THE FORUMS

December 7th, 2016
Take Heart
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FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

One of the hardest things about sex, love and romance is being between girls. This is not the same as when you are unskilled or young and have no girls. It's also not the same as when you are a player in the field, and you are doing a lot of catch and release for one night at a time. It's also not the same as when you decide consciously to take a break from relationships for a while. I've done all of these. They are not what I'm talking about, "being between girls."

Between girls is when you are in a space of wanting a relationship, and you've just had one, and you still want one but know this girl you just broke up with is not it. It's a very tough place to be in. You know you can go get another girl, but you are also painfully aware of how much work it is to find someone good, and you feel this sense of "back to the drawing board then...fukkkkk" as well as all the pain from the drama that just happened during the break-up.

There are few greater heartbreaks than the low that comes right after you break up with a girl, and then your mind kicks you a few times, selling you a pile of self-blame for the way things turned out, and you are buying it. Every thought turns inward on yourself and you are just feeling horrible. I have been through this, let me see, 20 times. I'd say I have had 20 serious relationships that lasted 3 months to 7 years. After these relationships ended, my mental health always takes a dive, I feel like total shit, and want to drink heavily and become a hermit.

Let me tell you something, though... it does become easier. In the past, I'd hole up in my space for months. Now, maybe a few days, regroup, then go be social again with friends, hit the gym, call family up. That kind of thing. I have found that what really helps me is to distract myself with a lot of stuff: work, art, projects around the house, reading, etc. Then get back out there and drum up some more interest and find a few new girls.

The highs and lows of the roller coaster have turned into more like rolling hills and back-country roads. Painful breakups are still painful. But the pain does not last nearly as long as it once did. I've succeeded in reducing the duration of the hurt. I have not yet succeeded in reducing the intensity. That's another goal for another time.

What do you guys do after you break up with a girl you really loved? What gets you back on level ground?
__________________
-------

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#1
Jay 2.0

Jay 2.0

Member

Join Date: 12/30/2008 | Posts: 44

My most recent separation was the hardest. It was the healthiest relationship I have ever been apart of. She was my IDEAL woman, beautiful, yet extremely down to earth with no ego and nothing but love for anyone she met, and always up to try new things and experiences. I had to move away, and leave her behind.

Tough stuff.

But I got over it a couple of ways. One, I looked at the situation logically. I mean this was no act of great fate, I met this girl at work and she happen to be going to the same party I was. I met her at the party, spit my game, done deal. Just like that, out of fucking nowhere this wonderful relationship came into my life. But It was SOOOO fucking random. And thats what any relationship can be. Yours or my next IDEAL woman can be like 4 blocks away right now at the store, casually shopping, or at the fucking back end of the club tomorrow, YOU NEVER KNOW. Just show up. Realize their is sooooo many women in the world and there is no ONE, because every breed of woman, has an Identical copy in the next block, the next club, the next city etc.

We in the community have the power of selection. We know what we have to do. They all just want to be taken, so lets take em'!
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#2
AssDriller~

AssDriller~

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/12/2006 | Posts: 208

Yeah interesting topic!

My last cherish i was with for around 3 months and its been 3 months now since we broke up. I am around 90% over her...the feelings arent as strong now.

This girl actually works with me. I know, I know, I should have listened when people were telling me dont stick your pen in the company ink.

To those who are thinking about having a relationship with someone at work, BIG MISTAKE!!! I've done it! Its not the best feeling after you break up especially having to see her everyday and knowing what she is upto.

I found later, after my emotions settled, that all i wanted from her was sex.
This girl lied to me about not taking drugs, she has more problems at home than anyone i know, she is not confident in her self, doesnt view herself as someone special and is very self centred. She was awesome when i was with her but she has all the attributes that I dont want in a girlfriend.

However, knowing all this did not stop me from being emotionally attached even after the breakup. My emotional and logical sides would clash continuously on a daily basis. While being emotionally attached to her I would also be saying to myself, "but she has all sorts of problems, is addicted to drugs and just isnt the type of girl i want to be with". However the emotions were so strong it was hard for my logic to win this battle.

A few things helped me:

1) I had 3 weeks off work and did my own thing, went to the gym, met other girls, hung out with mates, and just did my own shit. Looked at the things around me and noticed there is a bigger picture here than this girl.

2) Reading up on self esteem and self value and understanding what my own self value was and the level it was at.

3) Grieving. This was big for me. I use to act all macho and not give a fuck about the etc..but this all came back to me later on. i found out later that you cant bury these emotions and think this will solve your problems. It came to me later on and I was very sad. I allowed myself to be sad and grieve the loss for a while until it was out of my system. I still got on with my life however and did not dwell on it.

Grieve the loss and then let it go.

4) I spoke to some close friends about what had happened. Most of them said, "fuck her man you can get better etc" but then others would open my mind to bigger things in life.
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#3
De Reet Sap Rammer aka De Reet Thalys met 1986 kpu

De Reet Sap Ram...

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/04/2008 | Posts: 1267

My last relationship was 3.5 years; and after we broke up I didn't really feel much at all for like a week. Then I had like an intense cry for like 15 minutes, then moved on, and didn't look back.

I find I always miss the LIFE AROUND the girl more than the girl; since you've lived a large part of your life together; it's more the stale feeling of having lost a particular part of my life than the girl...but hey thats just me.

Im not an insensitive bastard, in case I came across as one.
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#4

Miracle

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/05/2007 | Posts: 408



It's like coming down off of coke. Lots of endorphins, lots of serotonin popping when you're in a good relationship. End the relationship and you lose your connection for the feel good stuff. Takes a while for the body's system to normalise. It's better not to add to the experience by sitting around wallowing, listening to maudlin songs like the one above.

The body returns to normal.
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Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me.
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#5
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

I love it!!! All the various opinions and personal strategies. Very nice.

It's only the 50th girl. I think I'll make it. ;))) Simultaneously I have revulsions towards wimmins and also love em... Bitches need care and love, as my man Black Greg say.

Emotional abundance is the key. That is the major epiphany of this thread. Why didn't you share that with me before in emails, you fucker??? :D:D:D

2009 is setting up to be awesome. 2008 had so much pain. 2009 is totally different...
__________________
-------

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#6
Z.O.O.

Z.O.O.

Member

Join Date: 06/22/2008 | Posts: 71

Damn, big ephiphany..

I have emotional scarcity..

Need to work on that one.
Going to figure out how,
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