January 18th, 2019
Don't Go Out and Have Fun To Get Girls..
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Join Date: 12/14/2007 | Posts: 70

I had an epiphany last week.

It’s easy to keep hearing things like be “self-amusing” be “non-reactive” or don’t “seek a reaction,” or “just go out and have fun.”

It’s good to know these things, but I feel like something is missing. I was, in the past, trying to apply these concepts…paradoxically…in a way that was seeking a reaction.

I’m thinking “ok, time to amuse myself”..the problem is I was doing that in order to get a reaction.

Another time I’d be thinking “ok, I need to stop seeking a reaction.” But the inherent flaw with that thought is that I was seeking a reaction by trying to not seek a order for me to prove to myself that this new “non-reaction seeking behavior” worked.

Essentially, I’m always going for the outcome, but then I realized…is the outcome really that great?

I’ve gotten girls back to my apartment…etc, and, yes, it is fun for glory times to ensue.

Think about this, are you THAT much happier -in the moment- when you are banging a chick in comparison to when you are just chilling, being yourself, and having fun with the chick? There is so much fun and pleasure to be had in the ENTIRE interaction that can be missed by constantly trying to get to the point where you are just banging the girl. Can time only be enjoyed…can fun only be had with a girl when one is banging her?

Also, think about this..are you doing it for the pleasure of the interaction with the girl or for the pleasure of your ego?

We are pleasure seeking beings, but there are many different ways to experience pleasure (or positive emotions if you want to call it that).


I play racquetball with my friend. Obviously, just like anyone else, I want to win.
Why do I want to win?
If I win, my ego will reward me with a sense of pleasure.

The thing is, there is inherent pleasure in just playing the game of racquetball. In fact, (I believe) there is more pleasure in playing the game than in the pleasure derived from winning.

If you look at this, almost everyone gets their ego caught up in any sort of activity they are doing and try to derive pleasure from that instead of just enjoying the activity as it is and deriving a greater sense of pleasure from that, from just experiencing it and enjoying it.

In fact I racked my brain to think of a few activities that we participate in that we do not really catch our egos up in (we get our egos involved in almost everything we do). A found a few, but there are probably more.

-Eating good food
-Riding amusement park rides

You can’t really say to someone “I am better at eating than you”..etc. You just enjoy the entire process of it. The same thing happens for the most part with riding a roller coaster.

Anyways, you can either experience pleasure from your ego and the outcome (which is very short lived) or from the entire interaction with the girl…by having fun with her.

By doing this, you come from a better place and will probably end up getting a better outcome because your ego is not causing you to get caught up in your head.

Ironically, though, does it even matter if you get the outcome? Does it matter if you run tight game and bang the girl and then brag to your friends about it? You had fun. You experienced positive emotions. There is so much more fun in the process. There is so much more pleasure in the process. The sad thing is, most people miss it.

I remember in all of the approaches that I’ve done that have gone anywhere, I always remember one of the best parts of our entire interaction was when I walked up, felt the aliveness in my body, and said whatever I did. It was one of the best parts. I believe that it was the most important part of our relationship, however long it lasted.

I love it.

The thing is, although these concepts are meant to explain how to attract women, they are more than that. Yeah, getting girls is fun. But so is every moment of your life, if you realize it.

Ultimately, realizing this can take a guy to a place far better than any girl could take him. This is why I love Eckhart Tolle.

Don’t go out and have fun to get girls, go out and have fun because…it’s fun.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 09/16/2006 | Posts: 140

Money Money Money!!!!
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

Think about this, are you THAT much happier -in the moment- when you are banging a chick in comparison to when you are just chilling, being yourself, and having fun with the chick? There is so much fun and pleasure to be had in the ENTIRE interaction that can be missed by constantly trying to get to the point where you are just banging the girl. Can time only be enjoyed…can fun only be had with a girl when one is banging her?

(posted by OhYeah)

Are people catching how powerful this post is? FANTASTIC.

There's been talk about "frames" for years in the community. Yet it's interesting to notice that almost all the "driver frames" ( the things that really create outcomes....and the ones that get corrected during lots of in-field calibration) are below the surface. More below:

Another time I’d be thinking “ok, I need to stop seeking a reaction.” But the inherent flaw with that thought is that I was seeking a reaction by trying to not seek a order for me to prove to myself that this new “non-reaction seeking behavior” worked.

(posted by OhYeah)

There it is. The driver frame is operating with the ego going unchallenged. Simple stuff. Hard to see without the odd epiphany.


And it's personal.

So many people hear about Tolle and "the now" but it's words. The way this post is written it's pretty clear that it's yet another high quality "process insight". Going through the process of calibration, staying connected in a feedback loop and seeing the real deal.

And here's what I noticed from Ozzie's talk about CLOSING in Transformations ( I know The Blueprint is the latest product, but Transformations is critical to get). He goes into the same stuff.

"It's not like sparks are coming out of your ass or anything. You're just having fun with the girl...and the fun naturally turns into something sexual".


Of course it'd be a GOOD TIME right about know to bring Pimp of Persia to the stage with that awesome post, "I can't beliueve it's taken me this long to figure out the secret of the game.."...expanding on "being in the now".

The second major benefit I’ve noticed from being present all the time is the ABSENCE OF NEEDINESS. If you’re in the moment, you’re happy or comfortable or peaceful in the moment. You don’t need anything… validation, approval, sex, certainty, anything. Before I was trying to “be non-needy” and this works sometimes but becomes pretty apparent as a state of doing and not being sooner or later.

I can’t place enough emphasis on self-trust here. Remember this all stems from liking yourself. When you like yourself, you trust yourself, and you respect yourself enough to ensure everything you do is done with quality, as a byproduct of being totally present.

But when you trust yourself… oh, holy shit. You instantly access whatever imprint you need. It’s fucking awesome. That’s the only way I can describe it to you. Everything comes out with conviction, self-assured. Not even slightly pinging or requesting approval. People do this so subtly it’s absurd. Conscious competence first. Work on it.

I can’t even tell you how much my game has improved from trusting myself completely. My words come out just the right way, I’m completely confident, I have no superfluous or approval seeking mannerisms. You are completely centered in your reality. Haha, when I used to hear “that guy is centered” I was like “yeah, so what you’re saying is that he’s a boring piece of shit.” No, totally wrong. This is the essence of masculine polarity. This is how you become naturally screening.

(posted by Pimp of Persia)

As you can see, the topic is the same....but the gold comes from people who have and are doing calibration. Thus the message comes out. It's the reason why a newbie can't be a natural, and natural is a natural. Or the reason why there is such a huge difference between a newbie and a newbie who has gone out 1,000 times...and faced calibration.


It's showing up here.

I don't know if anyone can come up with even more evolution on this....especially when it comes to THIS PART:

Sanik's "PAIN is the way" post:

The centeredness and the trust of knowing yourself is the best the you could strive for and achieve, that of course on side with all worldly goals and accomplishments but it is the center, the core of yourself, the truth that you come to by only going deeper into yourself that you find your true nature.

Its the pushing through of pain, blasting through each concentric ring until you get to the center of the self, which is the place where the moment happens, the place where you observe and are detached YET completely involved in the motions of the world.

As that comes upon your, your going to realize.. as the mind is lazy, as the body is lazy so your going to get to start doing athletics because that would be in alignment with your goals of becoming a better man...

Take me for example, im back in Kung Fu now 5 days a week, as a hobby I have taken up FREE RUNNING, have you ever seen those guys that jump from roof to roof and scale fences, its the art of conquering obstacles in your enviornment, its a very philisophical sport!

Im getting stronger, more awake, feeling more centered, I dont chase woman now, woman appear out of thin air!! they want to be with you, not because of the clever things you say or whatever bullshit you think but because of your INHERENT STRENGTH OF MASCULINITY.

(posted by Sanik)

I add this to round out the messages of "getting into the now" hopefully in an even more evolved way. Obviously a lot of people following the traditional mainstream media-marketed meditation practice are missing Sanik's message....and not getting to masculinity. But there is an overlap. Tolle is getting to masculinity. But he's not getting to masculinity. Confusing? I think it's REALLY IMPORTANT to do a merge on this stuff. And I don't mean a theoretical merge. I mean a life experience merge. Where it's coming from the field.

Now maybe there's something a big premature here. Something unrealistic. Do you think a guy IN NIMBUS and feeling great is going to say..."hmmm...I'm due up for an Oprah appearance and even a partnership with Oprah if I keep rolling along this path...I better sit down and get into my pain.."

Uh...I doubt it.

It would be the best thing, but it's not going to happen.

And there is no end to getting into a "high" based on a sealed off ego....nature is cruel. It has carried many a new-ager off into the sunset of mutilated identity ....without a whimper. Only to have the payback carried by some family member or a whole society ( as per Oprah for example...using the media to carry her deal instead of face it).

Of course eventually things emerge to have that denied pain faced. At the moment I don't have an answer for how to deal with the "early submarine compartment pain seal off" that new agers promote ( at least the marketed mainstream guys). I mean Sanik's post seems to have a direction. But it's not that clear yet.

Amazing though. The power of the brain to deny pain so it can move forward and pass on genes.

Very unforgiving.

That aside, the posts coming off of this board right now are fantastic.
“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
- African Proverb
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Respected Member

Join Date: 12/21/2007 | Posts: 367

It wasn't until I read the power of now that I understood this
I have a hard time with morals. All I know is what feels right, what's more important to me is being honest about who you are. Morals I get a little hung up on.
-Brad Pitt

Yuri Orlov: The problem with dating dream girls is that they have a tendency to become real. -Nic Cage (Lord of War)

The question is not how far. The question is, do you possess the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far as is needed? - II Duce (The Boondock Saints)
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Respected Member

Join Date: 04/27/2007 | Posts: 405

That's the irony of RSD. They are one step short of saying "who gives a fuck about girls!"
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Respected Member

Join Date: 04/02/2007 | Posts: 314

Exactly, bro. Go out and have fun WITH girls. Allow them to be a part of the fun you're having if they're capable of keeping up.

Crucial distinction.
Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness… give me truth --Henry David Thoreau
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Join Date: 10/02/2007 | Posts: 49

This is some VOODOO shIt ive been methoding on here...

When you FIRST REALIZE your future plans...going to the club, to a party, visiting friends......

SAY it out loud 3 times or internally with BELIEF!...

I am going to have "FUN".

Set it and forget it.

ITS weirded the F@#k out of me....................................
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Senior Member

Join Date: 07/17/2007 | Posts: 155

Super realisation...this is one area that I've been thinking about and you hit the nail on the head. Nicely done.
Girls and Awkward blog:
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 2063

TOtal money post. I think that's a reason why its so hard for me, and many 'older virgins' to lose their virginity. Because its such a big ego thing, we forget about having fun just for fun's sake...

*I wasted 4 years plus in dead end relationships being cuckolded crew
*I dont go out, I just bang chicks from work crew
*Old school RSD crew
*Money over swag crew
*Aspiring Polyamorous Dominants crew
*Misc on RSD crew
*Overcoming mediocre genetics through blood sweat and tears crew
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Junior Member

Join Date: 02/06/2010 | Posts: 17

 bump. this is gold.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 01/12/2009 | Posts: 663

Dude, BANG ON.

You are, paradoxically, going to get laid so much more now.
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