THE FORUMS

One thing I have realized while we are taking this journey onto self-improvement is the unnecessary need I place on external validation. The problem is that I can not be selective in my validation. When I open a set, do I feel joy when it goes well? Do I feel pain and hurt when it does not go well? Am I placing unnecessary importance on this particular set and feel a certain way by their reactions? One thing that I have realized is that I have the right to my actions but not the results. By placing unnecessary dependence on the outcome, I come from the standpoint and belief that my value is lower than theirs and that they define who I am. Their actions do not dictate who I am.

Successful people know they are successful or will be. Deep down inside before they ever get great they know they are destined for greatness. Why can they fail numerous times and keep going? Because they do not care they that fail because they know eventually they will succeed. Failing does not affect him. Thomas Edison once replied about failure, “I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward.” He knew, without a doubt, he would succeed – nothing would stop him. It’s like doing the 30 day challenge. It’s tough but once you start you make it a point that nothing will stop you from going out that particular night.

Sylvester Stallone wanted to be an actor and knew he was destined to be an actor. He had a horrible accent and no one wanted to hire him because of it. He applied to dozens and dozens of places every single day. He ended up staying over night in an office of an agency and wouldn’t leave until they finally hired him. They gave him one small role as a bad guy. He was poor and didn’t have much to live off of. He couldn’t even take care of his dog. He ended up standing in front of a liquor store with his only friend. He had a sign selling the dog for $50. Someone offered him $25. And he sold his best friend so he could eat and so his dog wouldn’t starve. He eventually decided his way to become an actor was to write his own script. So he wrote the story of Rocky. He brought it to a few places and one studio loved it so much they offered him $50k. He said only if he could play the lead character. They said no – they wanted someone famous. He denied the offer. This man just sold his fucking dog for $25 and he rejected $50k. They studio really wanted the movie so they called him again and again each time raising the offer to somewhere along the lines of $250,000. And he would not accept unless he played the lead role. After weeks of negotiation they settled for $35,000 and he got to play the lead role. The first thing he did was stand in front of that very same liquor store every single day hoping he would see that guy and be able to buy his dog back. A week past and eventually Stallone saw him. Offered the guy $100 but the guy said he loved the dog and wouldn’t accept. Stallone kept raising the offer and finally offered him somewhere along the lines of $10,000 and a part in his movie.

He knew without a doubt he was going to be an actor. It was in his blood and no amount of rejection would change how he saw himself. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger; he could never take a day off from lifting when he was training for Mr. Olympia. If he went to sleep early or was sick he was restless and no matter what - he felt like he needed to train. Anything – push ups, sit-ups, pull-ups - nothing was going to get in his way. People who are successful in one thing usually are successful in many things.

You need to get into this mentality where nothing is going to get in your way of creating who you want to be. You are not finding who you are; you are creating who you are. The popular saying think and that which you are - I’m going to expand upon on it. You must truly believe in who you are. Be the person that you believe you are meant to be.

It is within our power to set our own price. The way I carry myself reflects on what others think of me. If I dress like shit, do not take of myself, my rooms a mess, this all reflects on how I think of myself. You are not dressing to impress others. Remember you are not externally validating yourself to the rest of the world. You know you are fucking awesome and the world is your playground. You truly believe you are destined for great things. If you knew you were going to be rich, truly rich, would you care how much you spent now? If you truly are great how would you treat yourself? My body is who I am and I love who I am. So, I dress in nice clothes, get an awesome haircut, and get a manicure, not because I want to be complimented by others it’s because I deserve it. My outer game/shell is a reflection of how I really feel deep down inside about who I am.

I must believe I am destined for great things. Truly believe in your abilities and others will too. You act confident and others will believe you have a reason to be confident. As a child, we start our lives with great enthusiasm; we expect and demand everything from the world around us. As we become adults, rejection and failure set up the boundaries that we live in. We expect less from the world and we begin to accept what is and place limitations on who we are. We walk with our head low and apologize for all of our actions. This is all self-imposed thought. You must recreate who you are. To do this you must go in the total opposite direction. Ignore your failures, know that you are destined for greatness, and become the person that you want to be. You must radically go outside of it. You must totally get outside of your comfort zone. Do something that scares you. You must believe and you must act like you come from royal blood. You must believe there is no one and nothing that can hold you back from who and where you want to be.

Do not seek happiness in external sources – girlfriend, car, house, friends, even the future or the past. You can gain joy (when you externally validate you’ll also receive pain – when things don’t meet your expectation and from the absence of such things) but you can not seek happiness from these sources. You must look within for that. The critical point here is not to be seeking validation externally. It’s impossible to take positive compliments from others without taking the negative. So what do you do? Ignore all validation seeking activity. You seek validation from within.

Christopher Columbus became a great sailor because he believed he was of royal blood. He pretended it to others by telling them he was from great princes and dukes but in reality he came from a family cloth-makers. However, he believed he was meant to be of royal blood. He ended acted royalty and ended up marrying into royalty. He ended up convincing Queen Isabella to pay for his several expensive expeditions into the sea in which he knew nothing of compasses, maps, nor the ocean. However, he knew he was destined for greatness. And because he believed in this so much others saw this in him as well. Instead of begging for investors he demanded 10% of all future royalties from future lands and to be named Commander of all of the Sea. He set his own price. Do not set yourself up as a bargain. You need to know that you are well worth it. You set the price on yourself. Respect yourself, others may deny you on your demands, but they will respect you. Really believe you are destined for success and greatness in anything you do and you will have the courage to act on it.