THE FORUMS

December 10th, 2016
Emotions high jack you.
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Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

you go into a club and it all changes. from being cool, laid back, crazy, in the moment to self conscious, self monitoring, in your head, overanalytical, soon enough you will be paralized, no approaching, or may be a couple of approaches here and there and then you stop. emotions took the better of you. emotions highjacked you. Easy example is: I get a cool dude on bc, guy is extroverted, fun, empathetic, OUTSIDE CLUB, but once we get inside all hell breaks loose and the guy starts acting not like his usual relaxed self. I lose him.


so goes for almost every night you go out when you are victim of this type of behaviour. it takes many shapes and sizes for different guys but it is basically the same. you stop approaching or immediately go into "i need to get over my aa". then you go into a pattern of forcing yourself to approach which is more like sabotaging yourself out of approaches. it leads more or less to the same place: paralysis.

back in the day we chose to ignore this pattern or what was going and go into "approach, approach, approach". do it 20 times until you get warmed up and then you wont feel a thing. it used to work for me but there were nights when i used to fail horribly at this. my emotions got the better of me, then i started fishing for easy sets, etc.

I always would blame it on aa and that it is something in “human nature” to fear approaching strangers, that somehow it was “enbeded in my genes”- thanks to all kinds of “gene” books that I read, basically nerd books that explain the obvious, etc. all kinds of excuses to not take care of the real problem. It got easier as I kept going out and I kind of forgot about it for a while. I became “numb” to rejection so it was alright. I felt shielded when I got inset. I was thinking more like “if they don’t like me, fuck´em, I will do another set and I will get it going, I will eventually get laid no matter what”. I got numb to rejection or immune in a way. But something didn’t feel quite right.

Only after I started a process of “normalization” in my game, which means becoming “normal”, not gamey, not try hard, not reaction seeking that I could see the truth behind aa. One of the real truths behind it was that when I approached I tried to “perform a set” or “do a set” as opposed to talking like a human being to other fellow human beings.
For some reason over years of “gaming” I had forgotten that people are people, they are not “sets”, not “amogs”, not “mixed sets”, not “big groups”. People are people. Not the enemy to be conquered. People are ok if you are ok. People in general want to be friendly if you give them the chance. When I realized this, it relieved a lot of the tensions that I felt going in set. It felt easier and more natural.

I have designed all kinds of exercises and strategies on bc to specifically address this problem. I have become obsessed with making guys normal again, to drop the game, the facades, the pretentions, etc… biggest thing I get is when guys tell me “well, that set felt so normal, so effortless”. I aim for that of course. That feeling of normalcy in set, that feeling that “I belong here, this is right, getting attraction from this hotty is right”, etc. righteousness in the end. But the good kind.
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#1

Saad

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/02/2007 | Posts: 314

Quote:
thanks to all kinds of “gene” books that I read, basically nerd books that explain the obvious, etc


hahaha, I feel you on this one.

Great post.
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#2
FoodBuddha~

FoodBuddha~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/11/2007 | Posts: 3978

Excellent writing, Ozzie. Thanks...
I'm going to do my best to drop all that mental bullshit on Friday.
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The only people for me are the mad ones,
the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything
at the same time, the ones who never yawn
or say a commonplace thing, but
burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding
like spiders ac r o s s the stars.

-Kerouac
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#3

tredd

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/25/2007 | Posts: 120

Interesting way of looking at things. When I started seceral years ago into this world. I was excatly the guy you explained in your openning statement . It sounds like you have evolved over over years of gaming
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#4
pawpaw

pawpaw

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/25/2007 | Posts: 16

Interesting you mention this. For me it's normally vice versa. When I'm heading to a club with some friends, I'm usually very much inside my head and it's quite hard for me to participate in the conversation and to "offer value". As soon as I'm the club, however, something changes.

I can feel the energy of the people in there which instantly changes my state --> high energy etc. It's like something that was locked away before is forced out of me, lol. I don't draw the state from the environment, I just need the club atmosphere to get me going. Think of an old propeller plane.. After it has been started, it can run forever.. dancefloor game

Did my first "verbal" approach last weekend. Used some sort of "omg - opener". Girl lights up instantly (I think she had been dancing for hours, looked really frustrated before I snapped my fingers before her eyes). I was probably the first one to talk to her that night (although she was hot). Anyway, I didn't expect such a positive reaction... she was hooked right after the opener. And i choded out.......arghhh

Just the fact of you approaching confidently makes you stand out. Note that she might have been 18/19 , thus not that experienced. I'm 18 as well.
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#5

JohnJohnJohnson

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/05/2007 | Posts: 719

why do i find this kind of discouraging...
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#6
Sheik_Yerbouti

Sheik_Yerbouti

Member

Join Date: 07/17/2007 | Posts: 75

@ pawpaw - Weird how that happens innit? Some sets just hook amazingly well on the opener, and then you run it on another and you can't even get a look in...

Here's one thing that happens to me pretty much EVERY NIGHT I go out - I wonder if any other guys experience this too: I'll get to the club before 10, and from between 10 and midnight I'm generally in a high-energy state and opening is not a problem. Then at around midnight my state changes, and I become apathetic and unwilling to open anything. This isn't due to AA, just total lack of motivation and a general feeling of being drained. Then hopefully later on I'll get myself into a good set and it will re-charge me, and I'm back on top of things, although by now feeling more relaxed about the whole thing. Anyone else get this, and if so, what do you do about it?

- Christian
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#7
Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

Sheik_Yerbouti Wrote:
@ pawpaw - Weird how that happens innit? Some sets just hook amazingly well on the opener, and then you run it on another and you can't even get a look in...

Here's one thing that happens to me pretty much EVERY NIGHT I go out - I wonder if any other guys experience this too: I'll get to the club before 10, and from between 10 and midnight I'm generally in a high-energy state and opening is not a problem. Then at around midnight my state changes, and I become apathetic and unwilling to open anything. This isn't due to AA, just total lack of motivation and a general feeling of being drained. Then hopefully later on I'll get myself into a good set and it will re-charge me, and I'm back on top of things, although by now feeling more relaxed about the whole thing. Anyone else get this, and if so, what do you do about it?

- Christian


there is usually 2 reasons as i see it happen on bc and i am quick to correct this.

first one, you genuinely run out of energy after 2 hours of solid opening or staying in set. most guys are out of shape to run this kind of game.

sometimes there is another force at work. you are running a show. you are performing so it takes all the energy out of you to run the show. not necessarily routines, you might be running a show by maintaining your high energy vibe, in a way that´s likable and you can stick your sets by entertainment.

sometimes it is a little bit of both at work. other times the guys didnt have a proper dinner before going out. lol. or they didnt rest enough due to a long saturday of seminar, day game and now they have to pull 4 hours of solid approaching.
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#8
Bear

Bear

Senior Member

Join Date: 06/16/2007 | Posts: 133

might have wanted to be put an "advanced" warning :)

i think guys who are deep in the game (3 years deep+) will truly understand this post whereas others might say they understand although only on the surface
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#9

Friday

Member

Join Date: 09/18/2006 | Posts: 44

Ozzie Wrote:

I have designed all kinds of exercises and strategies on bc to specifically address this problem. I have become obsessed with making guys normal again, to drop the game, the facades, the pretentions, etc… biggest thing I get is when guys tell me “well, that set felt so normal, so effortless”. I aim for that of course. That feeling of normalcy in set, that feeling that “I belong here, this is right, getting attraction from this hotty is right”, etc. righteousness in the end. But the good kind.


Awesome Ozzie. Can you give an exercise or strategy to address this?
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#10
Jack Diesel

Jack Diesel

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/02/2007 | Posts: 1087

JohnJohnJohnson Wrote:
why do i find this kind of discouraging...


because it sounded like another "game is useless, just be" post, which from what I have read from your posts, comes across to you as nothing more than self help drivel.

In reality, what I think Ozzie meant to express (not to put words in his mouth, just my interpretation) is that here you are learning a skillset, yes, to 'have success with women' or however you wish to put it... but moreso you are being given a formula to break out of social conditioning that is preventing you from being relaxed, cool, normal.

Eventually, being this cool outgoing confident guy will be normal for you. Instead of being something that you 'do' it will be something that you 'are' if that makes sense.

.02

-JD
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