THE FORUMS

December 5th, 2016
Confronting Your Blindspots
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Tyler

Tyler

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8738

One of the reasons I think I've had a level of success is that I've never hesitated to face any of my blind spots.

It's nice to feel like you have certain things in your life taken care of. Your voice, for example -- when you hear it on an answering machine you realize that it might not be as good as you thought. It feels weird.

Likewise, when you feel that your business is successful and you see somebody doing better, you might have a million reasons to rationalize it. They're stealing your ideas. Cheating the system. Whatever. When in fact, they're just working harder than you, more polished than you, offering more value, better streamlined, etc..

When you go from feeling comfortable that something is fine, to dealing with the fact that it merits being improved -- it's a sort of queezy feeling you get. You can ignore it and stagnate, or confront it and continue to expand and evolve.

For me it's been my writing, public speaking, and all sorts of aspects of the way I come across. Being in the public spotlight has generated more feedback for me than most people would ever want to deal with. People always have a lot to say about me. I can log onto the internet at any time, and read everything from how I'm a champ to a total freakshow.

This might be bad for some people, especially people who's identities rely on external validation. My process is different. Usually when I confront a blindspot I'll feel that same sort of psychological rejection that most people feel. But very quickly I can re-assert my cool, and look at the feedback more objectively. It might take me a week to really take the feedback on board -- but if it's useful, I WILL take it on board eventually.

When you make advancements in your skills with women, it's good to sort of celebrate and appreciate the progress. You finally learn how to open or get a phone number -- appreciate it! Seriously, don't be a guy who gets down on himself --> delusional optimism, while having problems, is STILL superior to being perpetually hard on yourself.

But after a while, confront that you need to keep moving forward, establish a new goal, and move towards it.

I think confronting blind spots is one of the key peices that separates the guys who will be good from the guys who will be great. It's that difference between wanting to FEEL good and BE good -- and not settling for anything less than measuring yourself by objective reality.

As you make progress in your skills with women, I think it's worthwhile to have a friend take a digital camera with a video feature and tape you. Just to see what you look like. It might make you feel queezy -- you won't be the don juan that you think you are. But after you shake off the initial blow to your ego, you will be better off for it.

Just make sure that your head is on straight, and that you're PROCESSING this stuff in a CONSTRUCTIVE way. Processed in a poor way, and this could just mess up your flow to no productive end.


Tyler
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#1

Patrick_Bateman

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 191

Of course one of the great things about blind spots is you can't see them.

I tend to look at the big 3, wealth, health and relationships (in that order). Look at the ideal situation, then plan backwards to where I am now, then blindly follow that plan til I'm there. I have had amazing success with this method.

Does anyone else have any strategies for evaluating the unseeable?
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#2

S0LID

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 102

I really shouldnt say this but since you can take it, I'll point out one of your blindspots. You keep saying how "COOL" you are. It's pritty uncool. Maybe it's just my opinion and I can see why you'd do it.

S0
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#3

Limitless

Member

Join Date: 08/27/2006 | Posts: 33

So anyway,

I think most of my own blindspots that Im aware of I stumbled upon or I watched someone with good game and notticed I wasnt doing stuff like that etc. I think its a developmental process. Its funny, the other day I was thinking about getting some video of myself in set and then I read this post and it totaly confirmed my idea.
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"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


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#4

Toi_Boi

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/13/2006 | Posts: 242

S0LID Wrote:
I really shouldnt say this but since you can take it, I'll point out one of your blindspots. You keep saying how "COOL" you are. It's pritty uncool. Maybe it's just my opinion and I can see why you'd do it.

S0

haha :D

i know its not flame, or joke but i still found it funny :)
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#5

knowledgeis

Junior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 20

I really like this post because it resonates, gets me of autopilot and engages my conciousness. Too often I am a chicken shit or too proud to ask for advice or even worse ask for the dreaded help word.
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#6
Ingvar!

Ingvar!

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/06/2008 | Posts: 332

This is why I named my progress journal to "Killing the blindspots"
Good stuff!
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#7
Sanik the lovehog

Sanik the lovehog

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/03/2006 | Posts: 1011

feeling good vs being good, right action in the face of fear! sweet.
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#8

Predilection

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/03/2007 | Posts: 234

Good Article Tyler
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#9

Canello

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/23/2008 | Posts: 1261

This issue can be very tricky.
There are guys who are good and they know it.There are guys who are good and they don't know it.(they compare themselves with the ideal).There are guys who aren't good but they think they are great.(delusional).There are guys they have the POTENTIAL to be great but they haven't already been there,yet.(i call them black diamonds).
Where are the blindspots coming from?Since nobody is perfect-there is no such thing as perfect 10 e.t.c- theoritically everyone has blindspots.
One the other hand let's say that a guy sets a goal to be great with his criteria of what to be great means and he achieves it.He feels great.Then he sees that what he has achieved isn't so great 'compared' to other guys and to what is achievable IN GENERAL.
Don't get me wrong here,i'm not suggest to start comparing one withanother.I'm not saying this at all.
What i want to say is that the feeling that someone has of how good he is and how good he is in objective reality are very different.And it's very difficult to match.
Concerning moreover the classics 'fake it until you make it','your game is ten' e.t.c there is no reason for somebody not to feel good about his game.
It is good to feel good,as long as you don't become INERT by this feeling.
Different people set different goals.Some guys set an ultimate goal and when they achieve it they quit,others they move towards a direction threw the process of setting small goals.
For those who don't want to stop and want continuing progress it would be beneficial to know how good is good.There is another classic-i like classics- the 'what a man can do another man can do'.I believe that and i don't thing it's only motivational,but a reality.So for the sake of improvement and growth
i think it's productive for everyone to know the cutting edge,what is great NOW.And this can be said by the top guys.
I repeat this isn't for those who come and take what they want and leave-which by the way is very respectful and shows that the person is centered-but for those who see game as a vivid,dynamic process.

Canello
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#10
BlackJack77

BlackJack77

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/21/2007 | Posts: 760

Inventor Wrote:
I've been going through old posts. This was an interesting post from 2006. I think I might start bringing a tape recorder whenever I go out sarging so I can listen to it and see where I am messing it up afterwards.


That is a GREAT idea.

I did that. I was so embarassed by what I heard that I stopped listening to the recordings (I finally got my ego enough in check to listen to the recordings). They were VERY eye opening. Very painful at first but it got better.

Tyler's post on Blind spots is also killer. One thing I have to warn you about: don't look at too many or in too many areas at once or else you will overwhelm/ debiltate yourself. You can easily get into "paralysis by analysis" if you focus too much on your blind spots (I did this after attending The Blueprint.)
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