THE FORUMS

December 6th, 2016
The Simple Way to Stop Caring
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Suspect

Suspect

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 1237

FAIL HARD

It's that simple. Easy? Not necessarily. Worth it? Definitely.

One of the biggest obstacles between many guys and sexworthiness can be overcome simply by the realization of their worst fears (in the social context). That would mean painful rejection, humiliation or worse from the very people who they give the most power of their self-worth to. For almost any guy studying how to pick up women, this means HOT GIRLS.

But you have to go FULL IN. Like, chest bare, open to whatever punches get pulled. What I'm saying is that you have to put yourself on the line, completely, and let it all hang out there. This means different things to different people, but to me this means you're making statements about yourself and your world view, and genuinely expressing how you feel (including if what you feel is attracted to a girl, or even intimidated by her), and as a result making yourself vulnerable to being rejected. Do this with the people that you find yourself reacting to the most - it's these people that you need to learn to be comfortable with. This aspect is the hardest to communicate, because it's all about how you perceive it - but if you are afraid you tell a hot girl "Damn, you are HOT" then well that's probably something you should do. In fact, fear/anxiety will provide a GREAT compass to point you in the direction of things that you NEED to be doing.

Don't do it in spite of being afraid. Do it because you are afraid. Make it a rule that you have to do what you are afraid of. Two things will happen:

1) Fear will no longer dictate what you can and cannot do

2) Your mind will cease to create fear/anxiety over a situation when you have made it clear to yourself that this will not stop you from acting anyway.

Little tricks, body rocking, indirect methods might be effective and great but if you are unable to just be normal and honest in the presence of these people than you are only hurting yourself by taking the easy way out. I speak from experience here, since these methods allowed me to operate for years with massive deficiencies in my fundamental ability to be comfortable around strangers who I wanted to meet even in a highly social context such as a bar or club, let alone the more unusual circumstances.

This will not happen all at once. Maybe one night you for some reason are able to just really go in full force and just find yourself lost in the moment, having a great time, and acting in ways that surprise you. Then you wake up the next day and the old patterns kick back into gear, and you might even start second-guessing things that were second nature just the night before. This is normal, and takes time and repetition to overcome. Ideally you want to wake up free of this mental pollution.

If you want to get a bit deeper, what's really happening here is that this mild paranoia about what other people think of you is due to a misconception. The error is that you believe, probably sub-consciously, that people having a "good opinion" of you can give you something, some kind of good feeling, validation, sense of identity, something that by "not caring" you risk losing. You are afraid of losing something that they cannot give you to begin with. You might understand this logically, but if you want to know and feel it to be true, then go out there and experience the truth of it first-hand.
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#1
Eunoia~

Eunoia~

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Join Date: 02/11/2008 | Posts: 1135

hey man What is the worst Blowout then you've had mine was when I got told to fuck off by this couple and then I on purposely stayed there to melt my ice to none existance.lol

Pimp Coat.
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#2
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

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Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

simplest way to stop giving a shit is to become the shit

failing hard is an awesome way to become the shit
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The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#3
TheNow

TheNow

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/14/2007 | Posts: 884

take a note from tolle ;)

just put your awareness totally on the feeling of caring, or wanting approval, or whatever, in your body. watch it as it dissolves. wash rinse repeat.

hasnt anyone read power of now around here??
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"I'm bringing Eckey back... them other boys dont know how to act"
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#4
sinan

sinan

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 1909

nice the now

tried a bit of eft yesterday i think its exactly what you said
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#5
Suspect

Suspect

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/24/2007 | Posts: 1237

TheNow Wrote:
take a note from tolle ;)

just put your awareness totally on the feeling of caring, or wanting approval, or whatever, in your body. watch it as it dissolves. wash rinse repeat.

hasnt anyone read power of now around here??


Tolle is a massive influence on me.

But yeah if you haven't read Tolle ... well what the fuck?

FoodBuddha~ Wrote:
simplest way to stop giving a shit is to become the shit

failing hard is an awesome way to become the shit


Eh I've always been the shit...

I just didn't realize it yet shades
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#6

Rich~

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Join Date: 09/19/2006 | Posts: 1573

Fantastic post.

The only thing I'd add is to be fully accepting of everything you feel... before and after. Sometimes the ego-protection kicks in AFTER the fact, when you're blown out or whatever. It can be really subtle...maybe you learn to turn away quickly to save face, or force yourself to be a bit louder and boisterous to compensate, or laugh when you don't really feel like it. All chode, and all have the vague uneasiness of AVOIDANCE.

It's funny because you can do thousands of sets but if they're all based in avoidance then you get nowhere fast. You cut yourself off from self-esteem and growth when you avoid your own feelings. The answer of course is ACCEPTANCE of how you feel... and doing what you came to do anyway.


"BUT COACH IT BURNS!!!..."

"...THEN LET IT BURN!!!"
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#7

subx

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/18/2008 | Posts: 1248

Rich~ wrote:
Fantastic post.

The only thing I'd add is to be fully accepting of everything you feel... before and after. Sometimes the ego-protection kicks in AFTER the fact, when you're blown out or whatever. It can be really subtle...maybe you learn to turn away quickly to save face, or force yourself to be a bit louder and boisterous to compensate, or laugh when you don't really feel like it. All chode, and all have the vague uneasiness of AVOIDANCE.

It's funny because you can do thousands of sets but if they're all based in avoidance then you get nowhere fast. You cut yourself off from self-esteem and growth when you avoid your own feelings. The answer of course is ACCEPTANCE of how you feel... and doing what you came to do anyway.


"BUT COACH IT BURNS!!!..."

"...THEN LET IT BURN!!!"
great reply.  i notice the avoidance mechanisms kickin in sometimes.  how do you stop them? 
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#8

PickUp_Police

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/10/2010 | Posts: 232

the best way to reach your destination is with failure.
failing is a great way to learn how to become non-outcome dependent.
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#9

Jaffar

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/04/2007 | Posts: 778

 Avoidance?  Be AWARE of it.

Cheers,

Jaffar.
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Warning:  This is f@#$ing Sparta.  Don't die a coward. RSD - Inner Circle:  TORONTO Chapter  - An RSD Social Club for Toronto and Area locals.  Social events, self-development, city to city outings, general mayhem.  Check us out at...  www.rsdnation.com/toronto. Some recent RSDTIC events:  www.rsdnation.com/node/190215/forum
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#10
Steve-0!

Steve-0!

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Join Date: 08/08/2008 | Posts: 1579

At some point failure breeds success/ You stop giving a shit about what you used to think you cared about and you focus on the growth of your life and all the nonsense falls by the way side.
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Bootcamp of Champions - Mar' 09! Austin Resurrection Crew !  - Embrace Uncertainty
Ozzie - July '09 - London - your social self and become you.

 "In those moments that most people say I can't,  most people say self preservation, most people say what if?... We say "What if?" the other way. What if you land it? What if it is possible?" - Travis Pastrana - X Games Movie   "i'm not in this world to live you up to your expectations. And your not in this world to live up to mine." - Bruce Lee If you are taking more action than anyone else, why should you care about their opinion?" ~Derek "I want to see the world through my own eyes not in the reflection of others." - "While you standing around looking dumb. I make it happen, taking action over time. Got damn good at it too!" - T.I.
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