagine how awesome life will be when I’ve got a mixed room of both guys and girls.


Anyway it's kind of late as I'm typing this, but I thought I'd spend a few minutes ripping off a quick article off the top of my head (please don't mind if it's rough around the edges or a bit unprecise).  Usually I like to talk about what's been on my mind lately, so I thought I'd talk about my love for the game, teaching pickup, and why I do what I do.

There’s a really cool book written by Russell Simmons called “Do You!” (he has another good one called “Super Rich” as well) where he made some great points about what’s meaningful in life, and what’s ultimately fleeting bullshit.

He tells a story in the book about a rapper who I presume is Ja Rule after having his career destroyed by 50 Cent, and how at first he made a lot of money, but later realized that what he really loved was creating music.

Russell has been around the block a few times, so I take his opinion at face value. He talks about how a new rapper will usually follow a pattern where he'll get an album out and buy some jewelry and a new car. Then he drives it around the block a few times, the novelty wears off and he realizes that it’s just transportation.  The jewelry is also cool at first but then they realize it’s just decorative shiny metal.

In the example of Ja Rule he talks about how he realized that what he really loved to do was rap. The bullshit surrounding it was more for ego purposes, but that wasn’t what he originally got into it for. Then by the time he realized that what he really loved was music, he didn’t really have an audience for his material anymore.

I’ve personally had some experience with this, where the first few years after the book “The Game” came out I was being stopped on the street around ten or twenty times, or in some cases even a few hundred times in a day.

This was probably also because I had the long blonde hair at the time so I was more recognizable. The times when it happened a lot was usually in cities like NY or LA or London where there were big pickup groups roaming around and they knew I was in town.

These days I’m only approached a few times a week, despite that RSD is now more successful as a business than we were after the book came out. But yeah it took me a while to wrap my head around it.  It’s funny because at this point I'm cool with it. I like it because I view it like I have friends all over the world, and also because people often sign up for a bootcamp after meeting me.

At the time though it used to fuck up my brain because I’d have experiences where I’d meet somebody and then later read online “Yeah I met that Tyler guy, he’s an ASSHOLE!” Or even “I didn’t see him pick up any GIRLS!!”  It fucked me up because I’d felt like I’d made a personal connection with the person, just there having a conversation, and then to find out there were these gears running in their heads the entire time.

Other times I remember how I’d teach a guy and we’d become friends, and then later he’d take a program with another pickup teacher and then say that I was a piece of shit and taught him the wrong stuff.  That was crazy to me because it was like, “Well man I just taught you the best stuff I know. If you don’t like it anymore that’s cool but it doesn’t say anything about me as a person. Did we only stay friends after the program so you could get more pickup tips?”

I also remember how I’d think I was friends with various people in the pickup community, and later if they didn’t make the money they wanted with RSD (either with teaching or if I declined to offer to create articles for their blogs or do interviews) they’d get all bitter about it.

Some of these guys were good buddies in my mind, but I was too young to realize that business and friendship aren’t totally the same thing. If somebody isn’t making the money with you but they hung out with you, why not just use the past association to get attention to whatever new project, right? The crazier the shit they fabricate the more attention they get, and if you say anything about it they get more attention so it’s a win no matter what.

The irony was that at a young age one of the core drivers of being a pickup teacher was the "petty desire" to make people like me.  I wanted acceptance and to have more friends -- but the result was this weird provisional acceptance and not knowing who my friends were.

All that shit used to make me walk around paranoid, and instilled a mindset where I had to constantly be offering value to people and that I wasn’t worth being friends with if I wasn’t “doing something” for somebody.

Anyway it was in my mid twenties that I was fucked up over all that. I was really too young for it and didn’t have any mentors to explain what was going on. The book “The Game” really spun my head out for a few years as well, and it was just a lot more than I got into pickup for.


I think that if you lack the maturity and mentors, one of the hard parts of becoming a public figure and/or successful entrepreneur is the social isolation that comes from it.   It’s like the “breadth” of friends increases, but the “depth” goes to down significantly.  You’ve got all these people who seem cool with you, but it’s not based on anything. It’s basically surface level and based on value as opposed to real friendship.

But you know, what’s really the most fucked up part about it isn’t the petty issue of your social life. It’s seeing the fucked up parts of human nature, and how “good” people will rationalize using each other to try to get ahead.

You realize that if they’re doing this, you’re probably no better than them, and that YOU have the same inclinations as a part of your nature as well. You get exposed to the fucked up parts of human nature in ways that most people will never have to get rubbed in their faces, and it makes you feel like your own existence is pretty much pointless.

This is especially weird because you realize that you actually worked to expose yourself to this reality. You spent years of your life slaving to get ahead, only to live a life that’s isolated and weird.  If you love attention then it’s probably fine, but if you’re smart enough to realize that the attention is doesn’t have a lot of significance then it just feels like a waste of time.


To be honest I think this is why a lot of successful business people just give up on humanity and figure they’ll focus on making money.  They realize that we’re ALL pieces of shit, most of humanity is fucked up (themselves included), and there’s no point in trying to fix it. One man can only do so much. The flaws of human nature run too deep so it’s best just to accept it.

My approach has been different, in that it’s my belief you have to make a “leap of consciousness” to deal with this sort of thing.

The big thing for me has been going back to what I love and focusing on it. I got into teaching pickup because I loved going out and I loved teaching. So I do this pretty much constantly.

This sounds weird to other teachers I meet, that I go out so much, that I teach nearly every weekend. I do this because it’s an activity that gets me into the moment, gets me present to what's in front of my face.

To deal with the nonsense you basically reach a point where all you can do it become present to it, accept it, understand why people they way they are, yourself included. You have to forgive other people for how fucked up they are before you can forgive yourself.

It sounds weird to say “forgive people” for fucked up behavior, but how can you let go of your own bullshit if you can’t get past the bullshit of others? You can’t.

All you can do is become present to it. So when I meet people on the street, I stay centered in my own energy, grounded in my own movie of life. Yeah they’re talking and who knows what the fuck is going on in their heads, who cares?   My nature is no different than theirs, so why think about it?

People just do the best that they can. They have good intentions, they don’t understand themselves. Even if they do it’s hard to have the willpower to make the right decisions all the time. That’s just the way that it is.


The crazy thing about my life is that I work to build RSD, and yet the happiness I’ll gain has little to do with the actual growth of the business. The main thing I like about it is helping the people who are around me, but I don’t personally need to grow it to have whatever I need.

I don’t need to do self help in the future, I don’t need to work more than a few days a month. I think most guys in my position don’t have this realization until it’s too late, and then they get depressed about it. I’ve had enough forethought to understand it going in, so I know what I’m in for.

The reason I do what I do is because I think it’s awesome. :)  Seriously if you aren't producing work you think is awesome, then why do it?

I’ve realized that all I really like to do is teach programs, record new videos, write new shit, conceptualize new ideas, and generally CREATE.  I’m like that dude in the movie “The Hurt Locker” where at the end of the movie he tells his kid that when you’re young you have all these things you like to do, then as you get older there’s only a few, and after a while there’s maybe one or two, and then just one.

Then he goes back to the war to diffuse bombs because that’s what he loves to do. He’s realized it and accepted it.  I like other things than teaching obviously, like sex or eating good food or hanging out with buddies. I like travel and exercise going to Laker games, but as far as life goes there really isn’t much to it.

This stuff is more to relax me to get me in a better headspace to create better material. Even the reading and meditation is really just in the service of creating better material. Hell even GETTING LAID is to relax me and give me the juice to go out and create more awesome shit.

Actually sex is probably the one pure activity other than doing shit for RSD that I really enjoy. I’m lucky to have a girlfriend who has as strong a sex drive as I do and also has the confidence not to be jealous and let me be who I am.


So yeah I’ve realized that what I like to do is be out travelling to new cities, running new programs, creating new shit. I love pushing the envelope and seeing what’s possible. I feel like my peak is still many decades away.

I look at Kobe Bryant and feel grateful that I don’t have to peak in a few years like he does. I can’t imagine the pain he’s going to deal with not being able to play at a competitive level anymore. The money he has is irrelevant garbage being some washed up basketball player, even though most people are in a paradigm where they think it would be awesome because they don’t understand it. I really don’t know what the guy is going to go through after all this is done.

I have a creative outlet where I’m still so far off my peak potential, I can double in creative output on a yearly basis and it only gets more awesome for year after year. At the same time I treat it like I’m Kobe where I could be dead in a few years and not leave behind the legacy I want to leave. I went through that car accident a few years ago and that changed me where I no longer take time for granted. I know I’m only going to have so much.

When my son was born I was tempted to put my aspirations onto him for a while. I felt like I had to live for him and that he had advantages that I would never have.  I thought raising kids and doing all this shit I have planned was just too much.  I felt like I got over the first hurdles and that he could carry the torch, take us over the next ones.  I see the potential in him to do amazing things, just seeing how he’s wired and the way his personality is already at a young age -- I see him emulating me constantly and know he could do it.

But I realized that there’s nobody who has the advantages that I do. Nobody who can do what I can do, because they haven’t had to push through the disadvantages. I’m the most advantaged person that exists to do what I’m here to do, so if I can’t do it then it’s me who failed and no one else.  There's nobody else who can offer your gifts for you.  What he's here to do is what he's here to do, I'm here to do what I'm here to do, that's all there is to it.

I know what’s possible, I know what my output could look like if I stay focused on it, so that’s my goal, my focus in life. I’m a blessed motherfucker to have an audience who loves what I do, who wants me to put things out, who want to learn from it.

So many creative people don’t have this, like I see a guy playing a harp at the farmer’s market today and I think about how he probably loves what he does but yet can’t get paid ten bucks to play there for four hours.  I think sometimes other guys in similar positions to me forget how blessed we are for this shit. Like putting out new ideas and material that people appreciate is a privilege and a blessing, not a job.


I guess I just got sick of being a human after a while, sick of our petty natures and small minded desires. I’m as bad as anyone and I just got bored of it, uninterested.

My goal for myself is basically to become less dense, less personalized. I love the feeling of being nobody and that feeling of “offering value” flowing outwardly. Other than that I like the odd diversion but if I go too long without it I just feel bored and angsty.

I want to go deeper, to become more present to the moment, less dense than I am, more expansive and translucent (yeah that sounds weird I know). The thoughts that go through my head bore the shit out of me, they’re basically just repetitive and petty. That’s when I’m dense and contracted, not expansive and less.

This sounds strange but I feel like I’m at a point where the main progress I think about on a day to day basis is how still I become in meditation, and how present I become while teaching and running programs. I believe that life is a combination of “clarity of intent” and “freedom from outcome”. I feel like the quality of the output is directly correlated to the clarity in the intention of it, and whether or not it comes from a place of having no outcome.

It’s like the art of this is to become still and get in touch with the real intent, then allow it to flow outward without the pollution of needing the result. The “effort” you put in is like directing the energy outwardly, that’s the creative aspect.

This is the old philosophy that’s talked about in the old Bhagavad Ghita text and there’s obviously a reason why it’s had such longevity and impact on many creative individuals. That feeling of being in the zone creatively is what people live for. It’s a juice that’s more addictive than any drug. When you lose it you feel like you’re dying, feel like there’s no reason to live.

Most people can’t relate to this because they’re dead to life and have never experienced passion for something before, so they have no basis for comparison. Go read some tabloids or read some gossip or some shit, get a dirty “alert feeling” that’s comparable for a few minutes and then it’s gone. They never get to feel the clean extended version that comes from doing what you’re meant to do.


Going through the odd dull days gets me thinking about structuring my life so that I can more often be doing what I love.

I’m hitting a point where any dull day is just killing me. I feel the potential wasted, I really can't deal with that anymore.   A day of rest is different from that.  But those grey-zone pointless days I can't stand.

I know that if I load up on clean food and green vegetables, I will have an awesome day. If I sleep deeply in a room that’s ideal for it, I will have an awesome day. If I read amazing shit in my spare time, I’ll have an awesome day. If I’m around top notch people who are hitting up life on the same level as I am, I’ll have an awesome day. If I’m exposing myself to awesome influences over the internet if I’m going to log onto it, I’m going to have a damned awesome day.

If I allow myself to eat bullshit, or absorb bullshit, or act in a way that’s bullshit, my life is going to suck. If I fail to take care of myself, to take time off from time to time, I become petty and self centered which makes me unhappy. I know this, so it’s a matter of sticking to it.

Scheduling as much teaching time as possible is awesome for me. If I do this I know I’ll be happy, and it’s also good because I only have so much time left with the blessing of teaching pickup full time. I’m appreciating it on a deeper level than I ever have, just soaking up these fleeting experiences while I can.

Ultimately I have to go deeper. I have to let go of so much, realize that it’s all pointless, it’s not leading anywhere. I have to accept that I’m bullshit, that other people are bullshit, that we do the best that we can. Let go of attachments to the world looking the way that I wished it would look, dissolve into it and accept that it is what it is, go deeper into it, see where it leads.


For the past months I’ve been having these repetitive dreams where I see myself, and the total bullshit that is my life, in up close view like under a microscope.

I see myself going through life animating my personality for no reason at all. It’s leading nowhere, just this output of energy that’s accomplishing nothing other than expression of its own momentum.

That momentum is slowing in me. I don’t feel drawn towards it anymore. I don’t give a fuck about the same shit I used to give a fuck about, I don’t have the same desires that used to seem appealing to me.

In the dreams I see parts of my personality just peeling off like big chunks, being ripped away and I just sit there and there’s nothing. I see friends getting all wound up over petty shit and it’s ridiculous to me. Why, why why do they give a fuck?? Don’t they see what’s in front of them?

Yet paradoxically as the social isolation from other people’s surface level personalities becomes more entrenched, I feel closer to people than I did in the past. I feel as though I can see through them to the core and forgive them for everything they’re not able to be, as I’ve had to forgive myself in the same way.

My relationship to life has grown stronger, I don’t rely on others and external happiness for happiness, it REALLY IS all the same as long as I’m clear in my intention, or going deeper in letting go of the outcome of my life.


Our minds are full of such bullshit is saddens me to see our culture so entrenched in it. Yet there also presents an opportunity for change, however remote that possibility may be.

It’s cool to sit around imagining this but until you embody the change you wish to see in the world, your opinion doesn’t mean shit.

I’ve seen so much petty shit in my life, both in others and especially myself, I sometimes feel induced to vomit. The feeling of being so sickened with yourself that you’re nauseous is a curious one, and yet I can’t hesitate to recommend it whole heartedly because it promotes change. :)

The most beautiful moments I’ve seen in life are those when people have found ways to rise above it. I’ve been so entrenched in mental bullshit at times that I can’t find my way out of it back to presence, almost like wading through a fog. I spent the first two decades of my life like that, in a hell of my own mind, and I’ve returned there repeatedly in adulthood.

Sometimes I need help to find my way back. This is what I want to do with my life. I want to be “THERE” and I want to help others to get BACK to “there”. To do this I need to make myself strong, more abundant. To become more expansive, less dense, less personalized, clearer in my intent towards life. Disciplined, focused, take myself less seriously, truly enjoy life.

I’m not really sure what the point of it is, but I feel intuitively that there may be one. The insanity of contemplating it can be used as a tool to push you back to “there” so I use it as that. There’s an artform to this, and this is what I want my life to represent.

Anyway obviously this is all pretty weird shit, and some people will relate to it and some won’t. That’s all good but I thought it would be interesting to some people to share it. This is really what goes on beneath the surface of what you see in the videos, beneath the endless game and teaching and motivation to succeed.

The other main reason I wanted to post this was that I'm hoping you've noticed how the segments at the top where I talk about being all butt hurt by petty bullshit seems almost ridiculous when you contrast it with the broader ideas at the bottom of the page.  I'm hoping you noticed how you can ultimately outframe the petty bullshit in your life by evolving to the next paradigm -- like getting re-focused on why you're doing what you're doing, and putting your attention on doing what you love.  I'm hoping you'll relate this to your own life.

I’m off to bed now and psyched to wake up in the morning to post this. Hope you enjoyed the video as well, let me know your thoughts and have a great day!

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