THE FORUMS

December 6th, 2016
Take it Easy
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Saad

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/02/2007 | Posts: 314

Hey everyone.

This is a Public Service Announcement to all of the guys out there thinking they need to be a pick-up god by tomorrow otherwise the world will end and everything about them will be rendered meaningless.

CALM DOWN!

Take it easy.

I know where you're coming from. Believe me. This coming from the guy who moved to NYC, left everything, and went balls to the wall.

I almost lost my sanity doing this. And it didn't necessarily help my learning curve at all.

Sure, I had leverage on myself. But going as hardcore as I did... in reflection... was NOT the reason I got great results.

I got great results in splashes, during the times in which I was just having fun and not caring.

When I started going too hardcore with this stuff... I almost ALWAYS hurt my game more than helped it.

What's too hardcore?

Well I decided to do more than 1 30 day challenge. During my first... I got laid 5 times. And I got GOOD. During my second, I lost some very valuable relationships and drove myself nuts. Quit after day 15.

Tried a third and lost my shit again. Went into a weird frame snap-back.

Why? Because I set my criteria for success TOO HIGH!

When did I get consistently good again? When I stopped. I chilled out, got the rhythm of my life together again.. and had patience.

Came back and I was BETTER THAN EVER.

But did it have to be as painful as it was in the process? No, it didn't. And I see a lot of you repeating this trend.

I want to share with you a story that contains a lesson I WISH someone had shared with me sooner.

...

A novice went to a master swordsman and wanted to learn the ways of the sword. He asked the master: "How long will this take me to master?"

The master: 10 years.

Novice: But what if I do it all day?

The master: 20 years.

Novice: But what if I practice all day from when I wake up to when I sleep? If its ALL that I do? If I live and breathe it?

The master: 30 years.

...

The lesson here is that you can't beat the process and you'll only make it harder by taking it hardcore.

You need to show up, go through the movements, and grow in the proper relation to every obstacle and every realignment in your life... in DUE time. Some lessons take longer than others.

But if you sit there and STRESS over it, and completely lose your shit and don't TAKE JOY and CREATE A SENSE OF BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE with this stuff...

You may think you're making the lessons come more quickly but you're not. You're merely building the memory of stress and anxiety INTO the act of picking up and thus building a bad INTERNAL REFERENCE POINT that you'll have to unwire later.

You're making it HARDER ON YOURSELF.

Enjoy this process. No one is above it. None of us have transcended it. We aren't Gods -- we're people. And People live real lives and have real obstacles that are VALID and should be HONORED.

And every achievement, no matter how little, should be CELEBRATED and SEEN IN THE PROPER PERSPECTIVE GIVEN WHERE YOU WERE PREVIOUSLY.

Don't make this into a job. You don't need another job. You don't WANT another job.

Just my two cents.

--Saad
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#1
Dre321

Dre321

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/02/2006 | Posts: 615

Hey man,

Thanks alot for this post. It would've been good to read this last year...

I can relate to losin your shit over this. I went overboard as well. Way overboard.

It's funny but with a few exceptions the guys that teach this stuff at RSD for example, they all went overboard with this stuff from what I heard.

I think it's VERY EASY to get caught up in it and forget everything that used to matter in your life, and VERY HARD to take it as a hobby and assess the situation dispassionately. At least in your first year or so.

Anyway, to all you guys in the TRENCHES, keep pushing that shit, but learn to LAY BACK. CHILL. Like it's said in this post, I can back up all of it 100%

Who sings that rock song that says "relax....take it eeeeeeeasy....there is nothing you can do"...Fucking love that song. Listen to that shit and chill out! LOL....

CHEERS
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-[B]Dre321[/B]
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#2
Brad

Brad

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Saad Wrote:


But if you sit there and STRESS over it, and completely lose your shit and don't TAKE JOY and CREATE A SENSE OF BALANCE IN YOUR LIFE with this stuff...

You may think you're making the lessons come more quickly but you're not. You're merely building the memory of stress and anxiety INTO the act of picking up and thus building a bad INTERNAL REFERENCE POINT that you'll have to unwire later.


This is money right here. So true.

Anchoring negative emotions towards pickup is like shooting yourself in the foot. If you are constantly frustrated, or sad because you aren't getting results, you are mentally going to correlate "picking up" with the feelings of frustration and sadness...

What a horrible headspace to be coming from when trying to get better at this.
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#3

vabs

Member

Join Date: 11/21/2007 | Posts: 33

Thank you Saad...this post could not have come at a more perfect time.

I'm about 6 months in @ 4 nights a week and it's been such an emotional roller coaster. If I sit back and look objectively at my progress, it is amazing. I've gotten a couple lays here and there, hooked up with more women than I have in my entire life up to now, and improved a lot of my ability to just "hang out" with people.

But I can hit a weekend with a few makeouts, a solid day 2, etc... then go out again and be completely paralyzed and out of state. I psych myself out (possible frame snapback where I don't want to go back to embarrassing myself) and just completely chode out. The worst thing in the world is the end of the night when everyone piles out of the club...it looks like everyone else is hooking up for the night EXCEPT FOR YOU.

I was almost in tears this past week when I ran into a girl I was hooking up with for a while. I was standing by myself like a creep, and she pretty much called me out on being alone. I can't even imagine what her and her friends were saying afterwords "what a fucking weirdo...what was he doing out there anyway?"

I lost my shit. I could not think about anything else at work today, it was totally consuming me as I just came back and read through posts on boards such as this.

It can take just one night out for me to be on top of the world (for a day or two), but one night out can crush me and put me on the edge of giving this whole thing up. I would 'take a break', but that would just consist of me getting drunk and staying home.

I finished that "Mastery" book that Tyler recommended. I totally get the plateau...but the thing that concerns me is regression. Getting a lay one night and then not being able to approach the next night...or remembering getting really good reactions 3 months ago and getting heartless blowouts now.

Anyway, thanks for the post. I'll really consider taking a week or two off.
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#4
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

oh yeah, baby.

saad with the homerun, pinch hitting it.

love it.

"i will not allow you to fail"
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#5
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

He's right. It is hard to back off about 10,000 rpm's and kick it with your brothers and not worry about girls too much. You MUST relax. Relaxation and a calm, easy place of mind is ESSENTIAL to being good. No less intense and focused, but simmer the fuck down and be more strategic and conserve your energy. Find that good place.
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#6
TheBatman

TheBatman

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/07/2008 | Posts: 227

This sounds like what Tyler was talking about...

When guys get really good, they say, "Don't be a try-hard, just be cool."

And forget that they went through that try-hard phase themselves.

I agree that you shouldn't spend 24 hours a day in the field, but...

Didn't Tyler go out every day for 3 years...
Didn't Ozzie go to the club ALONE for a year straight...
Didn't Papa move to the 'Mansion' and go out constantly...
Didn't you move to a whole new city and go 'balls to the wall'...
Doesn't Jeffy need a liver transplant...
Didn't ALL the instructors go hardcore, until they got good???

I agree that you should take it easy.

But...

I can't recall ANYONE, in Pickup, Business, or Sports that didn't push themselves HARD to achieve the level of success they have.


IMO, we all have to go through our own tryhard phase...
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#7
Psyfa

Psyfa

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/02/2007 | Posts: 824

Somewhere in my mind I feel I am wired wrong. Because pick-up for the past year have been a chore, pain after pain. this is something I've been thinkng for awhile now man.

I have a problem also for setting my success criteria too high not enough for myself to enjoy the moment, the interaction, the learning, the fuck-ups. Or even not enough for me to celebrate an achievement with picking up.

Somewhere inside me there's a voice making me all wired wrong, a little shift I think is needed.
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#8
Synyster

Synyster

Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/09/2008 | Posts: 1502

Great post. That really opened my eyes. I've been in this for 2 months, well 3 months if u count non RSD lifestyle, and I go crazy when I don't get the results I wanted.
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#9
Gioprime~

Gioprime~

Member

Join Date: 01/11/2008 | Posts: 33

read this post and i inmediatly thought " ok don't go out alone too much" (chode thought) i know what you mean by taking it easy sometimes but in my case in which i hardly go out alone if at all, doesn't going out alone enough times actually toughen me up to that kind of social pressure or make it worseconfused i don't know
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#10
Gigololove

Gigololove

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/25/2007 | Posts: 212

TheBatman Wrote:
Didn't Tyler go out every day for 3 years...
Didn't Ozzie go to the club ALONE for a year straight...
Didn't Papa move to the 'Mansion' and go out constantly...
Didn't you move to a whole new city and go 'balls to the wall'...
Doesn't Jeffy need a liver transplant...
Didn't ALL the instructors go hardcore, until they got good???

I agree that you should take it easy.

But...

I can't recall ANYONE, in Pickup, Business, or Sports that didn't push themselves HARD to achieve the level of success they have.


Batman,

I Totally agree

Saad's post is spot on with what I'm going thru right now, and what I have been going thru during long periods.

But I think his suggestion of "taking it one step at a time", comes from a major trend I see in RSD and that creates a lot of "weird" side-effects.

The problem, I think, creates this need for speed and subsequential burnout are the dreaded 30 day challenges.

Why are so many guys doing 30 day challenges ???

Challenges, IMHO, are supposed to be done quickly(make it last only a few days) and specificaly(working on kino, plowing, kiss rejection, whatever)

A Challenge that lasts 30 days IS a FULL TIME JOB. I would hate to game that way.

You might survive the Challenge, and then what ?

OTOH, you gotta take this seriously.

I know this about myself. By just relaxing and having fun, I won't go anywhere. It's the times I push myself hard when I really feel change and improvement.

But then again everybody's different...:)
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