THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
My Holistic #1 Insight (Kid Kaz Doing What He Does.)
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Kid Kaz

Kid Kaz

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2012 | Posts: 372

Hey guys. I posted this on my Field Reports thread, yet i thought it was a good insight and felt that it was Main Forum worthy as well..

----------------------


I just wanted to mention something that i remembered... Happened about a month ago...

During my first night out to a club ever i experienced something surreal & utterly great. but completely terrified me.

I was having so much fun... It was my firrst night out ever to a club. and also my first time out the house in months. so. I. JUST. WENT. APESHIT. and it was AWESOME.

I was having soooo much fun that everyone in the club was looking at me. girls were dancing with me ect ect.

But i noticed... when ever i got the thought 'Yo that girls into you... Makeout with her now' I always got the feeling of it just being a waste of my time... or that i didnt really feel a DRiiivEE to go up to her and talk or makeout with her...
even though she WAS physically hot and WAS staring at me dancing with me and smiling.

It was almost like.. i'd have to KILL the fun i was having at the moment. just to go up to her and kiss her...it just seemed like it wasnt worth it.

This feeling actually fucking scared the shit out of me.

Cause before i always thought that you just approach every girl thats at least fuckable and try to get laid and thats just what we do... but now i was Having Fucking Fun and only approaching when i felt an 'Energy' or 'Magnetism' towards that girl or experience.... yet that magnetism was rarely there... and i was terrified...

I started panicing a bit. (i actually still feel this at times in my chest)

I just felt like i didn't know 'The World' anymore... and i called a natural-friend whose REALLY good with girls (dudes kindof a flakey dick that i don't really talk to anymore) and i asked him if he knew what i was dealing with.

and at first he was like . "Dude... I think you finally realized you're gay. I KNEW IT! Hahaha!" and i was like "Noooo! LOL! come on bro lol, be serious..." and i explained further what i was talking about. and he told me whats up..

It was always weird for me when we hungout cause I thought he had extremely high standards cause whenever i'd see a girl and check her out, he'd always think she was ugly like 80% of the time.. yet in my eyes they were at least 7.5s or 8s... but now i kinda see what hes talking about... (They're not necessarily UGLY but they just don't light that DRiiivEE inside)

I got brought to the point that i'm just lacking CHEMISTRY with the girls... Yea, they can be physically hot. staring you down... but do you really WANT to go up there and mess with her. or do you just think you are SUPPOSED to mess with her just so you can be cool.

It all sounded like stuff like 'complete enjoyment, living life through your own eyes'... and stuff like that

But i still had this fucking EMPTY BLACK HOLE in my chest :c

Stark Espada #1 (Bleach)
http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/029/e/9/bleach_render___stark_3_by_harty73-d5t6j1g.png


It was scary because i could SEE that the girls were fucking hott! but i just didn't FEEL them to be that enticing.. and i was just asking him 'Dude, what if i never Fall in love.'
And he simply said 'Then it just wasn't meant to be i guess'

And that just kinda hit me.... i started thinking about God, and destiny and 'The Journey' and ... The Man Must Walk His Path (Monk Voice) Shit like that... and it all kinda came together and densified into one point...

The point is:

Could you be happy with Never falling in love? then i thought deeper... into being COMPLETELY alone, NEVER getting laid, not having friends, never being accepted, supported, respected, admired and literally being tortured by the Devil himself burning in Hell

When i reached this point. it kinda felt like.. My heart was leaking or bleeding.. something in me just went Dark. The pain was like something i never felt before... in my chest & solar plexus.. Burning. I laid on the floor, almost in a fetal position, shaking, gritting my teeth, and i felt like i could cry. Yet i could bare it. I was simply just an 'observer' of it.

And i just thought... remembering a quote by Bruce Lee saying that you must be COMPLETELY yourself in ALL situations... and i just thought about Jesus (i'm not Christian yet i can appreciate the religion) and admired the 'idea' of a Man who could endure all that pain... and honestly. i was feeling 'It' ... I felt like i could truely relate to what he went through.

Basically... what i realized through this was that, seeking validation from others or 'Wanting' things is fucking Sick... its like. Black sticky tar attaching to your Soul. literally. its an infectious disease and im not sure why or how it started.

I feel like i get it now...

The teachings of Desirelessness in Hinduism and Buddhism... Nirvana... and stuff like that... I feel like i actually understand it..

'Desire is the cause of all suffering'

What i'm saying is that. i think that all we have, and TRUELY ever had is what we came into this world with... and it was simply a Spark in our heart... a drive to take action/experience.

It kinda reminds me of how people would say 'Do it for the love of Musiccc Maannneee!' and they would get angry when someone 'sold out' for the money...

We're not here to get money or reach a goal or collect 'cool points'

We're here to resonate and express our Passions. And my definition of Passion is what we enjoy doing regardless of if we're good at it. We do it regardless of if we're getting a result or making money. Regardless of if it brings us attention or makes us look cool to others. We simply do it JUST and ONLY to do it. Take action & experience.

I... to some extent. now feel... that i can let go of everything... all this 'need' and 'want'... i don't have to put in effort for all that stuff.. it will come when/if its meant to. I can finally LET GO and just BE.... and it feels like for the first time in my life.

I'm Actually Free


This song is pretty heavy yet the lyrics describes 100% EXACTLY how i felt during the time. and i hope you guys check it out. It was actually kinda surreal how closely this resonated with me. Almost felt like the artists wrote the song SPECIFICALLY for me. lol
Its inspired by the Bible chapter Isaiah 6 and i advice you guys to look into that too. Just to get a feel of what i felt.... Thanks. :)


__________________
...

We 'Grow' out of life... and into death.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Rf7x1pmRL._SL350_.jpg

Presence Is All There Is. Attraction Just Happens. Questioning This Is Self-Rejection.

Enlightenment: The Radical Simplicity Of The Present Moment.


My Journal: Kid Kaz Doing What He does.My Inspiration: Linxspiration
Just Incase you didn't know: Hahaha we're all the same thing really...
Make something out of nothing: What would you do if some guy was hitting on your girlfriend?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto2_r2_250.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto9_250.gifhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto20_r1_250.gif

"Before you jump off the cliff you've got a million things racing through your mind... but once you jump... nothing."

...

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#1
Kid Kaz

Kid Kaz

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2012 | Posts: 372

__________________
...

We 'Grow' out of life... and into death.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Rf7x1pmRL._SL350_.jpg

Presence Is All There Is. Attraction Just Happens. Questioning This Is Self-Rejection.

Enlightenment: The Radical Simplicity Of The Present Moment.


My Journal: Kid Kaz Doing What He does.My Inspiration: Linxspiration
Just Incase you didn't know: Hahaha we're all the same thing really...
Make something out of nothing: What would you do if some guy was hitting on your girlfriend?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto2_r2_250.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto9_250.gifhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto20_r1_250.gif

"Before you jump off the cliff you've got a million things racing through your mind... but once you jump... nothing."

...

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#2
Kid Kaz

Kid Kaz

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2012 | Posts: 372

Re-reading this now.
and it's all kinda funny to me..
Sorta feel like i'm way beyond this now.
Like i wrote this years ago.
Kinda weird.. :)
__________________
...

We 'Grow' out of life... and into death.


http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Rf7x1pmRL._SL350_.jpg

Presence Is All There Is. Attraction Just Happens. Questioning This Is Self-Rejection.

Enlightenment: The Radical Simplicity Of The Present Moment.


My Journal: Kid Kaz Doing What He does.My Inspiration: Linxspiration
Just Incase you didn't know: Hahaha we're all the same thing really...
Make something out of nothing: What would you do if some guy was hitting on your girlfriend?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto2_r2_250.gifhttp://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto9_250.gifhttp://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fhjkx5rS1r5y0sto20_r1_250.gif

"Before you jump off the cliff you've got a million things racing through your mind... but once you jump... nothing."

...

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#3
LenindC

LenindC

Member

Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 34

 These kind of posts could only be on RSDNation! :P

Interesting read man.
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#4
Ego Death

Ego Death

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/06/2012 | Posts: 382

Woah..
__________________
I be in the club like...http://static.tumblr.com/062bdba0f4d911d5122bddec81a60851/dmpxge0/ntgmrwspa/tumblr_static_ayyyy.jpg
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#5
Ego Death

Ego Death

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/06/2012 | Posts: 382

Security.
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I be in the club like...http://static.tumblr.com/062bdba0f4d911d5122bddec81a60851/dmpxge0/ntgmrwspa/tumblr_static_ayyyy.jpg
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#6

JamesRus

Member

Join Date: 02/05/2013 | Posts: 87

 far out, bro
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#7

Loading

Member

Join Date: 05/07/2013 | Posts: 51

Holy shit that just clicked with me 
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#8

Naughty by Nature

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/05/2013 | Posts: 349

Really cool insights mah man. :-)

Hawt girls with no personality or no chemistry really are a buzzkill. There's always a greater depth behind things that needs to be embraced.
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#9
Thijs

Thijs

Senior Member

Join Date: 11/11/2012 | Posts: 118

 I FUCKING LOVE THRICE. 


Brb going to read now.
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Time is pussy
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#10
burnoutcasanova

burnoutcasanova

Member

Join Date: 11/08/2012 | Posts: 70

 What happened to this kid, he commented on like every thread everyday for two weeks then just disappeared.  
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