THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
RSD Misinterpreted: Part I -- What Tyler means by "Drop the Self-Image Paradigm"
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4956

This is going to be a series of ideas on how RSD concepts are misinterpreted, based on how *I* have mininterpreted and having met and talked to 100s if not 1000s of guys into this shit either in real life at RSD programs, or through forums like this one and others, and through guys I've Facebooked or Skyped with as well.  I'm sure that some of MY interpretations may be considered or may actually still be misinterpretations, so don't assume that what I say is 100% correct either.  

The reason I thought to start this is that, well, for a WHILE I've realized that a lot of people explain things very differently, and if you've ever heard the story of the three blind men:
Three blind guys are standing around and a kid asks them "Hey what is that big thing in front of you guys?"  They all feel it and the first says "I think this is a tree trunk."  The second one says "No, what are you talking about, this is a snake?  Trunk, my ass."  The third one says, "Uhh...not a snake, but a rope, nice try brother."  They were all feeling different parts of the same elephant.  
you understand why all RSD instructors focus on different things -- reality is very deep and we all have our own MAPS of it -- and we are human so essentially limited beings, so we can't know it all.  That's why all RSD instructors have different ways of explaning things, and I will have a different way as well.  

So, the first misinterpretation I want to start with is...
Drop the self-image paradigm (Tyler)
I think this is a very excellent idea, but I failed to really "get it" for a while.  I tried to connect it to other self-help ideas and it just didn't make sense.  I "get it" and I am striving to be aligning my action with my interpretation of what the idea really means.  

If you've read shit like "Psycho Cybernetics" where Malcolm Maltz talks about the self-image being the most important thing ever, you might have wondered "Should I just put this book down then, cuz Tyler said to drop the self-image paradigm?"  The answer is no, your self-image DOES matter.  If you change your self-image, how you think of yourself, that makes "taking right action" 1000x easier.  Tyler has a self-image, which is something like "Owen is a badass healthy guy who takes a shitton of action in the gym, in being an entrepreneur, and in going out and having a motherfucking blast and pimping it hard in the club."  Your self-image is real, you cannot not have a self-image.  

Here is what I think Tyler REALLY means, worded 100x better.  "Do not avoid effort in the hopes of keeping your future failure from hurting your self-esteem."  (Credit this quote to Ramit Sethi, of iwillteachyoutoberich.com, who I'm almost certain has been influenced by Jeffy a lot BTW haha)  


Some Ways That Would Have Been More Helpful For Me to Personally Learn That Intended Idea
1. Do not avoid effort in the hopes of keeping your future failure from hurting your self-esteem. (The same exact thing I just said above.)
2. In line with that previous idea, internalize the idea that "The More Mistakes I Can Make a Night, the Better."
3. Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset (I learned this from Brian Johnson of entheos.com): Fixed Mindset subcommunicates to yourself "If I do something bad this is evidence that I am a faggot" whereas Growth Mindset subcommunicates to yourself "If I do something bad this is excellent, and an opportunity for growth, experimentation, and learning."  In fact, I would say that when Tyler says "self-image paradigm" he means "fixed mindset" -- if you read the book "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, or listen to Brian Johnson's material, you will hear all about it, and learn to embrace and love it.  

If you found this helpful, bump the thread, and talk about another RSD idea that you either don't understand, or think gets misinterpreted a lot.  

The action you can take out of this is
1. Ask yourself a few questions.  "I'm reading this forum right now, and looking for something to read, something of value.  This means I care about getting laid, as this is a PUA forum.  Do I go out X nights a week consistently?  If not, how can I focus on making that a habit rather than reading ANYTHING or watching ANY VIDEOs here?"  If you want to make that a habit, I recommend scheduling "Go out" in Google Calendar, and connecting it, to your iphone/android.  Then, create an excel spreadsheet in your Google Documents account called "habit-tracking-2013" and on the left have a column like this the pic below.  This is important as one importnat thing in success is BEING ACCOUNTABLE TO YOURSELF.  

2. When you go out, remind yourself that the more mistakes (mistakes based in taking action) you can make (rather than playing it safe), the more you will learn, and the more you can get out of tonight.  Forget about getting laid...assume you won't...and then go ahead and do what you can do in terms of actually trying to get laid.  (That said, another one of these will be written about "Trying vs Not Trying: What does this shit REALLY mean?" which is a hard topic to elucidate in words.)  Remind yourself of this several times through the night.  Either the next day, or at the end of the night (if you're not getting laid), go in and ask yourself "OK, what mistakes did I make?"  Don't avoid this question because it will lower your self-esteem.  You should actually after finding each mistake, GET EXCITED because you realize THIS IS THA SHIT, I have 10 new things I can do to improve my game and results, and if I do/fix even one of them I could potentially get laid tomorrow!  So, ask yourself "What were my 3 best sets?" (stolen gracefully from bootcamp debrief) and then for each of those sets, look for mistakes.  Don't DWELL ON the mistake though, its just an opportunity for growth, and you say "Ah, I didn't screen for logistics early on, she had a boyfriend damn it!"  Ask what was good about the set, e.g. "She clearly liked me enough to not bring up the fact that she has a BF and blow it out, as she was clearly liking talking to me, this means I'm clearly showing signs of being the cool guy I really am and make girls comfortable with me.  Heck, maybe I'll meet her again with her boyfriend, and he's cool, and then I can go out with a group of guys and girls, and not just pickup fags."  However, also you should then not only ask "What was the mistake?" but then "What am I going to do next time?"  Then actually do it, right there, role play it aloud with yourself, e.g. "Dur, so yeah, you're cool girl, I like you.  Then she says 'yeah im great, ur cool too, should we get drinks.'  What I said aloud was 'Yeah tequila shots!', but next time I say 'Yeah tequila shots!  Is that guy (point to random faggot) your boyfriend? will he get mad im buying you shots?"  


Expectations:
- To actually implement the ideas in this article, if you don't already do it, may take you up to a month, if you are not doing that well in personal development.  But if you do it right and not rush through it, you build real momentum in LIFE not simply by "go out mindless night after night."
- Then, the next time you see one of these articles, it may take just a week to implement, then you get used to implementing these ideas in one day a piece.  Don't struggle to "keep up" with other people, just take consistent action in your own world.  
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#1

Ballgames

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 Sick post
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90 Days Challenge (Currently in the Final Third): "It's Just Something You Have To Do If You Want To Be Great"    
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/233192/forum
 The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars

A man may fall down many times, but he won't be a f ailure until he says someone pushed him"

Buddha
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#2
VinnyMac07

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Join Date: 02/23/2013 | Posts: 343

Good shit, thanks. I've been lost as hell with the self image subject. I learned in the past to BUILD up my self-image, which included envisioning the man I want to be such as how that man would look, move, interact with women and the world, and the belief system that man would have to have to behave this way. There are exercises toconnect with this stuff.

Then I started learning from Tyler to not involve my self-image in mysuccces and failures at all, so nedless to say I've been headlocked. And don't know what to think.
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#3
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4956

The main point is to not let your self-image hurt you.  

I would add to my OP:
- have a realistically optimistic/positive self-image
- be based in reality rather than fantasy -- see, Tyler is talking about a fantasy self-image where you think you're better than you really are, which is "bad" because subconsciously you know you're not really as good as your false self-image
- be optimistic, realize in 6 months with consistent action you can be a God compared to who you are now, if you take consistent action.  Dwell on this idea in detail daily.  If I say "be realistic" a dark newbie will say "Well, realistically, I suck, and I've never get laid."  When I say realistically optimistic, he realizes he needs to see his potential and what good he already actually does

Glad its helpful.  Let me know if you have any specific questions.  Bookmark the post and re-read it once a week for the next month (set a reminder in Google Calendar for next Sunday afternoon since you're human and have a less than 1% chance of remembering based on memory).  

Remember also to balance thinking and action as well.  Reaching out for an outside opinion is some good action to take wrt stuff like this.  Get help from a more evolved friend in person, if you need help with this stuff.  
VinnyMac07 wrote:
Good shit, thanks. I've been lost as hell with the self image subject. I learned in the past to BUILD up my self-image, which included envisioning the man I want to be such as how that man would look, move, interact with women and the world, and the belief system that man would have to have to behave this way. There are exercises toconnect with this stuff.

Then I started learning from Tyler to not involve my self-image in mysuccces and failures at all, so nedless to say I've been headlocked. And don't know what to think.
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#4
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Thanks, but I'm just a man. 
Buddhagames wrote:
 Sick post
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#5
Rodrigo

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Thanks dude!
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#6

thedigger

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Join Date: 10/20/2012 | Posts: 248

 saving to read later!
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#7

Macavity

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#8
irishrogue

irishrogue

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 Good stuff xx
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SWAG the step by step guidehttp://www.rsdnation.com/node/408443
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#9
Pumba

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 Here's a question in case you cover it in detail in the future: say you've got some success, got laid here and there. And you hear Alex's ideas and they make so much sense and the first few weeks you reconcile that 'I'm enough, I don't need to go out on this target-hunt to validate my pua skills', you kick major ass, you get laid more often then usual and everything's awesome. However, months later, your progress goes way down, cause you've lost all of that momentum which you built up previously, and lately most of your nights are like -go out, have a couple of beers, I'm enough bla bla but you barely do an approach or two which go decent, and call it a night-. It's kinda what I'm going through lately and while the answers are kinda obvious to me (stop choding out, take action, build up a nice macro momentum again), I'm curious as to other insights you or other experienced guys might have
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Thou shall read The Tolle.
Thou shall eat only Paleo approved food.
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http://www.rsdnation.com/node/201240 

'I'm willing to be happy doing anything, even if it sucks, as long as the overall picture is leading me towards an outcome I believe in.
But if it ain't getting me to where I want to go, I'm willing to do ANYTHING to extract myself from that situation.  If I have to bloody myself and risk KILLING myself I'll get out of that damned situation and into one that I like.'
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#10
UtopiaFive

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"What's the first thing I taught you?"
"There is no reason I'm not enough." --> LOL if you went to Hotseat...LOLOLOLOL if you went to more than one.  That's how he answers most questions, before going into detail.  

Werd.  

Lemme indirectly answering by talking about some stuff that your question brought up, and you let me know if that doesn't actually answer the question behind your question.  

First off, I'm not "gaming" very much, not going out much at all, and by that, I mean, I went out maybe 3 weeks ago once and got laid, and before that maybe hadn't been out for a week or 2, when I was in NYC for 10 days, and those 10 days I went out I think every night.  So I go out in little spurts mostly, not cuz I'm lazy but because there are other things of higher priority to me.  

(BTW for those wondering "Why the fuck are you posting here if you don't go out every night?" and that's (i) to offer value and help, 100%, purely while providing a "high value" break from my other work and (ii) all of my most evolved friends today, I have met through RSD and the pickup community at large, so I know there is a mix of people here and would not be surprised if I met super awesome guys at and above my level, in game and in life, but I also even like a lot of "chodes" I meet here too, or guys far earlier in their path as well, and even if I do help em out, I personally get WAY MORE from that experience than they would imagine, but hopefully will discover 2-10 years later when they're in my shoes helping other younger guys.)

So anyway what I've seen in myself in Alex's "method" is that for a while I kind of put on my own version of the "Alex mask" or "Alex persona."  I thought it was "pretty good" actually, but it was kind of like, there were times when I was actually REALLY wanting to fuck.  And well so I remember this one time in Vegas maybe back in February, I was all thinking...dur...why is this "Alexander persona" not working for me?!?!  I gotta get fuckin laid!  And so I was like "Well, maybe I won't, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to methodically approach every single girl in this venue, screen for whether I can fuck, and then pull."  And well, I did exactly that, and on number 4 or 5 which I didn't really feel that was NATURAL to approach, I had ZERO RESISTANCE in my body and was thinking "Well lets test this subconscious feeling that the interaction wouldn't go well" and I went in, ass first, grining on her vagina, pushing her away from the dude she was dancing with, she cracked up, the guy didn't know what to do, and I OBSERVED that she was interested, I then "beat tests" when she continued to ask if I were gay, I like calmly told her that if she had a dick, I would consider touching it, but only with my pinky (or something similarly funny to me), and I was PATIENT with her tests, just accepting this "are you gay?" like 20 times, thinking "OK finally she will get over it."  And then I do the logistics, "Oh where are your friends?" got a good response, and that was that.  Pull happens and jacuzzi sex at my friend's apartment building, and then a night of the sleep/fuck/pillow-talk cycle in my buddy's bed (he was outta town), and life is good.  Good Tom.  (And yes I steal that "Good Alex" from Alex and it makes me laugh so yes.)

The point is Alex's stuff mainly teaches the INNER GAME of being screening, self-amusing, laid back.  He teaches a specific OUTER GAME that FORCES you to accept that INNER GAME.  If that makes sense.  When you do his outer game, you're doing an uncomfortable or new set of behaviors, and that changes your INNER WORLD and ATTITUDE to become that of "There is no reason I am not enough."  Then, from doing it enough, which it sounds like you might have, you may now know the inner feeling of what its like to be SCREENING and all that.  For me its something I can do, to some degree, just like...in my head.  Its like a look in your eyes that corresponds to a feeling in your body (namely that of full body relaxation).  That look and feeling communicates (because you believe it) "I can do anything, I can accomplish anything, I have more to give you than you can image, I can probably offer you more than you can offer me, though if you're an alpha male, we can have a mutual value exchange, though there's nothing you can really give me that I can't go out and get for myself."  This helps you with girls, jobs, business, talking to your family, etc.  It says "I am a leader" to younger guys, it says "I understand" to girls be they girls you want to fuck or just friends, it says "I can hear what you're saying" to your mom even when she's being ridiculuos, and it improves your relationship in all these cases with these people in a way that lets you come from the place "I am the alpha male" or "I am high value" or "I am enough."  

So how this relates to you, is that I wonder if you've put on the "Alex persona" for a bit, it worked OK, you even got results, then its "stopped working."  If it has, and you're particularly motivated to GET LAID and you really do feel, not from a place of NEEDINESS but instead of ACTUAL LEGIT HORNINESS (they are different), well you can do a TARGET HUNTING type thing like in my Vegas story (which is better cuz its a LOUD DANCE FLOOR in Vegas...), you can bring that same SCREENING NONNEEDY energy (which you should be learning from Alex better than from anyone IMO) and be like...TARGET SCREENING.  Just like a shitty door to door salesman goes knocking at people's doors rigid and creepy and can't sell, whereas a boss door to door guy can do it enthusiastically, really feeling "I have this great thing, you may like it, obviously you might not, and if not, its all good, but gimme 2 minutes and I'll show you and you decide for yourself" YOU can knock on every door with that same energy of laid-back.  If you have captured this inner shift, you CAN definitely do the same old normal RSD OUTER GAME with the newer ALEX INNER GAME and dominate, and I imagine that you'll eventually sink into a place where you NATURALLY WANT TO generally do things Alex's way because of how you feel and perceive the girls and yourself and the world.  

Let me know if that sounds helpful?  

(edit: I would also suggest finding something you like to do every single day, like I mention in that OP above, and "track it" like something you're not consistent and doing daily but you feel you should be, and make that into something super consistent for you.  For more on that read The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy, which I'm working through now and is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome.)  
Pumba wrote:
 Here's a question in case you cover it in detail in the future: say you've got some success, got laid here and there. And you hear Alex's ideas and they make so much sense and the first few weeks you reconcile that 'I'm enough, I don't need to go out on this target-hunt to validate my pua skills', you kick major ass, you get laid more often then usual and everything's awesome. However, months later, your progress goes way down, cause you've lost all of that momentum which you built up previously, and lately most of your nights are like -go out, have a couple of beers, I'm enough bla bla but you barely do an approach or two which go decent, and call it a night-. It's kinda what I'm going through lately and while the answers are kinda obvious to me (stop choding out, take action, build up a nice macro momentum again), I'm curious as to other insights you or other experienced guys might have
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