THE FORUMS

December 6th, 2016
The Fundamentals -- being cool and technique
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Tyler

Tyler

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8738

Here is a synopsis of my current views on the topic of success with women.

Becoming good with women is basically a combination of two things:

1) Being a cool guy -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU ATTRACTION.

2) Opening conversations with strangers, hooking their attention, moving venues with them, isolating, and escalating -- IE: WHAT GETS YOU INTO THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.

That's pretty much it.

Number two is the easy part. I can teach that to you in an evening out. Seriously -- eight year olds could be taught this stuff.

The hard part is number one. Becoming a cool guy. That's the part that actually makes girls ATTRACTED to you, not just engaged or entertained.

Now for a long time I've really promoted the technical aspects that are involved in number two, in the sense that I've disagreed with the guys who claim that it's ALL inner game and NOTHING ELSE.

Why have I taken that position?

Because what does a "guru" do when he has no real life experience with women to offer up in his course on how to get laid? He recycles a bunch of inner game stuff he got out of books and seminars (self-help, spiritual, NLP, or wherever else), twists the ideas to accomodate pickup, and takes the position of "it's ALL inner game!"

Beyond that, technique is important because there are plenty of cool guys with GREAT inner game, but who just don't know how to approach a stranger and push for escalation without being weird.

These days, though, I feel differently about the climate of our community. What's happened since Neil's book is that our community has moved in an extreme direction where people actually think that it's TECHNIQUE that gets them ATTRACTION.

Unlike most of the gurus, I still teach my own workshops as often as possible to stay in touch with the clientelle. You guys know me -- I'm meticulous to the point of being neurotic.. hence taking so long on the book, the specific website, the low ration on bootcamps, etc etc.. I have a specific way I want things done and I won't have it any other way.

So having stayed in touch with the workshops as much as possible, I've learned a lot about what clients are thinking. And what are most of them coming into workshop thinking? "I need to learn technique to get ATTRACTION."

The problem -- girls don't become attracted to you as a result of technique. You can use technique to disrupt their reality and to hook attention, but you will not build ATTRACTION with it. If you aren't a cool guy, as soon as you stop pushing the girl's buttons she will walk off. Period.

If you're a guy who can open any girl, get her giggling, but usually loses her as soon as the entertainment runs out -- THIS MEANS YOU.

Being a cool guy is what gets you attraction. What is being a cool guy? It's not complicated. Think back to high school, and the kids who were popular. Now don't glorify them -- most weren't getting laid all that much because they didn't know how to make it happen. But they WERE getting attraction from girls, which is the aspect that you can learn from.

So what do you study to become a cool guy? It's not complicated. All the stuff we talk about here -- having a strong reality, not caring what people think about you, having your own sense of humour, making people earn your validation, being able to vibe with people, etc etc..

Beyond that, it's about looking OUTSIDE for rolemodels on being an attractive person. Not just to a pickup guru, or even a "super dominant guy" -- but guys who are vibrant and positive and offer value to their environment without ever coming across like they're losing their power in the process. There are all sorts of guys out there like that, and you need to be paying attention to them. Not copying them, but just thinking about the place that they're coming from.

This doensn't come easy. Why?

Because if you're NOT a guy who has that stuff, IT TAKES TIME.

Everything we teach -- deep identity level change, authenticity, positivity -- it's all geared to moving you towards that end.

And ultimately, both "being cool" and "technique" are cultivated in the same way -- by going out.

So they're both important.



Tyler
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#1

Deepspot

Junior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 18

I'm kinda thinking out loud here...It seems like a cool guy is very much a subjective concept.As far as pick-up I usually match the vibe or energy of the venue which is maybe the starting point for cool or being seen as cool.Then I create an open atmosphere where someone can feel good about being who they are or more or less comfortable in their own skin....I have noticed over the years that not only women but men are also attracted(not sexual) to my energy which comes from being comfortable in my skin...Most people in general are looking for someone to tell them its okay to be who they are......Is this what your talking about TD?........DS
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#2

mooky

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 173

Quote:
Because if you're NOT a guy who has that stuff, IT TAKES TIME.


This was a big realization I had to come to, and I'm glad you emphasized it. Everytime I get frustrated at not hooking a set, or some small screw up I know shouldn't have happened, I look back at the changes that have taken place over even just a month or so, and I am proud that I was able to kickstart change using my OWN free will.

A few months ago, I would just sit at home and watch the game, and drink a few beers with my buddies. Now, every weekend is packed, and my social circle is growing every week. I have no problem opening, carrying a conversation, and getting attraction, and I feel my social identity growing. Even more, I notice if I open a set, and carry it for even 5+ minutes, chodes will sometime hover and try to drag me down with them, and being unreactive and seeing them socially drown really validates the changes I've made.

It's not that PU is hard or anything, its just that its such a DEEP change, that its a shock to your reality. But once you can swim, you don't fear drowning anymore, do you? You learn the butterfly.
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#3

Hawk

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 184

I also made the mistake in the beginning after reading Neil´s book that you only have to learn routines and approach the target and everything else will work out.
But I realised very fast, after I got stuck in my game, that it´s more important who you are then what you do.
If you do it right you also can pull with taking about death topics (work, school etc.)
(I did that last monday, my brother took the time I needed for the pull, only 25 minutes, my fastest pu! I´m so proud!!!!:p ;) )
The mindset, congruence ,frame control and leading are much more important then everything else.
But working on yourself is the most important part.
Becoming the person you always wanted to be and making the experience that a deep indentity change is possible is a huge relief for a lot of guys in the community and one thing that makes the whole thing so fucking addictive!
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#4

Deepspot

Junior Member

Join Date: 09/20/2006 | Posts: 18

I see alot of men here use the term chode to describe a man with less knowledge than themselves...How cool is that?....We are all in transition in every area of life and most of us want to improve...I really can't see why someone would disrespect another man and call that improvement.......Deepspot
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#5
Snyper

Snyper

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/06/2006 | Posts: 810

Good points tyler, i disagree in some ways.

People can get good at the game just as easily as from starting with routines and whatnot (ie things learned in the game) vs changing and developing the fundamentals of oneself (inner game)

The way one approaches pickup is like choosing to go to a college/technical school or university. (in canada colleges prodominantly teach technical skills.)

PUA College: Getting techniques and liners and opening, TECHNICAL SKILLS for gaming. You build good skills, based on trial and error of the knowledge and experience in these skills. Ie. you might train to be a carpenter, but youre going to start off making alot of crappy looking chairs and whatever. Overtime, you will start to get better and build amazing shit.

PUA University: Learning the Understanding of Inner game. What causes attraction, what is social value, domincance, ALL ABSTRACT, Philosophical topics concerning game.

It's like Aristotle's debate on Practical vs. Universal knowledge (if any of you are into philosophy).

So which is better?

Going out knowing a bunch of routines to start and engage conversations and where to take it from there and and practising this and getting really good

OR

Learning about fundamental topics such as how to be a dominant, high status male, what causes attraction, how the female mind works, how to display social value, then going out and APPLYING these values and adjusting one's mindset to do so, etc.

The answer is neither. BOTH are adequate ways at becomming good at the game.

The thing is, when you start off with the technical skills, THE ABSTRACT stuff comes naturally. Sure you may not know the fundamental reasons about why you're posture is so stern or why a girl is attracted to you, but you can still UNDERSTAND the basic principals and techniques of how to make it work and apply them.

Conversely, if you start off with the UNIVERSAL, ABSTRACT knowledge of the game you will start to produce and gain technical techniques with an understanding of the fundamental reasons why they work, etc, BUT THIS METHOD IS HARDER AND WILL TAKE MORE TIME.

snype!
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#6
Gamble

Gamble

Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 37

Prolly a little off topic, but i just want to say that this was a GOOD READ. I read your archives and got a LOT of value out them this passed summer when i was using alot of the stuff ("I LOVE U!! I'm going to adopt u!! You're my new girlfriend!! Hey, do girls think that the rockstar da....), u get the idea.

I've toned it down a bit these days, but again, after reading the type of content that you put up NOW.....it's hard for me to read those old posts and get the same value out of them. I'VE TRIED!!!!

It just sounds very convoluted and reactive. But it isn't to be downplayed becasue it got you results - and it got ME results. It got me into a lot of interactions with women and i got laid sporatically when things clicked for me in whichever random set i actually pulled a girl from.

These days, your writing is less rambly, in my opinion and very focused and content RICH!

Thank You.
=====================

Anyway, enough cocksucking of your posts. I just really enjoyed this read and wanted to mention it. BACK ON TOPIC though, i find that somehow. . . i have the cool thing covered.

I'm ALWAYS improving, dont get me wrong (having a strong frame, being more dominant, being more authentic - i.e. deciding what I'm about, and just having the balls to run with it...put up with the pressure that i may get as a result, etcetera. I dont have to explain this stuff to u; u get it already). But yeah, somehow, i already have the "cool" thing covered.

Most people think that i am cool - Most of the time! Even complete strangers, like the people i meet while LORDING over the clubs (lol. thanks tim). But i find that with me and my development, i seldom ever ESCALATE with girls.

My thoughts are that since i probably already know that i'm a cool guy, (getting positive social feedback over the years and internalizing the GOOD, to the point where the occasional "bad," registers as a fluke!) I have identified myself with this and i can feel it from the girls when i interact with them. I can ALSO feel the girls kind of waiting for me to DO something. There is always a point in an interaction where my target would have this kind of longing or 'waiting' expression, which is my opportunity to escalate somehow.

I just dont know how to do it, short of saying: "Uh...i like u." Then again, i dont want to LOSE that identity, it seems. If i try to escalate with a girl, and i flub it somewhere, them maybe i WONT be a cool guy anymore....maybe i would have had it all wrong all this time.... I haven't been able to let that go YET , but this self awareness helps me to combat it evertime it rare's it's ugly head. I find that with me though, i could use like, two or three techniques to try out or implement so that i can stop choding around and actually have a gameplan to GO FOR IT!

Very Frustrating. But i DO see the value in learning the identity level stuff. Shucks, i would rather have that down FIRST, but i'm working on both at the same time.

Aaaarrggghh!
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#7
TooManifesto

TooManifesto

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 655

mooky Wrote:

It's not that PU is hard or anything, its just that its such a DEEP change, that its a shock to your reality.


Very true, this is wise ! shades
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#8

Leisure Suit Larry

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/26/2006 | Posts: 718

Gamble dude, after just replying to you in another post I can see clear as day your problem...

I just dont know how to do it, short of saying: "Uh...i like u."

This DOES NOT make you lose value. Not escalating makes you lose value. YOU ARE NOT COOL if you dont esclate. Fuck obsessing about cool anyway man, the way you say 'Most people think that i am cool - Most of the time! Even complete strangers, like the people i meet while LORDING over the clubs' This sentence shows that you are reaction seeing form others and that your coolness comes form their validaiton not your own knowledge that you are a person of high self worth. Its a subliminal thing. Im not 100%, of course but I know whats what here.

You gotta be willing to put the interaction on the line. When the girl is standing there in silence waiting for you to escalate...DO IT. Really the more Im getting into this whole PU thing the simpler it becomes. There are cycles at first theres loads of jargon and technique but then once you have internalised it, it goes away and your mind is clear. I reallyenjoy talking the jaargon and technique though as its the hobby aspect of it.
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#9
Jforch

Jforch

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 824

I believe all this going out to clubs has has an amazing impact on how i do in my social circle. Its seems kindof like cross training. I made some really cute friends with these two girls i know. I had attraction from one and didnt escalate cause I couldnt get the escalation vibe going. But i ended up hanging out with these two girls more and more. They are attention getters(they socially proof the hell out of me) I think all neediness was gone with me and i always started having fun with these girls. The other day i was drawing satanhorns on a picture of them. " the one girl was like "your so mean" and starts tickiling and poking me. So I started boxing her and she was using her friend as a human shield so i was (lightly) hitting her and "acci-purposely" hitting on her human shield. It was so much fun. Then i INVITED MYSELF over to their house to play Guitar hero on playstation with them (its highly addictive to these girls and to me) and they were so excited to have me come over. I feel like such a much cooler person. I feel so grateful that i could feel wanted. By 2 hb 8 and 9's. I mean sure i want to hook up with them but i am starting to get to where i can really enjoy the process even if i dont.
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#10
Gamble

Gamble

Member

Join Date: 08/22/2006 | Posts: 37

Interesting thoughts, Easievibe. This makes sense to me. I will think about it further throughout the day.
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