THE FORUMS

December 5th, 2016
A New Start
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BigR

BigR

Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

Time for part 2. My previous journal was about me going out 4 - 5 days a week. I managed to find a really nice girl, while dating several others. Decided to take our relationship to another level and go into an 'official relationship'. Now, like one month ago, our relationship ended. We still kept in touch, and after two weeks we decided not to contact each other. This means, I'm single again. Got me quite down.

However, I have learned A LOT during this relationship. My advice for other guys reading this, if you find a girl you like, GO INTO A RELATIONSHIP. You'll learn a fucking lot! I learned, for example: 
- That I still pleased her too much
- Felt guilty for who I was (didn't have much money, so I couldn't take care of her like I wanted)
- Was a wuss (couldn't handle critisim)
- Thought a lot about her, not about myself

Now, due to the fact that I have learned A LOT, I will focus on becoming even better as a man. I'm going to do the following: 
- Get back in touch with my dad (haven't seen or contacted him for 13 years)
- Work on my career (got to be able to take care of myself first, before I can even take care of someone else)
- Do what I want
- Do behave like an extravert, not like an introvert (This lesson is HUGE! I often behaved like an introvert, which did not make me happy).

I am going to use this log for several things, however it will mainly be used for approaches, dates, and such. I will not go out at night, I will find a other way to meet girls. Daygame or during travelling. I prefer the natural way, not the 'hunting and talking to every girl I see' appraoch. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I have to find that way though.

Lets start!
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[FR] - A New Start (current)

[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

Woonachtig in Utrecht / Amsterdam / Member of Utrecht & Amsterdam Inner Circle
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#1
BigR

BigR

Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

During work I met this girl. I love it when a girl has ambition, is reliable, creative, and engaged in what she's doing. I love the same things, so these things match. We can then talk A LOT, become enthusiastic etc. Basically. I. LOVE. THIS.

So i got my first day2 after I got out of the relationship. I have approached girls whom I liked, but this was my actual first date with a girl whom I liked after my relationship had ended. Anyways, Conversation went really well. I loved it, she loved it. However, I was slightly (...no.. FREAKING) tired. Too bad. Asked her anyways. I noticed I did a lot of things right, however, I did NOT get the sexual tension. I completely FORGOT! to move it that direction. Now we were talking just as FRIENDS.

Got her direct number, so there will probably be a day3.

Lesson:
- USE MOVEMENTS OR SOMETHING TO GET THE SEXUAL TENSION (touch etc).
- Use the "I know I can rock your world in bed" - look. I still tend to become too enthusiastic and not talk sexually.
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[FR] - A New Start (current)

[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

Woonachtig in Utrecht / Amsterdam / Member of Utrecht & Amsterdam Inner Circle
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#2
BigR

BigR

Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

DAAAMMNNNN IIIIITTTT !!!!

JUST LEARNED A FUCKING IMPORTANT LESSON! Well, actually, it was more like a REMINDER (!), a brick that hit me right in the face. I met my ex like, today. Some might think it was not a good idea, but for me it was, learned SO MUCH. For example:
- I didn't keep my boundaries. I became what she wanted me to become. I became a copy of HER. I didn't even reconize me in the relationship. My carefreeness was TOTALLY gone! Such a HUGE mistake.
- Women REALLY do NOT want to take the responsiblity of SEX. They LOVE it, but they do NOT want to take the responsiblity. NO means a no when she gets mad, else it's a 'not yet'. This rule is SUCH A GIGANTIC RULE. Why? Several reasons of what happened today: 
* we met again, after two months. At first it went well, we spoke about things, flirted like mad. I noticed her flirting like MAD with me, wearing the brah she bought especially for me, so I knew she was down to fuck. Especially with all the flirting, the deep eye contact, smiling, but then.. then I COMPLETELY BLEW IT. I became MR WUSS AGAIN. Started saying like 'I made a mistake back then, I just wanted rest, not a break up', etc. I became MR TALK, MR EMOTION. FUCK THIS. This emotion shit, that's just not ME. I HATE IT. Why did I do it? WHY?
- Why did I let her change me, why did I allow that to happen? 
- Why didn't I pick up the cues of her flirting, and understanding that she was saying 'i'm down to fuck, just make your move'.

Ok, great, there is no story line in this. Fuck it. Then, to top this all of, after talking about this for an hour i guess, i heard her saying like 'i wish you could stay longer' (she told me she had to meet a friend at 5pm, however she was already like 15 (minimum) mins late.., so this was probably a lie.). Then I started talking about how I would want to have a relationship, or maybe not, or maybe i want to have a sex-relationship, basically, i couldn't decide. All I wanted was just 'permission' to fuck her I guess, an 'ok' from her, not realizing she gave me thousands of them already. To top this all off, we kissed right before I left.

And then.. then the magical thing happened. She texted me; and i responded with 'ah, i want a relationship with all the fun, parties, work, sex, etc. And this is where I went wrong. AGAIN. She said like 'am i not good enough if we don't have sex?'. And I didn't pass that test either. Lets just keep it like that.

Fuck. I missed all the cues, and didn't act like a man. Didn't go for what I wanted, because I was a wuss. Fuck. FUCK EMOTIONS. REALLY. ALL PEOPLE DO IS TALK TALK TALK, and not just have FUN. All talk about PROBLEMS.

Basicaly
- Take the lead, lead lead lead,
- read social cues
- LISTEN to what she is saying (not the words, but the words behind the words)
- When she hugs you, looks at you deeply, smiles at you, wants to walk with you, be with you, just FUCK HER ALREADY, make that DAMN move. They won't do it. ITS ALL UP TO YOU ! ! ! ! ! TAKE THAT RESPONSIBLITY. She wanted me to fuck her in the kitchen, she's the kind of girl you push against the wall, HARD. We'll see if I get a chance again.

For now the question is; what is the first step of acting like a man? 
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[FR] - A New Start (current)

[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

Woonachtig in Utrecht / Amsterdam / Member of Utrecht & Amsterdam Inner Circle
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#3
TyranuZ

TyranuZ

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/09/2013 | Posts: 4

Good stuff
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#4
BigR

BigR

Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

Ok. Here we go. Look at the date from this and my previous post. Almost two months. Been working too much lately that I almost got burned out and had no energy left to do anything other than work. Huge mistake, but I took my responsibility and let one of the three go. Now it's just my internship and honours college. This, i can manage, and now I would like to focus on: getting back on my two feet. Learned a huge amount of lessons, so this post is probably going to be quite big. First i'll go into today, second i'll go into the lessons I learned from my relationship. 

Today
Currently working on my master thesis so I went to university today to work on my thesis. During my break I saw a girl, didn't know whether she was cute or not. Anyways, sat next to her and initiated contact with no prior meaning or outcome. Just said something like "is this seat taken?" and then made her laugh while chocking on a tea leaf. I had no real intention of talking to her i was more like "it would be fun if, but if not i don't really care". We then started of talking to each other. Had an amazing vibe, realized I am still quite alright in game, it's just a little rusty. Then I thought 'oh shit, venue changing works' so lead her into a different venue. Once in the elevator, I could feel this intense sexual tension between us, however, I DID NOT ACT UPON MY GUT FEELING, My ANIMAL behavior. I did not initiate a make out. Big learningpoint. Would have been fun if I could make out in the elevator with a random girl whose name I didn't even know. Then we went to the 6th floor, looked for a different place to work together, and she went looking for private rooms. It became obvious we could make out there, and she wanted it. I wanted to fuck her there too, however I was still very reactive. The vibe i'm putting off is like 'oh I don't care where things will take me", instead of actually pro-actively shape my destiny. I do shape it with work, just not (yet) with relationships. 

It's funny to see how rusty i've gotten, how choded out I have become, at least, I am putting off a nice, calm masculine vibe, however, I don't yet excalate yet. All I need to do now is open, take the interaction further, and escalate. Touching is no problem. Just need to move quicker, and have an actual intention of wanting to fuck the girl. It was more like "oh it would be fun if..", not "I will fuck her here in this library"

Anyhow, even when we were walking in the library, I could feel the sexual tension. It would have been awesome if I had grabbed her, and kissed her. I didn't. Choded out. There were a massive amount of opportunities, she basically presented herself on a silver platter, and I went into the complete dating her scene, like 'getting to know her, appreciate her, spoil her' vibe, which I also noticed doesn't really work, at least, it does, but your vibe, your escalation, you for you works way better. 

This all together was a huge realization that I was way too reactive in my excalation. My verbals were good, I was talking about stuff I liked to talk about, and listened to stuff she was interested in. It's amazing when you get her to talk about her passion and actually show interest in it. 

This story, it's quite a mess. This is what I learned (L), and will do better next time (N)
- (L) Rusty, back in chode mode, not escalating
- (L) still got it, the verbalness, flirting, down to earth, present vibe
- (L & N) lead, venue change, talk about what you like to talk about
- (L & N) have a mind-set of fucking the girl. 
- (L & N) respond (NOT react) to sexual vibe with your intention, JUST DO IT

Basically, I want: 
- to get that animal / power feeling back in my body. Going to get this by going to the gym (muscle up a bit, to feel more masculine, I now am -personally- too skinny), and by getting new girls. I have to. 
- Get laid. 
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[FR] - A New Start (current)

[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

Woonachtig in Utrecht / Amsterdam / Member of Utrecht & Amsterdam Inner Circle
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#5
BigR

BigR

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Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

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[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

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#6
BigR

BigR

Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 84

Rusty as fuck. Been out of it for way too long. Was emotional wreck, and a whiny bitch. Time to change things. Time to take responsiblity for myself. 

Tinderdate. Way far away from my place. Don't have a place. Live at my parents again. Saving up money for travels. Rationalisation? Maybe. Anyways, saw her and noticed we had a connection right from the start. I started touching her, she did it even more after it so that went good. Lawyer girl. Control freak, A type. Confident. Not that pretty. I wanted to kiss her early on, in one of the cafés. Didnt' feel as if it was appropriate there. Did kiss her outside though. She was all over me, and loved the kissing. That was for sure. Still have so much to learn in this dating thing. Do know now that I value CONNECTION over SEKS. Seks is fun, sure, but I don't really care about the numbers. Think I messed it up right afterwards with a text. She texted me, and I texted her something back, needy narcisistic thing. I said it, can't be undone, so this is it. Too bad. There are others. 

I feel completely comfortable in touching, expressing and talking about me and her. Really, that's not the big deal. The big deal is, on day1 of the tinderdate, how do I get into HER appartment? That SHE takes ME home, to HER PLACE? No outside fucking yet, love to do that in a friends-with-benefits / partner relationship. Prefer her place though. I have thought of the following:
- Hey, lets watch a movie at your place; i'll sleep on the couch. 
- ...?


Learned
- Still have a lot to learn, especially in being honest. Stating my intentions. Saying that by what she is doing, she's turning me on. Etc.   
- Strong in 1 on 1. No biggie. 
- Assertiveness is a thingie. Major learning point. 

Did well
- Touching
- Kissing
- Telling stories (i love to do that, even so much that I might even forget my goal, or forget to think about the next steps). 
- location switching. 
- to a large extent, saying what I thought. 
- Being relaxed (it is my normal way of expressing, I tend to be calm, generally speaking). 
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Engaged Worker

[FR] - A New Start (current)

[FR] - From Zero to Hero (2012)

Woonachtig in Utrecht / Amsterdam / Member of Utrecht & Amsterdam Inner Circle
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