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October 20th, 2017
I couldn't approach the dance floor
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Join Date: 02/25/2013 | Posts: 47

Over my years in college i didnt have the chance to practice my dancing skills , well because in my college we didnt have these parties that you see in the US colleges like frat parties and things like dat. Though we still had student organized events that took place in large bars or clubs , but getting into these was quite expensive. I thought that i wouldnt pay much money just to enter one of these parties where i will not drink much and not dance. Fast forward 4 years, we finished college and the graduation party has arrived. This time i did pay for the ticket , and i was going with a bunch of friends ,guys only and reserved a table to ourselves.Prior to the party, i was worried about looking stupid there.Thats because I knew that me and my friends will be  sitting down staring at everyone else dancing and having fun. I remebered the last time i had a chance to dance was at a relatives wedding when i was 17. My parents kept calling me idiot and  stupid for being afraid to go dance, until i went for it  and made a fool of my self. The prom party was only for the engineering students. Surprisingly, it was a 50/50 between guys and girls. Most people went as groups , couples were quite rare. Fastforward into the night, the dancing moment has arrived .And as i expected , me and my group sat around watching everyone going up to the dance floor and having fun. Well the people dancing werent experts but at least they managed to hit it . I had this strong urge to go and join the dancing, because staying aside and feeling chody was killing me from the inside. So i started to evaluate the situation :
1." How  can i approach it? should i go and dance alone like an idiot until some girl notices me and gives me an approach invitation? But i have never danced in my life"
2."Maybe i should go and ask a cute a girl if she  wants to dance. But  wait. throught my 4 years in college i didnt make friends with any girl except one, and so i believe that these girls would favor to dance with guys from their group than some stranger" . Someone or something had to be blamed for my lack of female friends new girls, at least with in my school of engineering. Within these 4 years i kept throwing blames to cover my chodness.  Maybe its due to the lack of girls in my elecric engineering major?   .In my college, meeting girls was through your circle of friends, rather than going alone and approaching strangers. So I liked to put the blame on my friends.We did nothing other than talk and play video games. We went to the movies maybe once every 3 months, and thats it. The only thing i did extra was going to the gym and playing for the varsity football team. I did suggest to them countless times to go out more often and do different things, but its all in vain.
3. I noticed some cute girls there, who were ones that gave me some indications of interests back during college days , but i did nothing about it back then because of my chodness. " I thought that approaching these girls in some way to dance with me would be kinda easy and i feel positively sure that they wont reject me. At the same time, iam positively sure that they would abandon me once they see how uneasy and nervous iam while dancing".
 4. The only female friend i had from college was there.She's actually kinda popular. During the past 4 years i had a crush on her. I had some success building some attraction by being cocky and funny but i couldnt take it further due to my lack of game skills, and i thought that i have already fallen in the friend zone. "Approahing her should have also been easy, but i should avoid it due to the same reasons stated before. Plus, she was dancing with guys from her group and i couldnt see myself competing with them".
5. One of the guys in my group who traveled to europe and gained clubbing experience said "These people are barely dancing, they are just trying to look cool and social, and besides the dance floor is too small and crowded to even stand there". Whether he was right or wrong, his words were just another excuse to stop from approaching and make me feel less bad about myself.
6.Lastly,  a good friend of mine, who also was one of the organizers aproached me and was like. "dude what the hell is wrong with you? why arent you on the dance floor? " I explained that i knew none of the girls and i couldnt see myself approaching them. He offered me to follow him so he can fix me with one of his female friends,but my ego just would'nt allow me by no means to let some other guy to fix me with girls. I didnt wanna look  weak and dependent.

So there i sat, with my friends watching everyone having a blast, feeling my insides tearing apart. I just couldnt endure another minute,  I begged my friends to leave early. On the way out i took a final glance of regret at the crowd of joyfull  people and left. I couldnt get myself to sleep that night due to my countless   thoughts of being a failure.

What do you guys think about my situation? Was it really that hard to go up and do something about it ? What initiatives and actions  should i have taken ?
Knowing that my dance  game and skills are near zero, where should i begin and how do i improve it?

I appreciate your help and advice, and sorry for my bad english
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#1
Vinexs

Vinexs

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/07/2013 | Posts: 11

Its not that big man ,the problem is just in your mind, cus instead of being present and living in the moment ,you let your mind loitering in the past or imagining a virtual future based on your past experiences or your fears, which is the only obstacle you have , its not your dancing skills as you think.
and you said the dance floor was crowded so you could just go there and start dancing -in your case ,mimicking moves- and start opening sets and  have fun
,nobody  would give a fuck about your dancing or even watch you -and even if they do- most people are just like you , traped inside their heads, so just learn how to breakout of that dark room inside your head by strengthening your relation with the present  which gives you more focus.

sometimes i find myself in a similar  situation ,  and to breakout of it i just freez my mind and preventing it from making any further assumptions, and deny anything that is not happening right now, i keep repeating in my mind ~Nothing exists outside the now~ . STOP IMAGINING THE FUTURE! stop assuming people's reactions, you will never know , if you didnt try, and the only thing i know is that the near or the far future is withing my power to change NOW , so i take action and IF i fuck up , i only blam myself cus i didnt take the right one, and i learn from it
but if you just sit there creating fucking mind horror movies, you will never progress , not jst with women but your whole life.

Best of luck buddy
PS: watch some youtube videos on how to dance and practise it , and hunt down all your excuses to not take action
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#2
thespice

thespice

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/28/2012 | Posts: 439

not going to read all that but if you really hate dancing so much just don't dance, it's not a big deal. there's girls everywhere! approach them.
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#3
Vinexs

Vinexs

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/07/2013 | Posts: 11

check it out !
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#4

LachlanM

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/08/2013 | Posts: 6

I haven't read all of your post, but I read the last few lines and I know how you feel.

I used to suck at dancing, so I never danced - I just watched other people do it and tried to do it myself (albeit VERY self-consciously).

Try learning some moves, just enough to get you comfortable (I just learned the two-step and do that constantly), and then just LET GO.

Letting go is SO key.  For me, good dancefloor game has always just been about having a HEAP of fun...and then bringing the girl into that.
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#5
Your Linebacker

Your Linebacker

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Join Date: 02/25/2013 | Posts: 47

 Appreciate your help man
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#6

JohnM

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Join Date: 11/19/2012 | Posts: 661

 
Quote:
6.Lastly, a good friend of mine, who also was one of the organizers aproached me and was like. "dude what the hell is wrong with you? why arent you on the dance floor? " I explained that i knew none of the girls and i couldnt see myself approaching them. He offered me to follow him so he can fix me with one of his female friends,but my ego just would'nt allow me by no means to let some other guy to fix me with girls. I didnt wanna look weak and dependent.
That made you look week. 
That was a perfect opportunity to learn dancing.
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#7
Your Linebacker

Your Linebacker

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Join Date: 02/25/2013 | Posts: 47

To me , getting another guy to fix me with a girl is just wrong . I dont want the girl to undermine me and think of me as a chode. And so i have to work a way to go up by myself  and approach her.But its that part that i couldnt find a way to do it
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#8

JohnM

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/19/2012 | Posts: 661

 
Quote:
To me , getting another guy to fix me with a girl is just wrong . I dont want the girl to undermine me and think of me as a chode.
There nothing shody about accepting help. I think a girl will rather think less of you when you are too rpoud to accept help.
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#9
XXXDragonSlayer69420

XXXDragonSlayer69420

Member

Join Date: 05/24/2013 | Posts: 96

 you need to go eat dirt outside, spread grass from the ground upon your crotch and beat your chest like a mad man. then run through the streets a a 5 month bender spilling blood and semon everwher you go. Dance in your car and at home. Me and my ex gf would just be sitting in my room and random decide to dance. you need to express your self 

mostly dont ever think bad about yourself. what you did in the past is irrelavent. you are now super confadent. Poof! 
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#10

EDOD

Junior Member

Join Date: 06/09/2013 | Posts: 7

 Just go on the dance floor and act like a fool - Trust me, just MAN up for few times and you'll lose ALL fear of dancing.I know 0 dance moves but i just go dance and have amazing time every time.I just shake to music.After you went to dancefloor about 10 times youll understand that it cannot kill you and you will be able to ask a hottie to come with you (well,not ask,grab her and bring her.)
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