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March 27th, 2017
The Importance of Establishing "Man to Woman" Right Away
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S.Plissken

S.Plissken

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/23/2012 | Posts: 444

Let's talk about this a bit. I want to know if other people get this, and talk about how to deal with it.

I recently noticed something about myself:

The absolute hardest thing for me to do in pickup, psychologically, is to go from "person to person" frame to "male to female" frame. In other words, if I see a girl I want to fuck, and I don't hit on her right away, and I fall back to a more "friendly" approach, then, making my intent clear later on becomes more difficult. It feels like "it'd be so awkward to just hit on her all of a sudden now".

When I go out to clubs, this isn't an issue. I've got my club clothes on, I'm feeling sexy as fuck, the music's loud; the place is dark, and the girls are drunk and wearing skimpy clothing. It's like "who the fuck cares, just hit on some bitches!" In the club, I always open with something that shows that I'm hitting on her. This works for me most of the time, and even when it doesn't; there's very little "pain of rejection" involved, if any, because I just don't give a shit, I'm just like "approach approach approach haha who gives a shit yeah son!"

But say I'm doing social circle, like I have been doing the past few months. I meet girls, we hang out with some friends and so on; and I can see VERY CLEARLY that she's attracted to me, but for some reason, my mind just won't "let me" escalate on her. Because it feels so awkward.

This seems to be a major, major problem for me. I'm missing out on SO many beutiful girls who are TOTALLY into me; but because I haven't established a male-to-female dynamic right off the bat, I feel a sort of "escalation anxiety", a sort of "mental block" that keeps me from moving things forward and hitting on them.

In fact right now; I've got THREE girls who are so attracted to me that they stutter and shit when they talk to me; and try to supplicate all the time, asking me if I'm dating anyone, etc. So I know that if I ask these girls out, they'll be into it. But since I've waited so long without expressing intent, now I'm just like, "What the fuck would I say? It'd be so awkward."

I need solutions for this. Both inner and outer. As in; what's the correct mindspace to approach this issue from; and I'd also appreciate, if you know any, some "canned material" or whatever that can make that transition "smoother".

I know that 99% of the responses will be "just express intent you pussy"; and of course I know that; but please try to understand, we all have our blindspots that we're weak in. At least I'm trying to fix this.
__________________
The most profound lessons I found in my journey so far:
-More often than not, great men are not born, they are built.

-There are two ways to get good at becoming attractive to women: You either become a good enough liar, or you become a good enough man.
-Value x Escalation = Sex. If you want more sex, simply increase your value and/or your escalations (escalate more girls, or escalate stronger)
-Self-improvement is what increases your value. Self-acceptance is what makes it easier for you to escalate.
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#1
monkeybizwak

monkeybizwak

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/04/2012 | Posts: 378

 yes i know this. its so esy to keep playing it safe. I struggle with this on any average night at the club too. if I dont get on top of it from the start... I'll keep running into this wall again and again.

as far as social circle:
the thing is that, if like you say, she's so into you already, theres undertones and enough micro-communications (sexual tension) where you both know the leading and fucking is just be the natural thing to do. then its just your job to be a sly motherfucker and get her alone.

A similar scenario I had:
her friend was on me from the beggining and then Iater I managed to switch on to her by being upfront with "you know im into you but I dont want to make her feel bad" (by then we had all hung out about 2-3 times and there was a udeniable connection so things just fell into place. different scenario but my best bet is that youre just gonna have to risk loosing her and her buddies. 

fuck it, burn them boats yo.
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#2

gameon24

Junior Member

Join Date: 11/27/2011 | Posts: 11

Well if they're clearly into you just let your subcommunications flow. Deep eye contact, make an excuse to hold their hand (I usually grab their hand as an excuse when trying to make a point,), light playful kino dispersed throughout to keep building the tension. Look at her lips, lead, link arms, then at some point go for the make out. Remember to stay relaxed in this new frame, I actually was rejected by a "friend" I tried to make out w/ because she had a guy she was seeing but she was smiling the whole time, I could've persisted more but I wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't want to make it weird with our social circle. We still talk from time to time but she doesn't think I'm weird or anything. I recommend doing this when both of you had a bit to drink so she isn't in her head, remember shes just just as nervous as you are but you have to be the one to set the frame and just do it.
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#3

Mikeler

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/27/2013 | Posts: 156

I thought this forum was about cold approach only.

Social circle, wtf?
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#4
Jailbait Warrior

Jailbait Warrior

Senior Member

Join Date: 05/03/2013 | Posts: 112

 misinterpretation of the word intent and man to woman is your problem
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#5
G-Money

G-Money

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/20/2011 | Posts: 586

You need to be dropping statements of intent within the first 10 minutes of the conversation as well as getting physical. That should solve most of your problems.

For example:

Hey, you're cute what's your name?

Blah blah blah

(Bullshit banter for 5 minutes)

Damn girl, I think I'm in love, come 'ere. (Pull in for hug)
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Building an attractive lifestyle of abundance through finance, women, and personal development. 
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#6

Trent3Reznor

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/19/2011 | Posts: 456

Sounds like you're uncomfortable getting physical. 
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#7

bowie

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/20/2013 | Posts: 284

 Yeah dude I have a bit of the same issue with someg girls in my social circle.

I think the playful and lighthearted intent is the way forward - keep it innocent but play around with the intent - tell her you want to start dating her and introduce her to your mom who will bake cakes for her - tell her she is so pretty you want  a picture of her as the background photo on your iphone -  whatever lame shit that will make her giggle - give you a reason to hug her or hold her hand - without going too emotional or direct.

I agree its not easy to switch on the intent if it has been lacking all the time - so the playful and lighthearted way would be my suggestion to heaten things up without going overboard.
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#8
G-Money

G-Money

Respected Member

Join Date: 09/20/2011 | Posts: 586

 Whoever mentioned social circle....this is CRITICAL. If you don't establish man to woman or come off as a sexual threat to the girl, you basically are dead in the water. The girl will label you as a faggot, at least in a sexual way. You always need to be teasing, bullshitting, and getting physical. Many times guys will be scared to get physical with a girl because it might ruin their reputation when NOT GETTING PHYSICAL is exactly what that's doing. Then they get in a negative thought loop:

"Fuck I didn't get physical last time. Now If I do it, it'll be weird. Fuuuuccckkk"

A cool guys mindset is I'm going to get physical with girl whenever I feel like it because I couldn't give a fuck about her reaction or perception of me. 
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Building an attractive lifestyle of abundance through finance, women, and personal development. 
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#9
S.Plissken

S.Plissken

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/23/2012 | Posts: 444

Great answers guys, especially 0bbi. I'll write a reply here but right now I'm short on time.
__________________
The most profound lessons I found in my journey so far:
-More often than not, great men are not born, they are built.

-There are two ways to get good at becoming attractive to women: You either become a good enough liar, or you become a good enough man.
-Value x Escalation = Sex. If you want more sex, simply increase your value and/or your escalations (escalate more girls, or escalate stronger)
-Self-improvement is what increases your value. Self-acceptance is what makes it easier for you to escalate.
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#10
LivinlChris

LivinlChris

Member

Join Date: 09/10/2013 | Posts: 41

Another very crucial thing is you are not coming from the "Abundance of women" mentality. You're coming from "scarcity", thus you are trying really hard NOT to fuck up and are "playing it safe" vs. "playing to win".
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