THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
Over one year in the game...Hitting the 'reset' button.
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VAB

VAB

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/29/2008 | Posts: 105

I was kind of chubby growing up...ok I was fat. I have a adolescent sob story that can rival any others.... confessing my love to 'crushes' and facing rejection, no prom date, constant bullying, etc... I had one (hideous) GF when I was 17 years old, and lost my virginity to her. I thought I was in love. She left me.

Throughout college I was aware of the community, although I never had the balls to try anything around my much more "alpha" friends. I managed my way into a pretty cool social circle and was surrounded by 'naturals' and the hot college girls that they seemed to cycle through every week. They kept me around because I can be pretty funny and have a good personality once I open up to people...also I liked to get drunk and make an ass of myself. They liked me because they could have long and deep discussions with me, but when girls were around I was pretty much dead weight. The glory was never for me, I felt such a glass wall between myself and my own 'friends' that I had no chance to expand myself socially for 4 years.

By the end of 2007 I was over a year out of college and living on my own. I no longer had cool friends to ask where the party was. I no longer even SAW girls, as there was noone to bring them into my surroundings. I was literally going to work and coming home in complete isolation. How would I ever meet anyone? I became more and more obsessed reading pickup material and fantasizing about how I'd get girls some day...until I ran across an old article from Tyler saying 'most people don't have what it takes to ever get good at this, most people don't take action.'

Fuck it, I had hit rock bottom socially so I had some leverage on myself. I bought the Foundations DVD set and watched all 8 hours in 2 days. I was still scared shitless to go out by myself to the bar and approach people but now I had just spent this money on these pickup dvds. Whatever, I needed to go out in order to get this so I forced myself to go out.... ABSOLUTE DREAD, BLACK HOLE OF ANXIETY AND FEAR for even the hours leading up to me leaving my house to go out. I would go in the club and just circle around for about 10-15 minutes before sneaking out and going back home. I was so paranoid about people seeing me by myself, about being a creep or a weirdo, let alone being able to approach ANYONE. I repeated this pattern for a few weeks until I decided I was hopeless.

RSD Bootcamps were booked solid on the East Coast for the first few months of 2008. But I needed help FAST. I needed someone to take me out and show me what to do. I needed someone to implicitly give me permission to talk to girls. And most of all, I needed someone to push me to approach until the point of indifference, so that I would be able to go out back home and get this handled. RSD was booked up so I went elsewhere...

I was really self-conscious and almost embarassed when I met the other guys and instructors at my bootcamp in New York City (January 2008). I felt like I shouldnt be talking about this stuff, let alone paying a large sum of money to get help. I got 1 insta-date during daygame, 0 makeouts, and a bunch of flakey numbers...but I talked to a lot of girls that weekend. I got a huge bootcamp high, but little else. What I got out of the weekend was "Girls like you, you need to escallate!", I had lost a lot of weight and I was in the best shape of my life but I still saw myself as an ugly duckling. "Your friend Kino is looking for you"....I remember the instructors feeding me the "code words" on the rooftop of the infamous Gansevoort hotel. "I know I should be escallating, but how do I do that exactly?? I know what to do, but I'm scared!"

Came back home with the post BC high, but without an instructor's foot in my ass I was once again unable to approach...I was still terrified of going out alone. Now extremely frustrated I turned to my last possible option, ye olde local 'laire'. I met some real HARD CASE dudes with real personality issues that they needed to handle before even considering learning 'game'. I met one guy who had other issues but who was at least willing to go out consistantly. We both left the board and started going out 4 nights a week. It was understood that Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday we were going out and approaching women.

We would get ANNIHILATED...I mean absolutely BRUTALIZED by girls as we were totally uncalibrated try-hards. But I was throwing enough shit around that some of it would stick...Out of my many blowouts and flakes, I would get a few day 2s which I could usually get back to my place and escallate into something sexual. By the standard of the previous 23 years of my life I was a player...but for the amount of time, energy, and frustration I was putting into this.

I went to see Jeffy in April, as his tour rolled by NYC. I randomly met up with some guys from the city during, and tagged along with them after the talk. I still SUCKED, but none of those guys had been going out as much as me. After a few short interactions one guy told me "you really look like you know what you're doing". "Do I?", I thought I was still pretty hopeless...but it occured to me that most guys who study this don't do anything.

I was allowed to tag along as a guest/Alumni with my former instructors early in the summer. I was Mr. Demo-man for students back on top of the Gansevoort, as I had the ability to *gasp* actually hook a set. I made out with a girl that night, but bitched out when it came time to pull. I got yelled at by my instructors once again.

In September I attended an Alumni reunion with that company, with all their instructors and the top guru himself. I got frustratingly accurate feedback...there was apparently nothing more they could teach me, as I had some elusive inner game issues that I had to fix first. One guy said to me "You still see yourself as that fat kid, and you subconsciously set yourself up for rejection or for someone to give you shit"....another guy said "You're a little bit too positive and therefore needy" (wtf?!)...the general consesus was that I was a few tweaks away from the flood gates opening on this thing...but the guru himself said, "I think you're off course...anyone can go in and spin a girl around and get her to giggle. That's not a solid interaction".

FUCK...I was more lost than when I started. I began to second guess myself and once again froze up constantly in the club and had the inability to go out solo. The 'successes' that I had earlier in the year had died down, and I felt like I was in regression as I all of my numbers started to flake again.

My wingman got into a relationship. I lost all faith in, and contact with my old pickup company. And for the first time in nearly a year, I was starting to lose hope. Is it really possible to get this handled? Maybe girls just don't want to be approached by random dudes at bars... My 4 nights a week dropped down to 1-2, and the best result I was getting was maybe a makeout every 2 weeks. As the new year began I returned to RSD, to where I had begun this journey (and lurked throughout the whole time)... as I still believe. There are guys on this board who are living that glory, I too will get there soon.

I recently dusted off my copy of Foundations... I'm still 'Chipping away' at this...slowly but surely chipping away.


Thanks for reading, FRs to hopefully follow.
__________________
(Formerly known as "YourMom")
I do what I do and you do what you can do about it. 

Jeffy, Teach me to get H.B.



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#1

Mo~

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/27/2008 | Posts: 306

Go for gold dude. You sound like a hero. Not trying to give you false hope but you sound like the many guys that ARE willing to get good at this. I hope you really do succeed man. Just as i wish for myself success i wish it for everyone that is out there trying.
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#2
VAB

VAB

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/29/2008 | Posts: 105

Choded Out

Last week I was on vacation in a ski cabin with a bunch of friends. There were two types of guys on that trip.

1. Guys who had girlfriends, and brought them along.
2. Guys who couldn't get a girlfriend, and had given up looking proactively at this point in their lives (mid 20s). 

Needless to say, I was the only one pushing us to leave the cabin and explore the few bars that dotted the landscape of the resort. I only got out once, already hammered drunk... and managed to pull a girl to the dancefloor but not much else.

My consistancy has been shit for the past 3 months, as I have become complacent with my current FB. Although I feel that I deserve a much more attractive girl right now, it is so easy and comfortable to spend my weekends with her where I know sex and validiation are a given.
 
I do not go out cold approaching 4 nights a week like I did this past summer. I lost faith in my main wing, I lost faith in my 'method', and I became frustrated as the percentage of girls I got into my bed was very small for the masses that I approached and talked to. 

So I've been 'going out' a couple nights a week, with friends, and mostly old school civilian style (1st priority getting drunk, 2nd priority possibly 'looking for talent'). Still, in my inebreation...there is some internalization from my past year's 'training'. I'll try and escallate physically, push for the make out, etc... But the amount of interactions I have overall is much lower, since I am not being as proactive about approaching.

So I finally decided enough is enough, I need to get back in the field HARD. 

I forced myself out SOLO on Tuesday night. (1/27) Here are my stats

**** 
Cover charge paid = $5
Amount of beers drank = 4 
Minutes in venue before running home = 30
Times that I opened my mouth and attempted to talk to someone = 0
****

Over one year in the game and I'm still locking up. I felt completely alienated from my environment, and like I wasn't entitled to talk to anybody.

If I had been with buddies, if I had gone out drunk, it might have been different.

I'm going to have to get over this HUGE sticking point of going out solo one way or another. I'll just force myself to keep going out, even if I chode out every single time. Eventually I will get so frustrated with it that I will start to talk to people. I cannot think of any other alternative at the moment.
__________________
(Formerly known as "YourMom")
I do what I do and you do what you can do about it. 

Jeffy, Teach me to get H.B.



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#3
VAB

VAB

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/29/2008 | Posts: 105

Thursday Night (1/29/2009)

I tell myself all day that I'm going to get out at night, even if by myself. Towards the end of my work day, I wuss out a little and shoot a mass text to a couple people, one guy 'bites' and agrees to go out. (Should have sacked up and gone solo)

Thursday nights are always relatively slow, but you can catch a couple of girls out. This particular friend likes to show up early and sit at the bar, drinking and bullshitting with the bartender. I decide that it's cool, I'll meet him out and sit around and be social until the place starts to fill up.

Big mistake, I have had several drinks by the time 10 o clock rolls around. Turnout is weak, but my friend has no motivation to move to another venue since we have already been drinking. I end up making the lazy decision and following suit.

Finally I decide to get up and take a walk from where we're sitting at the bar, to go to the men's bathroom. The bar we're at is really more of a restaurant than a club, but this time of year options are limited in my area. I pass by two girls sitting at the front bar as I walk towards the bathroom. As I'm finishing up and watching my hands I say to myself "ok, I'm at least going to open my mouth and say something as I pass by again."

I walk up to the two and start talking over my shoulder. "Hey, have you guys tried the popcorn here?".... they give me a blank stare "well, it's the best! they have this machine in the back and you can serve yourself, and you've gotta come back there and take it away from me cause ive filled up two baskets already, etc...." 

They are pretty much like "umm...ok, thanks". Now I know that my opener was whack, but I was just trying to open my mouth and get it moving as a step up from my dismal performance on Tuesday. This was apparently, however, not smooth.

The same 2-set wanders towards the back bar about 15 minutes later, where my friend and I are sitting. "Hey! Over here" I exclaim, while waving my hand to them with a big smile. I am projecting my voice so that they can definiately hear me, but I am also trying to keep a fun tone. I continue to say a few more things which they completely ignore (I know they could hear me). The coup de grace is, instead of sitting close to my friend and I as they had originally planned, they instead walk to the far end of the bar on the other side of some random guy eating dinner. The response was 100% clear,  "Let's not sit next to this annoying/creepy guy".

 "Nice one there, casanova", my friend smirked. I felt a little embarassed, but I know that I was not at all warmed up, and it was the closest thing to a 'cold approach' I had in some time. I tried to laugh it off, as I definiately deserve better than those two girls who blew me off...but my ego was still hurt. I proceeded to drown the rest of the evening away in pints of beer.

Was the night a success? Not really....but getting 1 solid rejection (and this was really a solid rejection embarrassed) is 100% better than getting 0 rejections and having 0 interactions. So in that respect, I think it was a 100% improvement from Tuesday night.
__________________
(Formerly known as "YourMom")
I do what I do and you do what you can do about it. 

Jeffy, Teach me to get H.B.



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#4

TomTomĀ®

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/18/2008 | Posts: 157

Hey YM,

Sounds like you on the right track and a Cool Dude.  The guys I met at the Gansevoort are Awesome.  If you can roll with those guys, you will definitely get better.  They were an Awesome bunch of Guys. 

If you got better over night you wouldn't appreciate the success and would not feel like you deserved it.  Through a process of self improvement you are becoming a better Man.  That is a process that you should Never give up on. 

Cheers!

Tom
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#5
avgHB

avgHB

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/01/2008 | Posts: 111

I'm going through a sort of similar thing, where I've had some success in the past and I'm trying to get back on my feet. Its a strange feeling isn't it? Trying to break through the glass ceiling that feels so close. I want you to keep at it for both of our sakes. It may not feel like there is an end to the turmoil that we're going through, but I guess we just have to humour ourselves that there IS A REASON for all of this. Remember, we're a whole different monster in a way. A lot of us here are the only ones with the nerve to do this HAHAHA. It's like we're insane.

Keep pushing man. I'm behind you.
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"You look like a black dilldo wrapped up in cotton . Just playin on the realz tho you on some TYRONE shit." - Dion
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#6
VAB

VAB

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/29/2008 | Posts: 105

Thanks for the responses guys! This positive feedback is amazing. I think I've made the right decision in posting here.

I haven't gotten around to posting for a few days, but I had a pretty decent Friday night and will hopefully be able to remember all of the details now.

 
Redemption (Friday January 31st)

I decided to go out with two like-minded buddies. Once again, I was avoiding that gaping hole in my game of solo nights...but I was confident that I would have a good night out with a couple of friends.

We got to the bar relatively early (9:30 pm), as my one friend likes to do. The plus side of this is that we get to relax and just have fun with each other until the venue starts to fill up...the negative is that I start drinking at this earlier time, as I do not know how to justify just sitting at the bar with my 2 friends with nothing in my hand.

After I hit about 3 drinks in a row, I decided I was going to make an effort to slow it down...and make a concerted effort to meet girls. I had been dicking around for several weeks now, so I set a goal of at least getting a makeout for the night. As my group of friends (which had now doubled, as others had met us out) continued to drink and have fun...I nervously sipped my diet coke and started "value scanning" like crazy as the place started to fill up.

At about 11pm, after seeing several hotties file into the venue...I decided I needed to sack up and make a move. I spotted one girl standing by herself, usually I am afraid to approach solo girls, because I assume there is a big hulking boyfriend that they are waiting for to come out of the bathroom. But since I had seen this girl with a group of friends earlier, and had determined that she was single, I decided to go in.

I was brimming with nervous energy, but I decided to make my first approach a bold one...just to desensitize myself for the night and to try and get into state.

ME:
(big smile, high energy) "There you are!"
 
HER:
(smiling, yet caught of guard) "What do you mean?"

ME: "Oh, I saw you before and I wanted to come say hi...I think you're really sexy"

HER: (slightly amused, but relatively neutral reaction) "Oh.....well, Hi"

I introduced myself and start getting logistics soon after, since I had to be prepared for the imminent return of her friends. I started by talking about how I was out celebrating with my group (pointed to them right behind me), before asking her who she was with and where she was from. Turns out that she was from out of town and visiting a friend, and she only directly knew one other girl at the bar. So when I saw one other girl start to wander into our proximity, I immediately introduced myself and got her on my side.

I took both girls a few feet over to 'introduce them' to the rest of my group. For some reason or another the guys I was with were aloof/caught off guard and not ready to talk to girls... Either way I was left looking a little stupid when I couldnt get the attention of my entire group to introduce them to these two girls.

Either way, the one girl that I had first approached was sticking with me...so I continued with some light flirting and kino (claw, brief hand holding, belly touching, etc...) After a while she started to get a bit antsy and was looking around frequently (perhaps I was not escallating enough). I could sense some discomfort so I decided to do a takeaway on a high note.

ME: "Hey, I'll let you go back to your friend...I gotta get back to mine too. But I want to dance with you later...come find me in 10 minutes"

HER: "Oh, do I have to find YOU?"

I wasn't surprised when she didn't actively seek me out within 15-20 minutes, but she was standing in the same spot so I went and reapproached her. I walked up to her with a big smile and grabbed her lightly by the wrist and gently pulling her towards the dancefloor. She resisted for a second, but I stayed positive and smiling and continued to pull. Her friend was 100% on my side (just since I had engaged her before) and pretty much told my girl to go with me.

We danced for about 10 minutes. Spin and In....Spin and In. It was a mixture between fun, fake salsa style dancing...and more sexual grinding. I try and gauge the comfort level and switch between both. This dancefloor game is almost a reflex from a year in the field, so I would have trouble explaining it on here. Anyway...to my friends observing from the outside, I look like the man at this point (the jury is still out on whether or not this is 'solid' game though).

I go for the skull grab + makeout, she turns her head and tells me that wasn't very smooth. I stay unreactive and since she keeps dancing with me I move past it. A few minutes later I try again, she turns again but still DOES NOT LEAVE. She starts saying things like:

HER: "You're too much!"

and...

HER: "You're funny!"

before she busts out...

HER: "You wouldnt be this interested if you knew I was going through a messy divorce right now..."

This last comment kind of threw me, since she looked so young, but it turns out she didnt have any kids. After I decide I'm getting nowhere with the escallation I lead her off the dancefloor. She tells me that it's too early in the night for her to dance, and she needs to drink more. I let her go back to her friend again.

Meanwhile, one of my buddies has asked me during each of these two takeaways if I got the number. I told him I did not as I was pushing for more. I decided to move on and try to talk to some other girls, so I wandered off to another corner of the venue.

I returned to that same spot some time later, and I saw that same friend mentioned above talking to my girl. I did not hear the details of their conversation, but I assumed that he was trying to talk me up and get her to come find me again. I realized I was wrong about 20 minutes later when he led her out to the dancefloor. He followed a very similar pattern as me in terms of trying to kiss her and getting rejected.

...Meanwhile this was not a big deal to me, as I had hooked a second girl for the night and was grinding with her nearby. It was a very similar situation, she was visiting her sister from out of town and she was unwilling to kiss me. For the second girl I made a point of getting the number, although I'm not sure it's worth persuing.

Anyway, all in all a good night. I pushed for the makeout with two different girls (didnt get it). Also, I only cold approached maybe 3-4 times, and 2 of them hooked into pretty solid interactions. This past Friday was LIGHT YEARS ahead of my two shitty performances in the previous week.
__________________
(Formerly known as "YourMom")
I do what I do and you do what you can do about it. 

Jeffy, Teach me to get H.B.



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