THE FORUMS

August 15th, 2018
On not being her therapist
Your rating: None
Bookmark and Share
 

whalecock

Member

Join Date: 11/26/2017 | Posts: 56

How far and broad does this rule go? She is along for the ride and not in the way of you reaching your goal nor an obstacle on your path. Is there any place for giving her practical advice? Supporting her when she is depressed? Giving her positive outlooks on her problems? Supporting her as she should support you?

What are the rules and why?

*IMO you can give her "therapy sessions" as long as you are congruent and not trying to please her when you disagree with her attitude in a certain situation. If you never lose track of where you are going and don't become her snuggle toy and keep supporting her like an adult would their friends, you are being the rock and thus her respect for you and your relationship as a whole will grow.

What are you thoughts?
Login or register to post.
#1
guccigame

guccigame

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/27/2017 | Posts: 303

You don’t want her associating bad memories with you. You should try to avoid being around a woman who is down. For your own good. Women have these types a of boundaries. Why shouldn’t we? Ultimately you want to be with a woman who associates you with good memories in her life. Always be encouraging and support her goals with enthusiasm. Be there to bring her up. Don’t be there to pull her up. If you get what I’m saying. Always ty to be there when something good happens. Be there to cheer her on and support her. When she’s depressed she’s only going to bring others down with her. 

If you’re in a ltr obviously you will have less boundaries. But everyone needs to know when it’s time to move on. 
__________________
i know you’re tired of loving with nobody to love
Login or register to post.
#2
kapz

kapz

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/01/2007 | Posts: 1401

Interesting question too much talking about spirituality and self-help and you become her therapist and she puts you into that frame. I now avoid these topics or if I do talk about it and she says maybe you can help me. I then turn around and say to her I am not your therapist. 
__________________

 
Login or register to post.
#3
Tyler

Tyler

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8876

Ideally just stay her LOVER not THERAPIST.

It's veerrryyyy hard when you're into self help to watch someone fail, but remember that change MUST be self motivated.

Tyler
__________________
HOT SEAT 2 RED HOT OFFICIAL LAUNCH IS JANUARY 25 @ 12PM EST -- check out the kickass new page at www.rsdhotseat.com

SIGN UP DURING THE LAUNCH FOR THE BONUS
FREE SECOND DAY OF HOT SEAT FEATURING JULIEN'S INFIELD FOOTAGE AND FOUNDATIONS: RELOADED.
Login or register to post.
#4

whalecock

Member

Join Date: 11/26/2017 | Posts: 56

Thanks guys

And yeah, gucci, I was mostly referring to ltrs.

"It's veerrryyyy hard when you're into self help to watch someone fail, but remember that change MUST be self motivated."

For sure, Tyler, but in a ltr, where you are both on your paths and choosing each other day after day, year after year, and say she loses her job and keeps failing with her applications and starts to spiral into depression, is there a way to remain the LOVER and the rock and cheer her up/motivate her from that (your) frame?

I would not second-guess doing that with family or friends so abstaining from doing so with a romantic partner seems like a tactic rather than a congruent act from my own values (for me personally). In helping her out, I wouldn't be doing it with the agenda of getting laid with her because she is up for it always, anyway, just like I wouldn't expect anything in return when helping out a good friend with their situation.
 
Login or register to post.
#5
SocialLab

SocialLab

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/31/2011 | Posts: 1777

I agree with the replies.

Although keep in mind that there is a balance.  Most things are a shade of grey, not black-and-white...

I've fucked women before by being the therapist.  It is an authentic side of my personality, I nurture people in this way: friends, family members, co-workers, etc.  I've been therapist for many girls in an authentic way, and her attraction for me has only grown through this bond.

I've also hooked up with friends after years of being friends with them (eg. talking about her recent break-up, listening to their deep history/issues, etc.).  The point is during those years,  I didn't care to hook up with them or not.  And when it happened, it was at the right moment...they had opene up to me emotionally, so it's only natural that she goes with her feelings and opens up physically.
Login or register to post.
#6

whalecock

Member

Join Date: 11/26/2017 | Posts: 56

SocialLab Wrote:
I agree with the replies.

Although keep in mind that there is a balance.  Most things are a shade of grey, not black-and-white...

I've fucked women before by being the therapist.  It is an authentic side of my personality, I nurture people in this way: friends, family members, co-workers, etc.  I've been therapist for many girls in an authentic way, and her attraction for me has only grown through this bond.

I've also hooked up with friends after years of being friends with them (eg. talking about her recent break-up, listening to their deep history/issues, etc.).  The point is during those years,  I didn't care to hook up with them or not.  And when it happened, it was at the right moment...they had opene up to me emotionally, so it's only natural that she goes with her feelings and opens up physically.


That's what I'm thinking. How do you do it correctly? In a ltr, refusing to be her therapist... let me be clear, I'm no one's actual therapist but I'd WANT to help her just like I'd want to help anyone else for nothing in return, although on my terms and in an honest way that isn't supplicating... not mentally supporting her wouldn't be congruent on my part, at all.

How do you support her and give her real advice as a friend while remaining her lover? Does RSD teach that it's bad to have a geunine friendship with romantic partners, even long term ones?
Login or register to post.