November 21st, 2018
My Experience (And Evolution) With Lifestyle Building And Game
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Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8860

I'm hanging out with Brad in Hollywood today and we're talking about lifestyle building, taking a few notes, etc.

I've always disliked what I consider to be oversimplified takes on the whole "cold approach VS lifestyle building" issue.

Here's a breakdown of my own experience with it, which offers no simple answers, but a really good perspective of what I've learned and found to work over the years.

It tracks my personal evolution with it.  If this interests you, you'll find it helpful.

**Brad will post up his notes as well below this.  Here's a pic of us working literally right now lol.

-I got dumped at 21.

-I was willing to do anything to get a new girlfriend, so started by getting new friends, buying a house, tons of expensive clothes, got into fitness, bought a new car, got a 2000 dollar watch.

-Got no girls.  None.

-Why? Because I didn't know how to open, vibe, venue change, get a number, or pull.

-It didn't automatically solve the problem.

-2 things that fucked me over, 1) it was too passive, girls don't automatically sleep with you from it, and 2) it was done for the purpose of getting girls so it was reaction seeking.

-The #1 reason I got a bad impression of lifestyle building was that so much of my game was built on non self qualifying - I noticed that the less a guy qualifies himself, the more attraction he gets.

-I felt like all this massive effort was triggering to qualify myself more, convey myself as a provider. I was putting so much effort into it, it was almost impossible to resist qualifying myself.

-The #2 reason was because when women think you're a provider they often hold out on sex.

-The #3 I associate PUAs who go into lifestyle development as pessismists and quitters, because they start wanting to protect their ego from the craziness of continuing to approach people, so totally stop approaching, and rationalize they're getting more girls through "lifestyle" when they wind up just quitting at life.

-The so called "problem" of guys going out too much with no lifestyle is a phantom problem, similar to anxorexia. Yes it's a real problem, but it's not nearly as bad as obesity. It just winds up giving guys who don't go out an excuse to continue stagnating.

-Taught myself cold approach and got laid.

-I found this more effective cause I taught myself to approach a ton of people, amp up my state, vibe with them, and structure a pull.

-This caused me to view my previous efforts as stupid, since at the time I was initially so deprived of sex I thought sex was bar of how well you're doing.

-i was also bought in to evolutionary theory that said the purpose of life was to reproduce.

-Over time I noticed that I was lacking in other interpersonal skills, which caused me to have a falling out with Neil at the time he was writing The Game.

-I also had falling outs with other important people in my life, including people who I admired but didn't reciprocate it. That obviously will never fully stop, but I felt so many were unecessary.

-I also noticed that Mystery's paradigm of whoever has the best game as being the coolest wasn't working for him, as it hurt his business.

-I saw Eben's success and was blown away by that.

-I was also taking so much action, it felt incongruent not to take action in other areas of my life.

-Moved to Hawaii for 3 years.  Had a big social circle, cool / diverse life.

-Built a business that got into Inc 5000.  Made millions for RSD.

-I rationalized that I was going to be like Hugh Hefner.

-I realized that so many of my rich friends were NOT getting girls, and were simply nerds. They were not "bosses" they were simply guys who were squares.

-Not going out enough eroded my wit and social skills, made me feel weird interrupting strangers, and made me feel above the process.  Disconnected from life.  Uncool.  Old.

-In the end to get back into it required periods of immersion.

-Now I find it best to balance.  I've gone out for months at a time to build back my skills super sharp, but also usually balance it by going out just a few minutes a day to socialize a bit, then do hardcore pulling on the weekends.

-The main advantage to the balance with periods of immersion is you stay super sharp in "the game" and also buid yourself up as a man.

-My life is now stacked with top notch hobbies and passions, as well as professional focuses and global social circle, but I also keep it real in the game.

-I'm really loving life.

1) Feeling of self efficacy. Knowing you can handle your shit.

2) When you're in alignment and connected to all aspects of your life's path, it is very masculine. Because masculine energy is grounded, knows where it's going without permission, and free.

When I was 24 I taught "made" guys, and I just felt this feeling of ease around them. I wanted to become one of them.

3) Feeling "emptied out" when I go out. Not the times when I'm overworked and overstressed (in which case being "successful" actually hurts you since you're overburdened by work), but when I've achieved a nice balance, it's perfect.

4) Having so many other important and exciting things going on, I feel much less emotionally affected by what's going on with any particular girl (or anything).

This cements you as the star of your own movie, and into your own reality.

It allows you to be even more vulnerable and intimate with a girl, since she never detects true neediness from you. You can do all those apparently needy things, but she never feels she has power over you.

(This isn't an excuse to totally drop the ball, but you get the idea.)

5) I have more interesting things to talk and hooks about post sex, on day 2's, and in relationships.

-By the time you're done, you view going out as a fun way to act like an idiot, work on some fundamentals as a man, and get some pussy. It's fun in a different kind of way.


Let me know how you enjoyed this, and any questions let me know!

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Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

I'm with Tyler in LA and we are comparing our notes on a few specific categories here.

It's still in the works, but here's my list! 

Does Lifestyle Get You Laid?

Failed Lifestyle Attempt at Getting Women

- Started off in medical school
    o I think because my gf’s dad was a doctor and it was what she wanted
    o Doing it for the nurses
- It’s totally a passive way to get girls
- Always waited for permission from the girl to do anything
- I constantly lived with a low level anxiety and stressed out because I didn’t feel in control, somebody else had the power. To allow me into med school, to allow me to to allow me in to the country club that I’d need to belong to.
- Freshly single for the first time, thought I needed to workout and get facials because looks mattered and tied into all of the social conditioning.
- Took a bootcamp with alex, started assisting and realized it all came down to your skills.

Shift to Cold Approach and Success to Woman

- I started going out 300 days a year.
- Didn’t like lifestyle guys like Adam Lyons because I thought it was cheating, I thought true cold approach you can’t rely on anyone. Built responsibility.
- Went out non-stop and it didn’t affect my life, I was growing so much that I was fulfilled. I was finding myself too using cold approach as a self dev tool.
- was about doing it for yourself. Col
- Talk about Daniel in dubai and how I “cut straight to the end”
- Built self assertiveness which helped me get what I want, feel more like a man
    o Developed the alpha eye contact to frame control the shit out of anyone
- Extreme self love, narcissism where I thought everything I did was god’s gift to the world

Cracks in the armor

- I realized that the pinnacle of game was the promoter. A guy who didn’t even go to college, was stupid, drinks everynight. What else does he accomplish beside texting people and getting them to his table. And downs booze.
- I also realized that I was taking so much action, learning about myself, and realizing I wasn’t taking action in the other areas of my life.
- I didn’t feel congruent.
- Clap, “Oh! You can get girls! Good for you! Did you pull again?!”
- You become a “hero in your own mind” but you see people that are winning more than you. (successful clients, etc doing cooler shit than you)

Why Lifestyle is Awesome

- Lifestyle isn’t about telling her what you do, it’s about the 4th dimensional vibe you put off
    o It’s not the tangible things, it’s the man you became from those things
    o Feel like a fucking arrow, or a bolt of lightning
- Feeling whole because nothing is holding you back, you are growing in all areas
- It’s not hard to get in state when your life is handled
- Feelings of self efficacy
    o How financial abundance isn’t how much money you have in your bank account, it’s your trust in your faculties
    o How success with women isn’t how many girlfriends you have, it’s your ability to get another girl in your life, or how every girlfriend is better than the last
    o How acquiring one skill allows you to get other skills
- A true man can be vulnerable because he has his life handled. Not that you are a chode.
    o Marlon Brando in Godfather running around with the kid.
- Synergy – They all feed into each other.
- Immersion and Maintenance
- Tie it back that its LIFESTYLE not about how it relates to women
    o How self amusement is not game, just as girls isn’t life
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/08/2006 | Posts: 6828

 TIght. I think you should talk about baby-stepping successes, and how those build on themselves and create certainty. 
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Respected Member

Join Date: 03/25/2013 | Posts: 652

Really good.

That's really what you have to focus on.

The fundamental message must be that it's not the lifestyle itself who will get you laid. But it's more the vibe you'll get,  resulting from  having that lifestyle who will make you attractive in the eyes of the girls.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 07/10/2013 | Posts: 170

 Epic stuff. Tyler and Brad..Thanks for these awesome notes.I agree,balance,with period of immersion and focus cycles are the best.
* Always see the positive in the WORST of people and situations.Acknowledge the negative but don't dwell on it, always focus on the positive.* * Do NOT care what other people think of you.* * Do NOT try to impress anyone.* * The world owes you NOTHING.If you want something, if you deserve something, GO AND TAKE IT.* * No excuses.* * your comfort zone.* * Be happy with every rejection.Even Tyler STILL gets rejected.Not every girl is gonna like you.You gained experience.No pain,no gain.* * Smile after every rejection.* * To get a lot of girls,you have to lose a lot of girls.* * Everyone is always friendly.* * All women are attracted to me.* * There is no reason why I am not enough.* * Approaching is fun.* * Trust the process.* * Push through THE FLINCH.*
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Taoist Manipulator

Taoist Manipulator

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/16/2013 | Posts: 567

Great post Tyler. If you'll write your autobiography - or someone else writing your biography - that would be a best seller!

"People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions and help them throw rocks at their enemies." --- Blair Warren
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Senior Member

Join Date: 08/05/2013 | Posts: 207

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Senior Member

Join Date: 10/06/2010 | Posts: 184

Tyler, just out of curiosity, how did you manage to buy a house at 21?

Did you work during your teenage years, saved the money for a downpayment then took an additional loan?
Or did you just pay in full?

I hope it's not too personal.

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Respected Member

Join Date: 09/21/2012 | Posts: 503

 Dig this.

On my path to do the same.

This just threw some gasoline in the fire.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 02/19/2013 | Posts: 599

 perfect timeing for me, for the RSD  lifestyle to be released..
No more Free Randy
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Respected Member

Join Date: 11/14/2008 | Posts: 978

 these are really good summaries. i'm really looking forward to this part of your content. brad, i connected a lot with this line:

- You become a “hero in your own mind” but you see people that are winning more than you. (successful clients, etc doing cooler shit than you)

that is exactly how i feel. i feel like i run around like a fucking boss, doing shit everyone wishes they could do, yet other people are in better situations then me. it's like, what the fuck? in fact, i've almost become so numb to pickup at this point, i'm starting to feel lower value a lot of times because i don't feel any adrenaline rush at all at this point anymore. but i'm still "aware" that i am cooler, but don't FEEL cooler, if that makes sense. it's like, pickup is not fulfilling my self entirely, i'm missing pieces. i'm deep into my own business shit right now for that exact reason.
"Fuck social conditioning and fuck what anybody thinks of you!" ~Tyler Durden
Rejection > Regret
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