THE FORUMS

 my best buddies from berlin are sleeping over at my palce and they are lying passed out next to me. good time to sneak in a quick report from last night:

Wednesday/10.12.09
so my friends arrived and fuck but there was no way we couldn't hit the road and get wasted along the way. i love my no alcohol challenge and i want to get back to it ASAP - my sixpack demands it - but right now its time to hit it up with my friends, no compromises. i am so happy they are here exiting days lie ahead!

so last night we killed it. buddy was totally wasted but managed TWO bathroom pulls. he even went for the ass... he didn't even get it up though (whiskey dick) plus the girls where... well... lets just say he was wasted... beer goggles!! :P

my other buddy had a great time as well and its fucking awesome having my best friends here and kicking it.

i was on fire last night too. great interactions, scored many 'points'.
last night i concentrated on one girl though.... if i'd dropped her i could have tried more others and probably would have gotten laid but its all social circle parties i will see them all again. my girl, we talked at the bar, gay fluffy talk like always, but then i thought fuck this shit. went for makeout, denied, just kept smiling and pulling her in. makeout yeah. dancing makeout etc. i didn't really play it solid as i enjoyed making out too much. i checked logistics and they were fucked. i tried to pull anyway. outside i fingered her through her pants.... when i was like 'lets go' she responded with she was on her period. she is a super cute girl and i knew it wouldn't go down then. plus she lives with her father and i had 2 super drunk buddies crashing at my place soon. 

some more makeout shit, dancing, dry fucking... then she took a cab home.
she will be fucked.

i went back but the bar was close to empty by then... great night though.

@russianguy - no this girl is gone :(
its not over though, one day i will bang her and then i will put the link to the entry right here :)

Thursday - Monday
No big story here. My buddies have girlfriends so we didn't go full party mode after that wednesday. But it was absolutely awesome to have 2 of my best and oldest friends here, to connect, chill, party, relax... it really meant a lot to me.

Yeah, i noticed how i missed this here in greece, because even though i have some great people here, i cannot say our friendships are deep like we would hang out and talk about life or something. we party and some of them i really like a lot but... dunno, maybe its the language barriers (none is a native english speaker) or the fact that we all leave soon again that prevents deeper connections.

Other than that i had some time to think about myself and my development... again, i really think i got so much of this down... i feel sexworthy, healthy, confident, social, positive, leading, assertive... not all the time but a lot. more than ever before. i work on my goals and my future, i stopped drinking, take good care of my health and fitness and try every day to live life.

when it comes to women i think i am so close to reap some huge rewards. i take opportunities when they are very clear (or im drunk), but i don't create them enough, don't risk enough and don't lead enough. the problem i believe is that most of the time i am missing the closer mindset.

its funny cause with all these girls here, when i think about it logically, i know they are attracted to me... like the girl i made out with last wednesday. before this night i doubted if she is into me, now i think: fuck of course she was! and all these other girls that come up and hug me, flirt with me or do similar stuff like that to me. like for example friday night suddenly that other 9 (smoking hot, has a boyfriend, did never pursuit her) came up to me and out of the blue she pushed me a kiss up my mouth - it was to quick, to sudden, to short. she left immediately after and i was just baffled... and i STILL on some level doubt it if she wants me. logically i know its retarded superficially i do have full belief that i am the coolest motherfucker. needs to sink in more though.

it all really comes down to having the balls to push it to the max, to let go of any outcomes, to fuck the consequences and go for it... thats the big thing that is holding me back.

anyway, tonight is my last night of partying before xmas. my cherish is coming to me... another big trouble... falling in love with your ex-girlfriend of 5+ years is a really confusing thing...

life is good though, i am alive and i am happy :)

yo brad! the rewards i am looking for in the nearer future are simple: for now i just wanna bang hotties. bang them every week... bang, bang, bang until i am tired of it. abundance... live a player lifestyle. i had some good glimpse on it in berlin and while its true that it is not what makes you happy, it sure damn helps, it rocks to fuck hotties every week.

i want to have my dating life handled 100%.

i am happy about  my progress in 2009. i fucked a good bunch of stunning girls and loved every minute of it. i had some amazing nights in the club and i want more of that too. best of all, i changed.

i'd be embarrassed if any of my friends would read about the stuff i write here cause its so personal and a lot of time i feel like bragging. but truth is, stuff i used to be nervous about i now laugh about. it amazes me. beginning of 2009  i used to get massive heart beating when calling a girl. gone. or for example i was amazed this year when i talked to a true hottie 9 without the slightest hint of nervousness.

still i know i have a long way to go to get to where i wanna be. i have plans for 2010.


* long term: i want to grow and become the best i can be, live life, become centered, core confidence, tight game, you know, all that stuff ;)
--> so whenever the day comes where i might meet the woman of my dreams i want to start a family with... i am ready.. like being worthy on one hand and being ready to settle down on the other hand, not feeling like having missed out on something, ready for kids and family. 

i don't want to be one of these guys that settle for less cause thats all they can get and neither i want to be one of these guys that suddenly realize in their 40s that they missed out on fucking hot bitches in their youth so they leave their wife and kids just to hump some 18 year old chick.

FUCK YEAH!!! 2009 IS OVER!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 
amazing that one year has passed.... i estimate i fucked about 20 girls... maybe less. but hell yeah, it was a hell of a ride. compared to what i am used to anyway. the girls have been the hottest girls i've ever fucked, i have been more dominant as ever before (which is great as i used to be a spineless pussy), fucked up the ass n shit, deepthroated and made a lot of "glazed donuts". fuck yeah, 2009 was a good year. i had many 'moments' where i was amazed at my own change. when i wasn't nervous talking with a hottie, when i wasn't nervous where i used to be. or when i just grabbed the girls hand in the club and said 'SKO' and she went home with me... and the next and the next. and about every time i fucked another girl.

at the same time i know i am not where i wanna be yet. just tonight i failed to take that girl home and fuck her... so lets take a review, lets see where i have to make changes, lets take commitments for the new year.

my commitments from my very first post, beginning of 2009:

- go out 3 nights a week... overall i think i went out more than 3 nights a week. goal was to improve and i did. i really can say i changed. bootcamp, a lot of lays, tons of makeouts, lots of experiences. fuck yeah, it was a good year. not good enough but good enough for 2009... and oh yeah, last 3 months athens fucked with me, but i will fuck back ;)

- get in the best physical shape ever... ok, i am in my best physical shape ever! but i am only getting started. it took me 10 month to really quit alcohol. the physical and mental changes are undeniable. although it's still haunting me. but i am committed and more trusting than ever before that this change is possible and for good. no drinking, no smoking, work out and eat healthy. fuck yeah

- work on my dream, travel the world in 2012... ok, original plan was to learn bartender/waiter skills to be able to earn my food while travelling. online marketing came up and turned out to be a much more promising task. i am shit at it but i started working on it anyway. i got a lot done and although for me its all babysteps i feel like i am getting somewhere. got 2 years to get it down, come on!!!

- get study habits under control... in a way, yes. i really don't give a shit anymore, it's meaningless except for the result, getting the degree that is. and i am good at studying that shit last minute, still getting a decent grade. if not, it's fine with me either. no worries with this one anymore.

- get all my other shit handled... you never get all your shit handled. there will always be something. thats fine. i feel more in control of my shit then ever before. i learned a lot this year and i am confident to handle my shit in 2010.

*bonus goal, take a bootcamp... fuck yeah, i did. it was awesome and i have to make sure to keep applying what i've learned. i know now that i got all the shit inside me that i need.

so yes, i am happy about my progress. i didn't do perfect by any means, but i did work on every single goal and i made good changes in the right direction.



end of the year i was trapped in a cherish trap... but now i finally sorted everything out with my cherish. had an awesome time but i broke up that thing we had. i am sad about it but it had to be. she wants family and real commitment. i want change, progress, adventure and simply fuck more than just one girl. although i really care for her and damn i will miss her and be jealous... in many ways it is love to me. but i am simply not ready to commit for good at this phase of my life and she deserves better. so i know i did the right thing.

so i got my shit sorted and i am back in athens.

Thursday/31.12.2009 - happy new year
tonight i had a good night but i didn't pull. a bit frustrated about it. first girl was awesome, good 'interaction', my spidey senses told me its on. lost her in the 'happy new year' phase and found her later with a dude i really like. felt bad about fucking it up for him so i left them in their bubble... made out with another chick but didn't like her makeout style so i dropped her.

next girl was hot too and i made out with her already at some other party... she was hesitant this time, dunno... i was not in state at all but i just kept running the train. she kept playing with me, had 2 buddies at her supply chain. it was obvious she was into me, she made out with me again and shit. but same time she kept flirting with them. i was reactive which sux. they where horny and didn't help but tried to get it on too...  cockblox deluxe, thx mates!

at one point i told my buddy explicit.y: "it's on. i can fuck her, i only have to have some face time alone... you take buddy xy for a piss and then you leave the fuck somewhere else and leave me with her.... thx mate, talk to you tomorrow ;)"

he got the message and party was over anyway. but as much as i love my new buddies in greece, they are horny selfish motherfuckers sometimes :(
i was with her, vibe was good... he came back to tell us that 'they are taking a cab now, whether we want to join?". come on, wtf. i didn't had her ready yet... she wasn't dtf. we all went into the cab and i got out first. frustrated and disappointed i gotta say... but it is what it is: my game wasn't good enough. she wasn't into me enough earlier on it seems or otherwise she would have helped me out along the way. but also i didn't lead shit enough despite the obstacles...

fucki t, let's take this blueball frustration into something productive ;)

LET'S MAKE 2010 AN AMAZING YEAR; HERE ARE MY COMMITMENTS FOR 2010

- even more change this year. more progress. more adventures. more fun. more experiences.
i have to stop caring. i got everything i need. i feel like i could be so much better, i am MASSIVELY lacking the consistency. on really good nights, it's all there. pure sexworthyness. let's manifest this. more escalation, more running the train, less thinking about rep, AMP THIS SHIT UP. 

athens might not be as perfect for gaming as my beloved hometown berlin BUT one good thing there is. i am only here for a certain period of time. there are no excuses, i am free to do whatever the fuck i want, no repercussions. lets make use of this freedom!

- best physical shape ever. i am already now and i just got started. lets keep going that path. drinking only once a week, no smoking, eating healthy as fuck and working out.

- pilgrimage 2012. it is possible. i have 2 years to become successful with affiliate marketing.... it is so fucking scary.
goals for this year: get profitable until march/april. get 100€ a day until 2011!!! to me this is really ambitious and i can't see myself succeeding yet... not having earned even a single dime yet... it hasn't 'clicked' yet. except logically i know i should be able to. just like there was a time when i thought i wouldn't get this success with girls thing down. i used to be frustrated and hopeless. not anymore. i feel confident i will handle this part of my life. thats what i need to accomplish with affiliate marketing too.

i am shit at it but if i work hard i can do it! reward is travelling the fucking world, come on!!!!

- study... yes, this one is lame. not excited at all. just keep doing my exams, who cares. just finish that shit ;)

- get all my other shit handled. yes this one is important hehe. stuff like paying my bills, cleaning my flat and dealing with whatever comes up ;)
dealing with all that shit, so i can work on my goals. spend quality time with friends and family. keeping a balance.


lets take a deep breath. it's 2010 fuck yeah!!! let's do this!

happy new year everybody :)

 thanks a lot tony i wish you the same!! :)

so the last days and weeks have been weird. really weird. i felt a lot of anxiety. i successfully cut the urge to drink and at times i didn't even got excited at the thought of having a nice cold beer when i was out. on the other hand i often felt rather boring/chode. at times i was cool and fun but other times i couldn't help it and just spectatored around while friends where getting wasted and had fun. all this got me confused. i had this before, nagging questions in my head... where? at what stage am i? am i a fucking pimp or a fucking chode? why can't i be consistently one person, why do i have to fluctuate between the extremes? 

progress certainly ain't linear. i have been there before so it's cool. i guess it's part of the process, no?


i had some makeouts with chicks in berlin, though no lay. but i was only out 2 nights cause i was cherishing with my beloved ex (ouch!). one of the 2 nights i was pimpin and on fire it wasn't funny anymore, chicks digged me BIG TIME.  but had my cherish with me. had 3 seperate hotties eyefucknig me all night, flirted and eyefucked them back but stayed away from doing more... it showed me why i prefer to stay single: to improve, have fun and make it happen.
the other night i was out as a single and i made out with 3 chicks in a night, but i got drunk for the first time in a while and didn't pull any of them... same for new years eve. got drunk, made out, didn't pull. damn it, not used to being drunk anymore. 

so last week i had some chode nights out, but at least feel proud to resist the booze. was choding my body fucking rocks though, best shape i've ever been in ;)
(guess this is what happens when you keep eating healthy, working out but suddenly cut back the booze ~4 nights a week to 1 night max)

tonight i consciously decided to have some booze (exams coming up soon + celebrating with old friends) and what can i say, i loved it. as much disdain and respect i now have - on some level i still absolutely fuckn love it ;)

rocked it, made out with a chick, will see her again, solid. she is a hottie and can't wait to bang her (the chick i made out with on new years eve and before... lets call her the cute gangster - cause thats what i call her)
after she left with her friends i met another chick, made out with her, befriended her friend, got her number (on her initiative) and hopefully i'll make something of it next time - cause she was fuckn hot and i wanna bang her badly. logistics fucked it up the most, i pushed it far.

so... give me a drink and it's still all there (thank god!)  ...let me stay sober and i might end up chody mc chode (not always but more often so)


i know it's all good. even though all this and other stuff (lets just call it LIFE) gets me confused.