THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
On being totally authentic.
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FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

A wild ride through Buddha's brain. Enjoy.



Will you eventually take a girlfriend, or will you continue to pick up girls for 24 hours of glory for the rest of your life?

It does come down to personal choice. My uncle is and always will be a player. His choice. He derives depth and intimacy some other way than in a monogamous relationship. Maybe from the TV set. I don't know. I haven't asked about his personal life, just observed it all my life.

Yet there is incredible depth to be had in a good relationship.

I spent many years thinking I was deficient if I did not have a relationship. Even up until recently, this morbid need to have a relationship followed me like a pissed off little dog.

Most days that little shit was far away, but every once in a while he would come up and bite me on the nuts, causing me to put girls on pedestals and otherwise sabotage relationships starting to bloom. The psychotic trainwreck Jeffy was talking about in another post about LTRs.

Neediness and codependency echoing down through time. Some kind of dysfunctional membrane template from dysfunctional parent modeling behaviors that I subconsciously held onto.

For the first time in a long time, I'm completely good with myself. The last time I was in this mental space was 3 years ago, right after my divorce. But now, I know how to pick up chicks and all kinds of crazy stuff that I didn't know before. Now, I'm dangerous. Before, I was just lucky and circumstantial.

Since then, I've been with a shit-ton of girls, pretty much no regrets; learned how to shed the psychos in a fast hurry, so it's all good. No diseases. A few scratch marks, but those heal.

SO THAT BRINGS ME TO NOW... things are different now... I don't particularly care about having a long term relationship. Nor will I avoid it when it comes a-knockin' again.

Why?

Because I have dealt with my personal pain and historical items effectively. I know how to build self-esteem and do the healthy stuff to keep me sustainably good. I do not need a woman for this work. In fact, women would tend to distract me from it, if I let them.

sigh. Girls. :) Love em.

And I know who I want to spend my time with, what it should feel like, and how to behave and kick my own ass back into reality when I forget myself and start to go chode.

"I am enough."

Dude, so true. I am more than enough. I'm overbrimming with enoughitude.

Being totally immersed in my own value, like mad ridiculous doing my own thing, is where it's at. It's that good space mentally that makes pick-up technology not even really necessary anymore. A little of it is needed, because there are certain things that must be done a certain way. But for the most part, being truly authentic in who I am speaks volumes in just a few words out of my mouth and the way I carry myself in the world.

Authentic... means doing what I want. How I want. Being aware, too. Being in the moment. Taking care of business. Having some laughs. Embarking on adventures of the mind, body and soul. Using the full power of my creativity to tackle obstacles that I face. Generally being aware of how cool I am.

I am one of the most unique people you will ever meet. So odd. Dudes who have met me will attest to this. I spent so many years totally not at peace with this obvious glaring difference between me and the rest of the world. At times, though, I bring myself fully back into focus, and go, "dude; you are so weird, and this is who you are, so own it and love it. USE it."

And I do.

Want to know what I'm up to lately? Installing a heater in my house. Myself. Alone. Am I going to blow the fuckin place up? Maybe. But you gotta give a guy credit for trying. That's the shit that I do.

I used to think I'd be the guy that invents warp drive technology for space ships. Now I install heaters, what the fuck? Have to start somewhere. What's next? Remodeling a bathroom with a stone floor that I cut from local rocks. That's on deck.

After that? Probably going to move and see whatever else wants to come out of my brain.

I want to build a wood-fired truck like Chicken John, so I don't have to burn gasoline, but haven't got around to it yet.

Earlier this summer I made an apple cider press from scrap wood laying around, and rigged up a garbage disposal unit to grind the apples.

Built a small house in the back yard, up the hillside. To teach myself how to do timber-framing and construction.

Built a wood-fired hot tub that uses all fresh water, so none of that chlorine maintenance bullshit, eck.

I found a freshly dead grouse that hit my window last week and made grouse curry out of it. Yum! I'm still standing!

Dude, it could go on and on, and it will, so what's the point?

Whoever you are. Whatever your interests are. However your brain functions. Whatever gifts you've been given. Whatever your past, whatever your present situation. All you must do is answer that call from within to be yourself.

Alex says, "be the music." Yes. But what is the music? The music is yourself. The song you sing from inside yourself that brings you through the day and makes other people smile when you walk by. THAT music. The "heart-song" in that cheesy stupid movie Happy Feet. Your YOU music.

The music that urges you forward to go talk to that hot girl. The music that makes you connect with a friend.

YOU.

If you don't have it, no amount of cold approaches, ONS, DAY2s, etc etc, PUAAHH talk... no amount of that shit will give you yourself and make life good.

I've met dudes in their early 20's who know the good place. I know a lot of dudes in their 60's who are totally fucked up beyond repair. You can get it by growing up. But you can have it sooner if you apply yourself to it.

Not knowing yourself, truly, authentically, accounts for 99% of pain you will ever face.

As I said at the beginning of the wild ride, it comes down to personal choice. If you face pain and the roller-coaster fucks you over constantly, you have a choice, and that is to face the pain, face where it's coming from, and make peace with yourself, and go into yourself, and bring out that deep part of your soul that needs to be expressed.

It could be day-trading. Or selling Amway. It's not important to me what, as long as it is fully you.

My little 6-year old son the other day said, "I hate myself! I'm so stupid!"

I rolled up my sleeves. Time to get to work on this little guy. Gave him a hug, told him he's good and that I love him.

Do the same for yourself every day.

FB~
__________________
-------

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#1
crusher~

crusher~

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Join Date: 05/02/2008 | Posts: 1283

Quote:
Dude, so true. I am more than enough. I'm overbrimming with enoughitude.


That is the secret to happiness, to life, recognizing this truth. The rest is just syntax.

Thanks FB. I'm not there yet, but, having guys like you that I can relate to point the way, that's priceless.

And, no, I'm not going to suck your dick you perv.

Peace
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Life. There are no dress rehearsals.
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#2
Caligula

Caligula

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Join Date: 06/23/2008 | Posts: 1586

This is gold.

Just what I needed to read tonight.

-Caligula
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#3
Ingvar!

Ingvar!

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/06/2008 | Posts: 332

"I'm overbrimming with enoughitude"

You are awesome FoodBuddha~ :)
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It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. Wilde.
Nathan Stockholm Bootcamp 2008
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#4
Gunner

Gunner

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/27/2006 | Posts: 1022

FoodBuddha~ Wrote:


Not knowing yourself, truly, authentically, accounts for 99% of pain you will ever face.


FB~



So true. Brilliant post FB
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Quote:
Gunner is great. I'm not sure what he said, but it sounded cool.

real sexting conversations to read
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#5

ikelove

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/09/2006 | Posts: 390

FoodBuddha~ Wrote:
A wild ride through Buddha's brain. Enjoy.




Whoever you are. Whatever your interests are. However your brain functions. Whatever gifts you've been given. Whatever your past, whatever your present situation. All you must do is answer that call from within to be yourself.


FB~



Bless you and thank you for this post. How may I ask were you able to deal with your pain and insecurities?
__________________
For insight on your path of self improvement and self discovery, check out my blog, The Viable Alternative.

Check out my field reports: My Journey to Create the ENTOURAGE Lifestyle (FRs and LRs)   http://www.rsdnation.com/node/188153/forum
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#6
soundselector

soundselector

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/11/2006 | Posts: 215

If its one thing I learned through the community. Not exaxtly the community but the self help which the community brought me to is .. to Let all the worries and problems roll off your shoulder like a duck. Im getting close to being able to do that.

Getting Radical helps.

Facing your fears help. Even taking a deep breath in times of crisis, and thinking is the crisis even going to be a blip on my radar tomorrow.

Guys I beat depression and seasonal affectedness disorder.

A large part of it had to do with not having the prospect of ever getting a girl. So I revel in the glory times in the summer with my friends. and got down on myself BIGTIME in the cold winter months.

steps closer to social freedom.

good post buddah. my man !
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Constant Never Ending Self Improvement
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#7
M-star

M-star

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Join Date: 09/07/2008 | Posts: 334

Wicked stuff man.

Heres to bringing out the music in others.
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#8
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

ikelove Wrote:
Bless you and thank you for this post. How may I ask were you able to deal with your pain and insecurities?


Thanks for the props

I deal with my pain and insecurities by examining them for what they are trying to tell me.

Pain is mostly a resonance from the past. Pain is an echo. From the past into now.

That echo is trying to tell me something. If I listen, I can hear the voice that spoke the original pain.

For me? I had cancer when I was a child. All my pains and insecurities come from that primal source. Dysfunctional parentage compounded the hurt. All my pains now, except for stubbed toes and hangnails, come from those roots.

The key is to understand how the present situation relates back to that pain, and why it resonates so hard. Why is my trouble with this particular girl related to chemotherapy? Because it's about "enough" issues. It's about feeling loved or abandoned. Or about not having control of what other people do to me. Or about loss of a part of myself at such a young age. All those things and more.

I can still remember the original pain, in my own voice. I was 9 months old, strapped to an operating table, naked, with masked people milling about like I was abducted to an alien ship. My voice said, "What are they doing to me?" I can remember this clear as day.

Any present difficulty I face harkens back to those events.

Without them, I would not be who I am. I would not trade my cancer for 5 trillion dollars. Why? Because I would not be the golden dude I am if all I had was a pile of cash. I like this guy. All the quirks, and yeah, even the dorky parts too. I like all of me and I don't want to get rid of anything, just grow.

There's always room to grow. I will have pains and insecurities for the rest of my life, and that is normal and good. It's how I deal with them that counts.

Doing healthy things, eating right, taking care of myself and my loved ones, and taking care of business that needs taking care of. By being a loving person and offering what I can to others.

Even if it's just a piece of art they can look at for 10 seconds and go, hm. Even if that's it, that's good enough for me because I'm putting myself out there. And if they don't like it, so what - I am enough and it's all good.

Soundselector is right about letting stuff roll off like water on a duck's back. I am not always the best at this. Sometimes things get inside my head and it takes a while to shed the negativity. I'm still working on it. But I aim to be able to get past things more quickly.

In any event, my fall-back position for any time I'm hurting & can't get past it is to spend time alone chilling on a project, and then go out with friends either later that day or another day. To spend time in my own space, and also to get out and hang out.

Recognizing that right now is the best possible product of everything that has gone before.

Recognizing that I'm enough. I'm cool enough for any girl. I'm cool enough for any person, any group, any thing I want to do, I'm enough.

Recognizing that my basic nature is good, and even if other people are bad, I can still be good, because I just want to.

Recognizing that dwelling on the past is ok for a time, but that it is time now to set aside regret and move forward, because there is so much to do.

Recognizing that my reality is a reflection of my inner beliefs, a reflection of myself. So if I want to stay piss pants, I can. Or I can go a different direction.

All of these things are meant as tricks to SNAP me out of whatever mental loop I'm caught in.

I used to meditate a lot. I don't do it much anymore, although I see nothing wrong with it. What I prefer now is to do something that causes an IMMEDIATE change in my thought process so that I have an immediate behavior modification. And over time, I've trained in a new way of unconsciously getting through the world.

You can do it with meditation, but I would say that's harder. Engaging in real-time personal-behavior-mod is where it's at.

That's how I deal with the all singing all dancing crap of the world. I am not a master of it, just a disciple.
__________________
-------

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#9
JFM

JFM

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

A lot of surprising things in your posts foodBuddha. Thanks. Really big stuff.
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“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
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#10
Kakánr1

Kakánr1

Respected Member

Join Date: 01/08/2007 | Posts: 923

"Even if it's just a piece of art they can look at for 10 seconds and go, hm. Even if that's it, that's good enough for me because I'm putting myself out there." <---- This I find very important -- it's the never-give-up thing. Another, really important reason not to give up. If this becomes common sense, you've probably come a long way.
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