THE FORUMS

January 23rd, 2017
I live in reaction. How the fuck do I work on not living in reaction?
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freshstaus

freshstaus

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/03/2013 | Posts: 984

I am the chode Tyler described in his seminar?

a chode is someone who lives in reaction, which is:

1. someone who lacks crystal clear concept of who he is.
2. someone who doesnt know what he values
3. someone who doesnt know what he is appreciative for
4. someone who doesnt know how his emotions work
5. someone who doesnt know what he really wants out of life
6. someone who deoesnt know why certain influences are positive or negative.

These all fit into me. Am I a fucking chode all of a sudden? I didnt see myself as a chode, I saw myself as someone who had evolved past that, since I dont have the regular "chode behaviors". So I am kinda faking my coolness, i think. How do I start moving towards the right direction and start my journey towards Authenticity and Real non-chodeyness?
__________________
1. Im the star of my own movie.
2. Don't fall into "debate game".
3. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Be on your own path and trust it instead.
4. Man to woman frame from the start allows easy escalation.
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#1
Yoda

Yoda

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/22/2008 | Posts: 1215

By having a stronger reality than everyone else, including Tyler and every other instructor.

You need to be strong enough to say, "Tyler, with all due respect, that list is fucking bullshit."

THINK FOR YOURSELF and don't look to others to do your thinking for you or tell you what to do, when to do it, how to act, what to wear, when to take a shit, jerking off or not jerking off or what fucking ever.

Walk your own path even if that includes leaving the world of PUA. Do you even know why you're doing THIS?

For now, your purpose in life can be finding out who you are and the answers of some of those questions. If you don't know what you value, that would certainly be a good start.

Finally, I think maybe you're being too hard on yourself. Start seeing your own value and start considering yourself a cool guy.
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"How can I make this fun?"

"Let`s go over and see what this girl is like."
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#2
freshstaus

freshstaus

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/03/2013 | Posts: 984

Thank you Yoda, your posts are never a dissapointment! 
__________________
1. Im the star of my own movie.
2. Don't fall into "debate game".
3. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Be on your own path and trust it instead.
4. Man to woman frame from the start allows easy escalation.
Login or register to post.
#3
Kid Kaz

Kid Kaz

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2012 | Posts: 372

Live with monkeys for a week.

You realize they'll start asking you the same questions.
__________________
...

We 'Grow' out of life... and into death.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Rf7x1pmRL._SL350_.jpg

Presence Is All There Is. Attraction Just Happens. Questioning This Is Self-Rejection.

Enlightenment: The Radical Simplicity Of The Present Moment.


My Journal: Kid Kaz Doing What He does.My Inspiration: Linxspiration
Just Incase you didn't know: Hahaha we're all the same thing really...
Make something out of nothing: What would you do if some guy was hitting on your girlfriend?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto2_r2_250.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto9_250.gifhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto20_r1_250.gif

"Before you jump off the cliff you've got a million things racing through your mind... but once you jump... nothing."

...

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#4
Yoda

Yoda

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/22/2008 | Posts: 1215

You're welcome. I'm glad if I was of any help.

Feel free to ask any specific questions on the subject, but remember to think for yourself and don't accept what I or any others say as truth unless you verified it yourself. Feel free to say I'm full of shit if you think so.

Asking yourself questions and answering them are very good for developing your own reality and living in it. Write it down for reference.

For example, what are some of the rules people must obey in order to be part of your life?

For me, I'm open to every people in this world, but I have zero tolerance for people who disrespect me or attempt to manipulate me. If violated, I may give a warning, but if that is breached a second time, they are out of my life forever.

What are some of your personal qualities that makes you a guy any girl would be lucky to get together with?

Another question that is very important is what do you look for in a girl? What qualities? Really delve into that perspective and think of both looks and personal qualities (these should be most important). Have fun with it. I spent 3 hours in a coffee shop writing about this actually. I differentiated between short-term flings and long-term relationships. It's an important part of my inner game. If you don't know what you're looking for, you won't find it. Also, you will not have any standards and that will be picked up on by women. I know what I want and I don't settle.

Some of the questions on that list you posted are also good, but it's not like you're not a cool guy because you can't answer some of the questions. I don't know exacty what I want out of life either, although I have a good idea. I know what's important for me though and my biggest passion is actually the learning process and learning new things about myself and life.

Life is a journey and you will never reach a place where you're fully enlightened, so don't worry too much about it. Answer those questions as you move along. Your purpose right now can be finding your purpose. That's a purpose as well. Give yourself credit and start seeing yourself as a cool guy who's on a journey and walking a path of his own choosing and not someone else's. You're not a chode, you're a cool guy, right?

=)
freshstaus wrote:
Thank you Yoda, your posts are never a dissapointment! 
__________________
"How can I make this fun?"

"Let`s go over and see what this girl is like."
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#5
Kid Kaz

Kid Kaz

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2012 | Posts: 372



Self Explanatory.
__________________
...

We 'Grow' out of life... and into death.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Rf7x1pmRL._SL350_.jpg

Presence Is All There Is. Attraction Just Happens. Questioning This Is Self-Rejection.

Enlightenment: The Radical Simplicity Of The Present Moment.


My Journal: Kid Kaz Doing What He does.My Inspiration: Linxspiration
Just Incase you didn't know: Hahaha we're all the same thing really...
Make something out of nothing: What would you do if some guy was hitting on your girlfriend?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto2_r2_250.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto9_250.gifhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto20_r1_250.gif

"Before you jump off the cliff you've got a million things racing through your mind... but once you jump... nothing."

...

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#6

Hamilton

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/12/2012 | Posts: 144

just stop worrying about those questions mate.

It is not going to help you...hang out with cool friends and hot girls...get out of the house...then soon enough these issues will disapate.

I am not mocking you dude...honestly try it and you will feel better ;)
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#7

Mayhem

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/10/2012 | Posts: 530

The wierd thing is, when you finally stop being a little in life, you don't even realise that you're not. It's honestly easier to live with certainty and uniqueness than to live like a 'chode'.

In the beginning of my 'path' in pickup, I just faked it. You know the whole 'fake it till you make it' method, which worked. But eventually because it wasn't grounded in a solid personality, I fell back into those bad habits. Tyler actually talks about this a lot, about how to ground yourself in your confidence. And Julien brings it up a bit to about being on your path and how people are drawn to people like that.

I don't remember the video but Julien has this great talk about how most people go about their everyday lives, just eating like shit, watching bullshit movies and surrounding themselves with bullshit people. Of course you can't grow if you live like that. For me pickup was initially about getting girls, but now it's about getting girls AND being the best person I can be in every aspect of my life. I don't want to be a fucking mess who knows how to get laid. I'm out for something more. So that's where I'm finding my foundation, by doing well in my university, by eating healthily, by reading many books, by excercising, the clothes I'm wearing, personal hygeine, my friend circle, my family relationships, my aggressiveness to open up and take opportunities in life. And when I have that sort of passion in my life, I genuinely look at girls (however hot they are) as people who we can both mutually benefit from.

And to be clear that doesn't mean I feel shit if I stray off my growth and path for a while, I'm still grounded in that mentality, I'm grounded in that I know i have interesting and witty stuff to say that would benefit anyone who's listening or at least be of some interest. Why wouldn't I talk to that hot girl?

There's definitely a lot of guys who fake the confidence, fake the unreactiveness because Tyler told them to, but never felt truly free from outcome, never truly said things to amuse themselves., was always a ploy to get the girl. I mean it's counterintuitive not to do that, but eventually, when you as a person changes, then you truly don't care about the outcome, then you can grow from the right place. And by 'changes' I don't mean a switch one day you're all insecure and the next you 'get it', it's a slow growing process that you won't even feel the shift. It requires a lot of willpower to break out from that chode lifestyle, I struggled with it IMMENSELY and still sometimes have to fight it. There's a great book called "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield which tackles this 'resistance' to want to do what's best for you and to procrastinate on things that don't help you at all. 
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#8

Intelligence_Be...

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/25/2013 | Posts: 6

 I answered all of those questions for myself. I think that's the key to not live in re-action. Clearly define your values and your path. As long as you're moving toward your goals and striving to get what you want out of life, you won't care what noise little people make. It all seems insignificant. You won't seek validation and engage in bullshit that isn't helping you along your path. It looks like I'm doing too much explaining here :P. The practical advice is to write down well articulated, well thought out answers to those questions. You'll become further rooted in them, and your problem will sort itself out. 
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