THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
They Love to Practice
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Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

One of the questions a coach fears the most is: “how long will it take for me to master this skill and get really good?”
I get hit with that once in a while. I am tempted to say “you will never get good”. But i understand where the student is coming from and i give him an estimate based on his level of motivation and commitment.
The truth is that a committed and motivated student will out perform his master ALWAYS. And what’s more, in a relative short time. The question is “ can he stay on the path?”, “can he submit to practice for an extended period of time?”, “can he and his, sometimes, out of proportion expectations sabotage him out of the path to get good?”
In a society obsessed with achievement and short term results it sounds almost bizarre to ask a guy to submit to goalless practice for a while. It is almost a sin.
In my case i have to break down practice into small goals so the student stays focused and motivated. Why? If he doesn’t see small increments in accomplishment he is bound to lose faith and motivation. And it happens so quick that it is unbelievable. The guy is happy and one point and disappointed 20 minutes later. I think it is a by product of today’s society based on quick fixes and instant gratification. Anything that requires an effort and some frustration is deemed useless or archaic.
Long term goals and sweaty practice are almost dead. They have such a bad rep that i cringe when i have to talk about them. People don’t wanna hear about it..
This skill requires patience , and specially patience with yourself and your mistakes. It requires you being gentle on yourself and not bring yourself down because you lost a girl here or there. Is that too much to ask? This discipline is an old school type of discipline, like learning yudo, karate or tennis. You need to submit to practice.
It requires you finish a night out and focus on the positive and acknowledge the negative, not the opposite. This pattern is so clear to me that is amazing. Guys finish their night and sometimes all they wanna talk about is their tough luck. The sets that didn’t open. The girl that was a to them. What about what you did well? Well, that’s irrelevant. The guy probably did 3 or 4 sets that were amazing but his negative filter filters them out. He cant learn this way. He is destroying his practice. When practicing focus on the positive but acknowledge the negative. They do the opposite.
Guys that get good love to practice. Not only in pickup but in any other skill. Those are guys that excel. They love to go out and talk to women regardless they get them or not. They love to dress up and go to a club on Friday night to have an adventure and meet new people.
I meet many guys who say “i want to get good”..then 10 minutes later they confess “i hate talking to people and going out to clubs. I rarely get out of my house. I spend my time playing video games”. Well, if you want to get good but you hate people. How do you plan to get good on a skill that requires to talk to people all the time and going out all the time? It seems that you are asking the impossible. First you need to work on this “hating people” problem and get your head straight on this deal.
Guys who get good and keep improving are those who love to go out and meet new people and they create a social network around that. no matter what they will have fun out. They enjoy opening, dancing, talking to women. They don’t understand why would anybody want to stay home on a Friday night. they love to be out. Practice is their relief from a hard week’s work at the office. Time to unwind. Time to enjoy life. It is almost as if they are goalless. It is almost as if going out is their reward, not a gruelling goal-accomplishment-ridden-stressed-out four hours in the club-aka a job.
Practice becomes the path. You are always on it and happy to be on it. There is no end to it. There is no means to an end. To be in the path is the end. Rewards will come regardless, as long as you stay on it. Staying on it should be your goal. Then again, who wants to play a game that you know you are going to win?
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#1
Red Leader

Red Leader

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 1729

top post mate, this really reverberates the phrase, 'a comedy of errors'.

Fun time, relax - out to DE-STRESS.

Love it. This is 100% natural normal style, who takes it seriously and goes out to slay enemies in the trenches? - it's tiggy time and YOU'RE IT! - go have some fun.
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#2
Phred!

Phred!

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 620

Nice post Ozzie....

I make a conscious habit to pat myself on the back for things I did right. It's natural for the mind to throw negativity and garbage in your head after you've conditioned yourself to do so for so long.

I used to beat myself up like crazy for not doing approaches or if I saw a girl I wanted and choded out. Instead I should've focused on the positivity. Negativity while doing this doesnt let you develop...and you will always associate negativity with the activity you're doing.
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#3
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

This was the best thing to read this morning.

When I get frustrated, the first thing I do is try to find some way to distract myself for a while, you know a couple hours or something. To get my head away from the frustration.

Then, I plan. I go to work.

I take apart the thing that frustrated me, and I make a detailed plan, small chunk it for myself. I write it down. I make it a manageable plan that I can actually accomplish.

Then I work on following the plan, but I don't obsess about the plan 24/7 every waking moment. I check in with the plan at night and in the morning. During the day I am living by the plan, but not worried about the plan. I have to live my life. But I am sticking to the plan in spirit.

Corrections happen later, and I keep working on sticking to the plan, next step next step. But also detaching from the plan at times, because too much logic makes more frustration.

At the end of the day, though, it comes down to effort. Right effort, not scattered over-dramatic effort. The correct amount of effort and attention to detail that is right for the task at hand.
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-------

The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#4
Sexpest

Sexpest

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/09/2007 | Posts: 186

Yes Ozzie, Yes!
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#5

Timtent®

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/09/2008 | Posts: 322

Great post, Ozzie!

The mentality of detaching yourself from goals and outcome is so crucial. Because a) it puts your focus on the present moment and b) by focussing on a goal you're constantly emphasizing a lack in you and the fact that you're not enough right then.
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#6

Quick

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/07/2008 | Posts: 161

Ozzie Wrote:
Then again, who wants to play a game that you know you are going to win?


someone who wants to get laid of course. or with poker, someone who wants a shitload of money. shades
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#7

Master Seducer

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 344

Quick Wrote:
someone who wants to get laid of course. or with poker, someone who wants a shitload of money. shades


First off, major kudoes to Ozzie for a cutting edge post! And also to Food Buddha who followed with a post I think was really worth reading.

Quick, I believe that if all you really wanted was to get laid you could go out and get yourself a hooker. Why practice at all when instant sex is only a business transaction away, right? And she may even be better looking than the women where a guy normally frequents. As far as getting a shitload of money is concerned, robbing a bank is another type of "transaction" that can possibly achieve that end result.
When a guy plays the game of poker or seduction, he's putting himself in a process. It's much, much easier for him to excel in that process if he enjoys the process itself. If he has a passionate love for the process, all the better. Success always follows excellence and excellence comes from practice--continuous practice over a long term. Long term because mastery is always an ongoing road/process.
Excellence also come from a desire and a commitment to improve. The greater the desire and commitment to improve, the greater the willingness and capacity to practice continuously and make the adjustments (expanding the comfort zone) necessary to improve.
Ozzie said something I thought was fascinating. He said to acknowledge the negative but FOCUS on the positive. I would only add that even the "negative" can be reframed into a positive when we evaluate ourselves. At the end of the evening or the next day when you evaluate each set you approached, ask and answer two questions,"What did I do right and what did I do well?" is the first question. Answer it in great detail. Give yourself credit for anything and everything that you did right and well for every women/set you approached. The second question (and this is where the reframing comes in making a "negative" into a positive), "In order for me to improve, "What would I do differently (if anything) in this situation in the future?" And then answer that in as much detail as possible. If you don't know what to do differently, resolve yourself to find out what to do differently. There are always answers and there always solutions. Do that with each woman/set you approached that night. We all desire to improve. Improvement is a positive/good thing. Improvement insures our success and keeps us moving forward on the road to mastery. Improvement comes from LEARNING the right lessons from our experiences (instead of beating ourselves up) and then actually USING what we've learned. All the knowledge in the world won't help us a bit if we don't use it.
This was a great thread! Ozzie's post should be put in the articles section IMO. ---MS
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#8
gruenfeld

gruenfeld

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/21/2006 | Posts: 1283

Quick Wrote:
someone who wants to get laid of course. or with poker, someone who wants a shitload of money. shades


or someone who wants to be a chess grandmaster. ;)shades
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#9
Kuz

Kuz

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/05/2006 | Posts: 2661

You guys should all do a bootcamp with Ozzie. After all these years he still has THIS much passion for teaching. RSD's best instructor no doubt.#

PLUS his English seems to have improved a great deal :D
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Hai!!!

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#10

Justin07

Member

Join Date: 10/04/2007 | Posts: 32

Brilliant post Ozzie.
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